Great Essay

[BrandNewRock05]

by George Carlin

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican! I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything, you don't work for!

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English. And if you are a citizen of the United States start speaking the language.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus, of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, which branch of the Government he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution.

Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents, a married man and woman.

I believe if she has her lips on your Willie, it's sex, and this applies even if you are President of the United States.

And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American. If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know. We need our country back!

[amishman]

Man, I thought I would never agree with anything he ever said. I have been proven wrong.

[BrandNewRock05]

Originally posted by amishman
Man, I thought I would never agree with anything he ever said. I have been proven wrong.
am i right? that is one great essay? i agree with everything

[Safetyin#]

Originally posted by BrandNewRock05
am i right? that is one great essay? i agree with everything

where did you get this, cause i've read/heard his shit before and i always thought he came off as very liberal.

[BrandNewRock05]

Originally posted by Safetyin#
where did you get this, cause i've read/heard his shit before and i always thought he came off as very liberal.
some email, i thought it deserved a thread

[amishman]

Originally posted by Safetyin#
where did you get this, cause i've read/heard his shit before and i always thought he came off as very liberal.

That was exactly what I was thinking, that's the impression he gives...

[BrandNewRock05]

Originally posted by amishman
That was exactly what I was thinking, that's the impression he gives...
people can change for the better

[amishman]

Originally posted by BrandNewRock05
people can change for the better

I don't think he has changed, but I could be wrong.

[yeat182]

Originally posted by BrandNewRock05


I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.


I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, which branch of the Government he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution.



so true...

[BrandNewRock05]

yes it is

[WithStamin]

Wow, that was great. It celebrates everything that is taboo by liberal America and considered immoral for some reason. People should never be ashamed to be non-PC. This guy is a genius.

[BrandNewRock05]

Originally posted by WithStamin
Wow, that was great. It celebrates everything that is taboo by liberal America and considered immoral for some reason. People should never be ashamed to be non-PC. This guy is a genius.
ha ha, i knew you would like this withstamin

[BrandNewRock05]

i want to hear what evil zach thinks about this

[evil zach]

I don't dis-agree with all of it.

[BrandNewRock05]

Originally posted by evil zach
I don't dis-agree with all of it.
lay it down for me....what do you disagree with

[Safetyin#]

Originally posted by evil zach
I don't dis-agree with all of it.
a great clintonist answer, would you like to go into more detail?

[BrandNewRock05]

Originally posted by Safetyin#
a great clintonist answer, would you like to go into more detail?
define "into"

[evil zach]

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
Owning a gun dose not make you a killer, But dosn't make you smart either.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to
Even if that mean during government procedures? So much for separation of church and state.
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.
I LOVE the jerry springer show!
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
Nobody has the right to shoot anybody! Why Is it Ok in some situations and not others?
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
If who ever designed the balloys couldn't make them easy enough for everybody to understand, I don't wan't them running the elections
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents, a married man and woman.
Marrige is jsut a techinicality. It is completly un-nessesry for the development of a child. Some of the best parents I know are single working mothers. Some of the worst are married.

[Safetyin#]

Originally posted by evil zach
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
Owning a gun dose not make you a killer, But dosn't make you smart either.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to
Even if that mean during government procedures? So much for separation of church and state.
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.
I LOVE the jerry springer show!
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
Nobody has the right to shoot anybody! Why Is it Ok in some situations and not others?
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
If who ever designed the balloys couldn't make them easy enough for everybody to understand, I don't wan't them running the elections
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents, a married man and woman.
Marrige is jsut a techinicality. It is completly un-nessesry for the development of a child. Some of the best parents I know are single working mothers. Some of the worst are married.

should we (i) quote on these or do you not want to get into an arguement to night?

[evil zach]

YOu can quote them, but I'm to tired to debate. I'll look at them tomorrow.

[BrandNewRock05]

Owning a gun dose not make you a killer, But dosn't make you smart either.

It makes you smart, protection. From crazy people

Even if that mean during government procedures? So much for separation of church and state.

So much for freedom of religion

I LOVE the jerry springer show!

I disagree with that point and only that point

Nobody has the right to shoot anybody! Why Is it Ok in some situations and not others?

Police should have the right to do so, if they are running, they did something wrong. Its okay for cops to shoot guys because its their job, now its not okay for Joe Dumbfuck to shoot someone. Just as its ok for a doctor to perform a surgery and not Dumbfuck.

If who ever designed the balloys couldn't make them easy enough for everybody to understand, I don't wan't them running the elections

Bush didnt design the balloys there either Hooked on Phonics child (sorry had to get that one in there)

Marrige is jsut a techinicality. It is completly un-nessesry for the development of a child. Some of the best parents I know are single working mothers. Some of the worst are married.

Most messed up kids come from broken homes....its just logic. Of course there are exceptions, but majority of the time is broken home kids are broken kids.

[Safetyin#]

Originally posted by evil zach
YOu can quote them, but I'm to tired to debate. I'll look at them tomorrow.

coo, night buddy boy.

[BrandNewRock05]

Originally posted by Safetyin#
coo, night buddy boy.
check out mine zach

[Safetyin#]

(I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.)

Owning a gun and not knowing how to use it makes you dumb, owning a gun and knowing how to use it makes you a rational person in this day and age.

(I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything, you don't work for)

(I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English. And if you are a citizen of the United States start speaking the language.)

What a person speaks in there own homes is there business, but in the business world, in America at least, english is the proper language, and the tax payers shouldn't spend one dollar to make public sign in more then one language.

(I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.)

I love fireworks, but in all honesty they should be out lawed, except when done by proffessionals. They are a health risk, personally property risk, and are not age restricted.

(I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus, of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened. )

................protesters?........ ............................

(I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to. )

True, but your views shouldn't interfer with anothers or be imposed opuon another. AND THEY HAVE NO PLACE IN GOVERNMENT, but that doesn't mean that politicans cant have religionous views, but they have no place in the formal structure of government.

(My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.)

Babe Ruth was a fat, drunk, womanizer, what kind of hero is that?

also jerry springer is to white trash males what oprah is to white trash females.

(I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.)

Both have there faults, and for the most part each worked to get where they are.

(I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it. )

see jerry springer.

(I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying? )

Global warming isn't as bad of a problem as the militant envronmentalist want to make you believe it is, but its still a problem that we need to watch out for, but we can't give up freedoms now that might or might not help it (ie Kyoto treaty).

(I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.)

I neither owned slaves nor did any one in my family and i owe no one anything for what happened 150 yrs ago.

(I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, which branch of the Government he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution.)

Jesse Jackson is one of the biggest jokes/racists out there, he has done way more to hurt African Americans and racial equality then he has ever done to help either.


(I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are. )

They dont have the right to shoot you if your only running, now if your running indangers civilians or police lives or if your running in a car on a public street, then they do have a right to shoot you. Once you commit a crime and choice not to take the consequences of your actions, your life isn't worth as much as those in the public that you might injure or kill by running.

(I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years. )

Exactly, most ballets are very straight foreword and developed by local citizens.
If you cant figure out a ballet then you probably can't make rational political decisions, and most likely have no reason voting.

(I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets. )

These people cause accidents and disrupt traffic, and have been outlawed in my city. Why dont they just stand in front of a walmart or some super store?

(I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents, a married man and woman.)

Thats bull shit, a single parent can raise a kid just fine, it may be harder but it still can be accomplished, also same sex couples can also raise children.

(I believe if she has her lips on your Willie, it's sex, and this applies even if you are President of the United States. )

Yep.

[BrandNewRock05]

refresh* evil zach, chime in any time

[evil zach]

It makes you smart, protection. From crazy people
YOu are just as likly, if not more to shoot a loved one
So much for freedom of religion
I don;t care how or what you worship, but as long as their is a separation of church and state, it cannot be done during anything assosciated with the government

Police should have the right to do so, if they are running, they did something wrong. Its okay for cops to shoot guys because its their job, now its not okay for Joe Dumbfuck to shoot someone. Just as its ok for a doctor to perform a surgery and not Dumbfuck.
Cops should not be able to use their guns unless the person who is running is causeing a direct threat on the oficor's or bystanders lives. In canda they canot pull out their guns unless they have had a weapon pulled on them, and its been working fine. I think our crime rate may even be lowere then yours.
Bush didnt design the balloys there either Hooked on Phonics child (sorry had to get that one in there)
Of cource bush didn't design the ballots, but who ever did, should have taken into acount the stupidity of humans and worked around that. It is no secret that generally humans are morons.
Most messed up kids come from broken homes....its just logic. Of course there are exceptions, but majority of the time is broken home kids are broken kids.
Proof?

[Matthew]

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican! I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!
Greedy, materialistic capitalist. Yeah, like the American culture doesnt embrace these people enough already. And if you want lower taxes, here's a hint: spending $80 Billion bombing the shit out of a 3rd world nation isnt going to do anything but raise your taxes.
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
A smart American who doesnt realize that even if you shoot in self-defense you could be seeing a hefty fine or imprisonment. And who doesnt know that over 70% of US shootings are committed by people the victim knows personally.
I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything, you don't work for!
Note: George Carlin is a rich white comedian. He grew up "noble" and has never been "victimized". Being spoiled sure does change a guys view on the world.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English. And if you are a citizen of the United States start speaking the language.
By the same token, dont bitch when you go to Europe on vacation and no one can understand you. The US has no room to talk about cultural bastardization.
I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.
Because having a drunken celebration is a legitimate excuse to cause a potentially fatal fire hazard?
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus, of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.
Funny, because you conservatives seem to think that having a fucking degree makes you a "harder worker" and a "better person" who deserves more pay then a lower class job-holder. Make up your fucking minds.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.
Yeah! Fuck the constitution! Seperation of Church and State! What we really need in the US is an even MORE oppressive Judeo-Christian bias!
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.
No argument.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I do. I'm sorry that human emotion doesnt get you ratings, Georgie, but try it. You just might like it. And weren't you just bitching about kids who have their way payed through college.....
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.
Okay. Shut the fuck up. I think we all realize that wrestling is fake.
I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?
Those experts are trying to save your grandkids from living in cancer-ridden, smog filled, radiated wasteland because your to lazy to give some cash or walk a fucking block. Honestly, Mr. Carlin, you could use the exercise. And I LOVE the way you use a quick anecdote to combat proven science...a TRUE intellectual.
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.
Yes, because centuries of social stigma and persecution can be desolved in years! Turks are still persecuting Armenians, and as recently as the 1970's the US legislature enforced racial injustices with Jim Crowe laws, and britally put down all abolitionist movements.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, which branch of the Government he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution.
Can I get an AMEN on that one?
Amen. If you kill Bill O'Reilly then I'll gladly take out Jackson. No one takes either of them seriously, they are just at the opposite ends of the spectrum.
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
Really? Because my dad is an FBI agent and agents are only authorized to shoot if the suspect is a direct threat to an bystander or an officer. Seems fair to me. But hey, lets make a more subjective reason, that way police brutality rates can return to their original levels. And read some race/arrest statistics - African Americans are brutalized and harrassed by cops far more than Caucasians.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
Fair enough. But if your too stupid to pronounce the word "nuclear" then you should likewise have no say in homeland security. And if your too stupid to realize that social security IS a fucking federal program than you have no say there either.
" We have the federal government controlling Social Security like its some kind of federal program." - GWB
I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.
It takes a lot more balls to actually try to make a fucking difference than to mock those who do from your stand-up comedy tour. I think idiot comedians should be targets.
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents, a married man and woman.
A homophobe and he hates single parents! So much for the pursuit of hapiness, eh? And i thought you wanted "your country" back. You seem to have no respect for American Ideals.
I believe if she has her lips on your Willie, it's sex, and this applies even if you are President of the United States.
Poor Georgie cant get laid. Boo-hoo-hoo.
And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?
OH! So NOW you have some qualms with capitalistic policy? All is laissez fair until your wallet feels the bite?

[uki]

this is a good bllsht!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X-)

[thejetstolehome]

why the fuck did you bump this?

[DISJosh]

Ive always loved George Carlin. I dont agree with everything he says, but at least he has the balls to say what he means. Great find on the essay, I really enjoyed reading it.

[Peachs Friend]

That is probably the best essay I have ever read.

[crit]

this is a good bllsht!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X-)
great first post. :appl:

[AP_Punk]

Whaaa?

[x togepi x]

this essay is stupid. it's just reactionary bullshit that grossly oversimplifies everything. i also doubt carlin even wrote it.

both because he seems liberal and because if he had written it, it would have actually been funny.

[AP_Punk]

this essay is stupid. it's just reactionary bullshit that grossly oversimplifies everything. i also doubt carlin even wrote it.

both because he seems liberal and because if he had written it, it would have actually been funny.

:nod:

agree.

[cfear]

Does it even classify as an essay? Also, I want to say that George Carlin definitely did not write this.

Yeah, after digging around I found this: http://georgecarlin.com/home/dontblame.html

[richter915]

Does it even classify as an essay? Also, I want to say that George Carlin definitely did not write this.

Yeah, after digging around I found this: http://georgecarlin.com/home/dontblame.html
it's so fucked up what conservative pricks will do out there just to sully the name of liberalism and better their own agenda. Makes me fucking sick.

[Sleepaway]

I pretty much agree with it all, regardless of who wrote it.

[and we whisper]

that is amazing.

[AP_Punk]

That is probably the best essay I have ever read.

then i feel sorry for you.

[x togepi x]

then i feel sorry for you.

seriously. the fact that people are saying this really makes me think literature is dead/dying.

[AP_Punk]

now, THIS (http://sunsite.berkeley.edu/Goldman/Writings/Essays/preparedness.html) is a really great essay.

[oldwirehands]

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
Owning a gun dose not make you a killer, But dosn't make you smart either.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to
Even if that mean during government procedures? So much for separation of church and state.
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.
I LOVE the jerry springer show!
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
Nobody has the right to shoot anybody! Why Is it Ok in some situations and not others?
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
If who ever designed the balloys couldn't make them easy enough for everybody to understand, I don't wan't them running the elections
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents, a married man and woman.
Marrige is jsut a techinicality. It is completly un-nessesry for the development of a child. Some of the best parents I know are single working mothers. Some of the worst are married.

Its also been shown that when girls without a father figure grow up, they crave male attention and, for a lack of better terms, a whore. They are your biological parents and no matter what you are connected to them. I don't care if gay people want to marry but to try to raise a child? The child will wonder why their friends have one mother and one father and will be raised by only one certain mind. Lets face it, the build up of consciousness of a man and a woman are very different. They see a world from one way and we see a world in another. They're two worlds that should be presented to a child.

[Royalstar]

who is this geore carlin? are you people cheering for this crap? idiot americans...

[cfear]

Its also been shown that when girls without a father figure grow up, they crave male attention and, for a lack of better terms, a whore. They are your biological parents and no matter what you are connected to them. I don't care if gay people want to marry but to try to raise a child? The child will wonder why their friends have one mother and one father and will be raised by only one certain mind. Lets face it, the build up of consciousness of a man and a woman are very different. They see a world from one way and we see a world in another. They're two worlds that should be presented to a child.

Actually, most studies have shown that children raised to a homosexual couple aren't negatively affected.

who is this geore carlin? are you people cheering for this crap? idiot americans...

Idiot fifteen year olds.

[x togepi x]

Its also been shown that when girls without a father figure grow up, they crave male attention and, for a lack of better terms, a whore. They are your biological parents and no matter what you are connected to them. I don't care if gay people want to marry but to try to raise a child? The child will wonder why their friends have one mother and one father and will be raised by only one certain mind. Lets face it, the build up of consciousness of a man and a woman are very different. They see a world from one way and we see a world in another. They're two worlds that should be presented to a child.

every major study done on this by reputable sources (the APA, etc) shows that homosexuals raise children that turn out as "normally" as heterosexual couples. Your point about the "conciousness of men and women" being different is also bullshit, as those genders are socially constructed and not biological. your logic would dictate that my mother not been allowed to raise me after my dad left because she "couldn't view the world like him." it's also the line of thinking that's been used to justify keeping women from having equal rights, especially in the work place

[Royalstar]

Whoa I can't believe yall are eating this crap up...this just confirms how greatly the media effects your weak minds...

[AP_Punk]

Whoa I can't believe yall are eating this crap up...this just confirms how greatly the media effects your weak minds...

:eyebrow:

???

[Royalstar]

Ok, let me put it this way: everyone who agrees with any of that crap in the essay is an idiot(but really their stupidity goes deeper than the word idiot, so that statement only sums them up a little bit).

[AP_Punk]

oh, ok.

uh huh.