Atrophy to Ashes

[Jabble524]

Atrophy to Ashes

At first we could barely keep our hands off each other
But time is a slow venom
That causes romance to atrophy
Now we can barely stand to touch each other

I live a secret life
Like a fire chief
Who moonlights as an arsonist
Fiery desires replace complacent kisses

You burn in my selfish flames
But refuse to admit we’ve grown apart
Like Siamese twins
Who deny they’ve been separated

As I walk by the charred remains
Of a once vibrant romance
I see you desperately trying
To capture all the scattered ashes
As they blow in the wind
In a moment of clarity
I realize why love and reason
Are enemies

[Jabble524]

If anyone has time, I would love feedback.

[GhostMachine]

I like this. It's very well written. Good job sir.

[Jabble524]

Thanks GhostMachine.

[Tead42]

Mmm. It's very well-written, but one thing I noticed is that you have to remember the title is just as important as the poem itself, and this title is pretty predictable. I like Atrophy in there but "Ashes" in a title are very overdone.

[Jabble524]

I hadn't thought about that. But it's a good point. Ashes is often over-used. Thanks for the feedback.

[doritoz]

It should be called called "Atrophy to Legs"!

haha, just joking, but your writing is ok.

[Jabble524]

Leg or Legs? Are we talking about one or two legs, because one leg completely changes the poem.

[wholeofheart]

im not a fan of fire chief part...i think if another word took its place it would be better but goodwork none the less

[Blackend_Tearz]

Veey well written i thought and not to be a critic but ashes like tead42 said is very overused but i like the fire cheif part