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View Full Version : Closing The Gap


lfdfforever
05/11/06, 08:32 PM
i'm talking myself to sleep but i missed every great word i could've used, i'm awake but not at all ready, i coded single plated metal to the tired ground, piles of worthless glory are left alone but never lonely, they want to touch but we need to stop all the feeling and forgive whoever felt, reflections of the midnight problem creep through the washing water, every foot step you hear has a losing motion, effortless actions only decline into pushy mistakes, i've seen this once before, nothing has a fighting chance in a lost match, the cruving drive keeps our eyes clear but we're off coruse and we don't notice, we don't even care, losing each other has ignited somewhere between reason and regret, choice and mistake, the right thing and a dying medcine,........................... ........... we're gone , dragging our fenced cloths, i never looked for your second shadow, maybe sympathly closed the gap i couldn't fill

just_a_tragedy
05/12/06, 12:15 AM
i like this i think its good

lfdfforever
05/12/06, 04:00 AM
i like this i think its good Thank you very much!

a speedo model
05/12/06, 08:07 AM
not bad at all. i like it. keep it up. good job.

lfdfforever
05/12/06, 10:52 PM
not bad at all. i like it. keep it up. good job. Thanks man

de la sympathie
05/13/06, 07:54 AM
When I saw this I thought "They're closing The Gap?"

Haha, it's alright. It's not excellent, and I don't like your structure (it seems like you don't work very well in freeverse) but some of the lines are alright. Keep trying, kid.

lfdfforever
05/13/06, 10:06 AM
When I saw this I thought "They're closing The Gap?"

Haha, it's alright. It's not excellent, and I don't like your structure (it seems like you don't work very well in freeverse) but some of the lines are alright. Keep trying, kid. Thanks for the input.