So what exactly is the point of being in a committed, exclusive relationship?

[mrperson13]

I mean I see lots of happy couples everywhere, but my personal experiences contradict everything I've seen.

Me when single and focused on myself= Happy, lots of positive supportive friendships with girls and guys, focused on my career goals and ambitions, and to top it of I have no trouble hooking up with attractive girls with minimal effort.

Me when I find that rare girl who I consider "girlfriend material"= obsessive, depressed, and distant from my friends. And after 20 years ( which is admittedly not THAT long, so maybe I just need to keep waiting...) I just don't see the point anymore. EVERY time I start to open up to a girl and hint that I want something serious and think..okay its enough of the single life, time to really go for this girl...she ends up fucking me over and sending me into a state of depression that usually lasts a couple of months. At this end of this period I return to the mindset that I shouldn't focus on anyone else besides myself, and then I start to not care about relationships anymore, and everything is fine. This usually lasts for a while, until I meet another "special" girl and the cycle starts all over again. This has been going on since I was a freshman in highschool, I'm now a junior in college.

Now, obviously my experiences don't mirror everyone elses so I can't make any sort of all encompassing statement....but at this point..it seems to me that at least personally I would really benefit from just not "falling"for girls, and just staying single. I've never really seen any logical benefits of marriage besides the fact that its what you're expected to do. I guess I sort of crave that romantic intimacy that's usually portrayed...but maybe because that idea is constantly force feed down our throats?

I'd like to hear other people's opinions, because at the moment I really can't see any reason why I should continue to look for deep emotional connection from girls when all they seem to want is a jerk who will fuck them...which although it isn't who i want to be.....is something I'm capable of doing.

/somewhat drunken emo rant from someone who was stupid enough to fall in love with a crazy bitch.....again.

[theguilt engine]

i started dating a girl when i was 15 [my first girlfriend] and we stayed together for about 2 1/2 years...completely faithful. we broke up during the summer one year because she was obsessive and would not let me spend time with any other females. i dated about 4 different girls in 5 months, and it was awesome--but i was still off and on with my first girl. in the april of my senior year i met my current girlfriend, whom i've been dating for over 3 1/2 years. i know too much about long-term relationships.

sometimes you just meet a girl worth sticking with, who are completely faithful to you. they're worth every single thought. basically, you have to give someone a reason to be with you. it's like having a job--sometimes just being yourself isn't enough all the time. you have to step outside the box, step outside yourself--do things you never thought you'd do to keep them around.

if there someone out there that means enough, you'll know.

[A7XXX]

When you find the "right" girl who you can connect on a deeper level with then all the trouble you went through to find her might be worth it in the end (At least that's what people said). So basically it's a trial and error process. Don't be afraid of failure. If you really prefer to stay single, then kudos to you. There's nothing wrong with that, although you might have to worry about dying alone like the other thread in PL mentioned.

[Alex_supertramp]

my girlfriend is pretty awesome right now. personally i think she's too good for me but I never let her know that. the key, for me at least, is finding someone with very similar interests as you that you can only see as a girlfriend but a best friend as well. makes it better all around
.

EDIT: I'm really drunk right now so sorry if this doesn't really make sense...

[muzicislife31]

Of course many relationships don't work out, but it seems to me that if you find someone who you really like you'll want to spend as much time as possible with them and you won't want to be with anyone else. If they feel the same way about you, it just makes sense to get into an exclusive relationship with them.

[Auals]

I mean I see lots of happy couples everywhere, but my personal experiences contradict everything I've seen.

Me when single and focused on myself= Happy, lots of positive supportive friendships with girls and guys, focused on my career goals and ambitions, and to top it of I have no trouble hooking up with attractive girls with minimal effort.

Me when I find that rare girl who I consider "girlfriend material"= obsessive, depressed, and distant from my friends. And after 20 years ( which is admittedly not THAT long, so maybe I just need to keep waiting...) I just don't see the point anymore. EVERY time I start to open up to a girl and hint that I want something serious and think..okay its enough of the single life, time to really go for this girl...she ends up fucking me over and sending me into a state of depression that usually lasts a couple of months. At this end of this period I return to the mindset that I shouldn't focus on anyone else besides myself, and then I start to not care about relationships anymore, and everything is fine. This usually lasts for a while, until I meet another "special" girl and the cycle starts all over again. This has been going on since I was a freshman in highschool, I'm now a junior in college.

Now, obviously my experiences don't mirror everyone elses so I can't make any sort of all encompassing statement....but at this point..it seems to me that at least personally I would really benefit from just not "falling"for girls, and just staying single. I've never really seen any logical benefits of marriage besides the fact that its what you're expected to do. I guess I sort of crave that romantic intimacy that's usually portrayed...but maybe because that idea is constantly force feed down our throats?

I'd like to hear other people's opinions, because at the moment I really can't see any reason why I should continue to look for deep emotional connection from girls when all they seem to want is a jerk who will fuck them...which although it isn't who i want to be.....is something I'm capable of doing.

/somewhat drunken emo rant from someone who was stupid enough to fall in love with a crazy bitch.....again.

When I was 18 I felt exactly like this. I'd just come out of a hard relationship that never seemed to work and I was exaclty like you. I went to see a doctor (my parents forced me to) after a few years and it turns out I have really bad Anxiety. Thus the obsession/Depression during a relationship. I'm not saying it's the same for everyone, she could've just been a bitch who fucked with you, but if you're like that in EVERY relationship, I'd say it's a good idea to go see a doctor and maybe check it out. They put me on Lexapro and I've been in 8 month long relationship now. (which may not sound like much but I used to self-destruct my relatinoships after 3 months MAX) Hope this helps in some way :) PM me if you want to know more.

[cuzimlefthanded]

i started dating a girl when i was 15 [my first girlfriend] and we stayed together for about 2 1/2 years...completely faithful. we broke up during the summer one year because she was obsessive and would not let me spend time with any other females. i dated about 4 different girls in 5 months, and it was awesome--but i was still off and on with my first girl. in the april of my senior year i met my current girlfriend, whom i've been dating for over 3 1/2 years. i know too much about long-term relationships.

sometimes you just meet a girl worth sticking with, who are completely faithful to you. they're worth every single thought. basically, you have to give someone a reason to be with you. it's like having a job--sometimes just being yourself isn't enough all the time. you have to step outside the box, step outside yourself--do things you never thought you'd do to keep them around.

if there someone out there that means enough, you'll know.


This. Oh, the things I've let a girl do to me just to keep our relationship going. Who knew being ball-gagged and whipped could hurt so good?



Totally joking.



But I do agree with you. Compromise is an absolute necessity in regards to maintaining a relaionship.

[DanTGD]

How has no one said anal yet?




But I actually prefer being in a relationship, I need someone that I can confide in and talk to about crap, somehow you can keep me levelled all the time.

[SomedayTheFire]

How has no one said anal yet?




Because it's childish and immature.

[DanTGD]

Because it's childish and immature.

Seems to be the current trend on the boards though.

[Charles777]

I honestly see no reason to be, other than the relations

[Sventhegreat]

How has no one said anal yet?




But I actually prefer being in a relationship, I need someone that I can confide in and talk to about crap, somehow you can keep me levelled all the time.

.....

[the1]

I wouldn't know, but then again I simply just haven't met a single decent girl so I better go to the "die alone" thread

[songydarko]

It all depends I think. Of course you may go into a relationship that's not for you and you start to really realize who someone really is, but sometimes there will be down times even with someone that's right for you. Nothing's perfect and if you care about whoever you're with enough you're willing to go through everything together, good and bad. Relationships are a lot more deep than just random hook ups and shit like that. You actually create a comfort with someone and I think that's a lot more special than just running around town fucking random girls.

[mrperson13]

How has no one said anal yet?




But I actually prefer being in a relationship, I need someone that I can confide in and talk to about crap, somehow you can keep me levelled all the time.

Oh I definitely would prefer to be in a relationship, and for the exact reasons you mentioned. I want that type of intimate relationship where I can confide in someone and tell them anything. And I have found girls like that on a few occasions in my life. They are the ones I always end up getting close with, letting my guard down. Things usually go well for a while and it always seems like i'm finally about to have something special, but then they always start to pull away/ go for some douchebag who just wants to get in their pants/ play games etc.

It's very weird when every girl you trust end up stabbing you in the back...really makes one wary of committment. I'm not really saying that I don't see the point in being in a close relationship, just wondering if pursuing them is worth when they seem to be so detrimental to my personal life?

It all depends I think. Of course you may go into a relationship that's not for you and you start to really realize who someone really is, but sometimes there will be down times even with someone that's right for you. Nothing's perfect and if you care about whoever you're with enough you're willing to go through everything together, good and bad. Relationships are a lot more deep than just random hook ups and shit like that. You actually create a comfort with someone and I think that's a lot more special than just running around town fucking random girls.

Its not that I enjoy fucking random girls, To be honest I find it very unfulfilling and boring. I really only do it because its the only way I've been able to get any sort of intimacy, I would much rather be in a steady relationship. As for the caring, I've found multiple people that I do care about enough to go through everything together with, but they never seem to care enough to do the same for me. I feel like they get close to me, use me up for a while making me think there's a chance and then as soon as things get serious they freak out and move on. Do I just go for the wrong types of chicks, or do all girls constantly fuck with guys' emotions without any regard to the effects that has on a person? (ok maybe that's a stupid question.....)

[popdisaster00]

It's all about how you live your life, dawwwg. I am in a nearly 4 year relationship but I also have great supportive friends, I'm doing kick ass in school and although my job sucks that is only because I go to school in a town with few places to work at.

[sleepyseanzzz]

trust me, once you find someone right then its all worth it. i spent my senior year with some dumb bitch and i feel like i wasted a lot of times i could have had with my close friends (who ive either known since grade school or just got really close with by playing sports and always being around each other every day for 4 years) now im in college and i regret not being single then, but ive been in a relationship with a girl from my town (we went to different high schools, her public and me private and our colleges are about an hour apart and i have a car) for a year and a half and i couldn't be happier because i just dont have the same group of friends in college that i enjoyed in high school, i have no sports anymore besides club wrestling, i really have nothing else to do whereas in high school i had a lot on my plate. when you find someone that is actually good for you, you wont be miserable when youre in the relationship, you'll be happy. i met her over spring break freshman year when i spent it at home with all my other friends, and i was miserable after freshman year of college then i started hanging out with her and we hit it off and now i enjoy college even more even though she's not even there most of the time. just the fact there is someone to talk to when youre stressed is a good thing

[Sloth7]

I mean I see lots of happy couples everywhere, but my personal experiences contradict everything I've seen.

Me when single and focused on myself= Happy, lots of positive supportive friendships with girls and guys, focused on my career goals and ambitions, and to top it of I have no trouble hooking up with attractive girls with minimal effort.

Me when I find that rare girl who I consider "girlfriend material"= obsessive, depressed, and distant from my friends. And after 20 years ( which is admittedly not THAT long, so maybe I just need to keep waiting...) I just don't see the point anymore. EVERY time I start to open up to a girl and hint that I want something serious and think..okay its enough of the single life, time to really go for this girl...she ends up fucking me over and sending me into a state of depression that usually lasts a couple of months. At this end of this period I return to the mindset that I shouldn't focus on anyone else besides myself, and then I start to not care about relationships anymore, and everything is fine. This usually lasts for a while, until I meet another "special" girl and the cycle starts all over again. This has been going on since I was a freshman in highschool, I'm now a junior in college.

Now, obviously my experiences don't mirror everyone elses so I can't make any sort of all encompassing statement....but at this point..it seems to me that at least personally I would really benefit from just not "falling"for girls, and just staying single. I've never really seen any logical benefits of marriage besides the fact that its what you're expected to do. I guess I sort of crave that romantic intimacy that's usually portrayed...but maybe because that idea is constantly force feed down our throats?

I'd like to hear other people's opinions, because at the moment I really can't see any reason why I should continue to look for deep emotional connection from girls when all they seem to want is a jerk who will fuck them...which although it isn't who i want to be.....is something I'm capable of doing.

/somewhat drunken emo rant from someone who was stupid enough to fall in love with a crazy bitch.....again.




I'm a few years older than you, but believe it or not, when I look back to when I was 20, the way I viewed relationships and romance are different than now. It all just changes with time. You hit the nail on the head at one point, 20 is not really that old at all, and most importantly, you're dealing with girls who aren't fully matured in this way yet either. I spent a couple years in a relationship that turned awful. Sometimes, single is good- you said you're happy when you're single, then stay happy, and when things are supposed to happen, they will. As you get older, the girls you'll be looking at will be more relationship-oriented and perhaps that time will give you a new perspective on long-term relationships.

It's like trying to start a major league baseball team, but you're dealing with all minor league players. Just takes time and practice for everyone to grow into it.

[hellogorgeous]

relationships aren't easy... i don't know whoever put that into people's heads but they are wrong. it takes a ton of commitment, communication & trust. if you aren't ready for these things then you shouldn't even worry about it. but if you work on it with the right person it is amazing.

[songydarko]

Its not that I enjoy fucking random girls, To be honest I find it very unfulfilling and boring. I really only do it because its the only way I've been able to get any sort of intimacy, I would much rather be in a steady relationship. As for the caring, I've found multiple people that I do care about enough to go through everything together with, but they never seem to care enough to do the same for me. I feel like they get close to me, use me up for a while making me think there's a chance and then as soon as things get serious they freak out and move on. Do I just go for the wrong types of chicks, or do all girls constantly fuck with guys' emotions without any regard to the effects that has on a person? (ok maybe that's a stupid question.....)

Hey, I don't fuck with guys' emotions that's for sure. There are girls that will care for you like you need to be cared for, but guys need to also realize that sometimes they're in the wrong too. If you're doing everything to be happy with someone and they keep screwing you over, I'm going to have to say you're going for the wrong girls. Find someone who knows what they want out of a relationship and that you two have the same idea.

[x13looDx]

...to top it of I have no trouble hooking up with attractive girls with minimal effort

Sounds like you don't need one to me

[bones jones]

the illusion of safety

[sinkinginthesea]

T0xoKiH8JJM

Fuck girls.

[kemichels]

oh cool, another retarded thread in personal life

[kemichels]

Hey, I don't fuck with guys' emotions that's for sure. There are girls that will care for you like you need to be cared for, but guys need to also realize that sometimes they're in the wrong too. If you're doing everything to be happy with someone and they keep screwing you over, I'm going to have to say you're going for the wrong girls. Find someone who knows what they want out of a relationship and that you two have the same idea.

YOU HATE ON MY EMOTIONZ SO MUCH I DONT KNO WHAT 2 DO I SHOULD PROBZ PULLA CASEY CALVERT AND CUT MY WRISTS AND BLACK MAH EYESSSS

woops. is that bad to say considering it's his 2 year death anniversary?! It's the PL forum though...who gives a fuck, right?

[kemichels]

the illusion of safety

great cd.

[AndrewIcex]

Relationships take work... if both parties don't want to do the work... there is no relationship.

[jahh]

It's all about how you live your life, dawwwg. I am in a nearly 4 year relationship but I also have great supportive friends, I'm doing kick ass in school and although my job sucks that is only because I go to school in a town with few places to work at.

The Twin Cities is a town with few places to work at?

[sean_tbl]

A lot of it simply comes down to age man. You're young, they are young. People change SOO much between 18 - 25, hell even into there 30's, I'm almost 29 and still don't have it figured out. Kids & Marriage happen much later in life for people nowadays. The world has different priorities/is much harder to make something of yourself. So this in turn effects relationships.

So don't sweat it so much. Enjoy what comes, work on yourself and getting your life in order and completing your goals/becoming who you want to be. That way when you actually meet that someone, you'll know who you are and what you actually want out of life and out of a relationship. That doesn't mean don't try to find someone special, it just means don't be so depressed when it doesn't work out at this age. Take what you learned from it and apply it to the next person.

I've had 2, 2 year relationships and a string of 8 to 1 year relationships. Now in one that is over 2 years and we live together. I still am trying to understand all the dynamics of being in a relationship and what it's going to take to actually be married and keep that marriage happy for the rest of my life. I know I felt and said the same things you are when I was your age. I'm just here to say that you have no idea how much is going to change in the next 5 - 10 years, so don't worry so much about it.

Like others said, most relationships fail, but it only takes one time for it to work. So always just be yourself, because in the end if they don't love that person, your never going to succeed in a relationship.

[mrperson13]

Sounds like you don't need one to me
random hookups with girls who have no personality =/= emotionally satisfying
oh cool, another retarded thread in personal life
What exactly makes this a retarded thread?

Hey, I don't fuck with guys' emotions that's for sure. There are girls that will care for you like you need to be cared for, but guys need to also realize that sometimes they're in the wrong too. If you're doing everything to be happy with someone and they keep screwing you over, I'm going to have to say you're going for the wrong girls. Find someone who knows what they want out of a relationship and that you two have the same idea.
Sorry I didn't really mean to imply that ALL girls are like that (ok maybe I did, but I know its not the case). I know there are girls out there that have good intentions..just can't seem to find them.

I'm a few years older than you, but believe it or not, when I look back to when I was 20, the way I viewed relationships and romance are different than now. It all just changes with time. You hit the nail on the head at one point, 20 is not really that old at all, and most importantly, you're dealing with girls who aren't fully matured in this way yet either. I spent a couple years in a relationship that turned awful. Sometimes, single is good- you said you're happy when you're single, then stay happy, and when things are supposed to happen, they will. As you get older, the girls you'll be looking at will be more relationship-oriented and perhaps that time will give you a new perspective on long-term relationships.

It's like trying to start a major league baseball team, but you're dealing with all minor league players. Just takes time and practice for everyone to grow into it.

I think this may be the best advice here...and its something I've definitely considered, but for some reason I've just never really been comfortable with it. It doesn't explain why all of my friends seem to have no problems getting into relationships with girls. Granted 95% of these end up badly for them, so maybe I should be counting my blessings, but it still just makes me feel somewhat inadequate. But immaturity is definitely a quality that the girls i've been somewhat involved with share. The fucked up thing about it is that they are always seem to lure me in, like the somehow know that deep down I'm a vulnerable "nice guy" who will do anything they want. Maybe I need to just get better at recognizing this as soon as they start talking to me, and not letting myself get attached.

Thanks for helping to put things in perspective.

[Deadbolt23]

When you find her, it's worth all the shit. I promise.

[Sloth7]

I think this may be the best advice here...and its something I've definitely considered, but for some reason I've just never really been comfortable with it. It doesn't explain why all of my friends seem to have no problems getting into relationships with girls. Granted 95% of these end up badly for them, so maybe I should be counting my blessings, but it still just makes me feel somewhat inadequate. But immaturity is definitely a quality that the girls i've been somewhat involved with share. The fucked up thing about it is that they are always seem to lure me in, like the somehow know that deep down I'm a vulnerable "nice guy" who will do anything they want. Maybe I need to just get better at recognizing this as soon as they start talking to me, and not letting myself get attached.

Thanks for helping to put things in perspective.


Sure thing buddy. Look, I'm 29, what you said sounds identical to my history with girls, and despite what I said, it's all an art that I still have a hard time mastering. It's easy to get lured in, and it's easy to easily fall for a girl. My best advice is try not to let it be a major thing that bothers you, which I know is easier said than done.

One day, you'll look back and realize that the times you spent getting upset over Girl A or Girl B was a waste. Girls at your age tend to not know what they want, and they'll take you down in the process. Immature girls aren't bad people,they will grow up one day, but they make for bad relationships and will just lead you to headaches. If you're a nice guy, just stay confident and relax, and a good girl will come your way. Anytime I've had luck with girls in my life, it's been when I wasn't looking for anything. You meet a girl, even one you like, just play it smart and go into it friendly with your head first, heart second. That way,you get a good idea of her and if it progresses well, excellent, if not, then it's no biggie either. It's cliched for sure, but there's tons of girls out there, don't let any particular one make you unhappy, cause there's lots who won't.

Good luck!

[more heart]

Seems to be the current trend on the boards though.
Are you serious? "Anal" stopped being funny many months ago. Now it's the newer posters who still have no idea how old and how irrelevant that joke is anymore.

[Sloth7]

A lot of it simply comes down to age man. You're young, they are young. People change SOO much between 18 - 25, hell even into there 30's, I'm almost 29 and still don't have it figured out. Kids & Marriage happen much later in life for people nowadays. The world has different priorities/is much harder to make something of yourself. So this in turn effects relationships.

So don't sweat it so much. Enjoy what comes, work on yourself and getting your life in order and completing your goals/becoming who you want to be. That way when you actually meet that someone, you'll know who you are and what you actually want out of life and out of a relationship. That doesn't mean don't try to find someone special, it just means don't be so depressed when it doesn't work out at this age. Take what you learned from it and apply it to the next person.

I've had 2, 2 year relationships and a string of 8 to 1 year relationships. Now in one that is over 2 years and we live together. I still am trying to understand all the dynamics of being in a relationship and what it's going to take to actually be married and keep that marriage happy for the rest of my life. I know I felt and said the same things you are when I was your age. I'm just here to say that you have no idea how much is going to change in the next 5 - 10 years, so don't worry so much about it.

Like others said, most relationships fail, but it only takes one time for it to work. So always just be yourself, because in the end if they don't love that person, your never going to succeed in a relationship.


Definitely listen to this post. It's all very true.

[songydarko]

YOU HATE ON MY EMOTIONZ SO MUCH I DONT KNO WHAT 2 DO I SHOULD PROBZ PULLA CASEY CALVERT AND CUT MY WRISTS AND BLACK MAH EYESSSS

woops. is that bad to say considering it's his 2 year death anniversary?! It's the PL forum though...who gives a fuck, right?

UR A BITCH GTFO.

[popdisaster00]

The Twin Cities is a town with few places to work at?
I go to school in Menomonie, WI right now. UW-Stout.

[drawndead]

i mean ive only been with 1 girl and its not so bad i guess....

[Kassie09]

I think relationships are important but I mean, I guess there is no point to them, unless you're gonna get married/have a family/spend the rest of your life with that person. Sooo, it takes going through a few relationships to find that. I guess you ~learn~ about yourself through relationships.

[mybreakingpoint]

i started dating a girl when i was 15 [my first girlfriend] and we stayed together for about 2 1/2 years...completely faithful. we broke up during the summer one year because she was obsessive and would not let me spend time with any other females. i dated about 4 different girls in 5 months, and it was awesome--but i was still off and on with my first girl. in the april of my senior year i met my current girlfriend, whom i've been dating for over 3 1/2 years. i know too much about long-term relationships.

sometimes you just meet a girl worth sticking with, who are completely faithful to you. they're worth every single thought. basically, you have to give someone a reason to be with you. it's like having a job--sometimes just being yourself isn't enough all the time. you have to step outside the box, step outside yourself--do things you never thought you'd do to keep them around.

if there someone out there that means enough, you'll know.
/thread.

well put.

[perceptrons]

Because you want to.

That's all I can really say to answer it. There is no point.

[Mibabalou]

fuck bitches,

get money

[phil19]

sex on tap

[jahh]

I go to school in Menomonie, WI right now. UW-Stout.
ohh, got it!

[zion the lion]

I mean I see lots of happy couples everywhere, but my personal experiences contradict everything I've seen.

Me when single and focused on myself= Happy, lots of positive supportive friendships with girls and guys, focused on my career goals and ambitions, and to top it of I have no trouble hooking up with attractive girls with minimal effort.

Me when I find that rare girl who I consider "girlfriend material"= obsessive, depressed, and distant from my friends. And after 20 years ( which is admittedly not THAT long, so maybe I just need to keep waiting...) I just don't see the point anymore. EVERY time I start to open up to a girl and hint that I want something serious and think..okay its enough of the single life, time to really go for this girl...she ends up fucking me over and sending me into a state of depression that usually lasts a couple of months. At this end of this period I return to the mindset that I shouldn't focus on anyone else besides myself, and then I start to not care about relationships anymore, and everything is fine. This usually lasts for a while, until I meet another "special" girl and the cycle starts all over again. This has been going on since I was a freshman in highschool, I'm now a junior in college.

Now, obviously my experiences don't mirror everyone elses so I can't make any sort of all encompassing statement....but at this point..it seems to me that at least personally I would really benefit from just not "falling"for girls, and just staying single. I've never really seen any logical benefits of marriage besides the fact that its what you're expected to do. I guess I sort of crave that romantic intimacy that's usually portrayed...but maybe because that idea is constantly force feed down our throats?

I'd like to hear other people's opinions, because at the moment I really can't see any reason why I should continue to look for deep emotional connection from girls when all they seem to want is a jerk who will fuck them...which although it isn't who i want to be.....is something I'm capable of doing.

/somewhat drunken emo rant from someone who was stupid enough to fall in love with a crazy bitch.....again.

You're fucking 20, you havent even seen half of what the world has to offer you relationship wise. Within those 6 years, I'm willing to bet hundreds of dollars that you passed up plenty of girls that would have been great for you, but you were too busy jerking off thinking about some attractive bitch. If you're obsessive and depressed when in a relationship, fix yourself first before diving right into one.

Dont act like society is force feeding some impossible image down your throat, it's not. People are lazy and act like the perfect person is going to fall from the sky and into the spooning position in their bed, you have to work at a relationship, you have to grow with the person, appreciate them, and accept their flaws. Grow some balls and figure it out.

[atticusfinch]

Maybe you should think about finding Jesus first, before you find another vagina for a while.

[mrperson13]

You're fucking 20, you havent even seen half of what the world has to offer you relationship wise. Within those 6 years, I'm willing to bet hundreds of dollars that you passed up plenty of girls that would have been great for you, but you were too busy jerking off thinking about some attractive bitch. If you're obsessive and depressed when in a relationship, fix yourself first before diving right into one.

Dont act like society is force feeding some impossible image down your throat, it's not. People are lazy and act like the perfect person is going to fall from the sky and into the spooning position in their bed, you have to work at a relationship, you have to grow with the person, appreciate them, and accept their flaws. Grow some balls and figure it out.

I'm not really sure how to react to this. I agree with some of the points you make, but is the condescending tone really necessary? I realize I'm only 20, I addressed that in the beginning of my first post. I never said society was trying to force feed an image down my throat, nor did I ever claim that relationships were easy. I also don't "dive" into relationships. And since you don't know me at all, I'm really not sure how you could be so positive that I've passed up on "plenty" of girls that would have been "great" for me, and I have no idea where the jerking off thinking about some attractive bitch statement even came from so I'm not going to respond.

I appreciate the advice, but please don't try and assume you know everything about my life and personality based on one post.

Maybe you should think about finding Jesus first, before you find another vagina for a while.
I think this is a joke post....but if not, I really don't see what finding Jesus has to do with any of this.

[zion the lion]

I'm not really sure how to react to this. I agree with some of the points you make, but is the condescending tone really necessary? I realize I'm only 20, I addressed that in the beginning of my first post. I never said society was trying to force feed an image down my throat, nor did I ever claim that relationships were easy. I also don't "dive" into relationships. And since you don't know me at all, I'm really not sure how you could be so positive that I've passed up on "plenty" of girls that would have been "great" for me, and I have no idea where the jerking off thinking about some attractive bitch statement even came from so I'm not going to respond.

I appreciate the advice, but please don't try and assume you know everything about my life and personality based on one post.


I think this is a joke post....but if not, I really don't see what finding Jesus has to do with any of this.

Everyone passes up the great people for them, everyone. Maybe I'm god and thats why I know everything about your life

but maybe because that idea is constantly force feed down our throats?

Thats where I got that idea from.

[ArtForLovers]

honestly there are more girls out there that feel the exact way about guys. and you have not found one of those girls yet. a junior in college, you have time. don't rush it. relax. when you least expect it that right girl will come. don't force it.

[Nevuk]

When I was 18 I felt exactly like this. I'd just come out of a hard relationship that never seemed to work and I was exaclty like you. I went to see a doctor (my parents forced me to) after a few years and it turns out I have really bad Anxiety. Thus the obsession/Depression during a relationship. I'm not saying it's the same for everyone, she could've just been a bitch who fucked with you, but if you're like that in EVERY relationship, I'd say it's a good idea to go see a doctor and maybe check it out. They put me on Lexapro and I've been in 8 month long relationship now. (which may not sound like much but I used to self-destruct my relatinoships after 3 months MAX) Hope this helps in some way :) PM me if you want to know more.
Yep. I experienced the same thing due to anxiety stuff. Looking back on it now, the people I dated were actually really good about not messing with me, they could have screwed me up so bad but didn't. (I would self-destruct after a few days usually).

[zion the lion]

I forgot to add this in my angry bitch rant...

The point of a committed exclusive relationship is to satisfy the craving for intimacy and companionship. People are afraid of being alone, they want the security of knowing that there's someone who's going to be on their side, take care of them, be there to listen to them every time, and someone to confide in. Then people want it to be exclusive because they're territorial, polyamory is complicated, you can have a mature relationship but still feel a little bit unsatisfied about it all when you know that your girlfriend is having sex with her other boyfriend in the next room. Most people are too insecure for that shit. Everyone puts an emphasis on the wedding instead of the actual marriage. If you really think about it, you're practically married when you're living with your boyfriend or girlfriend. The rings and the license are just technicalities, nothing changes after the wedding ceremony, you dont magically change, if you're a cheater you're still going to be one. People make marriage a big deal because they think it's going to actually bind them together forever and it's monogamy from then on, but if you're dating someone and you've made the commitment to be faithful, then you're already basically married.

tl;dr, I know.

[Auals]

Yep. I experienced the same thing due to anxiety stuff. Looking back on it now, the people I dated were actually really good about not messing with me, they could have screwed me up so bad but didn't. (I would self-destruct after a few days usually).

Oh, I was just super lucky in that the girl I was with would stick with me even though I was a bloody mess. We first dated when I was fifteen and somehow that lasted two and a half months. For the most part I was jumping at shadows worried everyone was laughing at me for being pathetic. Every single time was the same. I'm lucky as well in that she didn't mess with me. We dated for 3 and a half months in senior year and I managed to stay normal for 2 and a bit months before I self-destructed which was incredible. I"m rather proud of myself :p

[Nevuk]

Oh, I was just super lucky in that the girl I was with would stick with me even though I was a bloody mess. We first dated when I was fifteen and somehow that lasted two and a half months. For the most part I was jumping at shadows worried everyone was laughing at me for being pathetic. Every single time was the same. I'm lucky as well in that she didn't mess with me. We dated for 3 and a half months in senior year and I managed to stay normal for 2 and a bit months before I self-destructed which was incredible. I"m rather proud of myself :p
I tend to depersonalize to deal with that sort of thing. It worked really well, but the backlash is horrendous as I still feel it all I just display none of it.
The second girl I ever dated told me to never ever do that around someone I was dating, and I thank her for the advice. For me I was 16 before dating anyone, but yeah, similar situation except that she didn't put up with it and we stayed just friends, with my mind going insane the entire time. I got better at dealing with it in college, but I didn't realize until like last year around now that I actually had issues, pretty clearly.

I'm still experimenting around with medication for it (I just have GAD basically), I haven't actually dated anyone since going on it. Just weird, because the one time in my life when I've felt capable of having a sane, stable relationship, there isn't one in view at all.

[Auals]

I tend to depersonalize to deal with that sort of thing. It worked really well, but the backlash is horrendous as I still feel it all I just display none of it.
The second girl I ever dated told me to never ever do that around someone I was dating, and I thank her for the advice. For me I was 16 before dating anyone, but yeah, similar situation except that she didn't put up with it and we stayed just friends, with my mind going insane the entire time. I got better at dealing with it in college, but I didn't realize until like last year around now that I actually had issues, pretty clearly.

I'm still experimenting around with medication for it (I just have GAD basically), I haven't actually dated anyone since going on it. Just weird, because the one time in my life when I've felt capable of having a sane, stable relationship, there isn't one in view at all.

I'm on Lexapro which is just a general Anti-Anxiety medication, it works so well. It's incredible. I've been in a relationship for 8 months, not a single thought or worry that I used to have. My issue was that I obsessed over every little detail, now I don't do that anymore at all. I still get anxious a fair bit, but no panic attacks and I can control myself a lot better.

I depersonalize as a last resort. I keep getting told it's weird but I thought I was strange for having that ability. Kind of like being stone and just not caring at all. Every now and then it feels awesome to have that much control but yeah, I got in a lot of trouble with it as well.

That girl I mentioned before, we dated from 15-18 total time of about a year, and never in that entire time did I think about another person. I thought it was normal but apparently that kind of weird obsessive absolution is not normal :p But yeah, couldn't sleep all of that. In year twelve I started having panic attacks at least once a year which then lent itself to me going to the doctors and getting diagnosed.

I don't know about you but that first day when I had it explained to me was really illuminating. All these little quirks I'd had my entire life (worrying about whether anyone would turn up at school or if I'd be there by myself every morning before school etc) it turns out that they WEREN'T normal like I'd thought, and then realising I didn't have to feel that way anymore. Incredible.

[Waldorf]

I'm on Lexapro which is just a general Anti-Anxiety medication, it works so well. It's incredible. I've been in a relationship for 8 months, not a single thought or worry that I used to have. My issue was that I obsessed over every little detail, now I don't do that anymore at all. I still get anxious a fair bit, but no panic attacks and I can control myself a lot better.

I depersonalize as a last resort. I keep getting told it's weird but I thought I was strange for having that ability. Kind of like being stone and just not caring at all. Every now and then it feels awesome to have that much control but yeah, I got in a lot of trouble with it as well.

That girl I mentioned before, we dated from 15-18 total time of about a year, and never in that entire time did I think about another person. I thought it was normal but apparently that kind of weird obsessive absolution is not normal :p But yeah, couldn't sleep all of that. In year twelve I started having panic attacks at least once a year which then lent itself to me going to the doctors and getting diagnosed.

I don't know about you but that first day when I had it explained to me was really illuminating. All these little quirks I'd had my entire life (worrying about whether anyone would turn up at school or if I'd be there by myself every morning before school etc) it turns out that they WEREN'T normal like I'd thought, and then realising I didn't have to feel that way anymore. Incredible.
That's truly, actually awesome man. The whole story.

Not kidding around or being sarcastic, by the way.

[Nevuk]

I'm on Lexapro which is just a general Anti-Anxiety medication, it works so well. It's incredible. I've been in a relationship for 8 months, not a single thought or worry that I used to have. My issue was that I obsessed over every little detail, now I don't do that anymore at all. I still get anxious a fair bit, but no panic attacks and I can control myself a lot better.

I depersonalize as a last resort. I keep getting told it's weird but I thought I was strange for having that ability. Kind of like being stone and just not caring at all. Every now and then it feels awesome to have that much control but yeah, I got in a lot of trouble with it as well.

That girl I mentioned before, we dated from 15-18 total time of about a year, and never in that entire time did I think about another person. I thought it was normal but apparently that kind of weird obsessive absolution is not normal :p But yeah, couldn't sleep all of that. In year twelve I started having panic attacks at least once a year which then lent itself to me going to the doctors and getting diagnosed.

I don't know about you but that first day when I had it explained to me was really illuminating. All these little quirks I'd had my entire life (worrying about whether anyone would turn up at school or if I'd be there by myself every morning before school etc) it turns out that they WEREN'T normal like I'd thought, and then realising I didn't have to feel that way anymore. Incredible.
Yeah, pretty much exactly on all of that. I went for a bit longer than you did, probably because I was really, really good about depersonalization and blocked everything out all the time for months sometimes. It just hurt so much whenever I had to stop and feel...

My panic attacks actually started around the same time (if you mean 12th year of school?). Just walked in the cafeteria one day and lost it. I couldn't focus on anything, and my mind get obsessively snapping in random directions. I got my food, sat down to eat, and couldn't. I had 0 appetite, etc. I couldn't take it and just got up and walked out of the school, drove off. Tried to calm down. Don't remember the rest of the day. Too much anxiety apparently prevents me from eating, it took me another two years after that to get diagnosed. (They're more anxiety attacks than panic attacks, really. I get them 2-4 times a day off medication, on it's about once a week. Just really intense floods of adrenaline with no focus. Happens mostly in public settings/crowds or when I'm trying to sleep/alone)

Currently I'm on buspar (/buspirone), i've been on hydroxyzine and have tried duloxetine. The buspar works really well but it feels like they have me on the wrong dose - taking it twice a day, like for 4 hours after taking it it's over the top strong, but it fades out well in advance of the next dose.

And yeah, I tended to get obsessive in that same way about people, but I disliked it and wished I wasn't like that.

[jaggedxpulse]

Oh I definitely would prefer to be in a relationship, and for the exact reasons you mentioned. I want that type of intimate relationship where I can confide in someone and tell them anything. And I have found girls like that on a few occasions in my life. They are the ones I always end up getting close with, letting my guard down. Things usually go well for a while and it always seems like i'm finally about to have something special, but then they always start to pull away/ go for some douchebag who just wants to get in their pants/ play games etc.

It's very weird when every girl you trust end up stabbing you in the back...really makes one wary of committment. I'm not really saying that I don't see the point in being in a close relationship, just wondering if pursuing them is worth when they seem to be so detrimental to my personal life?



Its not that I enjoy fucking random girls, To be honest I find it very unfulfilling and boring. I really only do it because its the only way I've been able to get any sort of intimacy, I would much rather be in a steady relationship. As for the caring, I've found multiple people that I do care about enough to go through everything together with, but they never seem to care enough to do the same for me. I feel like they get close to me, use me up for a while making me think there's a chance and then as soon as things get serious they freak out and move on. Do I just go for the wrong types of chicks, or do all girls constantly fuck with guys' emotions without any regard to the effects that has on a person? (ok maybe that's a stupid question.....)
i have huge, huge trust issues. i usually dont trust anyone, and i rarely open up to anyone. so when i started dating my best friend, i was like, okay great, this will work out great i can trust him with everything. but then i let my guard down, being my stupid self, and got completely screwed over. long story short, now our five year friendship is over, hes changed his number, accounts etc etc, and i havent talked to him in a month.
obviously im not a good person to give advice, but maybe just guard your heart a little more.

[Fullblast]

You get have alot of crazy sex. I know that's how I feel about it.

[takemyhand]

u want to be in a committed relationship because you want a person to cuddle with and buy you presents. not just to have sex with and leave.

[Fullblast]

u want to be in a committed relationship because you want a person to cuddle with and buy you presents. not just to have sex with and leave.
Isn't that what it is all about? The sex?

[takemyhand]

Isn't that what it is all about? The sex?

if you're annoying yeah. like it gets boring and you want actually love. so with a relationship you get love and sex. so it's a duh.

[Kassie09]

If it's all about sex, it'll never last. That'd be retarded.

Yes, relationships based on sex are not real and are stupid. imo.

[Waldorf]

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[Fullblast]

5E0Go5QcI8k
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[Waldorf]

GeEuFWLt3WU
7WwaPv1rZiQ

[Fullblast]

7WwaPv1rZiQ
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[SonEric84]

I'd love to be in a relationship with one person for the rest of my life...but all I ever seem to get are games. In fact, most of the time I get screwed over before I even get to the actual relationship part.

[Auals]

That's truly, actually awesome man. The whole story.

Not kidding around or being sarcastic, by the way.

I'll be honest, when I saw you'd quoted me I was shit worried you were going to laugh at me and call me pathetic :p But thanks.

Yeah, pretty much exactly on all of that. I went for a bit longer than you did, probably because I was really, really good about depersonalization and blocked everything out all the time for months sometimes. It just hurt so much whenever I had to stop and feel...

That I understand. I think that's why I didn't do that at all.

My panic attacks actually started around the same time (if you mean 12th year of school?). Just walked in the cafeteria one day and lost it. I couldn't focus on anything, and my mind get obsessively snapping in random directions. I got my food, sat down to eat, and couldn't. I had 0 appetite, etc. I couldn't take it and just got up and walked out of the school, drove off. Tried to calm down. Don't remember the rest of the day. Too much anxiety apparently prevents me from eating, it took me another two years after that to get diagnosed. (They're more anxiety attacks than panic attacks, really. I get them 2-4 times a day off medication, on it's about once a week. Just really intense floods of adrenaline with no focus. Happens mostly in public settings/crowds or when I'm trying to sleep/alone)
I get the same thing. I never ate because I was thoroughly depressed due to the relationship. And yeah 12th year of school, Senior year. My anxiety is better now, I stopped taking them for a while (doctors orders) and my anxiety came back with a vengeance. I stopped being able to sleep and everything but I didn't have any attacks. Just a constant state of worry like before.

Currently I'm on buspar (/buspirone), i've been on hydroxyzine and have tried duloxetine. The buspar works really well but it feels like they have me on the wrong dose - taking it twice a day, like for 4 hours after taking it it's over the top strong, but it fades out well in advance of the next dose.
Wow, that's a fair bit. How long have you been on that for?

And yeah, I tended to get obsessive in that same way about people, but I disliked it and wished I wasn't like that.
Oh I hated it as well. It's a horribel feeling to be almost completely dependent on someone like that. I hate it. Now though it's a lot easier, I can let things go much easier. Mind you, I saw a psychologist for 6/7 months as well to help me deal with it.

[Waldorf]

I'll be honest, when I saw you'd quoted me I was shit worried you were going to laugh at me and call me pathetic :p But thanks.
Yeah that's why I figured I needed a disclaimer haha. But it's really incredible I mean, the way our brains can get messed up like that and we don't even know and then you're able to overcome it just like that.

[Auals]

Yeah that's why I figured I needed a disclaimer haha. But it's really incredible I mean, the way our brains can get messed up like that and we don't even know and then you're able to overcome it just like that.

Thank you. Personally I find it incredibly interesting as well. If it weren't for the band I'm working on so hard at the moment, I'd be doing Psychology at University.

[x13looDx]

random hookups with girls who have no personality =/= emotionally satisfying

What's an emotionally satisfying

[limepomegranate]

I mean I see lots of happy couples everywhere, but my personal experiences contradict everything I've seen.

Me when single and focused on myself= Happy, lots of positive supportive friendships with girls and guys, focused on my career goals and ambitions, and to top it of I have no trouble hooking up with attractive girls with minimal effort.

Me when I find that rare girl who I consider "girlfriend material"= obsessive, depressed, and distant from my friends. And after 20 years ( which is admittedly not THAT long, so maybe I just need to keep waiting...) I just don't see the point anymore. EVERY time I start to open up to a girl and hint that I want something serious and think..okay its enough of the single life, time to really go for this girl...she ends up fucking me over and sending me into a state of depression that usually lasts a couple of months. At this end of this period I return to the mindset that I shouldn't focus on anyone else besides myself, and then I start to not care about relationships anymore, and everything is fine. This usually lasts for a while, until I meet another "special" girl and the cycle starts all over again. This has been going on since I was a freshman in highschool, I'm now a junior in college.

Now, obviously my experiences don't mirror everyone elses so I can't make any sort of all encompassing statement....but at this point..it seems to me that at least personally I would really benefit from just not "falling"for girls, and just staying single. I've never really seen any logical benefits of marriage besides the fact that its what you're expected to do. I guess I sort of crave that romantic intimacy that's usually portrayed...but maybe because that idea is constantly force feed down our throats?

I'd like to hear other people's opinions, because at the moment I really can't see any reason why I should continue to look for deep emotional connection from girls when all they seem to want is a jerk who will fuck them...which although it isn't who i want to be.....is something I'm capable of doing.

/somewhat drunken emo rant from someone who was stupid enough to fall in love with a crazy bitch.....again.
This is going to sound so repetitive because i'm sure many people have told you this already but you'll find someone once you've stopped looking. That being said maybe you shouldn't date the same kind of chicks as you usually do because it sounds like they keep fucking you over. Coming from personal experience obsessed, depressed, an distant from your friends is NOT good girlfriend material (or boyfriend material). Those types of people are accidents waiting to happen. You can't love someone until you love yourself and are happy. Try dating someone who's the exact opposite of who you normally date.

[ohheroine]

there are so many great things about being in a committed relationship with a person you love. i love my boyfriend and everything he does for me and the things i get to do and experience with him. we've only been together for 15 months and he has become the best friend ive ever had.