this is tl:dr

[Spire]

sorry for ~dirtying up the forums. I was kind of weary about doing this because a lot of the time I see people getting bashed or never really getting any real answers but idk, I guess I can at least try. I just want some answers from people I don't know. and tbh im not even sure what it is exactly that I'm asking..maybe just for some opinions or insight or something.


I have a girlfriend who I have known since may of 08, and we have been dating since feb of 09. She goes to college here, but she lives in NJ. She loved it when she first started going to school here but now she absolutely despises it. She gets very stressed with school and it's taking its toll on her. I think she's pretty depressed right now and not in a good place, but I don't know what to do. I know it's not ME and it's not MY fault, but she is really down and because of that...whenever we talk it's sometimes tense or whatever and it's not the same. All I really want is for her to be happy.. and to see her be down ALL the time about EVERYTHING....it just hurts to see that. She talked to her parents in the summer and they said that if she goes to counseling, that she has to stay in NJ...so obviously she didn't do that. A couple years ago she used to have to take medication for depression/anxiety and she got better and got off them...but now I think she might need them again. I just feel bad when I can't make anything better and I can't help but feel useless. I've been more than supportive to her and everything through this...

soo yeah.. I don't know what else to say.

[TSTLSOOM]

im really sorry to hear this... maybe she needs to take a break from school for a little while?

[mattlol]

you were dating three months before you knew her? impressive

[Spire]

im really sorry to hear this... maybe she needs to take a break from school for a little while?

thanks..and she said that if she stops school then she just wants to be done for good. I'm guessing the only thing that can fix this is time...the waiting part just sucks.

[Spire]

you were dating three months before you knew her? impressive

Yeah, I'm just that good.

[.invisible ink.]

Don't tell her to take a break from school, I disagree with that advice unless other options tried haven't worked.

I am pretty sure that if your school is of any sort of decent size it will have on-campus counselors/low-cost pyschologists/psychiatrists. Why can't your gf speak to them and not let her family know? I think her parents probably meant well by saying that she was going to need to stay at home if she needed help, but I don't think they realized that they would just be adding to her depression by taking her away from school and basically giving her a choice between home & help/school and depression. That's not right.

Please see if you can try to get her to see someone either on campus or in the community. There are low-cost or free options she can seek out. Good luck.

[Chancetobe]

Can she transfer maybe? Also, agreed with the advice above me. Any school actually would have a counselor.

[Mandee, darling]

i agree with the two posts ahead of me. i had the same problem as your girlfriend, and i dropped out of college, (even though my doctor said it was the best decision made) and i haven't wanted to go back, not to mention i lost all scholarships. the best thing to do, imo, is help her with any homework she has to divide some stress school has caused her. and suggest that she seek counselling, because if she leaves it alone it'll only get worse. try to keep her in school, even if it means her reducing classes and hours. i hope this helps and i hope her problems get better.

[hellogorgeous]

School is ridiculously stressful for almost everyone. Not only do you have to get your shit done, you have to go above and beyond what others are doing just to get an interview for a job after (unless you have sweet connections, etc). All I can say is, she doesn't need another dad, so don't lecture her. She really just needs you to be supportive, and try not to stress her out. I can tell you are already doing these things, and that you really care about her, just continue to be there for her. Some things take a long time to get better, so just be patient.


And this is in no way something I am suggesting that you say to her, and I don't know her so she really, could be clinically depressed, or something, but sometimes you just have to grow up, and it sucks, but you just have to get over shit. It's one thing to talk about how stressed you are, and never try anything to fix it ( Ie my boyfriend always bitched about not having any money or a "real job" but he's ALWAYS go out and party) and it's another thing for her to be studying and doing work and working all the time and not getting anywhere. I hope she feels better.

[Sventhegreat]

you were dating three months before you knew her? impressive

Learn to read BRO.

[maxvsmaradona]

tl;dr

[mattlol]

Learn to read BRO.
the post originally said they had been dating since feb 08, slim.

[kingspud]

i suffer from manic depression and psychosis. i've been sectioned twice and i'm still convinced that there is an international price on my head. medication is not the answer. in fact it can make you fat and lethargic. try taking her to a four year strong gig. those guys are pure fun.

[kemichels]

sorry for ~dirtying up the forums. I was kind of weary about doing this because a lot of the time I see people getting bashed or never really getting any real answers but idk, I guess I can at least try. I just want some answers from people I don't know. and tbh im not even sure what it is exactly that I'm asking..maybe just for some opinions or insight or something.


I have a girlfriend who I have known since may of 08, and we have been dating since feb of 09. She goes to college here, but she lives in NJ. She loved it when she first started going to school here but now she absolutely despises it. She gets very stressed with school and it's taking its toll on her. I think she's pretty depressed right now and not in a good place, but I don't know what to do. I know it's not ME and it's not MY fault, but she is really down and because of that...whenever we talk it's sometimes tense or whatever and it's not the same. All I really want is for her to be happy.. and to see her be down ALL the time about EVERYTHING....it just hurts to see that. She talked to her parents in the summer and they said that if she goes to counseling, that she has to stay in NJ...so obviously she didn't do that. A couple years ago she used to have to take medication for depression/anxiety and she got better and got off them...but now I think she might need them again. I just feel bad when I can't make anything better and I can't help but feel useless. I've been more than supportive to her and everything through this...

soo yeah.. I don't know what else to say.

Be as supportive as you can and try to help her through..but you can't fix her yourself. And if it starts taking a toll on your relationship and your own happiness, get out. The same exact situation happened with me and you have to do what's best for yourself sometimes.

[kingspud]

why is everyone so fucking serious in these forums and why are there no women!?

[songydarko]

why is everyone so fucking serious in these forums and why are there no women!?
Forums can't be all fun and games!

[kingspud]

secondly where are all the girls?! i call for some equality!

[Sventhegreat]

the post originally said they had been dating since feb 08, slim.

Fair enough.

[ohheroine]

Hey.




I Am A Girl.

[Smash Adams]

I'm guessing she's a senior? Might be too late to transfer,you should probably just be as supportive as possible and tell her she only has a few months left and she never has to go to school again

[4N6 science]

School is ridiculously stressful for almost everyone. Not only do you have to get your shit done, you have to go above and beyond what others are doing just to get an interview for a job after (unless you have sweet connections, etc). All I can say is, she doesn't need another dad, so don't lecture her. She really just needs you to be supportive, and try not to stress her out. I can tell you are already doing these things, and that you really care about her, just continue to be there for her. Some things take a long time to get better, so just be patient.


And this is in no way something I am suggesting that you say to her, and I don't know her so she really, could be clinically depressed, or something, but sometimes you just have to grow up, and it sucks, but you just have to get over shit. It's one thing to talk about how stressed you are, and never try anything to fix it ( Ie my boyfriend always bitched about not having any money or a "real job" but he's ALWAYS go out and party) and it's another thing for her to be studying and doing work and working all the time and not getting anywhere. I hope she feels better.

solid advice.

[kingspud]

yay a girl! so you're a heroine are you? well i'm an orginal hero if that's of any interest to you 8)

[Spire]

Thanks everyone. I think I'm going to take some of the suggestions and maybe recommend the on campus counselor or something like that. The problem is, right now she seems like she's at the point where anything I would suggest wouldn't be able to help her in any way. She'll be done next fall so hopefully we can both fight it together until then, and even more so, hopefully things will get better before then....and somebody mentioned to me that I should maybe try and get out and..that's just not an option for me, I care way too much about her and it also just seems like a cop out. I know she won't be upset and down forever, it's just going to take time.

and then.. my next problem is figuring out what to do when she's gone. gahh.

[TheByrus]

The answer is obviously get a new girlfriend.