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View Full Version : This is not a lovesong.


OveriseFan
07/05/06, 11:45 AM
I sit by her side on the hospital bed.
This isn't goodbye, but it is the end.
And I watch as her irises slowly drift down:
Like leaves that left the tree before autumn begun.
Her baby's breath slowly cooled in the frost
Standing in the snow I knew all hope was lost
The pink blossoms I knew she loved bloomed on the trees
But they brought no hope; I just thought to myself, "Please,
God, this is the only thing I've ever asked for,
I need to miraculously send a cure,
Cause she's the only one who's ever known me well.
And I promise to pray, at the end of my days.
If you save her then I'll sacrifice myself."
As they summer day dawned before I drove myself down,
I saw a picture of her not in a hospital gown,
And I think I cried, remembering better times,
Hoping they'd come, but knowing they'll never happen.
The sun seemed to mock me as I walked in the doors
And I climbed up the stairs to reach the 5th floor
Then I went to the sign, that read 615,
With that one push I was no longer alive.



Her voice.



"I was wondering what took you so long... I've been waiting. The doctors told me I didn't have much more time this morning. No, don't cry, we both knew this would come. I can't wait to feel alive... This past year's been like I was already dead. I had no feeling. I slid in and out ofconciousness. I just hope you won't ever end up like this... Never become a machine."



I'm sorry, but the number you're trying to reach has been disconnected.

iHATEapril
07/05/06, 12:39 PM
Really vivid, it would be a beautiful heavy song with female vocals for the dialogue. Good job, if you could make it darker in place of the autumn references I think it would be better honestly, but still well done.

SockMonkeyRiot
07/05/06, 01:08 PM
if the love that I've got for you is gone and if the river I’ve cried ain’t that long, then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong, this ain't a love song

a speedo model
07/05/06, 01:36 PM
really great man. if you end up recording this, i'd love to hear it. good job....

matt_rawlings
07/05/06, 03:37 PM
I really dug this man. It was also deja vu because last year I wrote a concept album about losing a loved one in an accident and then going through all the various stages of mourning etc.

nickstetina
07/05/06, 04:21 PM
really heartfelt, its it based on an idea or an experience?

OveriseFan
07/06/06, 10:14 AM
really heartfelt, its it based on an idea or an experience?

a little bit of both.

No one's dying though...

Basically, it's about leaving someone and never knowing when you're going to be with that person again. Having love for eachother but knowing you need to give them up. What have you.

Nana7
07/14/06, 10:05 AM
James, it's Shauna. That was wonderful. And I'm actually not going to say "I don't think this is as good as things you've written in the past", because it's been overshadowed by this piece. Best thing you've written in a long time. It reminds me of Death Cab's "What Sarah Said" alot, actually.

But good work. Keep working at this level of quality and maybe it will get you somewhere. Wonderful.

ArTkY_
07/14/06, 07:56 PM
Basically, it's about leaving someone and never knowing when you're going to be with that person again. Having love for eachother but knowing you need to give them up. What have you.
Shit. That's something I'm going to have to deal with soon. Except I don't think the person will die, hopefully.

IAmHolocaust
07/15/06, 12:23 PM
That was brilliant, very well done.

OveriseFan
07/26/06, 09:36 AM
James, it's Shauna. That was wonderful. And I'm actually not going to say "I don't think this is as good as things you've written in the past", because it's been overshadowed by this piece. Best thing you've written in a long time. It reminds me of Death Cab's "What Sarah Said" alot, actually.

But good work. Keep working at this level of quality and maybe it will get you somewhere. Wonderful.

A little... er.... too much. haha. I ripped that off so bad. Melody wise and everything.

wyverna
07/26/06, 10:09 AM
I love this. Especially the ending. And yay James, you're back!

iHATEapril
07/26/06, 10:20 AM
James, where have you been.

I'm Sorry I'm Leaving is owning me right now.

trex_music
07/26/06, 06:08 PM
totally awesome. i BOW down to you.

lfdfforever
07/26/06, 09:00 PM
gnar kill

OveriseFan
07/27/06, 05:38 AM
I suck at writing, shut up.