Stream of consciousness. Critiques? Tell me what you think please.

[syntax omitted]

…Disappear like the morning…
...Like starlight into day…
Disappear like the morning…
…Like starlight into day.

Kiss her lips, bless her texture. She is golden, she is night. She is sleep and the dreams I feel as clouds pass between my brain and ears. She is the rain that falls from those clouds. A moat is made between the two; but no bridge is built and she floods my head with her purified ocean.

Oh the colors of the night; dark blue and stars white.
Dark blue and stars white
Dark blue and stars white.
I’m saved. I’m saved. I’m saved.

I long for sleep.
Sleep: fading sounds of the green world into the indigo. Comfort blankets over one into the ocean and breathes one in along with warmth and a distant red flame; in sleep. The only very moment of drifting life colliding with healing life, a paradox of sorts; in sleep.
Beyond a rooftop, my shell is left behind as my sleep wanders into the stars; in sleep.
I follow light piercing through the ceiling of the universe and enter a deeper sea.

Perhaps the universe is part of a bigger sea
That holds millions of other universes.
And we are just a seashell on the sandy floor.
There is a sea holding that sea that holds the universe.
There is a sea holding that sea that holds the sea that holds this universe.
And so on and so forth.
It goes on endlessly.

Dear God, I am small. I am small and yet I feel so large, so important and magnificent tonight. I am a dragon of the sea; I am a burning sun as I provide warmth and comfort to others as they rest their bodies down in bed. And as I heat the world, I realize that it is time for me to sleep as well.
I long for sleep.
I long for sleep.
I slip away into the blackness of the ocean of the universe.
Silence and goodnight.
I disappear like the morning...
…Like starlight into day.
Disappear like the morning...
...Like starlight into day.

[syntax omitted]

Sorry to be that guy but I really would like some criticism or any comment in fact. So please..?

[drpepper09]

i enjoy the beginning and ending creating a loop that make it full. to be honest i didnt know what was up with the first verse until i read the ending, but everything clicks, nice. That also adds to your theme of endless cycles.

I really liked the line "There is a sea holding that sea that holds the universe./ There is a sea holding that sea that holds the sea that holds this universe." Really adds to the stream of conscious idea and also sounds awesome, hah.

I had a problem with this part "She is sleep and the dreams I feel as clouds pass between my brain and ears. She is the rain that falls from those clouds. A moat is made between the two; but no bridge is built and she floods my head with her purified ocean." I guess in a stream of conciousness it doesnt have to make sense, but i have no idea what was going on.

Hope this helps, i enjoyed it! =]

[julietelizabeth]

I loved it. That's exactly the kind of thing I love to read but can't ever pull off myself. I loved that the beginning was the end and that it created a circle. It sounded like the kind of thing that comes at the start of a weird film or song.
Yeah, I loved it. Beautiful imagery.

[p0isonedgames]

The problem with stream of consciousness writing is that no one really thinks coherently unless they're trying to focus on something. So some of it is good, but when you start using extended metaphors and long sentences, it looses it's authenticity.

I really liked "fading sounds of the green world into the indigo"