something about a star

[falling_apart13]

okay totally wierd but i guess i'll post this. it's a work in progress, though.

i used to be that star
the one you wish you were
worth everything you are



note: i lost the paper that the rest was on and this was the only part i had memeorized so when i find it i'll post the rest

[a speedo model]

not bad, i guess, for only three lines. post the rest when you find it, i'm curious to see the rest.

[wyverna]

I like what you've posted.

[falling_apart13]

i found it. now that my room is in shambles from havokly serching for one piece of paper here's the rest of it, but it's not as good as i thought it was.


forced to shine though i've burnt out long ago
just so you can watch me twinkle
and never have to think about what you didn't know

just a distraction
so you don't have to believe
the overreaction

waste my day away
for the sun to fall
and a place to stay

fall alsleep watching me
let the silence take over
i might disappear
but you won't miss me much
i was just another star to be the twinkle in your eye

[a speedo model]

i found it. now that my room is in shambles from havokly serching for one piece of paper here's the rest of it, but it's not as good as i thought it was.


forced to shine though i've burnt out long ago
just so you can watch me twinkle
and never have to think about what you didn't know

just a distraction
so you don't have to believe
the overreaction

waste my day away
for the sun to fall
and a place to stay

fall alsleep watching me
let the silence take over
i might disappear
but you won't miss me much
i was just another star to be the twinkle in your eye

i actually really like this. there's like a simple elegance to it. very good.

[falling_apart13]

not bad, i guess, for only three lines. post the rest when you find it, i'm curious to see the rest.

thanks i really liked some of your songs i didn't even notice it was you

[falling_apart13]

I like what you've posted.


thanks bunches

[a speedo model]

thanks i really liked some of your songs i didn't even notice it was you

thank you.:)

[OveriseFan]

Meh.

Boring "amateur"(because I have no other way to explain it) poetry. The rhyme pattern was... well, not very good. It was nothing new to me.

Sorry, maybe I'm cynical recently though, because I haven't liked too much. (however, my writing is getting better in my eyes, for what it's worth.) :)

Keep writing though, it'll be interesting to see what you come up with. Try not to use metaphors we've all heard before, or if you do, make it 100% original(See Play Crack the Sky by Brand New)