let me know what you think

[DreamingGallow]

how long do you expect, me to keep keep this cape on?
I can only be super until the end of this song..
and at the end of this verse, im looking at the sky.
Because I do have a weakness, but its not kryptonite.
im doing my best to show you affection,
you can wear all my lies, keep them close for your protection,
but what ever you do dont make me tell the truth because im afraid of my weakness and what it might do..

i posted this earlier in the wrong forum...lol Ooops.. rate out of 5 and give feed back please..

[Akissforher]

4/5

i like this, its kinda cheesy but i like it, especially

'im doing my best to show you affection,
you can wear all my lies, keep them close for your protection,
'

[xmy.only.exitx]

it was OKAY. so 2.5/5
especially the last line felt like you were in a mad mad hurry to finish off. i like the first line but dislike your use of punctuation:what do two dots after a line mean? i know its not an ellipse (...).

[DreamingGallow]

Ooo yeh ur right i was heading out so i just finished it. but the two dots is just how i type. i do it in text messages too.. I duno y i do it.. i guess i should keep it out of my writing. Do u guys have any tips or anything? i just started getting into writing poetry and i really want to eventually be able to write songs that express what im trying to say.

[Akissforher]

Ooo yeh ur right i was heading out so i just finished it. but the two dots is just how i type. i do it in text messages too.. I duno y i do it.. i guess i should keep it out of my writing. Do u guys have any tips or anything? i just started getting into writing poetry and i really want to eventually be able to write songs that express what im trying to say.

well when i started writing mine was very formulated and cliche'd and well still is, just took out the rhyming scheme really. honestly i think whatever you feel is best, writing personal songs is my sort of thing and i think yours will be too.