L.O.V.E Has Left The Building

[SHUTYOUREYESx]

Me trying to rhyme


Silence
Weve all heard it before
Its the sound of your heart when it hits the floor
When she shuts the door
Gone forever more
Gunshots are louder but still kind
I swear Ive lost my mind


So now Ill honestly say that you were my pain
And everything we had faded into me
Well this isnt the first time
Hell weve been here before
But baby admit that youre the worse kind of lover
Cause youre the same kind thatll never let me forget

And now its my fault I scream
While I dream in a dream
That somewhere in this place
Theres a hope of curing me
From this disease
But youre crushing my hopes
And crippling my love
So be gone from me you ghost

Romance is out the door.

[matt_rawlings]

Advice;

Don't try to rhyme so hard

[iHATEapril]

Advice;

Don't try to rhyme so hard

Go look at my song.

[a speedo model]

Advice;

Don't try to rhyme so hard

go look at my song.


oh, yeah, and i agree. your rhyming feels forced.

[parallelism]

Yeah, many times, similar words (that almost rhyme, but really don't) work much better than words that truly rhyme. Also, I personally think you should either find a new topic, or freshen this one up a bit. It's not the worst topic ever, but it's just not memorable.

[wyverna]

Didn't do anything for me and I agree with everyone, the rhyming seems forced.

[SHUTYOUREYESx]

yea i totally can't rhyme it's like worse then K-FEDS stuff lol

[wyverna]

why not try writing something without rhyming?

[SHUTYOUREYESx]

look at my other stuff it doesnt have rhyming this song was just me TRYING to rhyme lol