I’ll trade you #43 and #64 if you trade me #92

[IAmHolocaust]

So, I've been listening to more acoustic music lately, and I've had some idea's for song. I finally wrote one last night and I'm quite proud of it because usually I listen to hardcore which doesn't have many nice lyrics. So yeh, I really like this, and would be pleased to hear what you think:

I’ll trade you #43 and #64 if you trade me #92

I wish we had a sticker book
Of our photographs
And we could go to the shops
And buy ten-thousand packs
We could sit on the beach
And stick them all in
We could trade our doubles
But all the places we’ve been
Will always be the same memory…

I wish we had a sticker book
And while we enjoyed soft drinks
You could tell me about an old time
And I’ll look back and think
You could tell me stickers are missing
And I’ll look at your silhouette
The missing stickers are memories
That I’d just rather forget
And you’ll just sip your drink…

I wish we had a sticker book
So the pages could flap in the wind
And we can sit in sliding doors
And cuddle to not let the cold in
You could wish our book was full
But I’ll just shake my head
The pages will never be full
As long as we’ve got our future ahead
And on my shoulder, your head will rest…

[a speedo model]

not bad. a couple lines struck me as cliche or just not very good and it felt a bit to repetitive, but as a whole it's pretty good. work on it, i think you could really make this into something that's awesome.

[IAmHolocaust]

not bad. a couple lines struck me as cliche or just not very good and it felt a bit to repetitive, but as a whole it's pretty good. work on it, i think you could really make this into something that's awesome.

Any perticulars?

[a speedo model]

hmm...actually, after rereading it i need to rephrase what i said. the lines aren't cliche, it's just that they're not very striking. you know, they don't grab the attention. there are still some really good ones, like the last two. it just takes practice and time, believe me.

also, i like the title. it reminded me of years ago when my brother and i were really into sports cards and we traded them like crazy...ahh, the good old days.

[SockMonkeyRiot]

I agree, it's solid but nothing really jumped out at me, It's a good concept, but I think I'd have to hear how it sounds though.