Love is a syndrome and our kisses are mechanical; Rise, Fall, Repeat.

[xsxarexsoxscene]

Welcome to the Fun House,
where plastered smiles are the status quo
Cracked mirrors line the halls and mock your appearance
The porcelain ivory-skinned doll reflects Beautiful in the mirror
but a picture spider-webs the (self) Image.
Won't you look through the distorted lens?
Metal rods await your humiliation as you slip and slide and try not to break(down)
Rusty handlebars look more poisonous than skinned knees
Mechanical kisses from mechanical toys are your only solace
Affection granted by the reaching out of ghouls
Teary-eyed innocence pulled down by each moving room
Take your chances.
Dizzy yourself in the swirling device
Doll-lashes fluttering from pain and confusion
The exit doors are locked, take a stab at claustrophobia
Plunge down the dark slide, feeling out in the darkness
Hold your breath and hope for freedom
Welcome to the Fun House.

-tell me what you think?-

[FScott]

I think its good

[ben pequeno]

hahaha ******.

[iHATEapril]

hahaha ******.

I like you so much.

[ben pequeno]

I like you so much. go out with me then.

[iHATEapril]

go out with me then.

Done. My girlfriend will be madddd.

[ben pequeno]

Done. My girlfriend will be madddd. it's ok, just tell her i'm ben fucking pequeno

[xsxarexsoxscene]

I think its good thanks :) i just got back into writing like a month ago, so i'm not expecting to be amazing or anything.

[matt_rawlings]

The name of this song is one of the worst song titles I have ever seen in this forum.

The song itself is alright

[OveriseFan]

The name of this song is one of the worst song titles I have ever seen in this forum.

The song itself is alright

I kinda liked it :(

[xsxarexsoxscene]

The name of this song is one of the worst song titles I have ever seen in this forum.

The song itself is alrightits not actually a song, its a poem. but haha im sorry you didnt like the title, im into random titles. i have one thats titled 'i'm a doll and i'm going to steal your bike'. thank you for sharing your opinion though!

[xsxarexsoxscene]

I kinda liked it :( thanks ^.^

[a speedo model]

not bad.

[OveriseFan]

its not actually a song, its a poem. but haha im sorry you didnt like the title, im into random titles. i have one thats titled 'i'm a doll and i'm going to steal your bike'. thank you for sharing your opinion though!

Then I hate it.

A title should have relevence, even if it's a "cool" or "long" title.

[wyverna]

I liked it. I get the feeling it's missing something though.

[iHATEapril]

The poem itself is mechanical and overdone, it doesn't express emotion or horror to me, Your descriptions are vivid, but have been used countless times before. The potential is there, but you must develop past where you are discriptively.

[xsxarexsoxscene]

The poem itself is mechanical and overdone, it doesn't express emotion or horror to me, Your descriptions are vivid, but have been used countless times before. The potential is there, but you must develop past where you are discriptively. thank you - thats the only helpful criticism ive heard. im more of a description person, so its hard for me to express plot and emotion very well and all that. but i'll re-write this and try to include more emotion.