Silent Hallways

[aCe_]

Slipping down the hallway
The children make haste
Looking ahead they find the day
Eagerly waiting for the taste

The taste of another summer
Of running without thought
No worries just the runner
Finding themselves and all they've sought

Wanting a taste of age
Eagerly waiting to grow
To escape the innocence and their cage
Only wanting to know

Leaving behind silent hallways
Empty classrooms with no chalk
Staring out into the coming days
The children mustn't run but walk


...?

[a speedo model]

i like it. you stick to the rhyming pattern without it sounding forced or cliche, good job. :)

[aCe_]

i like it. you stick to the rhyming pattern without it sounding forced or cliche, good job. :)Thanks. Need more feedback though.

[Blake Solomon]

I think this is well-written. The rhyming is well-done, it is not overpowering. I think the topic is a bit overdone, but I def. understand and agree with what you are trying to say. Nice work.

[aCe_]

I think this is well-written. The rhyming is well-done, it is not overpowering. I think the topic is a bit overdone, but I def. understand and agree with what you are trying to say. Nice work.Thanks, what do you mean about the topic?

[Blake Solomon]

The whole child to adult theme. It just seems to me like ive read these lyrics in tons of other places, that being said, you still write well-enough that I read the whole thing and could take something new from it.

[aCe_]

The whole child to adult theme. It just seems to me like ive read these lyrics in tons of other places, that being said, you still write well-enough that I read the whole thing and could take something new from it.Yeah, I see where you're coming from and agree. It's weird though how I get started on a poem. I kind of make it up as I go. That being said, thanks for the feedback :)

[Blake Solomon]

Yeah, I never plan in advance either, story of my life. I think im going to have to start planning though, so my poems (and life) actually make sense

[aCe_]

Yeah, I never plan in advance either, story of my life. I think im going to have to start planning though, so my poems (and life) actually make senseThat's it exactly. Nothing's planned, it just happens. I usually think of the title first then go from there. I took everyone's advice and listend to Death Cab for Cutie (love them) and this is what I came up with.

[aCe_]

Should I make these poems longer?