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TheProsAndCons
12/12/09, 03:11 PM
Well, see me on your depature my dear
It's not for fun
You're not that wonderful-ly dead
Well, I suppose you're a modern favorite
Loose ends goodbye,
Thank you very much rehab savior
The savior bites, the bites back!

Take a bow
You're such a Van-Gogh
Yeah, yeah, no!
I'll ask the question
Ask the question
You're wrong

Take a bow
You're such a Van-Gogh
Yeah, yeah, no!
I'll ask the question
Ask the question
You're wrong

You're so formal, You're so empty, You're so over
You're so formal, You're so empty, Don't you know you're wrong?
Pull a king k, you say joker
King k, joker, King k, joker

Well, you can't win it
But you can lose it with some grace
No shining knight, shining knight
(Got news for you)
A bow-tie held firm in your hand
Ladies and gentlemen the master goes on although he's mental again
Strangers are very strange
Hiding in bushes and waiting
"Shoot me"
(Got news for you)

Take a bow
You're such a Van-Gogh
Yeah, yeah, no!
I'll ask the question
Ask the question
You're wrong

Take a bow
You're such a Van-Gogh
Yeah, yeah, no!
I'll ask the question
Ask the question
You're wrong

There's nothing you can say "...Includes something"
Something....
There's nothing
There's nothing
You can say
You can say
You can say "...Includes something"

Strangers are very strange, baby
Strangers are very strange
Strangers are very strange, baby
Strangers are very strange

You're so formal, You're so empty, You're so over
You're so formal, You're so empty, Don't you know you're wrong?
Pull a king k, you say joker
King k, joker, King k, joker

Strangers are very strange
Hiding in bushes and strangers are very strange
Strangers are very strange
Hiding in bushes and strangers are very strange
"shoot me"

ElephantGun
12/12/09, 07:42 PM
The one thing I think lots of song writers need to do, and I am by no means professional; this is just a matter of opinion. I think they need to shorten and simplify. A lot of the times, an ametuer piece can be identified because it is really broad but rambley. If you take your most beautiful lyrics and createe a summary, you can make a more memorable song. Don't get me wrong though, lots of artists can pull off novel length songs.

Now I shall read your lyrics.

yes it applies to what i said above. I do however think you have lyrical potential. Some very inovative ideas which separate your song from others. I am so used to reading the same lyrics. This does stand out. If you have great lyrics like this, separate the best lyrics from the great ones, and you have got yourself a great song.


nice work.
cheers
x