Would a guy say...

[bstthngunvrhd7]

To contact him and not mean it?

Thoughts please--I'll give specifics if necessary.

[Deadbolt23]

I wouldn't. But a guy might. I assume the stereotype is steeped in truth.

[terror_91]

I don't really understand. Probably need some more specifics.

[tottivillarossi]

To contact him and not mean it?

Thoughts please--I'll give specifics if necessary.
What exactly did he say? The specifics are crucial.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Here's the story:

This guy I've been talking to and hanging out with for the past three or so months invited me over to his dad's place last weekend (he's 23 like me so it's not like he's younger but his dad is out of town for two weeks and he has the free reign over the house until he comes back). I go over (it was after midnight) and we hang out in the kitchen while he ate and then he's like 'do you wanna watch a movie' so we go into the basement/family room deal and i pick out a movie and we settle in on the couch-recliner thing and he pretty much conks out right away after the movie starts so i'm thinking 'great i'm gonna be here by myself' but then we started cuddling/snuggling and it was great, so he gets up (the movie played like about 1 & 1/2 times so we were on the couch for a bit) and is like 'i'm gonna go stretch out on my bed in my room because it's more comfortable if you'd like to join me' so i do so we cuddled/snuggled some more.
nothing happened like that, he was really sweet and would rub my arms and legs and we'd hold hands and i'd rub his arms and back, but i *think* he did want something to happen because we were in bed and he asked if i was already asleep and i said 'yeah' and he was like 'oh' and then another time he was cuddling me and i felt his lips on my cheek and i soo wanted kiss him but i didn't know how far it would go and i didn't think i could stop myself otherwise.
but it was really sweet and he asked how i slept and if my parents knew where i was (I still live at home) and we just sat in his room and talked for a bit. as i was getting ready to leave, i told him that if i had been awkward or anything it was because i had never spent the night with a guy before so i was sorry and he was all 'there's a first time for everything..you gotta start somewhere' so at least he wasn't douchy about that and i left and he hugged me and told me to contact him later on.
So I did later on that day and then a couple of days later to see how is week was going. I wasn't going to text him again but my friend wanted me to see if he'd join us when we went to this bar yesterday. And then my friend drunk texted him on NYE but she said it was her and that she took my phone.

[tottivillarossi]

Wow, I'd contact him. Seriously. He spent the night cuddling you, without lunging in for the kiss; he's either gay or into you.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Wow, I'd contact him. Seriously. He spent the night cuddling you, without lunging in for the kiss; he's either gay or into you.

I've been trying to but I don't want to be an overload.

I really like him and as far as we know we are only friends but when we were hanging out last he's all 'we've had some good times together' and whatnot and talks about future plans with me like going ice skating or me coming to his shows or going to the mall but he's trying to move out so I'm presuming he's busy with that but I don't understand why he would tell me to contact him and not return the favor.

[lauren1234]

Contact him. If you spent the night with him and he respected you enough not to pull any moves he's definitely in to you.

[Nick Hull]

I've been trying to but I don't want to be an overload.

I really like him and as far as we know we are only friends but when we were hanging out last he's all 'we've had some good times together' and whatnot and talks about future plans with me like going ice skating or me coming to his shows or going to the mall but he's trying to move out so I'm presuming he's busy with that but I don't understand why he would tell me to contact him and not return the favor.
Guys don't really have a friend zone. If he finds you attractive, he wants to date you.

[whiterussian]

Guys don't really have a friend zone. If he finds you attractive, he wants to date you.

This is true.

just to be a smartass:


pics or didn't happen

[bstthngunvrhd7]

This is true.

just to be a smartass:


pics or didn't happen


And to be a smartass right back lol I think I look like Natalie, the prime minister's secretary from "Love Actually' & he looks like a Jim Sturgess (the guy from 'Across the Universe')/Ashton Kutcher/Aaron Carter cross breed.

[whiterussian]

And to be a smartass right back lol I think I look like Natalie, the prime minister's secretary from "Love Actually' & he looks like a Jim Sturgess (the guy from 'Across the Universe')/Ashton Kutcher/Aaron Carter cross breed.

I'm not even trying to picture the dude, but your description of yourself is alluring.

and I just read the New Year hookup thread. you're popular here lol.
too bad mr. cross breed didn't get the first kissaroni.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Contact him. If you spent the night with him and he respected you enough not to pull any moves he's definitely in to you.

That's what I was thinking that he was respectful and nice so either he didn't want things to go further or didn't know how it'd pan out or that he wanted to wait and be a gentleman about it. It just hurts that thus far he hasn't gotten back to me :/

[4N6 science]

contact him. Seems like an alright dude he can spend the night cuddling and didn't get anything further.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I'm not even trying to picture the dude, but your description of yourself is alluring.
well that's what I fancy myself to look like lol, but one time my mom said I looked like Pete Wentz because I had a hoodie on and my hair fell all bang-like like his lol. But I generally get told that I look like the girl from the movie 'Prancer' which is not a compliment in my book because I think it's an awful movie.

and I just read the New Year hookup thread. you're popular here lol.
too bad mr. cross breed didn't get the first kissaroni.
My thoughts exactly...but wow, I'm popular somewhere? That's awesome!

[warstory]

He hasn't gotten back to you yet?
Look I have a best friend who goes through through this shit all the time. It's the same shit every time and she always makes excuses for it.

If you have made a few attempts to get in touch with him and he hasn't responded then there's probably a reason for that.
Even Ryan Seacrest has time to buttsecks people and surely he is far more busy than the guy you're trying to get with. If he were really concerned about being in touch with you then he would be

ETA: This sounds harsh :( unintentional!
All I'm really trying to say is find someone who is worth your time because you deserve it

[lauren1234]

That's what I was thinking that he was respectful and nice so either he didn't want things to go further or didn't know how it'd pan out or that he wanted to wait and be a gentleman about it. It just hurts that thus far he hasn't gotten back to me :/
Maybe something came up and he hasn't had time to get back to you. If you already contacted him a few times I would say it's his turn to return your calls. If he really wants something to come of this he will get back to you.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

He hasn't gotten back to you yet?
Look I have a best friend who goes through through this shit all the time. It's the same shit every time and she always makes excuses for it.

If you have made a few attempts to get in touch with him and he hasn't responded then there's probably a reason for that.
Even Ryan Seacrest has time to buttsecks people and surely he is far more busy than the guy you're trying to get with. If he were really concerned about being in touch with you then he would be

ETA: This sounds harsh :( unintentional!
All I'm really trying to say is find someone who is worth your time because you deserve it


Well it's 11 a.m. and I'm at work and I can't have my phone on (it's a really really slow day that's why I'm able to be on here) so I'm doubting he has.
And I know that you are trying to be truthful, believe me I'd rather have someone be truthful with me than sugarcoat it. One of my guy friends has already ran the gamut of reasons he didn't get back to me ranging from the fact he may have lost his phone to he's just not that into you.
It's just I really enjoy hanging out with him and being around him: he's really fun and nice and we have fun doing the simplest things.
At the least, I would like to be his friend but I'm not gonna lie and say that I don't want to be his girlfriend because I totally do and I'm willing to work at being in a relationship with him.
It's just no guy ever picks me and he did for some reason and I felt beautiful and special and pretty when I was cuddling with him and I'd hate to lose that feeling as well as being with him in whatever fashion.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Maybe something came up and he hasn't had time to get back to you. If you already contacted him a few times I would say it's his turn to return your calls. If he really wants something to come of this he will get back to you.

My fear is that he'll never get back in touch with me and just forget about me :/

[Jennurna Gray]

And to be a smartass right back lol I think I look like Natalie, the prime minister's secretary from "Love Actually' & he looks like a Jim Sturgess (the guy from 'Across the Universe')/Ashton Kutcher/Aaron Carter cross breed.
Jim Sturgess and Ashton Kutcher are hotties, Aaron Carter is alright, but this crossbreed of your's sounds yummylicious.
I don't have the type of restraint you do, if someone is on my mind they are getting a text. I tend to be the annoying type, but guys love me so I don't see a problem ;]
But yeah, I'd keep trying because, like these guys said, if he spent all night with you, just cuddling, then he's got self control. He's probably busy or nervous.

[lauren1234]

My fear is that he'll never get back in touch with me and just forget about me :/
Hmm, I would still say don't contact him for a little while and then do so one more time. If he doesn't call you back before you call him again or answer/call you back when you call him then I would say just forget about him. I know it sucks but I don't think it's worth the time if he isn't going to make an effort to at least call you back.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Jim Sturgess and Ashton Kutcher are hotties, Aaron Carter is alright, but this crossbreed of your's sounds yummylicious.
I don't have the type of restraint you do, if someone is on my mind they are getting a text. I tend to be the annoying type, but guys love me so I don't see a problem ;]
But yeah, I'd keep trying because, like these guys said, if he spent all night with you, just cuddling, then he's got self control. He's probably busy or nervous.

Well my friend said he looked like Aaron Carter after she was watching the 'Aaron's Party (Come and Get it)' video during her YouTube funtime. But yes, he (the dude) is quite yummy =) and is even more beauiful when he's sleeping and his hair barely even got messed up while mine looked like a hot mess.

It'll be two days since I texted him this afternoon (I don't count my friend taking my phone and texting him on NYE to count and she said it was her and that she stole my phone) so I"m thinking of holding out another day or so.

It's just I reallyreallyreallyreally like him and I don't want him to not like me anymore.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Hmm, I would still say don't contact him for a little while and then do so one more time. If he doesn't call you back before you call him again or answer/call you back when you call him then I would say just forget about him. I know it sucks but I don't think it's worth the time if he isn't going to make an effort to at least call you back.

I just fear that I won't find someone that I like as much as him or that any other guy will be nice to me like he has outside of my guy friends. I also fear that if I did find a guy that I liked and perhaps me and this new guy dated that he'd come back into my life and I'd hav e to chose.

[WhatJulianSaid]

honestly I'm not gonna lie about this I've screwed a fair share of girls in the past who liked me just for the attention and to try to get somewhere while feeling too guilty about it so half of the time I didn't go through with it but my input is he may have been that nice about everything but only because he knew you were a sweet girl so he didn't mind trying to get some with you because it wouldn't be as hard as with someone who's some kind of absolute diva or a spiteful b*tch... you seem like a really sweet girl and definitely don't deserve to be treated that way he might have felt bad about trying to get with you and he wouldn't have done anything that bad because he wouldn't want it to interfere with your friendship obviously but after it was over he probably just realized what was I thinking? I could've screwed things up... that's just my take on the situation he probably also felt weird because you said you never have slept with a guy so he may get this prude feeling like once I accidentally hooked up with a girl who was pretty but somehow had never been kissed and instantly she said she loved me and asked me out needless to say I felt horrible carrying her home while she was crying in the cold I even apologized but I'll still always feel bad... I've also almost hooked up with my friends who are girls one time or another knowing they may like me but stopped myself so it never went that far because it would screw everything up. It's really easy to play girls for guys and sadly it's how a lot of girls fall victim to horrible jerks who break their heart and make them go tegan and sara in the first place just go on with your life and don't worry about him see other guys and furthur your career but if he decides to contact you again maybe he really genuinely cared, if he does you have to explain how you feel to him before you continue seeing him otherwise it'll never get settled

[josepablo32]

To contact him and not mean it?

Thoughts please--I'll give specifics if necessary.

You should watch He's Just Not That Into You. It might help you.

[argg_xo]

He looks like Jim Sturgess and you like Chad Linus, this relationship is a must!

[TheByrus]

Contact him. If you spent the night with him and he respected you enough not to pull any moves he's definitely in to you.

This, except opposite.

[Jennurna Gray]

Well my friend said he looked like Aaron Carter after she was watching the 'Aaron's Party (Come and Get it)' video during her YouTube funtime. But yes, he (the dude) is quite yummy =) and is even more beauiful when he's sleeping and his hair barely even got messed up while mine looked like a hot mess.

It'll be two days since I texted him this afternoon (I don't count my friend taking my phone and texting him on NYE to count and she said it was her and that she stole my phone) so I"m thinking of holding out another day or so.

It's just I reallyreallyreallyreally like him and I don't want him to not like me anymore.
Unless you text him evryday or multiple times during the day, I think you're fine, sweetheart. :)

[Hamlet]

I just fear that I won't find someone that I like as much as him or that any other guy will be nice to me like he has outside of my guy friends. I also fear that if I did find a guy that I liked and perhaps me and this new guy dated that he'd come back into my life and I'd hav e to chose.

You know, he could be freaked out about this as much as you are. I think he definitely wants you but is too scared to make a move.

I know the guy is supposed to make the move etc blah blah gender roles etc, but life is really too short to be waiting around for a guy you really like to call you.

If you want something, go and get it.

[everyonesfault]

Are you sure you're 23 and not 13?

[barkingincision]

Are you sure you're 23 and not 13?
bing

[DCD08]

just from past experiences i'm gonna go ahead and say he's trying to play you and that he just wants some action lol.


and no i don't mean "past experiences" like i'm a gay. i used to pull this move plenty of times.

[rhinitus]

I just fear that I won't find someone that I like as much as him or that any other guy will be nice to me like he has outside of my guy friends. I also fear that if I did find a guy that I liked and perhaps me and this new guy dated that he'd come back into my life and I'd hav e to chose.

maybe he can feel that? i don't know how to put this delicately...but if you're 23 and you just spend a night with a dude for the first time, didn't do anything, and are already talking about not finding anyone you like as much as him. - you're probably going to scare him off. just let things happen...don't put too much pressure on any of this. at this point, your relationship with him is classified as "hanging out" - at best. hope that helps at least a little

[Deadbolt23]

Stop contacting him. If you've text him more than once, and he's not got back to you, then stop.

I don't think he's into you. All them people saying 'Oh, he didn't do anything? He must really like you' are wrong. The guy likes you as a friend. Honestly, if he liked you that much he would've kissed you. That wouldn't be disrespecting you, but it would be kissing you, which he'd want to do if he liked you.

Just my opinion. I hope I'm wrong and he texts you back and you get married.

[zion the lion]

I'm not a guy, but I'm prone to getting played by guys a lot, and maybe he's playing you a little bit. Dont get me wrong, I'm totally rooting for you, I want you to get married to this guy and then have some babies possibly name one after me but definitely dont try to contact him anymore, let him do the trying for a little while.

[Trioxide]

He may have told you to contact him just to be polite. If he was really into you he would have made contact already, especially if you have made attempts to.

Dont try to make any contact and see how long it takes him to contact you back... it may be never but thats just the risk you may have to take.

[ascitiesburn101]

I've said it to get an annoying girl to stop talking. But I then say it again whenever they "contact me" next.

[terror_91]

Time to leave it. If he doesn't call back, he doesn't call back. I don't think it will look good if you keep texting. Do you know anyone who is friends with him who could maybe find out something?

[phil19]

pretty sure this dude's keen. make sure you smooch next time

[bstthngunvrhd7]

You should watch He's Just Not That Into You. It might help you.

I have and its a pretty stupid movie that made me feel worthless. And you sound just like my guy friend who I swear gets money for promoting the movie because he fricking brings it up every time he and I talk about guys.

[josepablo32]

I have and its a pretty stupid movie that made me feel worthless. And you sound just like my guy friend who I swear gets money for promoting the movie because he fricking brings it up every time he and I talk about guys.

Sorry, I just said that because I saw it a couple of days ago.

[phil19]

I have and its a pretty stupid movie that made me feel worthless. And you sound just like my guy friend who I swear gets money for promoting the movie because he fricking brings it up every time he and I talk about guys.

i thought that movie was awesome

[bstthngunvrhd7]

i thought that movie was awesome

Watch it as a girl who seems to be a habitual sign misreader or is mislead by guys and then you'll have a different viewpoint.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Sorry, I just said that because I saw it a couple of days ago.

Oh no I didn't mean it like that it's just it's not one of my favorite movies even though it seems to speak the truth--I'm just not in a good mood right now, sorry if I took it out on you :/

[bstthngunvrhd7]

pretty sure this dude's keen. make sure you smooch next time


Then why is he doing this and playing games? It's not cool.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Time to leave it. If he doesn't call back, he doesn't call back. I don't think it will look good if you keep texting. Do you know anyone who is friends with him who could maybe find out something?

I mean I talk to his bestie when we hang out and he and I are cool but I don't want to involve him unless a month goes by and he doesn't get back to me. And the dude that I like doesn't seem to like my friends (or the ones that he's met) so that's not gonna work but my one friend has his bestie's phone number and could call him I guess. I just don't want to get his friend involved and he and I have already had this convo (his friend and I) that if he didn't ever want to answer any of my questions about him, that he didn't have to and he seemed cool with it.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

This, except opposite.

So don't contact him because he's not into me?

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Unless you text him evryday or multiple times during the day, I think you're fine, sweetheart. :)

Well I texted him on Sunday twice, once was just a 'hey' and the other one was to see how his band's studio day went, then I didn't do anything on Monday, Tuesday I tried to call him and he didn't get back to me so I texted him to see how his week was going, then Wednesday I wasn't going to text him but my friend wouldn't get off my back about getting in contact with him to see if he wanted to go to this bar with she and her boyfriendish dude and me and some of our other friends and then the same friend drunk texted him from my phone on NYE but she said it was her and that she stole my phone. I didn't contact him at all (even though I don't count her taking my phone as me contacting him) on Friday and then a few hours ago I sent him a text seeing what he was up to tonight with no answer as of yet.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

You know, he could be freaked out about this as much as you are. I think he definitely wants you but is too scared to make a move.

I know the guy is supposed to make the move etc blah blah gender roles etc, but life is really too short to be waiting around for a guy you really like to call you.

If you want something, go and get it.


And I've taken that into consideration too that he might be just as scared/freaked out about it as me. He's in the process of trying to move and find a place to live and so I've taken that into account too taht he is busy with that, but he wasn't too busy enough in my mind to see if I could come over last weekend.

I am trying to go get it but if he won't respond to me texting or calling, what's to say he would think I'm psycho by showing up at place? And I'd hate for him to think anything bad about me :/

[mybreakingpoint]

Guys don't really have a friend zone. If he finds you attractive, he wants to date you.
this is a fact.

definitely contact him. he digs you.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

this is a fact.

definitely contact him. he digs you.

I have been trying to contact him. For the past week. And nothing :/ And at this time last week I was at his place and were at this point probably having a great time talking in his kitchen before we headed to watch the movie and cuddle.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

maybe he can feel that? i don't know how to put this delicately...but if you're 23 and you just spend a night with a dude for the first time, didn't do anything, and are already talking about not finding anyone you like as much as him. - you're probably going to scare him off. just let things happen...don't put too much pressure on any of this. at this point, your relationship with him is classified as "hanging out" - at best. hope that helps at least a little

No he knows that I have never had a boyfriend before &--hes known that for about a month when I told him that I liked him and that if I had made things awkward and he didn't want to hang out that I would understand, but he said that things we not awkward and that we would still hang out which he kept his word on that and was puzzled as to why I would think that he wouldnt want to hang out still and I told him that I had never told anyone I liked them before.

And at Halloween the he had invited me out to a party of his friends and he walked with me to my car and he had asked what I did last Halloween and I had told him that it was the first time since my senior year of high school that I had done anything because no one had invited me out or my friends didn't care to dress up or do anything and that last year I had stayed in an watched movies and he was like 'yeah I remembered you saying bringing that up in a text and I didn't know what to say about it' so I know that he at least thinks I'm cool and decent enough to hang out with.

It's just I'm not used to guys being nice to me...the past year, little over a year have been a real change for me because I came out of my shell with the help of some amazing friends that I met my last semester of school (both male and female) and since then it's just been a bit of new experiences and I'm trying to make my way through them the best I can.

[everyonesfault]

I have been trying to contact him. For the past week. And nothing :/ And at this time last week I was at his place and were at this point probably having a great time talking in his kitchen before we headed to watch the movie and cuddle.

Stop trying, then. You're probably coming off as clingy and it's freaking him out.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Stop trying, then. You're probably coming off as clingy and it's freaking him out.


Stop trying forever?

[Chancetobe]

And to be a smartass right back lol I think I look like Natalie, the prime minister's secretary from "Love Actually' & he looks like a Jim Sturgess (the guy from 'Across the Universe')/Ashton Kutcher/Aaron Carter cross breed.

Jim Sturgess??? Good lord woman... just hook up with him now! Don't even waste time trying to figure out if he likes you, which he probably does. Just go for it, because Jim Sturgess is crazy hot. Crrrraaaazzzzyyyy hot. Also, Natalie from love actually is totally cute.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Jim Sturgess??? Good lord woman... just hook up with him now! Don't even waste time trying to figure out if he likes you, which he probably does. Just go for it, because Jim Sturgess is crazy hot. Crrrraaaazzzzyyyy hot. Also, Natalie from love actually is totally cute.

I can't hook up with someone who currently is not responding to texts or a call for whatever reason.

[Chancetobe]

I can't hook up with someone who currently is not responding to texts or a call for whatever reason.

Ohh, I didn't read that part. So, if this is that guy from your last thread. And he still had something with his ex, then my guess would be that he likes you, but now feels guilty because of said other girl and isn't responding to you. But don't text him again, makes you look crazy. I think you can contact a guy once - and if he doesn't respond, that's it.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Ohh, I didn't read that part. So, if this is that guy from your last thread. And he still had something with his ex, then my guess would be that he likes you, but now feels guilty because of said other girl and isn't responding to you. But don't text him again, makes you look crazy. I think you can contact a guy once - and if he doesn't respond, that's it.


Last I knew, his ex was one of two people causing issues for him in his life along with a guy that was his friend.
And if the one contact rule applies then he probably thinks I'm a psycho already :/

[po0ty]

I'm not sure theres much more you can do. If he's not contacting you beating yourself up over something you might or might not have done wont do any good.

A whole night of cuddling and nothing else is a bit strange though, you know the situation better than me but he could have been peeved by you leaving.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I'm not sure theres much more you can do. If he's not contacting you beating yourself up over something you might or might not have done wont do any good.

A whole night of cuddling and nothing else is a bit strange though, you know the situation better than me but he could have been peeved by you leaving.


I know it's not good to beat myself up over nothing or whatever is not productive or good it's just he means a lot to me and I'm still confused why he would tell me to to contact him if he didn't sincerely mean it.

And I left because he needed to get ready to go see his mom. It's not like I bolted in the middle of the night, it was after 9 or so.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Stop contacting him. If you've text him more than once, and he's not got back to you, then stop.

I don't think he's into you. All them people saying 'Oh, he didn't do anything? He must really like you' are wrong. The guy likes you as a friend. Honestly, if he liked you that much he would've kissed you. That wouldn't be disrespecting you, but it would be kissing you, which he'd want to do if he liked you.

Just my opinion. I hope I'm wrong and he texts you back and you get married.


And I wouldn't mind having him as a friend. But friends still get back to friends if they contact them.

[Deadbolt23]

Stop. 4 times in one week with no reply is a lot.

[Simo FS]

I'll start off by saying that I obviously have a limited knowledge about yourself and the situation that you currently find yourself in, however just by reading this thread, and your posts within it, you seem like such a lovely, genuine and wonderful person.

I completely understand that this would be a difficult predicament for you at the moment, but from an outsiders perspective, if you're making the effort to contact him, if you're wearing your heart and emotions on your sleeve and he's just avoiding you, not responding to your every attempt, if he can't give you the courtesy of a five minute phonecall to inquire, discuss and explain how you're both feeling, then I'm sincrely sorry to say it, but he's just not worth your time. As much as it hurts, you deserve somebody that genuinely cares for you, who will go out of their way to make time for you no matter what the situation, a person that's going to adore spending time with you because as cliche and as silly as this is no doubt going to sound, they're going to love you for who you are. I'll cop my fair share of shit for that line, but you'll experience that feeling because you have your heart in the right place.

But what would I know? I'm basing my judgements off numerous things that I've read here, and conclussions that I may have jumped too. Perhaps he's a good guy? Only you really know how badly you want this to work and how much this means to you. I'm full of cliches this morning, but just do what comes naturally. Be positive and follow your heart.

[Deadbolt23]

Listen to Charlie.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Stop. 4 times in one week with no reply is a lot.


I know but one of those times I didn't want to text him but my friend was being really lame and wouldnt lay off of it so I had to because she wouldnt stop pestering me.

Should I just give up in general or just give it a week and see what happens?

[Deadbolt23]

I know but one of those times I didn't want to text him but my friend was being really lame and wouldnt lay off of it so I had to because she wouldnt stop pestering me.

Should I just give up in general or just give it a week and see what happens?

Don't give up. Just stop texting him. If he likes you, even if he only likes you as a friend, then he'll text you back.

[terror_91]

I know but one of those times I didn't want to text him but my friend was being really lame and wouldnt lay off of it so I had to because she wouldnt stop pestering me.

Should I just give up in general or just give it a week and see what happens?
Give up in general I think. I'm sorry to say it but everyone has time to respond to a text and no one is that nervous not to respond to multiple texts and phonecall/s.

It's time to leave it, I'm sorry. On the plus side, you come across as someone who deserves much better.

[SonEric84]

This has been going on for months, right? I have to say if I really liked a girl and wanted to be with her as more than a friend there is no way I would let it drag on this long without making it more official. You really do seem like a nice girl in general so don't let anyone use you or waste your time.

[EasySkankin]

DISCLAIMER: I don't know you or this guy personally, so i'm assuming a buncha shit from your posts.

As much as it sucks, this happened because of your lack of experience

Im not sure whether he wanted to date you or whatnot, but he definitely wanted to go farther on that bed, and he had some last minute resistance and there was that boundary between cuddling and kissing. He obviously genuinely liked you, and if he had taken initiative and went for a kiss, he knew that whatever came afterwards (sex, dating, w/e) was on him. I get the impression you liked him way more, and if so, he knew that. This is potential for a disastrous relationship. He didn't want to hurt you, but if you guys went out and you fell too hard for him too quickly he would have to.

It's also very possible he didn't want to date you, so there's even more pressure there. Especially since he's moving or w/e.
IMO you should've just kissed him.

And you definitely texted him too much.

at this point i'd say forget about him, learn from that experience, and move on.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

This has been going on for months, right? I have to say if I really liked a girl and wanted to be with her as more than a friend there is no way I would let it drag on this long without making it more official. You really do seem like a nice girl in general so don't let anyone use you or waste your time.


We met back in the middle of September...but recently we havent been able to hang out much because of his job and him being on call because he was really busy during the holiday season and he's trying to find a place to live because he gets kicked out of his dad's place this month but hes been looking for places so he has prospects but his dad comes back from vacation soon so I don't know if as soon as his dad comes back he gets the boot or what. I know that sounds like I'm making excuses for him but I'm just stating facts. But last week we hung out two times and we hung out a week or so before that and kept in contact with texting.

But thank you, I am a nice girl it's just I am hurt and not understanding why someone who has been pretty nice to me and that I shared something sweet with would be like this.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

DISCLAIMER: I don't know you or this guy personally, so i'm assuming a buncha shit from your posts.

As much as it sucks, this happened because of your lack of experience

Im not sure whether he wanted to date you or whatnot, but he definitely wanted to go farther on that bed, and he had some last minute resistance and there was that boundary between cuddling and kissing. He obviously genuinely liked you, and if he had taken initiative and went for a kiss, he knew that whatever came afterwards (sex, dating, w/e) was on him. I get the impression you liked him way more, and if so, he knew that. This is potential for a disastrous relationship. He didn't want to hurt you, but if you guys went out and you fell too hard for him too quickly he would have to.

It's also very possible he didn't want to date you, so there's even more pressure there. Especially since he's moving or w/e.
IMO you should've just kissed him.

And you definitely texted him too much.

at this point i'd say forget about him, learn from that experience, and move on.

No thank you for the honesty--I do appreciate it.
And I am seeing this is a possible learning experience thus far but I don't know how to gain experience without trying stuff first. To be honest, a year ago, I wouldnt have been over there that late, let alone be in a bed with a guy where I have no idea where I stand with. Yes I know, in some ways it does seem lame that 23-year-old is that inexperienced but it's just me. And I didn't want to jump into anything and cause unecessary drama and hurt for either of us.

And yes he does know that I like him because I told him that I did because I wanted to be honest with him and myself.

I do care for him and would like him to still be in my life regardless as if it is a friend or romanticwise, but only if he would want the same--but I can't figure that out without someone responding back to me--and yes I know, silence speaks volumes but....

And as far as I know, he's moving in the same area so it's not like he's moving hours away or anything.

I just don't know what to do next (if there is a next time) I start liking another guy or if a guy were to like me.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Give up in general I think. I'm sorry to say it but everyone has time to respond to a text and no one is that nervous not to respond to multiple texts and phonecall/s.

It's time to leave it, I'm sorry. On the plus side, you come across as someone who deserves much better.


Thank you for thinking that I deserve much better--it's just right now, I'm feeling low about it and just want some kind of resolution to it so I can move on.

And yes, I agree that everyone has the time to respond to someone...it just frustrates and hurts me that he had the time to ask me what I was doing later on that evening and to have me over & to tell me to contact him but not return the favor. And he doesn't seem like the type that is a douche--I know he's not perfect--but other situations I have seen him in or just the way he has reacted to things makes it seem like this is not typical behavior--for example, his bestie liked this one girl that's in my group of people I hang out with and the two of them (his friend and the girl) fooled around but he didn't live up to what she wanted and she had told him she had no interest in him from the get go but yet still fooled around with him anyways. Anyways, the guy that I like and his friend have not showed up to the bar that my friends and I hang out with since that happen (and the girl works there now too) so to me that speaks volumes that they do not tolerate people being shitty like that.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Don't give up. Just stop texting him. If he likes you, even if he only likes you as a friend, then he'll text you back.


I'm not giving up just yet, I would just hate wasting time on someone that doesn't see it necessary to get back to me or make him think I'm stupid or anything.

I'm thinking of just not contacting him at all this week and seeing what happens and then go from there.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I'll start off by saying that I obviously have a limited knowledge about yourself and the situation that you currently find yourself in, however just by reading this thread, and your posts within it, you seem like such a lovely, genuine and wonderful person.

I completely understand that this would be a difficult predicament for you at the moment, but from an outsiders perspective, if you're making the effort to contact him, if you're wearing your heart and emotions on your sleeve and he's just avoiding you, not responding to your every attempt, if he can't give you the courtesy of a five minute phonecall to inquire, discuss and explain how you're both feeling, then I'm sincrely sorry to say it, but he's just not worth your time. As much as it hurts, you deserve somebody that genuinely cares for you, who will go out of their way to make time for you no matter what the situation, a person that's going to adore spending time with you because as cliche and as silly as this is no doubt going to sound, they're going to love you for who you are. I'll cop my fair share of shit for that line, but you'll experience that feeling because you have your heart in the right place.

But what would I know? I'm basing my judgements off numerous things that I've read here, and conclussions that I may have jumped too. Perhaps he's a good guy? Only you really know how badly you want this to work and how much this means to you. I'm full of cliches this morning, but just do what comes naturally. Be positive and follow your heart.


Thank you for your honesty and kind thoughts--it's hard right now because it's still fresh. And I don't want to hate him or anything because I do not like hating people and only truly hate a few people in my life because of all of the mean, nasty things they have done to people that I care for.

And I know that I deserve better, it's just guys generally do not pick me and he did for some reason. He wrote his phone number on my car the first night I met him, expressed a want to take me ice skating, talked about things in the future tense with me (coming to his shows, making dinners/meals, partying and staying over at his new place) so it's just leaving me confused at this point and hurt. And to begin with I thought he was out of my league because he's really cute but I went with it and figured there is something in me that he like(d).

[SonEric84]

We met back in the middle of September...but recently we havent been able to hang out much because of his job and him being on call because he was really busy during the holiday season and he's trying to find a place to live because he gets kicked out of his dad's place this month but hes been looking for places so he has prospects but his dad comes back from vacation soon so I don't know if as soon as his dad comes back he gets the boot or what. I know that sounds like I'm making excuses for him but I'm just stating facts. But last week we hung out two times and we hung out a week or so before that and kept in contact with texting.

But thank you, I am a nice girl it's just I am hurt and not understanding why someone who has been pretty nice to me and that I shared something sweet with would be like this.


I get that he might be busy, but as the other guy said, there's always time to reply to texts. Regardless of what's going on in his personal life I still don't see how that would affect getting together with someone you like a lot.


Thank you for your honesty and kind thoughts--it's hard right now because it's still fresh. And I don't want to hate him or anything because I do not like hating people and only truly hate a few people in my life because of all of the mean, nasty things they have done to people that I care for.

And I know that I deserve better, it's just guys generally do not pick me and he did for some reason. He wrote his phone number on my car the first night I met him, expressed a want to take me ice skating, talked about things in the future tense with me (coming to his shows, making dinners/meals, partying and staying over at his new place) so it's just leaving me confused at this point and hurt. And to begin with I thought he was out of my league because he's really cute but I went with it and figured there is something in me that he like(d).


I know it's hard sometimes, but don't ever think like that. Like I said you seem nice and it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, so that right there is plenty to offer someone. People can make you feel like shit sometimes, and you have to realize that if they were as "out of your league" as you thought, they wouldn't act like that or mistreat you. A few months back I was in a similar situation and the girl came on really strong and talked to me a lot about "future plans" and it felt like we shared a lot of simple, yet special moments together. Then she turned around and started acting all distant and claimed to not know what she wants. I had a very hard time processing how two people could connect so well and have it all be for nothing.

So as difficult as it was I just stopped messaging her and trying so hard to get her to spend time with me. She messages me now from time to time, but it doesn't go anywhere and I'm at the point where even if she wanted to, I'm not really up for it anymore. Also, I don't think it's lame that you're "inexperienced". Actually, I think it's refreshing to find someone older who hasn't been around the block a million times already.

[foisol]

Contact him. If you spent the night with him and he respected you enough not to pull any moves he's definitely in to you.

Meh, it can go both ways. He might doubt whether he likes her. Then again, it depends on the guy... I'd probably make moves on a girl I was into if she spent the night, but I'd make her breakfast and/or take her out, take her home, etc after all of it as a sign to show her I respect and like her after having made said moves on her.

[sweepthenation]

I'll start off by saying that I obviously have a limited knowledge about yourself and the situation that you currently find yourself in, however just by reading this thread, and your posts within it, you seem like such a lovely, genuine and wonderful person.

I completely understand that this would be a difficult predicament for you at the moment, but from an outsiders perspective, if you're making the effort to contact him, if you're wearing your heart and emotions on your sleeve and he's just avoiding you, not responding to your every attempt, if he can't give you the courtesy of a five minute phonecall to inquire, discuss and explain how you're both feeling, then I'm sincrely sorry to say it, but he's just not worth your time. As much as it hurts, you deserve somebody that genuinely cares for you, who will go out of their way to make time for you no matter what the situation, a person that's going to adore spending time with you because as cliche and as silly as this is no doubt going to sound, they're going to love you for who you are. I'll cop my fair share of shit for that line, but you'll experience that feeling because you have your heart in the right place.

But what would I know? I'm basing my judgements off numerous things that I've read here, and conclussions that I may have jumped too. Perhaps he's a good guy? Only you really know how badly you want this to work and how much this means to you. I'm full of cliches this morning, but just do what comes naturally. Be positive and follow your heart.

Love your advice as much as your music, which is alot

[bstthngunvrhd7]

He looks like Jim Sturgess and you like Chad Linus, this relationship is a must!

On a side note, I named my betta fish Linus after Chad Linus because when I first got him he was really shy and would hide a lot in his fishyhouse and since Chad was 'the shy one' I thought it fit. Except everyone always presumes I named him after Linus from the Charlie Brown movies and comic strips.

[argg_xo]

On a side note, I named my betta fish Linus after Chad Linus because when I first got him he was really shy and would hide a lot in his fishyhouse and since Chad was 'the shy one' I thought it fit. Except everyone always presumes I named him after Linus from the Charlie Brown movies and comic strips.
HAHAHAA!

I still have my VHS copy of 2gether that I recorded the night it debuted on MTV.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

HAHAHAA!

I still have my VHS copy of 2gether that I recorded the night it debuted on MTV.

I have VHS that they sold in stores because at the time, we didn't have a DVD player at my house and when I went to look for a dvd copy, it's like over $250 or more and I don't want to wreck the VHS copy so I barely play it. I used to have some of the tv shows taped, but then the VCR ate it and it was a bad day.

[limepomegranate]

Meh, it can go both ways. He might doubt whether he likes her. Then again, it depends on the guy... I'd probably make moves on a girl I was into if she spent the night, but I'd make her breakfast and/or take her out, take her home, etc after all of it as a sign to show her I respect and like her after having made said moves on her.
I used to spend the night all the time at my current boyfriend's house before we dated and he never tried to put any moves on me!

[argg_xo]

I have VHS that they sold in stores because at the time, we didn't have a DVD player at my house and when I went to look for a dvd copy, it's like over $250 or more and I don't want to wreck the VHS copy so I barely play it. I used to have some of the tv shows taped, but then the VCR ate it and it was a bad day.
ahhh LUCKY!!! My copy has the full movie, an interview with the band and Carson Daly and half of Billy Madison.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

ahhh LUCKY!!! My copy has the full movie, an interview with the band and Carson Daly and half of Billy Madison.

Mine has the movie, the 'Calculus' video and interviews.

I know this is gonna sound weird but did you ever watch the show 'Arthur'? I feel that since I have met someone that likes '2gether' that it was like the episode where Muffy and Francine become friends because they both had similar interests and then they just skipped around...hahahaaha.

[BryterJonah]

I've been trying to but I don't want to be an overload.

I really like him and as far as we know we are only friends but when we were hanging out last he's all 'we've had some good times together' and whatnot and talks about future plans with me like going ice skating or me coming to his shows or going to the mall but he's trying to move out so I'm presuming he's busy with that but I don't understand why he would tell me to contact him and not return the favor.
He will.

hccr1KWFbrY

Contact him. If you spent the night with him and he respected you enough not to pull any moves he's definitely in to you.
Stop it she's had enough problems than to have to deal with your chump anymore.

[argg_xo]

Mine has the movie, the 'Calculus' video and interviews.

I know this is gonna sound weird but did you ever watch the show 'Arthur'? I feel that since I have met someone that likes '2gether' that it was like the episode where Muffy and Francine become friends because they both had similar interests and then they just skipped around...hahahaaha.
Which one are you? Muffy Crosswire or Francine Frenski?!

[terror_91]

Which one are you? Muffy Crosswire or Francine Frenski?!
I lol'd :-d

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Which one are you? Muffy Crosswire or Francine Frenski?!


Oh wow...that is a hard choice...probably a combination of both.

[argg_xo]

I lol'd :-d
You can be either Arthur or Buster, or maybe Binky Barns.
Oh wow...that is a hard choice...probably a combination of both.
I was thinking the same thing, I think I'd be more like Muffy but less conceited.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

You can be either Arthur or Buster, or maybe Binky Barns.

I was thinking the same thing, I think I'd be more like Muffy but less conceited.

Yeah because Muffy was kinda a beeyotch but she had her good qualities...but Francine is more down to earth and she wears jeans--not that I don't appreciate a jumper like Muffy's every once in awhile though but I prefer to wear pants.

Gosh now I want to go and watch 'Arthur'..I wonder if they still show the same episodes...

[argg_xo]

Yeah because Muffy was kinda a beeyotch but she had her good qualities...but Francine is more down to earth and she wears jeans--not that I don't appreciate a jumper like Muffy's every once in awhile though but I prefer to wear pants.

Gosh now I want to go and watch 'Arthur'..I wonder if they still show the same episodes...
Oh good! I like pants but I do enjoy a nice dress every now and then. My neice actually watches Arthur still, its on really early, like 6:30-7AM or in the afternoons over here. I think it might be on public access channel too.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

He will.

hccr1KWFbrY


Stop it she's had enough problems than to have to deal with your chump anymore.


Yeah the video wasn't too funny especially after I looked it up on SongMeanings and it basically said it was about someone in the singer's family who was a nun, a virgin and who was sickly.

[po0ty]

There are plenty of fish in the sea don't worry. Stop worrying if you are about this dude and if he does call it will be a nice surprise :) good luck

[Deadbolt23]

There are plenty of fish in the sea don't worry. Stop worrying if you are about this dude and if he does call it will be a nice surprise :) good luck

I'm pretty sure that saying has never ever cheered anyone up.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

There are plenty of fish in the sea don't worry. Stop worrying if you are about this dude and if he does call it will be a nice surprise :) good luck


Thanks, that's really sweet.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I'm pretty sure that saying has never ever cheered anyone up.


I know...but he was trying to be nice.

At least my betta fish likes me. He makes me smile.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I get that he might be busy, but as the other guy said, there's always time to reply to texts. Regardless of what's going on in his personal life I still don't see how that would affect getting together with someone you like a lot.

Agreed--I just don't see where at any point in the day he could have sat down and just sent a quick "hey what's up" or "i'm busy this week talk later " text.



I know it's hard sometimes, but don't ever think like that. Like I said you seem nice and it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, so that right there is plenty to offer someone. People can make you feel like shit sometimes, and you have to realize that if they were as "out of your league" as you thought, they wouldn't act like that or mistreat you. A few months back I was in a similar situation and the girl came on really strong and talked to me a lot about "future plans" and it felt like we shared a lot of simple, yet special moments together. Then she turned around and started acting all distant and claimed to not know what she wants. I had a very hard time processing how two people could connect so well and have it all be for nothing.

So as difficult as it was I just stopped messaging her and trying so hard to get her to spend time with me. She messages me now from time to time, but it doesn't go anywhere and I'm at the point where even if she wanted to, I'm not really up for it anymore. Also, I don't think it's lame that you're "inexperienced". Actually, I think it's refreshing to find someone older who hasn't been around the block a million times already.

That's what's so confusing to me is the fact he talked about future plans--and then to just not contact me? But thank you for not finding it lame that I'm 'inexperienced' I'm just hoping that one day if the chance arises, that some guy won't find me lame because of it. Or find it some kind of fetish.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Oh good! I like pants but I do enjoy a nice dress every now and then. My neice actually watches Arthur still, its on really early, like 6:30-7AM or in the afternoons over here. I think it might be on public access channel too.

Yeah I think it's still on PBS here in the Chicagoland area but I am rarely ever up that early in the morning unless it's for work and I'm sure that I'd probably want to stay and watch 'Arthur' instead of going to work haha.

[deathinkosovo]

Hm. I'm always puzzled when I'm having a great couple conversations with a girl -- in this current case, it's been three or so days of constant texting and IMing -- but then it just... stops. Nothing more curious than that.

[phil19]

Hm. I'm always puzzled when I'm having a great couple conversations with a girl -- in this current case, it's been three or so days of constant texting and IMing -- but then it just... stops. Nothing more curious than that.

that shits me no end

[deathinkosovo]

that shits me no end

Sorta makes you think you've done something wrong, eh? Then you go back through your texts and IMs and everything else to analyze what you had said, and it ends up crippling you, making matters worse.

Women. Bah.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Sorta makes you think you've done something wrong, eh? Then you go back through your texts and IMs and everything else to analyze what you had said, and it ends up crippling you, making matters worse.

Women. Bah.


Men. Bah. --sorry I couldn't help myself with that one.

But agreed--overanalyzing and whatnot doesn't help especially when you try and pinpoint what went wrong--and there might not be anything wrong---but because people don't get back to you or follow through with what they say, it hurts.

[deathinkosovo]

Men. Bah. --sorry I couldn't help myself with that one.

But agreed--overanalyzing and whatnot doesn't help especially when you try and pinpoint what went wrong--and there might not be anything wrong---but because people don't get back to you or follow through with what they say, it hurts.

Well, then, from a female's perspective, I'd just like to know what gives. Do women get off on cutting their filling their guy's heads with thoughts before cutting them off?

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Well, then, from a female's perspective, I'd just like to know what gives. Do women get off on cutting their filling their guy's heads with thoughts before cutting them off?

Well some girls get off on the attention that guys bring. I have a friend that (and I love her dearly) cannot stand it if a guy is not paying attention to her to the point that she is probably trying to get with at least three or four people at a time and leads other guys on because of the attention that it brings.

Me on the other hand, I don't like (and don't think that I do it either) leading people on because a guy did that to me this summer and it hurt that he did--he apologized but it still hurt. Hell, I even turn down free drinks at the bar from the creepers because I don't want them to think that I want to do anything with them or that they should expect anything from me.

[Jennurna Gray]

Well I texted him on Sunday twice, once was just a 'hey' and the other one was to see how his band's studio day went, then I didn't do anything on Monday, Tuesday I tried to call him and he didn't get back to me so I texted him to see how his week was going, then Wednesday I wasn't going to text him but my friend wouldn't get off my back about getting in contact with him to see if he wanted to go to this bar with she and her boyfriendish dude and me and some of our other friends and then the same friend drunk texted him from my phone on NYE but she said it was her and that she stole my phone. I didn't contact him at all (even though I don't count her taking my phone as me contacting him) on Friday and then a few hours ago I sent him a text seeing what he was up to tonight with no answer as of yet.
You and I are in the same boat. The guy I like tries to look cool and doesn't respond to half of his texts. It's kind of rubbed off on me, so I understand it a little more. Maybe this is what your guy is doing.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

You and I are in the same boat. The guy I like tries to look cool and doesn't respond to half of his texts. It's kind of rubbed off on me, so I understand it a little more. Maybe this is what your guy is doing.

Well I understand that guys are lame communicators (for the most part) but I don't understand why, here a week and a day since he told me to contact him that he hasn't :/ It hurts :/ and even if we are just gonna be/remain friends (my guess at what we are is that we are but perhaps more?) that he's doing a sucktacular job at being a friend as well.

I'm thinking about just giving him a week and seeing if he contacts me and then going from there.

[kafe]

I only read to like 5th page...has he contacted you yet?

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I only read to like 5th page...has he contacted you yet?

Nope.

[kafe]

Nope.

Too bad. Guess he wasn't that interested unless he has hell of an excuse. I added a guy on facebook and he never accepted but when he found out about it, both he, his friend and my friend told me that he hasn't been online since september, it was so funny.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Too bad. Guess he wasn't that interested unless he has hell of an excuse. I added a guy on facebook and he never accepted but when he found out about it, both he, his friend and my friend told me that he hasn't been online since september, it was so funny.

I know it is bad...I really thought that we might have had something, even if it was a really close friendship. It just puzzles me because he makes himself out not to be a liar and I don't know why he would say one thing and then do another--which I guess in logic means that I wouldnt want to be with him anyways.

But (and I know this is gonna sound like I am excusing his actions) he is going through a bit right now and is looking for a place to live so he is busy with that and his band is going to have shows soon and he's really into that, so he does have stuff on his plate but this all existed before I stayed over which is making me think that that fact is the main reason he isn't geting back to me.

[kafe]

I know it is bad...I really thought that we might have had something, even if it was a really close friendship. It just puzzles me because he makes himself out not to be a liar and I don't know why he would say one thing and then do another--which I guess in logic means that I wouldnt want to be with him anyways.

But (and I know this is gonna sound like I am excusing his actions) he is going through a bit right now and is looking for a place to live so he is busy with that and his band is going to have shows soon and he's really into that, so he does have stuff on his plate but this all existed before I stayed over which is making me think that that fact is the main reason he isn't geting back to me.

Yeah he's probably busy but no one is too busy to send away a text saying "sorry I haven't gotten back to you yet...". I'd wait for a reply (not text him again!) but if it's been like a week, I'd forget about him. There are so many great guys out there and now the worst is over for you (I read that part about you not sleeping at a guy's place before).

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Yeah he's probably busy but no one is too busy to send away a text saying "sorry I haven't gotten back to you yet...". I'd wait for a reply (not text him again!) but if it's been like a week, I'd forget about him. There are so many great guys out there and now the worst is over for you (I read that part about you not sleeping at a guy's place before).


Agreed--no one is that busy. The plan is to not contact him for a week and then just send him a text just being honest and letting him know that I do care about what is going on in his life, etc. and that I don't understand why he would say one thing and do the other even though I know he has a lot going on right now (I do too--I have two part-time jobs and my mom starts chemo tomorrow so that is really scary for me) but I do care and things don't have to be awkward between us.

I hope I didn't make it sound like we had sex or anything, we just cuddled/snuggled...

[kafe]

Agreed--no one is that busy. The plan is to not contact him for a week and then just send him a text just being honest and letting him know that I do care about what is going on in his life, etc. and that I don't understand why he would say one thing and do the other even though I know he has a lot going on right now (I do too--I have two part-time jobs and my mom starts chemo tomorrow so that is really scary for me) but I do care and things don't have to be awkward between us.

I hope I didn't make it sound like we had sex or anything, we just cuddled/snuggled...

I wouldn't even do that, he's had plenty of chances to reply to your texts. It's a lot easier to move on if you keep quiet, otherwise you'll just wait for a reply from that text too! If he wants to contact you, he will.

Oh no, I got that. The hardest part for me was letting a guy sleep over/see me without makeup for the first time than the sex.

[kwsqd]

I wouldn't even do that, he's had plenty of chances to reply to your texts. It's a lot easier to move on if you keep quiet, otherwise you'll just wait for a reply from that text too! If he wants to contact you, he will.

Oh no, I got that. The hardest part for me was letting a guy sleep over/see me without makeup for the first time than the sex.
Guys will contact you within a few days if interested unless there is a giant flood or earthquake.

edit: not sure why I quoted you.

[songydarko]

Contact him!

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I wouldn't even do that, he's had plenty of chances to reply to your texts. It's a lot easier to move on if you keep quiet, otherwise you'll just wait for a reply from that text too! If he wants to contact you, he will.

Oh no, I got that. The hardest part for me was letting a guy sleep over/see me without makeup for the first time than the sex.


The main reason that I am going to text him in a week is to let him know that I care and that I can't ever say that I didn't try. Also, I would like him to make him feel awful about it and at least learn something from it if he is just doing this to be an asshole. If any of that makes sense.

I know when I woke up my hair looked a mess so I sat there with the blanket over my head with just my face peeking out...and his hair still looked beautiful and nice. Not fair.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Contact him!


I am going to wait a week..well at least until Saturday or Sunday--Saturday would be a week since I last tried to get in touch with him and Sunday would be two weeks from when he told me to contact him after I spent the night over there.

[terror_91]

I am going to wait a week..well at least until Saturday or Sunday--Saturday would be a week since I last tried to get in touch with him and Sunday would be two weeks from when he told me to contact him after I spent the night over there.
Ye, do this. Don't listen to people who have obviously not read any of the thread and deliberation which has led us to your plan of action (above).

[Jennurna Gray]

Well I understand that guys are lame communicators (for the most part) but I don't understand why, here a week and a day since he told me to contact him that he hasn't :/ It hurts :/ and even if we are just gonna be/remain friends (my guess at what we are is that we are but perhaps more?) that he's doing a sucktacular job at being a friend as well.

I'm thinking about just giving him a week and seeing if he contacts me and then going from there.
True, I'd see what he's like and if he still hasn't talked to you in a week or so, move on. Getting over someone is much easier before you get attached. I'm to the point where moving on is best, but I'm waaaaaaaay past able. If he's not worth your time, run away while you still can.

[sodamnclever]

Hm. I'm always puzzled when I'm having a great couple conversations with a girl -- in this current case, it's been three or so days of constant texting and IMing -- but then it just... stops. Nothing more curious than that.
For me, I always think that guys have no perception of time...I have had this happen countless times and it will be a few days going by without talking to someone and then all of a sudden you talk as if you talked yesterday....do guys have any perception of time? haha

Girls get this stigma in our head from others that guys need to "initiate" something, and if they don't it's because they "aren't interested" and god forbid if we seem too needy.


I blame the authors of "He's Just Not That Into You."

[EasySkankin]

For me, I always think that guys have no perception of time...I have had this happen countless times and it will be a few days going by without talking to someone and then all of a sudden you talk as if you talked yesterday....do guys have any perception of time? haha

is that off-putting or something? I do that

[bstthngunvrhd7]

True, I'd see what he's like and if he still hasn't talked to you in a week or so, move on. Getting over someone is much easier before you get attached. I'm to the point where moving on is best, but I'm waaaaaaaay past able. If he's not worth your time, run away while you still can.


But it's not that I think he's a bad person, I really don't, it's just at this point I think that yes while he does have stuff going on in his life, all of this expisted prior to me staying over and it just has me confused as to why he'd say one thing and do another. And while I do realize I have to move on if he does indeed not ever respond to me, I just don't see why he would take the effort he has thus far in whatever friendship we have and then just poof not do anything.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Ye, do this. Don't listen to people who have obviously not read any of the thread and deliberation which has led us to your plan of action (above).


Thank you--I just hope that he doesn't forget who I am. That would make me sad. But I don't know what to say.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

For me, I always think that guys have no perception of time...I have had this happen countless times and it will be a few days going by without talking to someone and then all of a sudden you talk as if you talked yesterday....do guys have any perception of time? haha

Girls get this stigma in our head from others that guys need to "initiate" something, and if they don't it's because they "aren't interested" and god forbid if we seem too needy.


I blame the authors of "He's Just Not That Into You."

Thank you--I also loathe 'He's Just Not That Into You'--I was so messed up after I read the book...I wanted to throw it out the window and out onto the busy road I live by so someone could run over the trash--but it was a library book and I didn't feel like paying for a new one. And then I went to go see a movie and of course it was with a friend who is in a very happy, very sweet relationship and I was all 'wtf' because the movie just made me feel like a habitual sign misreader and she's all 'oh you'll find someone someday'.

But yes, I do sometimes think guys have no perception of time as well. And I do believe that there is a lot of thinking that girls are too needy but I have a guy friend that is sooo fricking whiny bitch whenever he hasn't been laid or whatever and i just want to be like 'shut up!!!' so that screams needy in my mind.

[phil19]

Sorta makes you think you've done something wrong, eh? Then you go back through your texts and IMs and everything else to analyze what you had said, and it ends up crippling you, making matters worse.

Women. Bah.

yeah man, you're like, wtf did i say?? and you just keep stressing bout it. ><

[bstthngunvrhd7]

yeah man, you're like, wtf did i say?? and you just keep stressing bout it. ><


Welcome to my current situation :/

[phil19]

Welcome to my current situation :/

super sucks

[bstthngunvrhd7]

super sucks


Agreed--even though my friends keep saying I did nothing wrong.

[sdbrown]

I wouldn't contact him again. Or wait like a month. If he's going to leave you hanging you can give him the same courtesy, not to mention it will give you some time away from him to really evaluate your feelings for him.

And I'm far from a relationship or boy expert but if the boy has trouble with responding give him a time period."call me late" vs. "call me back by sunday" might ensure he actually calls you back by sunday.

[phil19]

Agreed--even though my friends keep saying I did nothing wrong.

you prob fucked up :-p

[bstthngunvrhd7]

you prob fucked up :-p

I sure feel like I did :/

[phil19]

I sure feel like I did :/

:-(

[bstthngunvrhd7]

:-(

It really that I feel this way because I generally feel that everything is my fault anyways. I just am hurt by this whole thing and it's already been a litltle over a week since he told me to contact him. And I have. It's just he made me feel special, pretty, wanted, good about myself. I enjoyed the times I spent with him. I now know the feeling of being in a bed with someone that I care about and like feeling them next to me and touching me (not like that but you know what I mean) and just feeling alive. And I feel with every day that passes, he's not only taking a pretty good friendship away from me, but feeling good about myself. And I know it's dumb to base my self-worth on someone who about 4 months ago I had no idea existed, but it just hurts because he's the one that started the whole thing by being super cute and writing his number on my car....

[phil19]

It really that I feel this way because I generally feel that everything is my fault anyways. I just am hurt by this whole thing and it's already been a litltle over a week since he told me to contact him. And I have. It's just he made me feel special, pretty, wanted, good about myself. I enjoyed the times I spent with him. I now know the feeling of being in a bed with someone that I care about and like feeling them next to me and touching me (not like that but you know what I mean) and just feeling alive. And I feel with every day that passes, he's not only taking a pretty good friendship away from me, but feeling good about myself. And I know it's dumb to base my self-worth on someone who about 4 months ago I had no idea existed, but it just hurts because he's the one that started the whole thing by being super cute and writing his number on my car....

what you should do is write asshole on his car. in spraypaint

[bstthngunvrhd7]

what you should do is write asshole on his car. in spraypaint

My friend wants me to jack him in the face. Well she wants me to get into a fight with him. She also thinks it would be funny to go to one of his shows when his band has one and either jack him in the face there or go looking totally hot so that I can attract a lot of attention and perhaps make him jealous.
Needless to say, my friend didn't like him anyways and this would be for her personal enjoyment.
However, I do not want to go to jail.

[phil19]

My friend wants me to jack him in the face. Well she wants me to get into a fight with him. She also thinks it would be funny to go to one of his shows when his band has one and either jack him in the face there or go looking totally hot so that I can attract a lot of attention and perhaps make him jealous.
Needless to say, my friend didn't like him anyways and this would be for her personal enjoyment.
However, I do not want to go to jail.

do something while he's playing a show. like get on stage and slap him. or pull is pants down showing everyone his small willy

[bstthngunvrhd7]

do something while he's playing a show. like get on stage and slap him. or pull is pants down showing everyone his small willy

See the thing is I don't want to be a drama causing girl and I don't want to be a bitch. Im giving him the benefit of the doubt at this point that perhaps he is legitmately busy or perhaps needs to sort his feelings out on this particular situation. Maybe I'm too nice....

[phil19]

See the thing is I don't want to be a drama causing girl and I don't want to be a bitch. Im giving him the benefit of the doubt at this point that perhaps he is legitmately busy or perhaps needs to sort his feelings out on this particular situation. Maybe I'm too nice....

legitamately busy?? honestly, how long does it take to send a text. i dont care how busy you are.
and if he needs time, then how hard is it to tell you that. so you know where you stand.
you are being too nice i think

[Deadbolt23]

What guy tells a girl to contact him at the end of a date?

[bstthngunvrhd7]

legitamately busy?? honestly, how long does it take to send a text. i dont care how busy you are.
and if he needs time, then how hard is it to tell you that. so you know where you stand.
you are being too nice i think

And again, I feel like I am making excuses for him but he is in the middle of having to find a place to live--when I had first met him he had lived with some people but they were not very responsible and would leave the heat running and stuff like that and would be behind on their bills it sounded and he was left to pick up the slack & they didn't appreciate any of it and he didn't seem like he genuinely liked living there so he tried to find some place to live but ended up living at his dad's since Novemberish and was given til January to find a place to live. Well it's January and his dad comes back from his vacay lis week (he left for two weeks on Christmas Eve) and so I am presuming that that means that he will have to leave now. He did have a place that he was gonna move in but the people kept jacking around with the price but he had other options he was looking into.

It's just I am concerned how he is doing: did he find a place to stay? Maybe he is sick? Maybe he's in trouble? Maybe something happened to a family member? But today I went on his Fbook and he had time to upload a picture but not contact me.

It's almost to the point that I would rather him just come out and say that he hated me and thought I was ugly and worthless than to not say anything at all.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

What guy tells a girl to contact him at the end of a date?

What if a guy tells her to contact her at the end of a night of cuddling/snuggling? Thats what I'm dealing with--not sure if that's on the level of a date...

[phil19]

And again, I feel like I am making excuses for him but he is in the middle of having to find a place to live--when I had first met him he had lived with some people but they were not very responsible and would leave the heat running and stuff like that and would be behind on their bills it sounded and he was left to pick up the slack & they didn't appreciate any of it and he didn't seem like he genuinely liked living there so he tried to find some place to live but ended up living at his dad's since Novemberish and was given til January to find a place to live. Well it's January and his dad comes back from his vacay lis week (he left for two weeks on Christmas Eve) and so I am presuming that that means that he will have to leave now. He did have a place that he was gonna move in but the people kept jacking around with the price but he had other options he was looking into.

It's just I am concerned how he is doing: did he find a place to stay? Maybe he is sick? Maybe he's in trouble? Maybe something happened to a family member? But today I went on his Fbook and he had time to upload a picture but not contact me.

It's almost to the point that I would rather him just come out and say that he hated me and thought I was ugly and worthless than to not say anything at all.

wow, i think thats an over-reaction.

you're facebook stalking him. you've got it bad

[bstthngunvrhd7]

wow, i think thats an over-reaction.

you're facebook stalking him. you've got it bad

Ok perhaps it is a bit of an overreaction but I'd rather him say SOMETHING than nothing at all.

And please, what is so wrong with looking at his page?

I do like him. I would like to continue to have him in my life---but only if he wants the same. And I feel that he at least should be decent enough to let me know what the hell is going on.

[phil19]

Ok perhaps it is a bit of an overreaction but I'd rather him say SOMETHING than nothing at all.

And please, what is so wrong with looking at his page?

I do like him. I would like to continue to have him in my life---but only if he wants the same. And I feel that he at least should be decent enough to let me know what the hell is going on.

i wasnt judging, i facebook stalk peeps aswell. i like to know who be commenting them and then i get all jealous

[bstthngunvrhd7]

i wasnt judging, i facebook stalk peeps aswell. i like to know who be commenting them and then i get all jealous

I do the same thing.

But don't you think that he at least owes me some kind of explanation or a text or something?

I just don't know how it could all kabloom this fast.

[phil19]

I do the same thing.

But don't you think that he at least owes me some kind of explanation or a text or something?

I just don't know how it could all kabloom this fast.

i guess so. i mean he's ignoring you. though i know when im ignoring someone and they keep messaging me or whatever im like, why wont they just get with the program? i dunno.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

i guess so. i mean he's ignoring you. though i know when im ignoring someone and they keep messaging me or whatever im like, why wont they just get with the program? i dunno.

the thing that bothers me about this is that he started it all--he gave me his number, invited me out to his birthday party, intiated the hugging, invited me out with his friends, etc...I don't see where he would have started this in the first place if he didn't have any interest in it, be it just being friends, being whatever. He talked about future plans...taking me ice skating, going to the mall, making dinners together, me going over to his new place and there being parties and whatnot--and to me, the fact that he tells me to contact him and does not follow through to me screams that it was something to do with the fact that I stayed over. And that's what hurts.

[phil19]

the thing that bothers me about this is that he started it all--he gave me his number, invited me out to his birthday party, intiated the hugging, invited me out with his friends, etc...I don't see where he would have started this in the first place if he didn't have any interest in it, be it just being friends, being whatever. He talked about future plans...taking me ice skating, going to the mall, making dinners together, me going over to his new place and there being parties and whatnot--and to me, the fact that he tells me to contact him and does not follow through to me screams that it was something to do with the fact that I stayed over. And that's what hurts.

maybe its cos you guys didnt do the nasty

[bstthngunvrhd7]

maybe its cos you guys didnt do the nasty

But I don't think he operates like that--to me if he had really really really wanted it, he would have gotten on top of me or would have been forceful about it--I mean shit, he could of he wanted to--I was in his bed....on my back....he never tried to put his hand up my shirt....or down my pants...

But I have thought about that fact too but other things he has said about other things not pertaining to sex leads me to believe that he wouldn't force it.

[phil19]

But I don't think he operates like that--to me if he had really really really wanted it, he would have gotten on top of me or would have been forceful about it--I mean shit, he could of he wanted to--I was in his bed....on my back....

But I have thought about that fact too but other things he has said about other things not pertaining to sex leads me to believe that he wouldn't force it.

well forcing it is rape. you never know. some guys are all sweet till they get the sex, or lack thereof, and then their true colours come out.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

well forcing it is rape. you never know. some guys are all sweet till they get the sex, or lack thereof, and then their true colours come out.

Yes I know that forcing it would be rape, but you get what I'm saying? He totally could have if he had wanted to. I mean the situation presented itself and to me if he really had wanted it, he would have tried. And in that respect, to me it either said he has a lot of restraint, respected me or just didn't want any.

[phil19]

Yes I know that forcing it would be rape, but you get what I'm saying? He totally could have if he had wanted to. I mean the situation presented itself and to me if he really had wanted it, he would have tried. And in that respect, to me it either said he has a lot of restraint, respected me or just didn't want any.

maybe he was waiting for you to initiate or make a move?? i dunno

[bstthngunvrhd7]

maybe he was waiting for you to initiate or make a move?? i dunno

I'm the one that told him I liked him. I stayed over. I stood out in the freezing cold on his front door waiting for him to come back to his house after he made it seem like he was home already that evening.

[Jennurna Gray]

you prob fucked up :-p
Phil... be nice...?

[Deadbolt23]

You got it badd.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

You got it badd.


Is it wrong for one of the few times in my life I felt like I was part of something that could be a relationship or could turn into it?

[Deadbolt23]

Is it wrong for one of the few times in my life I felt like I was part of something that could be a relationship or could turn into it?

I never said anything was wrong.
I was just commenting on how much you are into this guy.

[argg_xo]

Is it wrong for one of the few times in my life I felt like I was part of something that could be a relationship or could turn into it?
I don't think it's wrong, it happens all the time even if the relationship doesn't work out to be anything.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I don't think it's wrong, it happens all the time even if the relationship doesn't work out to be anything.

All I really want (and almost feel I deserve) is some kind of answer, or response.

[kaycey]

all the time but thats only if he can sense that the conversation is going there and wants to get out really quick.

[argg_xo]

All I really want (and almost feel I deserve) is some kind of answer, or response.
I understand this feeling all too well.
all the time but thats only if he can sense that the conversation is going there and wants to get out really quick.
Fancy seeing you here!!

[bstthngunvrhd7]

all the time but thats only if he can sense that the conversation is going there and wants to get out really quick.


What do you mean, if he can sense that the conversation is going there? Just wondering...

[bstthngunvrhd7]

[quote=argg_xo;59887262]I understand this feeling all too well.

I just don't see why he would have invested a little over three months into this and then just back out now.

[terror_91]

All I really want (and almost feel I deserve) is some kind of answer, or response.
Ye I agree with this but you need to think about the fact that you may not get one.

I also think you need to set a date on this coming to a complete end. Say when it reaches a fortnight you go just let it go completely. Delete his phone number and stop thinking about it, force yourself to move on. If you don't do this, I'm worried that you will stress about this all for a lot longer than you should.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Ye I agree with this but you need to think about the fact that you may not get one.

I also think you need to set a date on this coming to a complete end. Say when it reaches a fortnight you go just let it go completely. Delete his phone number and stop thinking about it, force yourself to move on. If you don't do this, I'm worried that you will stress about this all for a lot longer than you should.


I've thought about it--I've thought about the fact that perhaps he is a fucking lying douchebag. I've thought about the fact that perhaps this is some kind of scam he pulls on girls.

But then I've thought about the fact that neither of those make sense. That perhaps he doesn't know how to break it to me and instead of coming out and telling me he doesn't like me, he finds it easier just to ignore me. Or maybe he really really likes me but is afraid of telling me that too.

I know eventually it will have to come to an end and I'll have to move on. I just hate it not being resolved. And I hate feeling like it was something I might have done.

[argg_xo]

I understand this feeling all too well.

I just don't see why he would have invested a little over three months into this and then just back out now.
wait, i'm confused, did he break everything off with you? or did he just stop talking to you?

[SonEric84]

I've thought about it--I've thought about the fact that perhaps he is a fucking lying douchebag. I've thought about the fact that perhaps this is some kind of scam he pulls on girls.

But then I've thought about the fact that neither of those make sense. That perhaps he doesn't know how to break it to me and instead of coming out and telling me he doesn't like me, he finds it easier just to ignore me. Or maybe he really really likes me but is afraid of telling me that too.

I know eventually it will have to come to an end and I'll have to move on. I just hate it not being resolved. And I hate feeling like it was something I might have done.



Thinking about what it could be is going to drive you up the wall, trust me. I did the same thing in the situation I mentioned earlier. I never really got a good reason as to why she backed off and I have a feeling I never will. But it comes to a point where no matter what the reason is, it's just not good enough. I really do understand how you feel because I'm not the type of person who has felt like I have made many special connections with people throughout my life, so when I do, I really take it to heart and tend to put my all into it. YOU didn't do anything wrong, it sounds like you did everything right. The problem is him and there is nothing you can do to change that, don't blame yourself for the shortcomings of others. I understand wanting closure, but sometimes the only way to get it is by deciding to end the situation yourself. It really all comes down to the fact that people are just shitty and the few who are decent get screwed for no good reason. It's not fair, it's not right, but it's just the way it is.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

wait, i'm confused, did he break everything off with you? or did he just stop talking to you?


He hasn't done jack shit at this point but not respond to calls or texts.

[terror_91]

He hasn't done jack shit at this point but not respond to calls or texts.
I can see from this that you are getting more frustrated (and rightfully so) and I think this just backs up my point of setting a date to let it go. Something formal.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Thinking about what it could be is going to drive you up the wall, trust me. I did the same thing in the situation I mentioned earlier. I never really got a good reason as to why she backed off and I have a feeling I never will. But it comes to a point where no matter what the reason is, it's just not good enough. I really do understand how you feel because I'm not the type of person who has felt like I have made many special connections with people throughout my life, so when I do, I really take it to heart and tend to put my all into it. YOU didn't do anything wrong, it sounds like you did everything right. The problem is him and there is nothing you can do to change that, don't blame yourself for the shortcomings of others. I understand wanting closure, but sometimes the only way to get it is by deciding to end the situation yourself. It really all comes down to the fact that people are just shitty and the few who are decent get screwed for no good reason. It's not fair, it's not right, but it's just the way it is.


It is driving me up a wall--and then my friends and my mom keep telling me there is nothing that I did wrong, and as much as I would like to believe them, I sometimes feel that they are just saying that to pacify me, but deep down I know that there is nothing I did but it's much easier to just keep thinking about it. Replaying things. Questioning actions.

And the thing is, the more I wait, the more angry and hurt I get. More disappointed that someone I thought genuinely cared about me, hell who started the whole thing, cant find it in their mind to be decent enough to respond back. And I'm like you in a way, I when I feel I make a special connection to someone I want a resolution, a sense that either they want to break it off as well, or that they are willing to work at it.

Really, I just want him to know that we don't have to let things be awkward if we dont let them, if that makes any sense.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I can see from this that you are getting more frustrated (and rightfully so) and I think this just backs up my point of setting a date to let it go. Something formal.

Well that's why I am picking Saturday or Sunday as a day to try again--Saturday would be a week from when I last tried to get in contact with him and Sunday would be two weeks from when I last saw him and he told me to contact him.

[terror_91]

Well that's why I am picking Saturday or Sunday as a day to try again--Saturday would be a week from when I last tried to get in contact with him and Sunday would be two weeks from when I last saw him and he told me to contact him.
I wouldn't contact him at all. I'd just drop it if I am honest.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I wouldn't contact him at all. I'd just drop it if I am honest.


I can't--I've put too much into it to just drop it. I think he needs to man the fuck up and grow some and tell me what he feels. He's been quite honest to me in the past and I don't see where this situation would be any different.

But I see where you are going with it. But I am too nice of a person to do so.

[julietelizabeth]

Really, I just want him to know that we don't have to let things be awkward if we dont let them, if that makes any sense.

I know I haven't posted in here at all, but I've read through (and I pretty much agree with the people telling you to cut your losses because you're better off without this 'drama' and this guy who thinks it's ok to basically lead you on and cut you off), and I have definitely been in the position where I'd wanted a guy to understand what you say in the quote, but sometimes, that is impossible - especially if he's not responding!
My advice (if you can call it that!) is to get angry and then indifferent and forget about him. That might be stupidly difficult - I'm pretty good at getting angry when I don't get what I want, so it works for me - but I'd give it a shot ;D

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I know I haven't posted in here at all, but I've read through (and I pretty much agree with the people telling you to cut your losses because you're better off without this 'drama' and this guy who thinks it's ok to basically lead you on and cut you off), and I have definitely been in the position where I'd wanted a guy to understand what you say in the quote, but sometimes, that is impossible - especially if he's not responding!


I know perhaps I should just cut my losses and leave it alone, but the other part of me wants him to let him know that I care...let him know that I have feelings too...that we can work things out...but in the same breath, I want him to only want to do that if HE wants to. But I still hope that we can resolve this, but I'm 8-9 days into this and I'm already hurt.

[terror_91]

I can't--I've put too much into it to just drop it. I think he needs to man the fuck up and grow some and tell me what he feels. He's been quite honest to me in the past and I don't see where this situation would be any different.

But I see where you are going with it. But I am too nice of a person to do so.
I think that you are going to get hurt more this way. I really think that it should be dropped on the day you said. I see no reason why dropping it is an issue because you are too nice. I can see why you don't for other reasons but not that one. He's been a bit of a dick to you, I really don't think you owe him anything.

[deathinkosovo]

I never said anything was wrong.
I was just commenting on how much you are into this guy.

I don't know anything of the original poster lady other than her age and a vague idea of where she's from, but there is nothing a guy should want than to be wanted. So I think she's not at fault in falling head-over-heels for someone she feels is really worth it. I know for me, personally, I am always the one doing the wanting, and having it unrequited or wasted on a girl with a boyfriend or something. Every single time. So to find that one person whom you feel finally likes you as much as you like them? It's pretty special, and hurts like a bitch when it's ripped away from you, or even in doubt. While, again, I don't know the OP, I do empathize with her insofar that it sucks liking people, and it sucks even more feeling like they don't like you back.

*Internet fist bump*

[Chancetobe]

Still no response? It was strange, cuse i was kinda into this guy, and made out with him once, talked to him a few times after, but he never invited me over again. And then I didn't hear from him for like 2-3 weeks. So, i did what everyone else told you to do, just delete him from my mind - he clearly didn't like me. And then today out of the blue he ims me, and i'm like "dammit." But, my response of talking to him is wrong, and there is no excuse for a guy to ignore you - barring that he was nervous. So, i say he gets once more chance and that's it.

[Deadbolt23]

I don't know anything of the original poster lady other than her age and a vague idea of where she's from, but there is nothing a guy should want than to be wanted. So I think she's not at fault in falling head-over-heels for someone she feels is really worth it. I know for me, personally, I am always the one doing the wanting, and having it unrequited or wasted on a girl with a boyfriend or something. Every single time. So to find that one person whom you feel finally likes you as much as you like them? It's pretty special, and hurts like a bitch when it's ripped away from you, or even in doubt. While, again, I don't know the OP, I do empathize with her insofar that it sucks liking people, and it sucks even more feeling like they don't like you back.

*Internet fist bump*

I didn't say she was at fault. I completely understand. I've been in her position many a time.

[deathinkosovo]

I didn't say she was at fault. I completely understand. I've been in her position many a time.

Oh, I know, and I did reread the post of yours I quoted to make sure. But I think there are a lot of people who, in general, disagree with or simply do not understand how the girl's feeling. I haven't been a part of an active relationship for probably four years, which means I, unfortunately or not, fall really hard for people who show me affection. Being out of the game so long will do that to anyone. I was at a point early last year, or perhaps the months before, where every girl I met and had a decent conversation with was a potential date -- in my mind, anyway. In reality, they were being friendly, but my brain didn't know how to accept that as truth, instead telling me that there was potential in someone there was not.

I think men on the whole might have this problem. I know a lot of guys need that validation that what's real is, in fact, real, and it won't slip through the cracks. And when the validation doesn't come immediately, or within a certain window of time, analyzation and panic set in when there isn't anything actually wrong. I freak out when someone doesn't call or text me back within like, an hour or two, but I also forget to put myself in their shoes. There have been times when I received a text and didn't get back to the person for hours, or a day later, even. Does that make me a bad person? Or does it make me busy or forgetful?

I will say, though, in regard to the original poster, that if he hasn't gotten back to her in a certain period of time -- I'd say a couple days, a week, max -- it doesn't look good. I've cuddled with girls before and it's led me nowhere, but I at least had the courtesy of letting them know what they did wrong, or that it wasn't going to work out. Or they extended me that same courtesy. This means one of two things for the OP: One, the guy doesn't like her and doesn't know how to tell her. This is more probable, in my experience. Some men like the feeling of being wanted, while others like the feeling of being wanted by many. The OP may, sadly, be a placeholder for somebody else. Two, the guy does like her but hasn't gotten back to her because he either is shy and doesn't know what to say, or feels it is the girl's move and not his. Less likely but possible. As a guy myself, I don't know when a girl wants me to talk and when a girl wants me to shut up. Girls make this especially confusing when they tell you they like the attention, then you send them a message and they ignore it.

The world would be a much easier place to live in if we were all just honest with each other for once and forever. If you don't like someone, say it. If you love someone, say it. If you hate someone, say it. If you miss someone, say it. If the person who's interested in you is going too fast, slow or doing something wrong, say it. Honesty isn't the most painless policy, but it sure is the best, and for good reason.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I think that you are going to get hurt more this way. I really think that it should be dropped on the day you said. I see no reason why dropping it is an issue because you are too nice. I can see why you don't for other reasons but not that one. He's been a bit of a dick to you, I really don't think you owe him anything.

My reasoning behind at least trying one more time is that I did give him space and so that I can't say that I didn't try. I don't want him to think that I'm selfish and think that I am trying to be a (and I hate to put it this way) a 'typical girl' and that is why I'd ask how he was doing first and then see if things are cool with us and to give me a call later on.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I don't know anything of the original poster lady other than her age and a vague idea of where she's from, but there is nothing a guy should want than to be wanted. So I think she's not at fault in falling head-over-heels for someone she feels is really worth it. I know for me, personally, I am always the one doing the wanting, and having it unrequited or wasted on a girl with a boyfriend or something. Every single time. So to find that one person whom you feel finally likes you as much as you like them? It's pretty special, and hurts like a bitch when it's ripped away from you, or even in doubt. While, again, I don't know the OP, I do empathize with her insofar that it sucks liking people, and it sucks even more feeling like they don't like you back.

*Internet fist bump*

And the thing is, I do think he is worth it, be it in a friendship or a relationship despite the 'faults' and 'flaws' my friends (and one in particular) saw all along and from things that I told them: he's 23 and has never gone to college,he smokes weed (I've only seen him do it once but he's offered it to me a few times, but didn't force the issue), he has at least one misdemeanor charge against him and possibly is facing another from a party that he had invited me and a friend to go to but *thankfully* we never found or else we'd probably be facing charges too, he's working a job that his dad basically got him that would let him retire at the age of 48 being he started at 18, he lived in his car for a year and slept at his friend's houses for another six months or a year (which leads them to believe that he did something terrible to the point that he couldn't even go home--he told me that you should never burn bridges before you can, which led me to believe he could have went home but there was a misunderstanding), he always wanted to get me away from my friends (well at least two of them), he hangs around with and associates with people who have a history of being rough and mean (long story short, one of the girls that was his housemates has threatened to beat up and really hurt a friend of mine and her family members and animals), and currently, the fact that he won't respond to me.

But I got to see another side of him, to learn more about him, to know that he deep down inside probably isn't the asshole that he seems to be.

But yes, it does suck absolutely when you think you find someone who cares about you and gets you and there is a huge threat of that all being taken away from you.

[julietelizabeth]

Oh, man, he's a 'bad boy'? I understand where you're coming from much more now! I know I'm only 17, so I have no life/relationship experience/wisdom and probably not a great perspective on these things, but I get where you're coming from. There's something so... attractive? charming? alluring? about a 'bad' guy.;-) I wouldn't be letting go so quickly either.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Oh, I know, and I did reread the post of yours I quoted to make sure. But I think there are a lot of people who, in general, disagree with or simply do not understand how the girl's feeling. Ihaven't been a part of an active relationship for probably four years, which means I, unfortunately or not, fall really hard for people who show me affection. Being out of the game so long will do that to anyone. I was at a point early last year, or perhaps the months before, where every girl I met and had a decent conversation with was a potential date -- in my mind, anyway. In reality, they were being friendly, but my brain didn't know how to accept that as truth, instead telling me that there was potential in someone there was not.

I've never been in a relationship, and I think that this could turn into one. That is why I'm not backing down so easily.

I think men on the whole might have this problem. I know a lot of guys need that validation that what's real is, in fact, real, and it won't slip through the cracks. And when the validation doesn't come immediately, or within a certain window of time, analyzation and panic set in when there isn't anything actually wrong. I freak out when someone doesn't call or text me back within like, an hour or two, but I also forget to put myself in their shoes. There have been times when I received a text and didn't get back to the person for hours, or a day later, even. Does that make me a bad person? Or does it make me busy or forgetful?

That's why I'm backing off for a week (or attempting to)--I know he has a lot of stuff going on so I'll leave him. Give him a breather (though I did copy him in on a mass email that I sent to my friends on Fbook about the fact my mom started chemo today updating them on what was going on--he did know that she had been sick because I had told him back when we first found out in November--whether or not he remembers is another story, but when I did tell him he did seem genuinely concerned, so this was not some lame attempt to make him feel sorry). I have stuff going on too--my mom started chemo today and that is scaring me to no end because I have noo idea what will happen and how she'll respond, plus I have two jobs (albeit both part-time,but still) so it's not like I am just sitting here with nothing else to do.

I will say, though, in regard to the original poster, that if he hasn't gotten back to her in a certain period of time -- I'd say a couple days, a week, max -- it doesn't look good. I've cuddled with girls before and it's led me nowhere, but I at least had the courtesy of letting them know what they did wrong, or that it wasn't going to work out. Or they extended me that same courtesy. This means one of two things for the OP: One, the guy doesn't like her and doesn't know how to tell her. This is more probable, in my experience. Some men like the feeling of being wanted, while others like the feeling of being wanted by many. The OP may, sadly, be a placeholder for somebody else. Two, the guy does like her but hasn't gotten back to her because he either is shy and doesn't know what to say, or feels it is the girl's move and not his. Less likely but possible. As a guy myself, I don't know when a girl wants me to talk and when a girl wants me to shut up. Girls make this especially confusing when they tell you they like the attention, then you send them a message and they ignore it.

I have thought that perhaps he realizes that he does not like me but know that I do like him and he doesn't want to hurt me and sees silence as an easy out. But on the other hand, he jumped all over me one time when he thought I had invited his friend to his company Christmas bar party when I had been under the impression that his friend had been invited at that the guy in question had invited all of his friends as well and his friend led me to believe he had been invited all along, so it's not like this guy is shy with his emotions.

The world would be a much easier place to live in if we were all just honest with each other for once and forever. If you don't like someone, say it. If you love someone, say it. If you hate someone, say it. If you miss someone, say it. If the person who's interested in you is going too fast, slow or doing something wrong, say it. Honesty isn't the most painless policy, but it sure is the best, and for good reason.

And that's all I want from him--is honesty.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Oh, man, he's a 'bad boy'? I understand where you're coming from much more now! I know I'm only 17, so I have no life/relationship experience/wisdom and probably not a great perspective on these things, but I get where you're coming from. There's something so... attractive? charming? alluring? about a 'bad' guy.;-) I wouldn't be letting go so quickly either.

That's not the attraction, really. I mean I do like that he seems to have a different outlook on life and lives by the 'don't be afraid of life' kinda mantra and it is a bit refreshing and it might seem that that is the attraction because I am what would be considered a 'good girl' but I know that he has a good side: one that is loyal to friends and family members, that likes animals, that helps his friends out.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I know I haven't posted in here at all, but I've read through (and I pretty much agree with the people telling you to cut your losses because you're better off without this 'drama' and this guy who thinks it's ok to basically lead you on and cut you off), and I have definitely been in the position where I'd wanted a guy to understand what you say in the quote, but sometimes, that is impossible - especially if he's not responding!
My advice (if you can call it that!) is to get angry and then indifferent and forget about him. That might be stupidly difficult - I'm pretty good at getting angry when I don't get what I want, so it works for me - but I'd give it a shot ;D


I am angry at this point, so perhaps that is a step in the right direction?

[phil19]

Phil... be nice...?

im always nice

[deathinkosovo]

I am angry at this point, so perhaps that is a step in the right direction?

You've never been in a relationship. You're 23 and hungry for something, so I'm going to lay this out for you right here. From my experience, you're clinging to the first thing that moves or shows even the most minor, mundane sign of being interested in you. I understand this and empathize with you that far, I've been there. But, truth is, there often are many people who are interesting, so putting all your eggs into this bad boy's basket is doing you more harm than good.

I'm going to share a story I haven't shared with anybody but my closest friends. Why? Why not. I'm bored and don't want to eat dinner quite yet. There was a girl I really, really liked maybe four-five months ago. I was borderline obsessed with her. Like me, she was a writer, she was creative, she was funny and had a unique personality. I checked her Facebook everyday, searching for a new update or photo or anything. We hung out and went to a concert once, and I was in that same "does this person like me or not?" state of limbo. Everytime I hung out with her I took that "does she or doesn't she?" mind-set, and that caused me to unfairly read into every single one of her actions and words, because I didn't know if she liked me. Instead of taking an innocent sentence like, "Hey, want to get some pizza?" literally, I forced myself to think there was some double meaning behind it. There wasn't. She didn't like me, but I refused to believe that, and I can see so many of the same qualities in this guy as I did the girl I was going gaga over.

From what you described, the guy is a piece of shit. Now, before you get on my case about it, allow me to explain. You are in love with his type -- not what he does within that type, and not him. There is so much truth behind your words it is, honestly, a little disgusting. Look at how much you wrote about him that you dislike or find unattractive. Nobody with that long a list of negatives can possibly be worth it. Everybody I know and have ever considered dating have their pluses and minuses, but your ratio of bad to good for this guy is entirely skewed. In reality, the person you eventually marry is going to be a flawed son of a bitch. Hell, I have my problems; we all do. But it sounds like you're putting up with a shit-ton more than he'd ever have to, and that itself is a negative.

OK, let me pose this to you: Your reasoning for liking him is, as far as I understand, because he's a sweet, caring guy under the asshole mask he constantly wears. Also: You're into "bad boys." That's... not good. At all. So, he has no college under his belt. OK, I guess that's not the end of the world. He smokes weed a lot. That's fine, weed's not so bad. He has a police record. Eh, I suppose that isn't such a terrible thing. There was a possibility he almost got YOU a police record. Well, that's, um... yeah. He ran away from home, choosing to sleep in his car or at a friend's instead of confront his parents. Well, uh. Ahem. And he's pulling you away from your friends? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

I don't mean to yell, especially over the Internet, but you are ruining yourself. You think the guy's busy? No shit you think he's busy, he's probably needlessly rebelling against something or someone he only believes to be "corrupt." The "bad boy" persona only works until it starts seeping into his everyday life, which it looks like it already has. His trying to separate you from your friends (among other things) is a gigantic, glaring warning sign that there isn't a sweet, genuine nice guy underneath it all. And if there is, what the hell is the point of liking a bad boy if you're just looking for his softer side anyway? If you like sweet, sincere men, go for those types instead of cracking the eggs to a much more difficult omelet.

In short -- and I don't know why I add that in there, I know you're reading all this regardless -- you're better than this. You're caring about somebody who isn't there and somebody you have given all the opportunities and time in the world. Like I said before, give him a few more days maximum before calling off. And I say you're better than this because, if you want my personal take on it, you CAN do better. You DESERVE better. I've only read your posts, but you actually give a shit about this guy. So many other, non-asshole, non-living-in-their-car guys would appreciate a girl who cares half this much about them as you do this "bad boy." Hell, if the girls I was into were even half this obsessed with me, I wouldn't be a miserable fucking dude stressing over the fact that yet another girl I'm interested in won't talk to me. Again. Alas...

Stop hurting yourself. Cut it out. Cut it off.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

im always nice

Yes you are :)

[kaycey]

Fancy seeing you here!!
ha! what do you mean, i'm always here. one post here, two posts there (:

What do you mean, if he can sense that the conversation is going there? Just wondering...
after we meet chicks it usually ends with us telling(lying) them that we'll see them here/meet them there/call them later cause we can always sense who wants this more and depending on how much time the chick is worth we plan the conversation escape.
hope this helps.

[phil19]

Phil... be nice...?

im always nice

Yes you are :)

see, its official

[SonEric84]

You've never been in a relationship. You're 23 and hungry for something, so I'm going to lay this out for you right here. From my experience, you're clinging to the first thing that moves or shows even the most minor, mundane sign of being interested in you. I understand this and empathize with you that far, I've been there. But, truth is, there often are many people who are interesting, so putting all your eggs into this bad boy's basket is doing you more harm than good.

I'm going to share a story I haven't shared with anybody but my closest friends. Why? Why not. I'm bored and don't want to eat dinner quite yet. There was a girl I really, really liked maybe four-five months ago. I was borderline obsessed with her. Like me, she was a writer, she was creative, she was funny and had a unique personality. I checked her Facebook everyday, searching for a new update or photo or anything. We hung out and went to a concert once, and I was in that same "does this person like me or not?" state of limbo. Everytime I hung out with her I took that "does she or doesn't she?" mind-set, and that caused me to unfairly read into every single one of her actions and words, because I didn't know if she liked me. Instead of taking an innocent sentence like, "Hey, want to get some pizza?" literally, I forced myself to think there was some double meaning behind it. There wasn't. She didn't like me, but I refused to believe that, and I can see so many of the same qualities in this guy as I did the girl I was going gaga over.

From what you described, the guy is a piece of shit. Now, before you get on my case about it, allow me to explain. You are in love with his type -- not what he does within that type, and not him. There is so much truth behind your words it is, honestly, a little disgusting. Look at how much you wrote about him that you dislike or find unattractive. Nobody with that long a list of negatives can possibly be worth it. Everybody I know and have ever considered dating have their pluses and minuses, but your ratio of bad to good for this guy is entirely skewed. In reality, the person you eventually marry is going to be a flawed son of a bitch. Hell, I have my problems; we all do. But it sounds like you're putting up with a shit-ton more than he'd ever have to, and that itself is a negative.

OK, let me pose this to you: Your reasoning for liking him is, as far as I understand, because he's a sweet, caring guy under the asshole mask he constantly wears. Also: You're into "bad boys." That's... not good. At all. So, he has no college under his belt. OK, I guess that's not the end of the world. He smokes weed a lot. That's fine, weed's not so bad. He has a police record. Eh, I suppose that isn't such a terrible thing. There was a possibility he almost got YOU a police record. Well, that's, um... yeah. He ran away from home, choosing to sleep in his car or at a friend's instead of confront his parents. Well, uh. Ahem. And he's pulling you away from your friends? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

I don't mean to yell, especially over the Internet, but you are ruining yourself. You think the guy's busy? No shit you think he's busy, he's probably needlessly rebelling against something or someone he only believes to be "corrupt." The "bad boy" persona only works until it starts seeping into his everyday life, which it looks like it already has. His trying to separate you from your friends (among other things) is a gigantic, glaring warning sign that there isn't a sweet, genuine nice guy underneath it all. And if there is, what the hell is the point of liking a bad boy if you're just looking for his softer side anyway? If you like sweet, sincere men, go for those types instead of cracking the eggs to a much more difficult omelet.

In short -- and I don't know why I add that in there, I know you're reading all this regardless -- you're better than this. You're caring about somebody who isn't there and somebody you have given all the opportunities and time in the world. Like I said before, give him a few more days maximum before calling off. And I say you're better than this because, if you want my personal take on it, you CAN do better. You DESERVE better. I've only read your posts, but you actually give a shit about this guy. So many other, non-asshole, non-living-in-their-car guys would appreciate a girl who cares half this much about them as you do this "bad boy." Hell, if the girls I was into were even half this obsessed with me, I wouldn't be a miserable fucking dude stressing over the fact that yet another girl I'm interested in won't talk to me. Again. Alas...

Stop hurting yourself. Cut it out. Cut it off.



Seriously, this.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

You've never been in a relationship. You're 23 and hungry for something, so I'm going to lay this out for you right here. From my experience, you're clinging to the first thing that moves or shows even the most minor, mundane sign of being interested in you. I understand this and empathize with you that far, I've been there. But, truth is, there often are many people who are interesting, so putting all your eggs into this bad boy's basket is doing you more harm than good.

A few of my friends said not to put all my eggs in the basket, so I've heard that before--I just thought they were trying to humor me being they know that have never been in a relationship but I am now realizing their logic. And no, I do not grasp at anything that shows attention, otherwise I'd probably be knocked up my some drunken creeper at the bar, but I do see what you mean--

I'm going to share a story I haven't shared with anybody but my closest friends. Why? Why not. I'm bored and don't want to eat dinner quite yet. There was a girl I really, really liked maybe four-five months ago. I was borderline obsessed with her. Like me, she was a writer, she was creative, she was funny and had a unique personality. I checked her Facebook everyday, searching for a new update or photo or anything. We hung out and went to a concert once, and I was in that same "does this person like me or not?" state of limbo. Everytime I hung out with her I took that "does she or doesn't she?" mind-set, and that caused me to unfairly read into every single one of her actions and words, because I didn't know if she liked me. Instead of taking an innocent sentence like, "Hey, want to get some pizza?" literally, I forced myself to think there was some double meaning behind it. There wasn't. She didn't like me, but I refused to believe that, and I can see so many of the same qualities in this guy as I did the girl I was going gaga over.

From what you described, the guy is a piece of shit. Now, before you get on my case about it, allow me to explain. You are in love with his type -- not what he does within that type, and not him. There is so much truth behind your words it is, honestly, a little disgusting. Look at how much you wrote about him that you dislike or find unattractive. Nobody with that long a list of negatives can possibly be worth it. Everybody I know and have ever considered dating have their pluses and minuses, but your ratio of bad to good for this guy is entirely skewed. In reality, the person you eventually marry is going to be a flawed son of a bitch. Hell, I have my problems; we all do. But it sounds like you're putting up with a shit-ton more than he'd ever have to, and that itself is a negative.

I am not in love with a type--I do sincerely like him and care for him and wish him the best and I hate that I am gaining such a hatred towards someone who two weeks ago, I really liked, regardless of what 'type' he was. I also really like a guy friend of mine who is really into music and photography and hockey, so with that information that is a bit of a flawed logic. And I never put that I found some of his traits unattractive I was just saying that these were flaws that my friends saw and one friend did in particular who went through a really really terrible relationship with her ex fiancee--I really don't care that he hasn't been to school yet, he is trying to go but he at least has a pretty nice job that would set him up comfortably if he plays his cards right (and I know this for sure because my grandfather retired from said company and he and my grandma live nicely & do not have to worry about money) and even commented one time that he would quit his job to do what he wants to go to school for even though it would pay less money. Yes the weed smoking bothers me because I myself wouldn't want to get caught with it and get busted for it, but I have friends that do it too but they still function normally and I love them regardless. The police record kinda caught me off guard, but I have relatives that have been in trouble with the law for trumped up charges and are some of the kindest, sweetest loyal people you'll ever meet. And perhaps I could have explained the whole getting me away from my friends thing--it's not like he said "you can't hang out with person x and y" it was that when he'd come up to the bar with his one friend, instead of sitting with my friends he'd want to go play pool in another room, or when I had invited him to an afterparty at my work he sat down with my friends (two from my group of friends--I work with a few of my friends) and he ate his food and then was like 'hey lets go see what's in that room over there' and then we ended up downstairs in pretty much off access areas to people not in the cast and crew. But yes, it did bother me that he was like that towards my friends because with the exception of one of the relatives I met of his, I genuinely liked the friends of his that I met.

but there is some truth to the good vs. bad qualities, pluses and minuses--a friend of mine told me to write out my feelings about him and so I did: I wrote out the good qualities and bad qualities and they pretty much evened out.

OK, let me pose this to you: Your reasoning for liking him is, as far as I understand, because he's a sweet, caring guy under the asshole mask he constantly wears. Also: You're into "bad boys." That's... not good. At all. So, he has no college under his belt. OK, I guess that's not the end of the world. He smokes weed a lot. That's fine, weed's not so bad. He has a police record. Eh, I suppose that isn't such a terrible thing. There was a possibility he almost got YOU a police record. Well, that's, um... yeah. He ran away from home, choosing to sleep in his car or at a friend's instead of confront his parents. Well, uh. Ahem. And he's pulling you away from your friends? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

I don't mean to yell, especially over the Internet, but you are ruining yourself. You think the guy's busy? No shit you think he's busy, he's probably needlessly rebelling against something or someone he only believes to be "corrupt." The "bad boy" persona only works until it starts seeping into his everyday life, which it looks like it already has. His trying to separate you from your friends (among other things) is a gigantic, glaring warning sign that there isn't a sweet, genuine nice guy underneath it all. And if there is, what the hell is the point of liking a bad boy if you're just looking for his softer side anyway? If you like sweet, sincere men, go for those types instead of cracking the eggs to a much more difficult omelet.

And I do like guys like that (sweet, sincere men)--but no one who is like that ever seems to like me as more than a friend as of yet.

In short -- and I don't know why I add that in there, I know you're reading all this regardless -- you're better than this. You're caring about somebody who isn't there and somebody you have given all the opportunities and time in the world. Like I said before, give him a few more days maximum before calling off. And I say you're better than this because, if you want my personal take on it, you CAN do better. You DESERVE better. I've only read your posts, but you actually give a shit about this guy. So many other, non-asshole, non-living-in-their-car guys would appreciate a girl who cares half this much about them as you do this "bad boy." Hell, if the girls I was into were even half this obsessed with me, I wouldn't be a miserable fucking dude stressing over the fact that yet another girl I'm interested in won't talk to me. Again. Alas...

Stop hurting yourself. Cut it out. Cut it off.

I know I am better than this--I just choose to give it one last shot--be the better person. I just keep thinking that somehow this is all my fault that it's me that is the issue but with every day that goes by, I start to realize perhaps it's him, maybe we met at different times in our lives, etc. It's just he chose me out of all my friends and any other girl that was at that bar that night--rarely does anyone chose me, if ever. The only other person recently was a guy at the bar I was at for NYE and his friends came and told me to dance with him and I did and I had a wonderful evening dancing with him--fast dancing and slow dancing--and I felt wonderful and pretty and I smiled a whole lot because I felt great and the friends that were there gave him a seal of approval. I did give him my number but haven't gotten a response back.

And I know that deep down inside, I do deserve better and I deserve to be treated better it's just hard to see that right now. I just wish I knew whether or not he cared half this much :/

But thank you for caring, it means a lot that you have taken the time to care this much and to share your story with me (well us).

[Jennurna Gray]

see, its official
I'd beg to differ, but I love you too much.

[ilikesound93]

You've never been in a relationship. You're 23 and hungry for something, so I'm going to lay this out for you right here. From my experience, you're clinging to the first thing that moves or shows even the most minor, mundane sign of being interested in you. I understand this and empathize with you that far, I've been there. But, truth is, there often are many people who are interesting, so putting all your eggs into this bad boy's basket is doing you more harm than good.

I'm going to share a story I haven't shared with anybody but my closest friends. Why? Why not. I'm bored and don't want to eat dinner quite yet. There was a girl I really, really liked maybe four-five months ago. I was borderline obsessed with her. Like me, she was a writer, she was creative, she was funny and had a unique personality. I checked her Facebook everyday, searching for a new update or photo or anything. We hung out and went to a concert once, and I was in that same "does this person like me or not?" state of limbo. Everytime I hung out with her I took that "does she or doesn't she?" mind-set, and that caused me to unfairly read into every single one of her actions and words, because I didn't know if she liked me. Instead of taking an innocent sentence like, "Hey, want to get some pizza?" literally, I forced myself to think there was some double meaning behind it. There wasn't. She didn't like me, but I refused to believe that, and I can see so many of the same qualities in this guy as I did the girl I was going gaga over.

From what you described, the guy is a piece of shit. Now, before you get on my case about it, allow me to explain. You are in love with his type -- not what he does within that type, and not him. There is so much truth behind your words it is, honestly, a little disgusting. Look at how much you wrote about him that you dislike or find unattractive. Nobody with that long a list of negatives can possibly be worth it. Everybody I know and have ever considered dating have their pluses and minuses, but your ratio of bad to good for this guy is entirely skewed. In reality, the person you eventually marry is going to be a flawed son of a bitch. Hell, I have my problems; we all do. But it sounds like you're putting up with a shit-ton more than he'd ever have to, and that itself is a negative.

OK, let me pose this to you: Your reasoning for liking him is, as far as I understand, because he's a sweet, caring guy under the asshole mask he constantly wears. Also: You're into "bad boys." That's... not good. At all. So, he has no college under his belt. OK, I guess that's not the end of the world. He smokes weed a lot. That's fine, weed's not so bad. He has a police record. Eh, I suppose that isn't such a terrible thing. There was a possibility he almost got YOU a police record. Well, that's, um... yeah. He ran away from home, choosing to sleep in his car or at a friend's instead of confront his parents. Well, uh. Ahem. And he's pulling you away from your friends? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

I don't mean to yell, especially over the Internet, but you are ruining yourself. You think the guy's busy? No shit you think he's busy, he's probably needlessly rebelling against something or someone he only believes to be "corrupt." The "bad boy" persona only works until it starts seeping into his everyday life, which it looks like it already has. His trying to separate you from your friends (among other things) is a gigantic, glaring warning sign that there isn't a sweet, genuine nice guy underneath it all. And if there is, what the hell is the point of liking a bad boy if you're just looking for his softer side anyway? If you like sweet, sincere men, go for those types instead of cracking the eggs to a much more difficult omelet.

In short -- and I don't know why I add that in there, I know you're reading all this regardless -- you're better than this. You're caring about somebody who isn't there and somebody you have given all the opportunities and time in the world. Like I said before, give him a few more days maximum before calling off. And I say you're better than this because, if you want my personal take on it, you CAN do better. You DESERVE better. I've only read your posts, but you actually give a shit about this guy. So many other, non-asshole, non-living-in-their-car guys would appreciate a girl who cares half this much about them as you do this "bad boy." Hell, if the girls I was into were even half this obsessed with me, I wouldn't be a miserable fucking dude stressing over the fact that yet another girl I'm interested in won't talk to me. Again. Alas...

Stop hurting yourself. Cut it out. Cut it off.

Wow. Yes. You're awesome.

[phil19]

I'd beg to differ, but I love you too much.

what? im a very nice young man.

ilu2

[Jennurna Gray]

what? im a very nice young man.

ilu2
I know, babe.

[phil19]

I know, babe.

:sneakkiss:

[deathinkosovo]

I know I am better than this--I just choose to give it one last shot--be the better person. I just keep thinking that somehow this is all my fault that it's me that is the issue but with every day that goes by, I start to realize perhaps it's him, maybe we met at different times in our lives, etc. It's just he chose me out of all my friends and any other girl that was at that bar that night--rarely does anyone chose me, if ever. The only other person recently was a guy at the bar I was at for NYE and his friends came and told me to dance with him and I did and I had a wonderful evening dancing with him--fast dancing and slow dancing--and I felt wonderful and pretty and I smiled a whole lot because I felt great and the friends that were there gave him a seal of approval. I did give him my number but haven't gotten a response back.

And I know that deep down inside, I do deserve better and I deserve to be treated better it's just hard to see that right now. I just wish I knew whether or not he cared half this much :/

But thank you for caring, it means a lot that you have taken the time to care this much and to share your story with me (well us).

Why? Why do you think people -- men, specifically -- don't "choose" you? Because people I liked or could have had a chance with didn't "choose" me, either, which is why I am intrigued. Very intrigued. I see a lot of my own qualities in you, which is actually kind of scary. I realized that it wasn't all my fault or the fault of others, but a combination of the two. On one hand, there weren't a lot of girls I considered my "type" around me, and I didn't put myself in situations with those kinds of girls. On the other hand, I am shy and don't randomly approach people all too well, and, well, I'm a bit of a nutso. I analyze, I obsess, just like you do, and people are turned off by that. I fail to present myself appropriately, and that has hurt me.

So, what is it about you that you think men don't like? We already know what it is about them, but what about you, personally? You're halfway there, it seems, so if you can turn this corner, you'll be on your way to success with the opposite sex.

And don't worry about my caring; I'm only posting at length because, again, I see a lot of myself in you (that sounded wrong). I've never met or seen or read replies by someone so similar -- at least in this aspect of life. So, in a way, everytime I get back to you is an attempt at understanding myself, and what makes me the way I am and why. It's the "why" that's important.

[Jennurna Gray]

:sneakkiss:
:D:D!

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Why? Why do you think people -- men, specifically -- don't "choose" you? Because people I liked or could have had a chance with didn't "choose" me, either, which is why I am intrigued. Very intrigued. I see a lot of my own qualities in you, which is actually kind of scary. I realized that it wasn't all my fault or the fault of others, but a combination of the two. On one hand, there weren't a lot of girls I considered my "type" around me, and I didn't put myself in situations with those kinds of girls. On the other hand, I am shy and don't randomly approach people all too well, and, well, I'm a bit of a nutso. I analyze, I obsess, just like you do, and people are turned off by that. I fail to present myself appropriately, and that has hurt me.

So, what is it about you that you think men don't like? We already know what it is about them, but what about you, personally? You're halfway there, it seems, so if you can turn this corner, you'll be on your way to success with the opposite sex.

And don't worry about my caring; I'm only posting at length because, again, I see a lot of myself in you (that sounded wrong). I've never met or seen or read replies by someone so similar -- at least in this aspect of life. So, in a way, everytime I get back to you is an attempt at understanding myself, and what makes me the way I am and why. It's the "why" that's important.


I feel that people, well 'men' in this case do not chose me because no one ever really does. I don't feel I fit the definition of pretty and when people do say I am, I feel they are just saying it to make me feel better about myself and not being genuine--I'm definitely not thin, I get self-conscious about my looks especially when a good percentage of my friends are thin or close to it and make comments about how they look which makes me think if they think they are fat and ugly, well then what does that make me? For example, one of my best friends just had a baby at the beginning of November and is already throwing a fit about the fact she is still 'big'--she used to be about 125lbs if that and on her what she calls 'fat' days 135lbs--before she had the baby she was up to a little over 190lbs and has gotten down to 150lbish and when she and I hung out last time, she was throwing a fit about how she was going to be in two weddings and no way in hell would she go dress shopping as fat as she was, let alone be in a wedding at her current weight. So if she thinks that she is huge at 150lbs, it means that I myself am extremely huge at my current weight, which I won't even say because I'm embarrassed.

So with me not liking how I look, I can't imagine that anyone else would want to look at me. And then the thought continues to where if I were to ever make out with a guy and didn't lose a ton of weight before doing so, that he would put his hand up my shirt or want to get naked or whatever and he'd look at me and be disgusted.

I'm not used to guys noticing me--I've always been the 'joke' one to hit on or try to get with or I'm ignored--so when a guy notices me, a lot of the times, I wonder why they are in the first place. I got my first ever guy friends (well except for guys like in kindergarten lol) about a year and a half ago, and they are some of the sweetest most accepting guys I have ever met.

I've also never done anything sexually--my first kiss on the lips came this NYE at the bar because this pretty decent looking guy asked if I had been kissed at midnight and I said no and he kissed me--not exactly how I planned it to be. Me staying over in a bed with the guy that this whole thing is about was a big deal for me because it was something I had never done. So I fear the day (if it ever presents itself) that I will make out with a guy, that I will do something sexually, that I'll actually have sex, that I won't be good at it, or that a guy won't be accepting or willing to take things slow for me and will laugh at me. Yes, as I know, a guy who would do that to me isn't someone I'd want to be with in the first place, but what if I find that out too late. Or that the guy will take it as a fetish and be all excited that he would be my 'first'.

And the past year, year and a half has been a real changing point for me, starting with the fall of 2008. While I had friends before that, I met a great group of friends (two guys and three girls) in this one class and we were basically together all the time because of the nature of the class and I had never, ever ever felt as accepted and cared for and liked as I have with these people in my entire life--and with them accepting me for who I am, it made me more socialible--since then I go out more, I go to bars now, I just feel more free to be 'me' because they like me and brought that out in me if that makes any sense.

And even though I have a porfolio chock full of articles and press releases that have been published, completed a group project that a company could currently using our advice and research, graduated college with a pretty nice gpa, have been given extra responsibilties at one of my jobs that the full-timers do, I feel because I have yet to break into the field I want to go into, that I am a failure. I'm used to accomplishing a whole lot and this past year I haven't--I've applied for jobs, been on a few interviews and am currently working two part-time jobs. Which I am extrememly grateful for especially since I know people who don't even have one job, I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels.


And Im pretty shy until I warm up to the people around me, which people either mistake as being snotty or slow.

So all of these things make me think that I am not a catch and perhaps do not deserve better.


P.S. Don't worry about the 'seeing yourself in me' comment--I knew what you meant but I appreciate a good 'that's what she said joke' at the same time lol

[deathinkosovo]

OK, so I see your problem as being twofold, but it's not a hopeless case for you, in either event. First, it is definitely a case of how you view yourself. How you view yourself is how others view you, and if you view yourself as an unconfident "bigger" woman, others will too. The difference I see between you and your friends is that they themselves appear determined to correct their issue while you remain static on your end. If your friend with the baby is unsatisfied being 135, she makes the effort to bring down her weight to something more comfortable for her. This is your second problem: You seem unaffected by any of this. When you hear your friends complaining about "how fat" they are, you turn jealous or confrontative instead of using that as fuel to better yourself. Wanting them to shut up isn't going to help you lose the pounds, or get your body down to a size you're comfortable with. I have no problem with whiny people -- I'm one myself -- but if you're complaining and, at the same time, doing nothing to remedy the situation, then I have zero sympathy for you.

I can also see your weight affecting what you have, or have had with this boy, and men on the whole. I'm not speaking for all men, but a solid majority of them do not like bigger women. Here is my take on it. I, personally, do not like bigger women. I'm 6'0 and about 165-170 (it varies), and I carry a bit of belly weight. I hate this belly weight, so I am trying situps to shape it more. My weight isn't so much the issue as much as the unsightliness of a bulging gut is. Since I am of an average weight, any female my size or bigger becomes, in my experience, unable to be handled. Men like feeling as if they are the dominant one, like they're in charge. When a girl is bigger than them -- in height or weight -- it shatters that domination dynamic. Also, a larger woman tends to have a persona about her that is anything but attractive. The "bigger is beautiful" thing is a turn off for me, as is anyone who refuses to acknowledge their concerns. I can dig a bigger girl who is actively working toward a healthier, shaplier body; I can't dig a bigger girl who doesn't give a shit.

Size is a major concern for men because bigger doesn't mean better -- it means unhealthier. And when someone is unhealthy, it usually means they do not care. What does not caring show a guy? No confidence. What is the least attractive quality to a guy? No confidence. So my suggestion to you is, either start working for yourself and mentally prepare yourself to accept your bigger stature, or work to reduce it. Right now you are lacking confidence, and I can tell you straightforward, that is your flaw. I am willing to bet a small dollar amount (up to $4, maybe) that this is the reason the guy hasn't gotten back to you yet.

Another question: Is the guy you're into bigger himself? Because he might not approve of you physically if he isn't. That sounds harsh, I know, but think about it from a guy's perspective. Right now, I'm thinking to myself, What is the reason the guy didn't go all the way? Why did he stop at cuddling? There has to be a reason, and no, being a "nice guy" isn't it. If there is an opportunity for sex, the guy will take it. Unless he is completely inept with women or gay or asexual. If he's anything but those three things, he would've sexed you up by now.

Does this sound crude? I hope it doesn't, but I can understand how it would. Just know that until you want the best of yourself, you will not get anywhere in life, and that goes for all aspects. While I'm a pretty thin dude on the outside, I'm also pretty thin on the inside. I'm sort of narrowminded and I have anxiety and/or depression. But I realized this a number of months ago and I took the steps to better myself. I'm seeing doctors, I'm trying new things. If I didn't want to change, I wouldn't have, but I do want it. You have to want to be attractive if that is what you think you need to get more guys looking your way. Believe me, 50 pounds goes a long, long way in a man's thought process. I've seen ugly, dog-looking girls who get hit on constantly. Why? Because they're skinny rails. Despite being devoid of personality and ass, they take care of themselves and show enough confidence to be successful.

Find that confidence. It'll do wonders.

Oh, and the job thing isn't something you should worry about. I've been unemployed since August and I'm doing my best to not let it get me down. I'd take any job at this point, so don't worry about that. You're not alone in having trouble finding in-field work.

[po0ty]

Being unhealthy is not attractive, obvious I know but still.


Acting confident is also important. It's not so much actually being strong but at least acting strong that will help alot.


This is pretty much what deathinkosovo said though.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

OK, so I see your problem as being twofold, but it's not a hopeless case for you, in either event. First, it is definitely a case of how you view yourself. How you view yourself is how others view you, and if you view yourself as an unconfident "bigger" woman, others will too. The difference I see between you and your friends is that they themselves appear determined to correct their issue while you remain static on your end. If your friend with the baby is unsatisfied being 135, she makes the effort to bring down her weight to something more comfortable for her. This is your second problem: You seem unaffected by any of this. When you hear your friends complaining about "how fat" they are, you turn jealous or confrontative instead of using that as fuel to better yourself. Wanting them to shut up isn't going to help you lose the pounds, or get your body down to a size you're comfortable with. I have no problem with whiny people -- I'm one myself -- but if you're complaining and, at the same time, doing nothing to remedy the situation, then I have zero sympathy for you.

I can also see your weight affecting what you have, or have had with this boy, and men on the whole. I'm not speaking for all men, but a solid majority of them do not like bigger women. Here is my take on it. I, personally, do not like bigger women. I'm 6'0 and about 165-170 (it varies), and I carry a bit of belly weight. I hate this belly weight, so I am trying situps to shape it more. My weight isn't so much the issue as much as the unsightliness of a bulging gut is. Since I am of an average weight, any female my size or bigger becomes, in my experience, unable to be handled. Men like feeling as if they are the dominant one, like they're in charge. When a girl is bigger than them -- in height or weight -- it shatters that domination dynamic. Also, a larger woman tends to have a persona about her that is anything but attractive. The "bigger is beautiful" thing is a turn off for me, as is anyone who refuses to acknowledge their concerns. I can dig a bigger girl who is actively working toward a healthier, shaplier body; I can't dig a bigger girl who doesn't give a shit.

Size is a major concern for men because bigger doesn't mean better -- it means unhealthier. And when someone is unhealthy, it usually means they do not care. What does not caring show a guy? No confidence. What is the least attractive quality to a guy? No confidence. So my suggestion to you is, either start working for yourself and mentally prepare yourself to accept your bigger stature, or work to reduce it. Right now you are lacking confidence, and I can tell you right now, that is your flaw. I am willing to bet a small dollar amount (up to $4, maybe) that this is the reason the guy hasn't gotten back to you yet.

Another question: Is the guy you're into bigger himself? Because he might not approve of you physically if he isn't. That sounds harsh, I know, but think about it from a guy's perspective. Right now, I'm thinking to myself, What is the reason the guy didn't go all the way? Why did he stop at cuddling? There has to be a reason, and no, being a "nice guy" isn't it. If there is an opportunity for sex, the guy will take it. Unless he is completely inept with women or gay or asexual. If he's anything but those three things, he would've sexed you up by now.

Does this sound crude? I hope it doesn't, but I can understand how it would. Just know that until you want the best of yourself, you will not get anywhere in life, and that goes for all aspects. While I'm a pretty thin dude on the outside, I'm also pretty thin on the inside. I'm sort of narrowminded and I have anxiety and/or depression. But I realized this a number of months ago and I took the steps to better myself. I'm seeing doctors, I'm trying new things. If I didn't want to change, I wouldn't have, but I do want it. You have to want to be attractive if that is what you think you need to get more guys looking your way. Believe me, 50 pounds goes a long, long way in a man's thought process. I've seen ugly, dog-looking girls who get hit on constantly. Why? Because they're skinny rails. Despite being devoid of personality and ass, they take care of themselves and show enough confidence to be successful.

Find that confidence. It'll do wonders.

Oh, and the job thing isn't something you should worry about. I've been unemployed since August and I'm doing my best to not let it get me down. I'd take any job at this point, so don't worry about that. You're not alone in having trouble finding in-field work.

To answer your question, no the guy I like is not fat, he's not fat at all. He's about 6ft tall and thin but with arm muscles. And it has never been an issue to him it seems about me being bigger than him or at least never appeared to be. He wasn't embarrassed to be seen out in public with me. I mean when we went to his friend's Halloween party, he had his arms around me.

I want to lose weight, in fact, somehow I have lost 4lbs in the past week or so that I have no idea how I did. I have bought exercise tapes in the past--in fact I have the Carmen Electra CardioAerobic Striptease box set, but no real place to do them at. My friend wants me to join the gym with her but I don't have the extra money around to do so and her only motivation for going now is because she has a boyfriend and wants to keep her her stamina for sex..not because she wants to look better and she is a lot bigger than me.

I do have goals: I have aspirations: I want to have my own home, I want to be able to take trips, I want to be able to help others out, I want to work for a charity and help raise money for a worthy cause, I want to write articles that get published all over the world or at least have a pretty good readership level. I want to be loved for who I am...I want to fall in love with a person who is basically my best friend but a guy. I want to keep the same friends that I have forever. I want to be someone that people look up to and are proud of. I want to be able to die knowing that I did everyhing that I wanted to do and that I couldn't have lived a better life.

But I also think that perhaps if say I did lose a shit ton of weight or at least a noticable amount, that guys that might not have wanted to get with me before but would notice me now only would because I would be smaller and that wiould not be what I would want--

[phil19]

To answer your question, no the guy I like is not fat, he's not fat at all. He's about 6ft tall and thin but with arm muscles. And it has never been an issue to him it seems about me being bigger than him or at least never appeared to be. He wasn't embarrassed to be seen out in public with me. I mean when we went to his friend's Halloween party, he had his arms around me.

I want to lose weight, in fact, somehow I have lost 4lbs in the past week or so that I have no idea how I did. I have bought exercise tapes in the past--in fact I have the Carmen Electra CardioAerobic Striptease box set, but no real place to do them at. My friend wants me to join the gym with her but I don't have the extra money around to do so and her only motivation for going now is because she has a boyfriend and wants to keep her her stamina for sex..not because she wants to look better and she is a lot bigger than me.

I do have goals: I have aspirations: I want to have my own home, I want to be able to take trips, I want to be able to help others out, I want to work for a charity and help raise money for a worthy cause, I want to write articles that get published all over the world or at least have a pretty good readership level. I want to be loved for who I am...I want to fall in love with a person who is basically my best friend but a guy. I want to keep the same friends that I have forever. I want to be someone that people look up to and are proud of. I want to be able to die knowing that I did everyhing that I wanted to do and that I couldn't have lived a better life.

But I also think that perhaps if say I did lose a shit ton of weight or at least a noticable amount, that guys that might not have wanted to get with me before but would notice me now only would because I would be smaller and that wiould not be what I would want--

that thing about if you lost weight and guys liked you then you wouldnt like it. it would still be you that they liked. just a thinner version. the thing about weight loss is you have to do it for yourself. you said you want to loose weight, so dont not, just because you think guys will only like you because your thin.

[deathinkosovo]

Or they would notice you for you, just as they are now. Attraction works two ways: physically and mentally. If you're not attracted to someone physically, there is no use trying to make it work, and the same goes for the other way around. A lot of the guys who aren't noticing you now would probably notice you if you were thinner, you are right. But that doesn't make them bad people. I guess I just don't understand why you want a guy to like you for you when you yourself are not happy with who you are.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Or they would notice you for you, just as they are now. Attraction works two ways: physically and mentally. If you're not attracted to someone physically, there is no use trying to make it work, and the same goes for the other way around. A lot of the guys who aren't noticing you now would probably notice you if you were thinner, you are right. But that doesn't make them bad people. I guess I just don't understand why you want a guy to like you for you when you yourself are not happy with who you are.


I am a fun, sweet, kind, caring girl. I'm a good friend and family member. I'm pretty smart, I know a lot of pop culture facts, People ask me to edit their papers because they think I have good editing skills. I know how to have fun. I can multitask to the point that I can go online at work and STILL get all my work done and more. These are qualities I see in myself that I like. It's just right now I am finding it hard to believe that in myself when this guy is ignoring me for whatever reason he is.

I'm almost thinking that someone is just waiting for me to post a picture of myself.

And I just weighed myself after I got out of the shower and if I lost 50lbs I would still weigh more than my friend that just had the baby so that is a bit discouraging still.

[deathinkosovo]

I am a fun, sweet, kind, caring girl. I'm a good friend and family member. I'm pretty smart, I know a lot of pop culture facts, People ask me to edit their papers because they think I have good editing skills. I know how to have fun. I can multitask to the point that I can go online at work and STILL get all my work done and more. These are qualities I see in myself that I like. It's just right now I am finding it hard to believe that in myself when this guy is ignoring me for whatever reason he is.

I'm almost thinking that someone is just waiting for me to post a picture of myself.

And I just weighed myself after I got out of the shower and if I lost 50lbs I would still weigh more than my friend that just had the baby so that is a bit discouraging still.

Half the qualities you posted are qualifications. Pop culture facts? That makes you datable? I know a ton of irreverent shit too, but that doesn't make me any more a catch than the next guy, or the next guy after him. And it's good that you're fun, sweet, kind and caring, but so are a lot of other people. So while I'm happy you like a lot about yourself, it's more about the one part of yourself you don't like that is your Achilles heel. You walk into a room with a pristine tile floor and notice all the tiles but one are there. Do you focus more on the ones that are in place and sparkling, or the one that isn't? You guessed it.

Losing the weight can only help improve your chances with any guy out there. It already helps that you're a girl, because us guys will tag pretty much anything that walks. "Pretty much" being the key words, here. If you want to be wanted, you're going to have to want yourself. Look in the mirror; if you were a guy, would you want yourself?

You can't keep thinking people are going to want to date you because of your personality, or the qualities you have on the inside. Attraction doesn't work that way for most people. You'll find a dejected so-and-so every time and again who will throw all their standards out the window, but seriously, how many of those people do you think are out there? They didn't make a sequel out of "Shallow Hal" for a reason. Well, it did suck ass, so for two reasons -- the first being that there aren't a mass of un-shallow people just waiting to pick up the bigger chicks.

In your picture here, you're hiding. You don't show your face, and we see more of the Chicago Bean than we do you. That right there raises a red flag for a potentially interested male. I'm a member of a dating site (lame, I know, right?), and half the women on there try to pull a fast one by covering up how they actually look. But when it comes down to it, I'm not going to send a message to someone who posts 10 photos of their face shot from a conveniently high angle. I'm not dating a head, I'm dating a human person, with arms, legs and an abdomen. And hopefully with a spine. Yes, it takes guts to show the world your size, but guts equal confidence, and confidence is at least something.

Post your picture or don't, your body image issue is more than enough to scare guys away. If you're cool being a bigger girl, then act like it. But you seem more transfixed on angering easily in front of your thinner friends than asking them for help when it comes to getting thin. People lose weight, it's happened. It's possible. But you can't not want it, and you can't keep accepting second best. You'll find a whole new world out there if you dropped the pounds you said you wanted to, and in that world tons of guys who will want you for you as well as wanting you for your super sexy body. Yeah, that's a pretty good thing to hear from a guy, that he wants you in both ways -- mentally and physically -- instead of just the one way.

And finally, a weird but serious question: What's with all the run-on sentences? You said you write a lot and that your friends come to you for editing, but I need to read the majority of your replies twice to comprehend them. Huh.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

that thing about if you lost weight and guys liked you then you wouldnt like it. it would still be you that they liked. just a thinner version. the thing about weight loss is you have to do it for yourself. you said you want to loose weight, so dont not, just because you think guys will only like you because your thin.

It's just I'm not used to guys noticing me, or if they do notice me, they are drunken creepers..few and far between are the nice guys that I'd like to get to know...I mean unless my friends and I hang out in the wrong places and that's why we/I are not finding them. I do want to lose weight but I don't want that to be the defining thing of me--I want to be liked for me, not for the fact that I can fit into 'x' size now, or look better in a bathing suit or something like that. I'd almost rather find a guy who liked me how I look now and then lose the weight because I would know he'd lke me when I am not fit and that he isn't a shallow ass.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Half the qualities you posted are qualifications. Pop culture facts? That makes you datable? I know a ton of irreverent shit too, but that doesn't make me any more a catch than the next guy, or the next guy after him. And it's good that you're fun, sweet, kind and caring, but so are a lot of other people. So while I'm happy you like a lot about yourself, it's more about the one part of yourself you don't like that is your Achilles heel. You walk into a room with a pristine tile floor and notice all the tiles but one are there. Do you focus more on the ones that are in place and sparkling, or the one that isn't? You guessed it.

I never said that knowing random facts makes me datable--I just think that makes me somewhat interesting..that there might be a guys that find that fun or interesting or something like that and not be turned off by it.

And what exactly are you trying to say by the whole tiles thing--that I fixtate on the bad and not the good--namely, the bad in me?

Losing the weight can only help improve your chances with any guy out there. It already helps that you're a girl, because us guys will tag pretty much anything that walks. "Pretty much" being the key words, here. If you want to be wanted, you're going to have to want yourself. Look in the mirror; if you were a guy, would you want yourself?

There are days when I do think that guys would want me, but then someone will make a snide comment or whatever and that sticks. But I want to be wanted for more than my body--to me doing that is simply shallow. I want someone to like me for me--not for the fact that I look smoking hot in my panties and bra--that should be a bonus. They should like me because I am a good person, they enjoy my company, etc.

You can't keep thinking people are going to want to date you because of your personality, or the qualities you have on the inside. Attraction doesn't work that way for most people. You'll find a dejected so-and-so every time and again who will throw all their standards out the window, but seriously, how many of those people do you think are out there? They didn't make a sequel out of "Shallow Hal" for a reason. Well, it did suck ass, so for two reasons -- the first being that there aren't a mass of un-shallow people just waiting to pick up the bigger chicks.

I really am not like 300lbs or anything, not even close, I'm not even close to 250lbs. But I'll give you a hint that if my friend bitches about weighing 150lbs, if I were to lose 50lbs from the weight that I was when I weighed myself I would be about 10lbs short of what she is now.

In your picture here, you're hiding. You don't show your face, and we see more of the Chicago Bean than we do you. That right there raises a red flag for a potentially interested male. I'm a member of a dating site (lame, I know, right?), and half the women on there try to pull a fast one by covering up how they actually look. But when it comes down to it, I'm not going to send a message to someone who posts 10 photos of their face shot from a conveniently high angle. I'm not dating a head, I'm dating a human person, with arms, legs and an abdomen. And hopefully with a spine. Yes, it takes guts to show the world your size, but guts equal confidence, and confidence is at least something.

I never intended for me going on this site to be a dating site of sorts really--if it were to turn out to be, whatever. I am not too into the whole internet dating thing, have I tried it? No. Friends have suggested I try it but I don't want to at this point. I know it doesn't really explain the picture that I have up but I liked the way it looked, but also, you couldn't see most of me. But I just put up one of me that was taken on NYE--I cropped out my friends but one of their arms is still in the picture--so if you want to look, you can.

Post your picture or don't, your body image issue is more than enough to scare guys away. If you're cool being a bigger girl, then act like it. But you seem more transfixed on angering easily in front of your thinner friends than asking them for help when it comes to getting thin. People lose weight, it's happened. It's possible. But you can't not want it, and you can't keep accepting second best. You'll find a whole new world out there if you dropped the pounds you said you wanted to, and in that world tons of guys who will want you for you as well as wanting you for your super sexy body. Yeah, that's a pretty good thing to hear from a guy, that he wants you in both ways -- mentally and physically -- instead of just the one way.

When I do say stuff about not being happy with I look, friends just say 'shut up you're pretty' 'you don't need to change yourself, you're fine as is' stuff along those lines. Pretty much that's what I hear with the exception of my one friend that had the baby who seems to have no internal filtering system and if she buys me a shirt, she'll be like 'I hope I got a big enough size' or my one friend that wants me to go to the gym with her but that is only because she wants stamina for sex, not because she wants to look good or feel healthy.

And finally, a weird but serious question: What's with all the run-on sentences? You said you write a lot and that your friends come to you for editing, but I need to read the majority of your replies twice to comprehend them. Huh.

Yeah I see where you'd say that--I write just stream of conscious or whatever on this site-- I know perhaps I should work at writing better on here, but if you were to ask friends about it, I got two friends B's in classes where they had to write stories when they started off with D's.

[takemyhand]

I don't know if you got your answer yet, or you figured things out yet -but I read the first few pages in this thread. Your situation kind of sounds like one I was in this past summer; just let him go. It sounds like something happened, maybe he met someone new or went back to someone old. It's going to be hard, but you have to give up on him. You will find some one better, who you deserve. So, stop texting him, and try to forget him as much as possible. In my situation, it was really hard to give up on the guy, pretty much impossible for me to.. I still have him in the back of my head sometimes, and it sucks. But I did manage to stop talking to him and give up on him altogether, and in the process; while I wasn't even looking for anyone, I found a good guy and I'm happy and hopeful that it will turn into something good. Don't try to force something that isn't there, he's not feeling you anymore for some reason, oh well. You can't find the right person if you can't let go of the wrong person.

[Jennurna Gray]

Or they would notice you for you, just as they are now. Attraction works two ways: physically and mentally. If you're not attracted to someone physically, there is no use trying to make it work, and the same goes for the other way around. A lot of the guys who aren't noticing you now would probably notice you if you were thinner, you are right. But that doesn't make them bad people. I guess I just don't understand why you want a guy to like you for you when you yourself are not happy with who you are.
This.

[deathinkosovo]

The tile metaphor was in reference to what guys see when they see you. While you have all these awesome qualities going for you, they will ignore those when the glaring negative that is the lack of confidence comes to light.

I think the only way you're going to find someone who is comfortable with you for you is if you find comfort in yourself, first. And you're asking someone to like you ONLY for your personality. Shallowness works both ways, in my opinion, for both looks and personality. I wouldn't date someone I didn't find attractive, physically. Good personality, great personality or whatever, I just couldn't do it. And vice-versa. If someone was smoking hot and had the most perfect body, but was completely devoid of personality, I wouldn't be sticking around. Key difference here, which may or may not apply to you: Chicks with no personalities and good bodies/good looks get laid while the ones with the sparkling charm and wit do not. Pretty sure you're not looking for a one-night stand anyway, but that is the way guys think.

Your friend has a right to complain about weighing 150 pounds. That's overweight, and overweight is unhealthy. Unhealthy is, obviously not good for anybody. Underweight, overweight, it's all the same. I would not feel comfortable around someone who is too big or too little, and that's more than just me talking. OK, it's just me, but I totally have a crowd of people waiting outside my door ready to agree with me.

I didn't mean AP.net being a dating site, I meant I am part of an actual dating site, with unique profiles and search functions, the whole nine yards. Thus my sort of embarrassment, thus my comment. If you're not into the dating site thing, that's fine. They're hit or miss, and probably more hit than miss, so you're not losing out on a whole lot. It's tough finding a person who even takes the thing seriously, let alone someone you'd consider interesting. But hey, you should give it a try. I actually found some great people on the one I'm registered, so it may be worth your time. And dating sites are a lot more based on how you can communicate through virtual means, so if you channel some of that positivity into a dater profile, you might just find someone. Your call.

Only you know how you feel and how you want to look. A friend's job is to compliment, and compliment thoughtlessly. If you're up for it, ask them how they truly feel. Ask them if they think you should lose a few pounds or something. I've got bigger friends, but I don't beat around the bush with them and tell them they're something they're not. Inside themselves, they know they need a little help, but if I keep feeding them compliments (among other assorted healthy food products), they're not going to want to improve. It's more about wanting to improve than anything, remember. If you're unmotivated, that's another issue entirely.

I also agree with the poster above me, although her words sound much more Churchillian than my own.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I don't know if you got your answer yet, or you figured things out yet -but I read the first few pages in this thread. Your situation kind of sounds like one I was in this past summer; just let him go. It sounds like something happened, maybe he met someone new or went back to someone old. It's going to be hard, but you have to give up on him. You will find some one better, who you deserve. So, stop texting him, and try to forget him as much as possible. In my situation, it was really hard to give up on the guy, pretty much impossible for me to.. I still have him in the back of my head sometimes, and it sucks. But I did manage to stop talking to him and give up on him altogether, and in the process; while I wasn't even looking for anyone, I found a good guy and I'm happy and hopeful that it will turn into something good. Don't try to force something that isn't there, he's not feeling you anymore for some reason, oh well. You can't find the right person if you can't let go of the wrong person.


No I still haven't heard from him--at this point I don't even know if I care, but I am an eternally nice person and want some kind of justification or reason as to why he hasn't gotten back to me. I am thinking of still waiting until the weekend and trying again...just to say that I havent fully tried. But I don't know what I'd say to him if he did respond back. Whether I'd be pissed or just go back to pretending like he hasn't hurt me like this.

And I want to try and find someone that would give me the time of day and that would respond to me whether or not something was happening because they'd want me to know what's going on in their life. Someone who'd respect me. Someone who'd want me around and who wouldn't say one thing and do the other.

I just feel really disappointed with him. And it makes me disappointed in myself that I am letting him do this to me, but I really thought he and I had something good.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

The tile metaphor was in reference to what guys see when they see you. While you have all these awesome qualities going for you, they will ignore those when the glaring negative that is the lack of confidence comes to light.

I think the only way you're going to find someone who is comfortable with you for you is if you find comfort in yourself, first. And you're asking someone to like you ONLY for your personality. Shallowness works both ways, in my opinion, for both looks and personality. I wouldn't date someone I didn't find attractive, physically. Good personality, great personality or whatever, I just couldn't do it. And vice-versa. If someone was smoking hot and had the most perfect body, but was completely devoid of personality, I wouldn't be sticking around. Key difference here, which may or may not apply to you: Chicks with no personalities and good bodies/good looks get laid while the ones with the sparkling charm and wit do not. Pretty sure you're not looking for a one-night stand anyway, but that is the way guys think.

What I meant for someone to like me for my personality primarily is say I do marry them or whatever and I have their baby and I get all pregnanty (I know not a real word), or if something were to happen to me I was altered physically, that I would know that the loved ME for ME flaws, good days and bad days and all. And no I am not looking for a one-night stand, that is not my goal: a long-term relationship built on trust, honesty, love, mutual respect, the fact they want to be around me, they care about me, want to be around me, want to wake up next to me every day, want to spend the rest of their life with me..that's my goal.

And I know that I deserve that. That I want that. But not knowing what I did wrong with this current situation is not going to help me in the long run I believe.


Your friend has a right to complain about weighing 150 pounds. That's overweight, and overweight is unhealthy. Unhealthy is, obviously not good for anybody. Underweight, overweight, it's all the same. I would not feel comfortable around someone who is too big or too little, and that's more than just me talking. OK, it's just me, but I totally have a crowd of people waiting outside my door ready to agree with me.

And by your thinking of her being overweight at her current weight, I'd still be overweight and unhealthy if I did lose 50lbs in your mind or by your thought process. So I'd always have to be losing more weight until I get to a point that people deem acceptable. But just out of curiousity, what did you think of the picture that I posted--be honest.

I didn't mean AP.net being a dating site, I meant I am part of an actual dating site, with unique profiles and search functions, the whole nine yards. Thus my sort of embarrassment, thus my comment. If you're not into the dating site thing, that's fine. They're hit or miss, and probably more hit than miss, so you're not losing out on a whole lot. It's tough finding a person who even takes the thing seriously, let alone someone you'd consider interesting. But hey, you should give it a try. I actually found some great people on the one I'm registered, so it may be worth your time. And dating sites are a lot more based on how you can communicate through virtual means, so if you channel some of that positivity into a dater profile, you might just find someone. Your call.

That's why my friends think that I should go on an online dating site--that I am good with communicating and technology stuff. My reluctance with going on a dating site is the fact that someone coud easily misrepresent themselves to the point that when I met them it would be terrible for me to have met them. I know that someone could easily do that in person, but I feel people would do that more online because the temptation would be there to do so.

Only you know how you feel and how you want to look. A friend's job is to compliment, and compliment thoughtlessly. If you're up for it, ask them how they truly feel. Ask them if they think you should lose a few pounds or something. I've got bigger friends, but I don't beat around the bush with them and tell them they're something they're not. Inside themselves, they know they need a little help, but if I keep feeding them compliments (among other assorted healthy food products), they're not going to want to improve. It's more about wanting to improve than anything, remember. If you're unmotivated, that's another issue entirely.

The thing is, I want to get better. I want to be pretty. I want to look good. I want to be a complete package--smart, pretty, witty, wonderful, nice, sweet, caring--an a whole bunch of other positive traits. I just worry that by me losing a whole ton of weight that people think that I am shallow and am doing it for the wrong reasons.

I also agree with the poster above me, although her words sound much more Churchillian than my own.


ljlj

[julietelizabeth]

When it comes to doing something for yourself, there are NO wrong reasons, in my opinion. The fact that you want to do it is reason enough. It's not shallow to want to lose weight, because as has been mentioned, it's not healthy to be overweight.
I would be surprised if anybody thought you shallow for losing weight. I would be impressed and probably admire you for trying to do it the proper way (as in, healthy eating/exercise, not faddy diets etc.) because it's not bloody easy and takes a lot.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

When it comes to doing something for yourself, there are NO wrong reasons, in my opinion. The fact that you want to do it is reason enough. It's not shallow to want to lose weight, because as has been mentioned, it's not healthy to be overweight.
I would be surprised if anybody thought you shallow for losing weight. I would be impressed and probably admire you for trying to do it the proper way (as in, healthy eating/exercise, not faddy diets etc.) because it's not bloody easy and takes a lot.


The only reason I would say that people would think it that it was because I was shallow or whatever was that it would be easy for them to think that I would only be doing that because I felt that it would win this guy back, being he is tall, thin and with some muscle to him, or that I would be doing it because I was depressed and not eating or something like that or because I would think that being thin or losing weight would be the solution to my problems.

[takemyhand]

No I still haven't heard from him--at this point I don't even know if I care, but I am an eternally nice person and want some kind of justification or reason as to why he hasn't gotten back to me. I am thinking of still waiting until the weekend and trying again...just to say that I havent fully tried. But I don't know what I'd say to him if he did respond back. Whether I'd be pissed or just go back to pretending like he hasn't hurt me like this.

And I want to try and find someone that would give me the time of day and that would respond to me whether or not something was happening because they'd want me to know what's going on in their life. Someone who'd respect me. Someone who'd want me around and who wouldn't say one thing and do the other.

I just feel really disappointed with him. And it makes me disappointed in myself that I am letting him do this to me, but I really thought he and I had something good.

Just give up now, don't contact him again next week- not ever. He has your number and can get a hold of you. The justification/reason as to why he has not gotten back to you is that he is an asshole.

You will find a guy. Like I said, I was going through a situation just like yours. But I gave up on asshole guy, and I found a guy, who has a job and goes to school, so if he didn't reply to my calls/texts I would understand and think he was just busy.. but he always responds and makes time to spend time with me. Like some others have said, no one is too busy to reply to a text. You need to find your guy, this guy who cut contact with you -he isn't your guy.

Like I said again, I really thought I had a good guy too! Until he stopped talking to me. And like you I texted him a lot.. a couple times a week, with no reply. I haven't talked to him in a couple months. But I'm not going to lie and say I haven't thought about him, I think about him all he time. I'm sure you'll still be thinking of this guy for a long time. But I started letting him go, and opened my eyes to a new guy and I'm happy.

Also! Are you added to your guy on Facebook or Myspace? Does he have a Twitter? Haha isn't there a way you can see why he's ignoring you?

[Skillen]

I've only read the opening post but, yes. If he doesn't call/return your calls "he's just not that into you".

[terror_91]

The only reason I would say that people would think it that it was because I was shallow or whatever was that it would be easy for them to think that I would only be doing that because I felt that it would win this guy back, being he is tall, thin and with some muscle to him, or that I would be doing it because I was depressed and not eating or something like that or because I would think that being thin or losing weight would be the solution to my problems.
No one would think this, I promise you.

People who feel they are overweight lose weight because they want to. It has nothing to do with other people because other people can't force you to. At the end of the day, losing weight is not an issue for anyone else except yourself. If anyone does stick their nose where it doesn't belong, it's because they are a jealous little fuck.

Trust me, if you start eating better/losing weight/ becoming healthier than you will just feel better about life. I noticed it once my skin started to clear up from this weird sort of rash that appears on my face. I felt a lot happier just within myself (and I'm all that matters :-p). Doing regular exercise will make you feel a million times better.

Fuck everyone else, it should be all about you.

[phil19]

It's just I'm not used to guys noticing me, or if they do notice me, they are drunken creepers..few and far between are the nice guys that I'd like to get to know...I mean unless my friends and I hang out in the wrong places and that's why we/I are not finding them. I do want to lose weight but I don't want that to be the defining thing of me--I want to be liked for me, not for the fact that I can fit into 'x' size now, or look better in a bathing suit or something like that. I'd almost rather find a guy who liked me how I look now and then lose the weight because I would know he'd lke me when I am not fit and that he isn't a shallow ass.

i dont think its fair to say that if i guy isnt attracted to you physically now, then he is shallow. i mean, from what ive gathered, this guy is thinner than you, so you're not exactly going for the big guys yourself.

[Skillen]

The only reason I would say that people would think it that it was because I was shallow or whatever was that it would be easy for them to think that I would only be doing that because I felt that it would win this guy back, being he is tall, thin and with some muscle to him, or that I would be doing it because I was depressed and not eating or something like that or because I would think that being thin or losing weight would be the solution to my problems.

On the whole losing weigt thing. No normal guy is going to go for a fat chick. Harsh but true.

Think about it, guys are shallow. We all know that. Girls aren't as shallow, so they go for the best guys. So, the best guys are usually with the prettiest girls.

So no wonder you are only getting drunken creeps hitting on you. This isn't to do with guys being nice or jerks its just how we are.

I'm not saying that the only thing that matters is looks in a relationship, but if two people don't find each other physicaly attractive then it isn't going to work out.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Just give up now, don't contact him again next week- not ever. He has your number and can get a hold of you. The justification/reason as to why he has not gotten back to you is that he is an asshole.

You will find a guy. Like I said, I was going through a situation just like yours. But I gave up on asshole guy, and I found a guy, who has a job and goes to school, so if he didn't reply to my calls/texts I would understand and think he was just busy.. but he always responds and makes time to spend time with me. Like some others have said, no one is too busy to reply to a text. You need to find your guy, this guy who cut contact with you -he isn't your guy.

Like I said again, I really thought I had a good guy too! Until he stopped talking to me. And like you I texted him a lot.. a couple times a week, with no reply. I haven't talked to him in a couple months. But I'm not going to lie and say I haven't thought about him, I think about him all he time. I'm sure you'll still be thinking of this guy for a long time. But I started letting him go, and opened my eyes to a new guy and I'm happy.

Also! Are you added to your guy on Facebook or Myspace? Does he have a Twitter? Haha isn't there a way you can see why he's ignoring you?

Well I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, that he is really busy moving into a new place or is busy trying to find some place new or maybe something really bad happened, so that's why Im giving him one last shot. And I don't want him to think I am a bitch and only think about myself.

I'm friends with him on Facebook and Myspce, but he rarely if ever updates Myspace and he did update his Facebook this weekend with a picture and he does not have regular access to the internet, only if he is at his dad's or his mom's and really is one of the most Facebook stupid people I know.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

i dont think its fair to say that if i guy isnt attracted to you physically now, then he is shallow. i mean, from what ive gathered, this guy is thinner than you, so you're not exactly going for the big guys yourself.

I went for him because he seemed interested in me and I liked hanging out with him and him as a person, granted he was better looking than anything I could have landed---he started this whole thing.

A guy I hung out with this summer and liked and thought we might have gone out or whatever (but he led me on but he at least apologized for it, albeit through text messaging and I had to initiate the convo) was about the same size as me.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

No one would think this, I promise you.

People who feel they are overweight lose weight because they want to. It has nothing to do with other people because other people can't force you to. At the end of the day, losing weight is not an issue for anyone else except yourself. If anyone does stick their nose where it doesn't belong, it's because they are a jealous little fuck.

Trust me, if you start eating better/losing weight/ becoming healthier than you will just feel better about life. I noticed it once my skin started to clear up from this weird sort of rash that appears on my face. I felt a lot happier just within myself (and I'm all that matters :-p). Doing regular exercise will make you feel a million times better.

Fuck everyone else, it should be all about you.

I'll try and carry that idea in my head--it's just right now, to some that might seem an easy cop out for me to start working out.

[phil19]

I went for him because he seemed interested in me and I liked hanging out with him and him as a person, granted he was better looking than anything I could have landed---he started this whole thing.

A guy I hung out with this summer and liked and thought we might have gone out or whatever (but he led me on but he at least apologized for it, albeit through text messaging and I had to initiate the convo) was about the same size as me.

oh, thats cool. all im trying to say is dont be all, if he doesn't like me like this then he's shallow. i just dont think its as black and white as that is all

[bstthngunvrhd7]

oh, thats cool. all im trying to say is dont be all, if he doesn't like me like this then he's shallow. i just dont think its as black and white as that is all


See the thing is, he's never brought up me being overweight or fat or anything like that--he's never said anything negative about the way that I look.

[phil19]

See the thing is, he's never brought up me being overweight or fat or anything like that--he's never said anything negative about the way that I look.

im not talking about him. you said before you want someone to like you the way you are now, not just because you lost weight. thats what im referring to

[bstthngunvrhd7]

im not talking about him. you said before you want someone to like you the way you are now, not just because you lost weight. thats what im referring to

But I don't really see the fault in someone liking me because I'm a good, kind, sweet girl.
I mean, yes, I know I am uncomfortable with the thought of doing anything sexually because I don't like how I look, but my friends have told me that guys already have an idea of what you'll look like naked so it won't come as a shock to them if they do get your clothes off.

[phil19]

But I don't really see the fault in someone liking me because I'm a good, kind, sweet girl.
I mean, yes, I know I am uncomfortable with the thought of doing anything sexually because I don't like how I look, but my friends have told me that guys already have an idea of what you'll look like naked so it won't come as a shock to them if they do get your clothes off.

there's no fault in wanting that, all im saying is dont label all guys who aren't attracted to you because you're not thin as shallow

[bstthngunvrhd7]

there's no fault in wanting that, all im saying is dont label all guys who aren't attracted to you because you're not thin as shallow

I would just want to be respected and liked for me---not only because they thought I was hot.

[phil19]

I would just want to be respected and liked for me---not only because they thought I was hot.

again, understandable, but you have to look at it realistically. initial physical attraction is a major component. and thats not just guys being shallow. if there's no physical attraction, then there really is no point pursuing anything other than friendship.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

again, understandable, but you have to look at it realistically. initial physical attraction is a major component. and thats not just guys being shallow. if there's no physical attraction, then there really is no point pursuing anything other than friendship.

But there has to be a reason he picked me out of all my friends---out of the ones that were there and have met him, I would be considered the second from being the biggest..only oen other friend is bigger than me.

[phil19]

But there has to be a reason he picked me out of all my friends---out of the ones that were there and have met him, I would be considered the second from being the biggest..only oen other friend is bigger than me.

like i said, im not referring to this guy. just to your comment about how, if you lost weight, you dont want guys in general to only like you because you're not fat

[bstthngunvrhd7]

like i said, im not referring to this guy. just to your comment about how, if you lost weight, you dont want guys in general to only like you because you're not fat

True. I would want them to like me for the whole package.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

My friend is making me break my wait til the weekend rule and told me to contact him tonight so I can start getting over him if it turns out badly.
She said the longer I wait the more it'll just make me upset.
Ill update later.

[takemyhand]

Well I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, that he is really busy moving into a new place or is busy trying to find some place new or maybe something really bad happened, so that's why Im giving him one last shot. And I don't want him to think I am a bitch and only think about myself.

I'm friends with him on Facebook and Myspce, but he rarely if ever updates Myspace and he did update his Facebook this weekend with a picture and he does not have regular access to the internet, only if he is at his dad's or his mom's and really is one of the most Facebook stupid people I know.

Okay, just, like a bunch of the people on here are telling you that it really seems like he's not into you.
You're really only making yourself seem obsessed with him, you texted him enough. If he was into you, he would find time to reply. And in what why would you come off as being a bitch? You're just coming off as a person who can't take a hint.
One guy I hung out with over summer used to be like you. I hung out with him a couple times.. and I just wasn't into him so I stopped replying to his texts. He still randomly texts me and I never reply. It's REALLY annoying, you'd think he would take a hint. That's probably how this guy is seeing you, if not he will eventually text you back. He got your texts, he's not too busy.

[takemyhand]

My friend is making me break my wait til the weekend rule and told me to contact him tonight so I can start getting over him if it turns out badly.
She said the longer I wait the more it'll just make me upset.
Ill update later.

Are you seriously 23?

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I tried to call him and didn't get an answer and I have a feeling he does not check voicemail, so I waited a few minutes and then sent him a text just basically saying that I was wondering what was up and how he was doing and why I hadn't heard from him in a while and that I hoped all was well and that I'd hear from him soon.

I'm beginning to realize that there is not much I can do in this situation but to give up and forget about him and move on.

These are the options I see--

1. Leave it alone. Don't text him anymore, don't try to contact him don't do anything. Leave things on a good term where I was the good person who cared about him and what he was up to. Don't do anything stupid. Don't do anything mean or that would produce bad karma (I believe in karma). Work on bettering myself and realize that I deserve someone that would literally text me to let me know they are alright and that would appreciate the fact that I care if they were stuck in an avalanche.

2. Try one more time. Make one last attempt. Let him know if he wants to get at me, he knows how.

3. Find out where he is and jack him in the face (j/k j/k).

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Are you seriously 23?


Yes I am---pardon me for being legitmately concerned for someone that I thought legitmately cared about me.
And I'm sorry if I'm not up to speed as the rest of you on concerns like this..Yeah I realize that it might be pathetic in some minds that I am 23 and have never had a boyfriend or whatever but that's just the facts---And my friend only cares that I get over this as soon as I can because she worries that the more I dwell on this, the worse it'll be for me.

[krystofer]

3. Find out where he is and jack him in the face (j/k j/k).
I'm sorry but I'm new here, but what do you mean jack him in the face...do you mean the sexual way?

[kmart]

I'm sorry but I'm new here, but what do you mean jack him in the face...do you mean the sexual way?
i would also love to know.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I'm sorry but I'm new here, but what do you mean jack him in the face...do you mean the sexual way?

Well in the way I used it and use the word, I mean to punch him in the face.

[krystofer]

Well in the way I used it and use the word, I mean to punch him in the face.
I say let him go, if he truly cared for you he would have done something! You can probably do better anyhow, don't settle. Also I thought you meant facial, sorry

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I say let him go, if he truly cared for you he would have done something! You can probably do better anyhow, don't settle. Also I thought you meant facial, sorry

I'm beginning to think that if he did care, he would have contatcted me no matter what the situation. It's just hard knowing that a about two weeks ago, I thought he cared about me and really liked having me around, and now he can't even take the time out to respond.

And no I did not mean a facial--I don't have the equipment to do that. lol

[krystofer]

I'm beginning to think that if he did care, he would have contatcted me no matter what the situation. It's just hard knowing that a about two weeks ago, I thought he cared about me and really liked having me around, and now he can't even take the time out to respond.

And no I did not mean a facial--I don't have the equipment to do that. lol
yes ma'am understandable, awful confusing situation for you! But he definitely would've contacted you if he was indeed enamored with you. I know the feeling it sucks hard, but so it goes and life goes on, just find a really good song and let it be hehe.

I am relieved, that would be too kinky for me

[takemyhand]

Yes I am---pardon me for being legitmately concerned for someone that I thought legitmately cared about me.
And I'm sorry if I'm not up to speed as the rest of you on concerns like this..Yeah I realize that it might be pathetic in some minds that I am 23 and have never had a boyfriend or whatever but that's just the facts---And my friend only cares that I get over this as soon as I can because she worries that the more I dwell on this, the worse it'll be for me.

*legitimately

The reason I asked if you were 23 was because while reading your posts you come off as maybe 19. I'm not saying you have to be young to care about someone.. I'm just pointing out what everyone else here is trying to get through to you: he is not into you, and you are making yourself come off as a crazy lady. I'm telling you that I've been in your situation before, you should not have tried contacting him today.. or ever again. I know that is hard to do, but you should have gave up after the first couple texts got no response.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

yes ma'am understandable, awful confusing situation for you! But he definitely would've contacted you if he was indeed enamored with you. I know the feeling it sucks hard, but so it goes and life goes on, just find a really good song and let it be hehe.

I've always had one in mind--'Best Thing You Never Had' by Butch Walker--and yeah it's the basis of what my membername is on here.

I am relieved, that would be too kinky for me

Good--and the thought of someone doing that to me does not sound appealing.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

*legitimately

The reason I asked if you were 23 was because while reading your posts you come off as maybe 19. I'm not saying you have to be young to care about someone.. I'm just pointing out what everyone else here is trying to get through to you: he is not into you, and you are making yourself come off as a crazy lady. I'm telling you that I've been in your situation before, you should not have tried contacting him today.. or ever again. I know that is hard to do, but you should have gave up after the first couple texts got no response.

It's just I know that right now he is going through some stuff and I want him to know that I care and am concerned about him.

But I just didn't want to seem like I haven't tried....

That at least if he would tell me what (and if) I did anything wrong, I could learn from it and apply it to if there is a next time that a guy likes me.

[takemyhand]

It's just I know that right now he is going through some stuff and I want him to know that I care and am concerned about him.

But I just didn't want to seem like I haven't tried....

That at least if he would tell me what (and if) I did anything wrong, I could learn from it and apply it to if there is a next time that a guy likes me.

He's going through a lot of stuff, so much stuff that he could not reply to a text saying 'hey' from a girl he supposedly cares about, but he had time to add a new picture on Facebook? One text or a call shows that you tried. more than twice shows your a tad obsessed with him. I think you knew that he had moved on from you when you created this thread, you just didn't want to believe it.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

He's going through a lot of stuff, so much stuff that he could not reply to a text saying 'hey' from a girl he supposedly cares about, but he had time to add a new picture on Facebook? One text or a call shows that you tried. more than twice shows your a tad obsessed with him. I think you knew that he had moved on from you when you created this thread, you just didn't want to believe it.


I was being optismtic I was hoping I was wrong that he wouldn't be that mean and cruel. And now I'm finally admitting that perhaps he isn't the person I thought he was.

And when I created the thread, I had just wanted to get a general opinion on it, being the friends that met him hated him and I knew would give slightly skewed advice.