Dating a girl with a baby

[Schmidty Says]

So here's the deal. I've been dating this girl for a couple months. Said girl has a baby at home. I knew this before getting involved with her. It doesn't bother me one little bit. The other day, I asked her a question simply out of curiosity. The childs dad is still around, but only for the child, as the girl hates him with a passion. I asked her what the two of them talk about. There was no angry tone to my voice, it was an innocent question. She got very defensive with me, told me how guilty I made her feel and that she can't cut ties with him because of the baby. She proceeded to storm away and hasn't really talked to me since.

I don't see how I was wrong. Any guy in my situation would be curious. I'm looking for genuine advice, as I care about this girl greatly. (I know genuine advice is hard to come by in the land of AP.net) Can anyone help me out?

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I myself do not have a kid, but one of my best friends just had one two months ago and does not like the father but keeps him in hers and their daughter's life because she does not want to block him out as of yet or hurt him or make him feel bad (he also has a lot of emotional issues as well and she worries about that too and he also might end up in jail soon for some really mean and terrible stuff he did to her while she was pregnant and from other past charges).

Anyways, she is concerned about if and when she does find someone she likes or likes her what will happen when she does because she is afraid of how her daughter's father will react towards her or towards the person she might go out with. He already told her when she was pregnant that he'd tell people that she was a slut and had a ton of diseases and was a money loving whore (none of those statements are true and I'm not just saying that because she's one of my best friends) if she were to go with another guy or talk to another guy.

I know none of what I am saying might not be making any sense, but I might see where she is coming from. She might feel that her past is not your business. Does this dude know that you exist? Have you ever been around him? Does she let you hold the baby or interact with it?

[zion the lion]

She's probably extremely bitter about how the whole situation turned out with her and the baby's father. Give her a little bit of time to cool down, and apologize. Depending on her age and the age of the baby, she had to grow up a lot faster but didnt have the chance to fully mature. And maybe she interpreted it as you insinuating that they were hooking up or something (my best guess).

I wouldnt really mention him or what they talk about for a little while.

[Kassie09]

She's probably just upset and thinks no guy is gonna trust/like her because of the contact she has to have with the baby daddy and he is an ex, kid or not.

[JulieLynn]

My boyfriend josh, who I met here on AP.net, has a 3 year old son with his ex. It was very hard the first year. He was hurt by this woman....he bought her a house, asked her to marry him....and on his bday he found her in bed with another man.

So my guess is that this guy did something major to make her flip out like that on you. Don't take it personal...she probably not over it....it takes time. Hang in there dude.

[foisol]

My boyfriend josh, who I met here on AP.net, has a 3 year old son with his ex. It was very hard the first year. He was hurt by this woman....he bought her a house, asked her to marry him....and on his bday he found her in bed with another man.

So my guess is that this guy did something major to make her flip out like that on you. Don't take it personal...she probably not over it....it takes time. Hang in there dude.

Wow... what a bitch lol. (Your boyfriends ex, that is)

[JulieLynn]

Wow... what a bitch lol. (Your boyfriends ex, that is)

Yes she is a bitch. I'm more of a mother to that little boy than she is. I moved from MA to PA for the both of them. They are my life. She lost a great man..sucks for her.

[jwicklun]

bail.

[kbi the crowing]

So here's the deal. I've been dating this girl for a couple months. Said girl has a baby at home. I knew this before getting involved with her. It doesn't bother me one little bit. The other day, I asked her a question simply out of curiosity. The childs dad is still around, but only for the child, as the girl hates him with a passion. I asked her what the two of them talk about. There was no angry tone to my voice, it was an innocent question. She got very defensive with me, told me how guilty I made her feel and that she can't cut ties with him because of the baby. She proceeded to storm away and hasn't really talked to me since.

I don't see how I was wrong. Any guy in my situation would be curious. I'm looking for genuine advice, as I care about this girl greatly. (I know genuine advice is hard to come by in the land of AP.net) Can anyone help me out?

does she ever bring him up in casual conversation?

[limepomegranate]

It's just a touchy subject I mean they had a kid together. She probably feels betrayed by him and angry and hurt also. Just don't mention him. Ever.

[agloriousruin]

I've been with my fiance for almost a year now and she has a 3 year old. I generally avoid the topic of her ex simply because I don't want to talk about it and she doesn't really enjoy it either. So I'd say just to lay low for a while and, in the future, not to bring it up unless it is absolutely necessary, ie. you guys end up getting married and you HAVE TO talk about him. Otherwise, it's probably a touchy subject and should be avoided, especially just a few months in.

[phil19]

my mates in the same situation and im basing my advice on my experience with him and his relationship.

get out of there and dont look back

[Kurt Retenauer]

Only if it's Farrah from 16 and Pregnant, is it okay to date a girl with a baby.

[wroteurname]

Yeesh:faint:

[wroteurname]

Only if it's Farrah from 16 and Pregnant, is it okay to date a girl with a baby.

Lol, she is kinda cute but god is she irresponsible.

[Kurt Retenauer]

Lol, she is kinda cute but god is she irresponsible.

Yeah, that's where the dating comes into play. Can you put up with assuming 90% of the responsibilities that come with the kid and the failure to comply with the 10% that she'll undertake?

[wroteurname]

Yeah, that's where the dating comes into play. Can you put up with assuming 90% of the responsibilities that come with the kid and the failure to comply with the 10% that she'll undertake?

Nah, besides my reality show heart belongs to Sally from Tough Love 2.http://blog.vh1.com/files/2009/10/sally.jpg

[Jake Denning]

My boyfriend josh, who I met here on AP.net, has a 3 year old son with his ex. It was very hard the first year. He was hurt by this woman....he bought her a house, asked her to marry him....and on his bday he found her in bed with another man.

So my guess is that this guy did something major to make her flip out like that on you. Don't take it personal...she probably not over it....it takes time. Hang in there dude.

If that would have happened, I quickly would find myself in Prison.

[Deadbolt23]

Touchy subject. Apologize, and keep the ex talk to a minimum.

[anthonydarko]

Only if it's Farrah from 16 and Pregnant, is it okay to date a girl with a baby.
I actually heard from someone that her baby's father got killed in a car accident while she was pregnant.

[anthonydarko]

To be honest man, if you really care about her, give it a little time and then try to mend things.

[Tim Lincecum]

Milf!

[<*)))><]

Her vagina is ruined find a new girl.

[Poochemist]

From a guy's POV, I think that the issue can't be the elephant in the room. It should be something that the two of you can have an open dialogue about, because let's face it- the kid's dad is going to be tied to your gf forever. She may not be ready for that kind of dialogue yet, but it needs to happen if you are to be in an open and honest relationship.

[Reaver]

there's one thing you have to learn about girls: you don't get very far with reason only. yeah, you're right, you did nothing wrong from a normal perspective. but, you hit a tender spot. she already feels bad about that other guy in her life and when you asked about him she felt even worse and overreacted. girls expect you to be extremly considerate of their problems, even if you didn't know about them. it's the same thing with their bodies. just go and apologize for being so insensitive and don't talk about that topic ever again.

/slightly exaggerated truth

[jwsmith01]

So here's the deal. I've been dating this girl for a couple months. Said girl has a baby at home. I knew this before getting involved with her. It doesn't bother me one little bit. The other day, I asked her a question simply out of curiosity. The childs dad is still around, but only for the child, as the girl hates him with a passion. I asked her what the two of them talk about. There was no angry tone to my voice, it was an innocent question. She got very defensive with me, told me how guilty I made her feel and that she can't cut ties with him because of the baby. She proceeded to storm away and hasn't really talked to me since.

I don't see how I was wrong. Any guy in my situation would be curious. I'm looking for genuine advice, as I care about this girl greatly. (I know genuine advice is hard to come by in the land of AP.net) Can anyone help me out?

Best advice I can give you buddy is to just take your time and let things come naturally. I know you are in a sticky situation as I was just a year ago. Really bad situation involving my son, his mother and myself. When it comes to baby momma's/baby daddy's its always going to be a touchy topic until the child can make his/her own decisions to make it easier on all parties involved. I'm speaking on experience, it takes time for "said girl/said guy" to get over the hurt and pain that is associated with having to see the mother/father of the baby you love so much. The pain sometimes never goes away... Just give her time and she'll open up to ya...

Wow... what a bitch lol. (Your boyfriends ex, that is)

Yes she is a bitch and continues to be a bitch to this day...

I've been with my fiance for almost a year now and she has a 3 year old. I generally avoid the topic of her ex simply because I don't want to talk about it and she doesn't really enjoy it either. So I'd say just to lay low for a while and, in the future, not to bring it up unless it is absolutely necessary, ie. you guys end up getting married and you HAVE TO talk about him. Otherwise, it's probably a touchy subject and should be avoided, especially just a few months in.

Yeah I have found out that a lot of the fights that happen anymore are not fights with issues between me and my girlfriend they are fights dealing with the issues between the mother of my child and the way she treats my son and us. Its complicated, but things always are when there is a child caught in between...

If that would have happened, I quickly would find myself in Prison.

Let's put it to you this way... I almost hit his car with my truck, and the whole neighborhood block could hear me screaming obscenities. It might have been one of the worst memories I can't get rid of...

[icekold23]

Only if it's Farrah from 16 and Pregnant, is it okay to date a girl with a baby.

Lol.

Seriously though...run. Obviously there's a reason she's getting defensive.

[Kurt Retenauer]

I actually heard from someone that her baby's father got killed in a car accident while she was pregnant.
I heard that too, only that it wasn't while she was pregnant, it was after she had the baby. But, either way, horrific story and awful for the baby to never know his/her father.

[Schmidty Says]

I have no idea what to do. Obviously I was insensitive to the issue. To me it's not an issue, but it obviously is. I'll respond to everyone later, when I'm not on my phone at work. Thank you to those actually trying to help.

[jwsmith01]

I have no idea what to do. Obviously I was insensitive to the issue. To me it's not an issue, but it obviously is. I'll respond to everyone later, when I'm not on my phone at work. Thank you to those actually trying to help.

Hey you are from PA and us Pennsylvanians stick together and try to help out as much as possible. Hang in there, just know that you are trying your best and that's what counts the most.

[anthonydarko]

I heard that too, only that it wasn't while she was pregnant, it was after she had the baby. But, either way, horrific story and awful for the baby to never know his/her father.
Agreed, it is a shame that girl will never know her father.

[a nice person]

from my experience, girls with a kid will always wish that the relationship with the babydaddy worked out. regardless of how they feel now about their ex, there's something about having a kid together that keeps a girl (and maybe even the guy) from completely moving on. maybe it will just take a long time for the girl to get over all the stuff with her ex.

if i were you, i would wait for her to call you back. if not, look for someone new that doesn't have these kinds of issues.

[Schmidty Says]

does she ever bring him up in casual conversation?

Yes, she talks about him from time to time. Nothing major though. Mainly about when she's going to drop the baby off or pick the baby up, or when it's his turn with the baby in general.

I myself do not have a kid, but one of my best friends just had one two months ago and does not like the father but keeps him in hers and their daughter's life because she does not want to block him out as of yet or hurt him or make him feel bad (he also has a lot of emotional issues as well and she worries about that too and he also might end up in jail soon for some really mean and terrible stuff he did to her while she was pregnant and from other past charges).

Anyways, she is concerned about if and when she does find someone she likes or likes her what will happen when she does because she is afraid of how her daughter's father will react towards her or towards the person she might go out with. He already told her when she was pregnant that he'd tell people that she was a slut and had a ton of diseases and was a money loving whore (none of those statements are true and I'm not just saying that because she's one of my best friends) if she were to go with another guy or talk to another guy.

I know none of what I am saying might not be making any sense, but I might see where she is coming from. She might feel that her past is not your business. Does this dude know that you exist? Have you ever been around him? Does she let you hold the baby or interact with it?

Not sure if he knows I'm around. If I had to guess, I'd say no. I know nothing of the guy except his name. Yes, I have held the baby. Last time I saw the baby, she was crawling around on me, giving me hugs and kisses.

Hey you are from PA and us Pennsylvanians stick together and try to help out as much as possible. Hang in there, just know that you are trying your best and that's what counts the most.

Haha thanks man. We do stick together, and the help is greatly appreciated. She finally came around and talked to me today, and things seem headed in the right direction. Saw her at work tonight (we work together) and she was acting like she normally does, in generally good spirits and she wanted me around. Things are looking up, I apologized to her as we were leaving work and told her I wouldn't talk about it again, and that it's none of my business but if she ever wanted to talk about it, I'd listen. She's still a little upset by it, but I expected that. Still a little unsure of the whole situation, but for now I'll take what I can get.

[Schmidty Says]

Her vagina is ruined find a new girl.

You, my friend, are wrong.

[Jennurna Gray]

So here's the deal. I've been dating this girl for a couple months. Said girl has a baby at home. I knew this before getting involved with her. It doesn't bother me one little bit. The other day, I asked her a question simply out of curiosity. The childs dad is still around, but only for the child, as the girl hates him with a passion. I asked her what the two of them talk about. There was no angry tone to my voice, it was an innocent question. She got very defensive with me, told me how guilty I made her feel and that she can't cut ties with him because of the baby. She proceeded to storm away and hasn't really talked to me since.

I don't see how I was wrong. Any guy in my situation would be curious. I'm looking for genuine advice, as I care about this girl greatly. (I know genuine advice is hard to come by in the land of AP.net) Can anyone help me out?
If you care about her, don't wait for her to contact you, WORK YOUR ASS OFF TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH. Do whatever it takes because this is not one of those situations where if you try too much, you get annoying. Being a mother, she not only has to protect herself, but her baby, too, so she probably felt like you were taking a knock at the child. If you wait too long to contact her, she's going to feel abandoned. Intentions are not always easy to read, but she should understand.

[kbi the crowing]

Yes, she talks about him from time to time. Nothing major though. Mainly about when she's going to drop the baby off or pick the baby up, or when it's his turn with the baby in general.

I'd just tell her you simply didn't know it was an off limits thing to discuss because she has brought him up before.

[tottivillarossi]

Make sure she doesn't have a huge vagina first.

[<*)))><]

You, my friend, are wrong.
I bet a ton of cocks been in her vagina so it probability the size of Apple fan base.

[Schmidty Says]

If you care about her, don't wait for her to contact you, WORK YOUR ASS OFF TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH. Do whatever it takes because this is not one of those situations where if you try too much, you get annoying. Being a mother, she not only has to protect herself, but her baby, too, so she probably felt like you were taking a knock at the child. If you wait too long to contact her, she's going to feel abandoned. Intentions are not always easy to read, but she should understand.
She talked to me for the first time in days yesterday, and I saw her as well, as we work together. She seemed in good spirits, and wanted me around as much as possible. Things seem alright, but there is still a little uncertainty. We'll see.
I'd just tell her you simply didn't know it was an off limits thing to discuss because she has brought him up before.
That was what I told her last night. I apologized and told her I would never say something like that again, and that it was none of my business but that if she ever wanted to talk about it, I'd listen.
Make sure she doesn't have a huge vagina first.
I was a little nervous about this at first. It's not.
I bet a ton of cocks been in her vagina so it probability the size of Apple fan base.
Once again: you, my friend, are wrong.

[jwsmith01]

Seems like you are handling everything great... its takes a strong willed man to be in the position you are going into, and yes I speak from experience.

[chassmariee]

Abort Mission Immediately!

[Schmidty Says]

Seems like you are handling everything great... its takes a strong willed man to be in the position you are going into, and yes I speak from experience.
Thanks man, I'm trying my hardest. Something still seems a little odd, but I don't expect things to go back to normal right away. Good luck to you my friend.

[jwsmith01]

Thanks man, I'm trying my hardest. Something still seems a little odd, but I don't expect things to go back to normal right away. Good luck to you my friend.

Things will always be a little odd, it's just because of the way the situation. It is what it is, just remember that and always keep that in the back of your head. It doesn't mean that the relationship is flawed or anything like that, its just the way the situation is. Just keep your head up...

[Schmidty Says]

Things will always be a little odd, it's just because of the way the situation. It is what it is, just remember that and always keep that in the back of your head. It doesn't mean that the relationship is flawed or anything like that, its just the way the situation is. Just keep your head up...
I'll keep that in mind. Thank you again. You've helped more than you can know.

[TheByrus]

At least you know she puts out.

[jwsmith01]

I'll keep that in mind. Thank you again. You've helped more than you can know.

Hey, no problem. I didn't have anyone to help me when I was going through what I went through. If someone can learn from my mistakes, or just needs an open ear to listen, that's why I'm here. Jujubee45 can help out too, she has helped me out so much with everything that I have been going through and without her help I wouldn't know what to do or where I would be right now.

[Schmidty Says]

Hey, no problem. I didn't have anyone to help me when I was going through what I went through. If someone can learn from my mistakes, or just needs an open ear to listen, that's why I'm here. Jujubee45 can help out too, she has helped me out so much with everything that I have been going through and without her help I wouldn't know what to do or where I would be right now.
She was one of the first to come in and offer some advice. I owe the two of you.

[jwsmith01]

She was one of the first to come in and offer some advice. I owe the two of you.

No need to thank us or owe us, just keep being a good guy and treat her right...

[lonelysuperstar]

I apologized to her as we were leaving work and told her I wouldn't talk about it again, and that it's none of my business but if she ever wanted to talk about it, I'd listen. She's still a little upset by it, but I expected that. Still a little unsure of the whole situation, but for now I'll take what I can get.
Dude, I think this is a bad idea because you're essentially just allowing her to avoid issues. Unresolved conflict has a way of biting you in the arse later. I realise that this is a sensitive issue, which is why you're going to need to be super respectful of each other's feelings as you talk about it, but it is very important that you do talk about it. If you're serious about this relationship (which it sounds like you are), you need to be willing to work through this stuff. It's easy to say "that hit a nerve, I'll avoid that subject from now on", but it's risky man. It's tough enough to maintain a relationship as it is without the excess baggage of past relationships and babies from other fathers, so if you kids really want to make a go of it you both need to be committed to conflict resolution. It's painful and it's hard, but it's so worth it. My wife sometimes gets irritated with my incessant need to talk things through, but I think our relationship is so much better for it. Just my 2 cents.

[Schmidty Says]

Dude, I think this is a bad idea because you're essentially just allowing her to avoid issues. Unresolved conflict has a way of biting you in the arse later. I realise that this is a sensitive issue, which is why you're going to need to be super respectful of each other's feelings as you talk about it, but it is very important that you do talk about it. If you're serious about this relationship (which it sounds like you are), you need to be willing to work through this stuff. It's easy to say "that hit a nerve, I'll avoid that subject from now on", but it's risky man. It's tough enough to maintain a relationship as it is without the excess baggage of past relationships and babies from other fathers, so if you kids really want to make a go of it you both need to be committed to conflict resolution. It's painful and it's hard, but it's so worth it. My wife sometimes gets irritated with my incessant need to talk things through, but I think our relationship is so much better for it. Just my 2 cents.
Dude, you are completely right. I do plan on talking to her about other issues first, as there are a couple things that need ironed out. Eventually, if she doesn't open up, I'll bring it up as easily and sensitively as I can. In the end, though, all I can do is ask and if she isn't open about it, that puts me in a very hard spot.

[<*)))><]

She talked to me for the first time in days yesterday, and I saw her as well, as we work together. She seemed in good spirits, and wanted me around as much as possible. Things seem alright, but there is still a little uncertainty. We'll see.

That was what I told her last night. I apologized and told her I would never say something like that again, and that it was none of my business but that if she ever wanted to talk about it, I'd listen.

I was a little nervous about this at first. It's not.

Once again: you, my friend, are wrong.
Maybe you should take some advice she should have gotten, abort.

[Jennurna Gray]

She talked to me for the first time in days yesterday, and I saw her as well, as we work together. She seemed in good spirits, and wanted me around as much as possible. Things seem alright, but there is still a little uncertainty. We'll see.
Good luck. That seems like a good reaction.

Once again: you, my friend, are wrong.
Gotta love Ted.

[Schmidty Says]

For anyone that actually tried to help me out, just wanted to give an update:

Things have cooled down, and we worked things out. Sucks, cause now that things are better she's sick. Things aren't perfect, but they're getting there. Again, thanks for all the help!