A Poem Titled "Maze Love" (I want you guys to pick it apart - don't just be nice)

[ninetyFhOURs]

Maze Love
These are the doubtless joys
We inherit from other minotaurs.
Lost in my labyrinth of wanting
That I cannot get myself out of.
When you found me in the labyrinth
Of other dancing minotaur bodies,
You were the most beautiful map.
You were the golden path
Out of the darkling maze.
And I can say all this in confidence
Because I am content or not wanting
More. Instead, I no longer need out
Of the labyrinth but simply to be lost.

[Wildness774]

Maze Love
These are the doubtless joys
We inherit from other minotaurs.
Lost in my labyrinth of wanting
That I cannot get myself out of.
When you found me in the labyrinth
Of other dancing minotaur bodies,
You were the most beautiful map.
You were the golden path
Out of the darkling maze.
And I can say all this in confidence
Because I am content or not wanting
More. Instead, I no longer need out
Of the labyrinth but to be simply to be lost.


nice work
minotaur is an interesting word to use in the context

[ninetyFhOURs]

nice work
minotaur is an interesting word to use in the context


interesting as in, creative? or floundering?

[Jabble524]

You have good passion, and a solid foundation. But in my opinion it needs work. Here's how I would improve it.

These are the doubtless joys
Inherited from other minotaurs
Lost in a labyrinth of desire
That I cannot escape

When you found me in the labyrinth
Of other dancing minotaur bodies
You were the golden path
Out of the dark maze

I say this in confidence
Because I do not crave more
I no longer wish to escape
But simply to stay lost

I hope this helps. Your writing is pretty good. Just try to use more descriptive words to paint a picture for the reader.