Being in Romantic Limbo [Archive]

xcacophony

01/13/10, 10:21 PM

When I first met my girlfriend, she said that she really wanted to transfer to a college in Washington DC. And at the time I didn't care 'cause I figured I wouldn't fall for her enough by then to really get hurt about it. So we started dating and we clicked so well and everything was fucking perfect. Eventually she told me I was the only person she's ever been able to trust this much, and that she was falling for me, and all this stuff. And by this point I am pretty much in love with her. I went to see my family out of state for the holidays, came back, spent a week with her and it was amazing. And then on the last day she just shut down and went kind've cold and she didn't talk to me at all, in any way, for a week after. I finally asked her if we were okay and she said "yeah", she just had some college stuff she was stressing about. She told me not to worry, we were fine. Then an hour later she posted on her blog that basically my plans for my life and hers are different and that obviously college comes first and all this stuff.

It feels like a backwards way of getting dumped. I'm just tired of being in limbo.. like, either break up with me or don't. I was okay with doing long distance but with the blog it seems like that's out. What should I do?

Obviously, anal is not an option at this point. :P

RX XR

01/14/10, 12:23 AM

So your a female as well?! (your info..) Well distance never really works unless you put incredible effort into it.

xcacophony

01/14/10, 12:39 AM

Yeah (the first question). I was willing to. I'm starting to think that was one-sided, though.

Reaver

01/14/10, 01:19 AM

more lesbos in here, woo!

well, obviously she's not a big fan of long distance relationships. she really could have told you in person though..

iheartmusic043

01/14/10, 03:07 AM

The same exact thing happened with me and my boyfriend last week through wednesday. I wised up and dumped him because he didn't have the balls to end our relationship the right way.

LoginBanned

01/14/10, 03:10 AM

When I first met my girlfriend, she said that she really wanted to transfer to a college in Washington DC. And at the time I didn't care 'cause I figured I wouldn't fall for her enough by then to really get hurt about it. So we started dating and we clicked so well and everything was fucking perfect. Eventually she told me I was the only person she's ever been able to trust this much, and that she was falling for me, and all this stuff. And by this point I am pretty much in love with her. I went to see my family out of state for the holidays, came back, spent a week with her and it was amazing. And then on the last day she just shut down and went kind've cold and she didn't talk to me at all, in any way, for a week after. I finally asked her if we were okay and she said "yeah", she just had some college stuff she was stressing about. She told me not to worry, we were fine. Then an hour later she posted on her blog that basically my plans for my life and hers are different and that obviously college comes first and all this stuff.

It feels like a backwards way of getting dumped. I'm just tired of being in limbo.. like, either break up with me or don't. I was okay with doing long distance but with the blog it seems like that's out. What should I do?

Obviously, anal is not an option at this point. :P

At 20 you're going to run into the different life plan thing alot. I'd say enjoy the time you have with her now and see how things shape up, chances are you guys will split eventually but you can get some good relationship practice and learn what you want out of a partner.

P.S. I like how everyone is so proactive with the anal issue.

phil19

01/14/10, 03:18 AM

where's the pics at?

Deadbolt23

01/14/10, 03:28 AM

more lesbos in here, woo!

/thread

ZoSo1886

01/14/10, 06:22 AM

tits?

but straight up ask what the deal is and get an honest answer, dont allow yourself to keep guessing

terror_91

01/14/10, 06:42 AM

Pics or it didn't happen.

Just need to ask her straight what is going on and what the plan is for you two. Tell her that you are prepared to do the long distance thing.
We can't really tell you to do anything other than speak to her.

<*)))><

01/14/10, 06:47 AM

Lesbian love is the strongest of all the loves.

Yellowcard2006

01/14/10, 08:29 AM

Read girlfriend in OP

Looked at users gender

http://i515.photobucket.com/albums/t360/tweeds_69/JackNicholson.gif

kbi the crowing

01/14/10, 09:15 AM

When I first met my girlfriend, she said that she really wanted to transfer to a college in Washington DC. And at the time I didn't care 'cause I figured I wouldn't fall for her enough by then to really get hurt about it. So we started dating and we clicked so well and everything was fucking perfect. Eventually she told me I was the only person she's ever been able to trust this much, and that she was falling for me, and all this stuff. And by this point I am pretty much in love with her. I went to see my family out of state for the holidays, came back, spent a week with her and it was amazing. And then on the last day she just shut down and went kind've cold and she didn't talk to me at all, in any way, for a week after. I finally asked her if we were okay and she said "yeah", she just had some college stuff she was stressing about. She told me not to worry, we were fine. Then an hour later she posted on her blog that basically my plans for my life and hers are different and that obviously college comes first and all this stuff.

It feels like a backwards way of getting dumped. I'm just tired of being in limbo.. like, either break up with me or don't. I was okay with doing long distance but with the blog it seems like that's out. What should I do?

Obviously, anal is not an option at this point. :P

ask her if your relationship and her life plans conflict enough to end the relationship, try not to dwell on how much of a shitty move of writing a blog instead of just telling you, argument waiting to happen

Read girlfriend in OP

Looked at users gender

http://i515.photobucket.com/albums/t360/tweeds_69/JackNicholson.gif

creepy

holybatmon

01/14/10, 09:15 AM

Lesbian love is the strongest of all the loves.

"The most special kind of love of all is the love that exists between two naked women... while I watch!"

TheReckoner

01/14/10, 09:25 AM

"The most special kind of love of all is the love that exists between two naked women... while I watch!"
Why is this quoted?

xcacophony

01/14/10, 09:29 AM

At 20 you're going to run into the different life plan thing alot. I'd say enjoy the time you have with her now and see how things shape up, chances are you guys will split eventually but you can get some good relationship practice and learn what you want out of a partner.

P.S. I like how everyone is so proactive with the anal issue.

I had thought about this issue a lot and the idea of just seeing what happens and enjoying my time with her was what I had wanted to do.. but it feels like she's making it so we won't physically see each other for a while, and at the end of that while she'll either break up with me or not. So I don't know how to deal with that. And I see the anal answer always come up at some point, so.

tits? but straight up ask what the deal is and get an honest answer, dont allow yourself to keep guessing

No; I did ask and got an answer that was totally opposite the blog post, just an hour before. So I doubt I'd get anything definitive if I asked again. I am tired of guessing, though.

ask her if your relationship and her life plans conflict enough to end the relationship, try not to dwell on how much of a shitty move of writing a blog instead of just telling you, argument waiting to happen.

Yeah, if I bring that up the whole conversation would be about that and not the main issue. If we can even have a conversation..

"The most special kind of love of all is the love that exists between two naked women... while I watch!"

Hahaha, I actually love that quote.

kbi the crowing

01/14/10, 09:36 AM

Yeah, if I bring that up the whole conversation would be about that and not the main issue. If we can even have a conversation.

so you haven't talked to her since?

xcacophony

01/14/10, 09:37 AM

so you haven't talked to her since?

Not since the blog posting, no. She said she needed some space, so I figured if I was going to talk to her (break that space) I better know for sure what the hell to say.

kbi the crowing

01/14/10, 09:46 AM

Not since the blog posting, no. She said she needed some space, so I figured if I was going to talk to her (break that space) I better know for sure what the hell to say.

ahhh that's a good idea
do you want to be the one to initiate conversation or do you think it'd be best to just let her come to you when she wants to talk?

holybatmon

01/14/10, 09:50 AM

Why is this quoted?

Because it's a quote.

Mark Hoppus, haha

Kassie09

01/14/10, 09:53 AM

She's a smart girl, she isn't going to base her life around a boy.

AlkalineAshes

01/14/10, 09:55 AM

She's a smart girl, she isn't going to base her life around a boy.
serious. so many girls do this and its absolutely pathetic

herestoyoufla

01/14/10, 09:58 AM

So your a female as well?! (your info..) Well distance never really works unless you put incredible effort into it.

I couldn't agree more. I actually broke up with my ex girlfriend after high school because she was going to a school 3 hours away.
You'll just miss her and worry all the time. Believe me.

xcacophony

01/14/10, 09:59 AM

ahhh that's a good idea
do you want to be the one to initiate conversation or do you think it'd be best to just let her come to you when she wants to talk?

I thought at first it would be best to let her come to me but I'm getting pretty torn up waiting (the being in limbo thing.)

She's a smart girl, she isn't going to base her life around a girl.

Yeah, I wasn't asking her to. I was supportive of her going and didn't mind LDRing it.

songydarko

01/14/10, 10:05 AM

If you two truly love eachother, nothing will get in the way of that. Either it'll be worth working through or it won't. It's a two people process.

Kassie09

01/14/10, 10:05 AM

I thought at first it would be best to let her come to me but I'm getting pretty torn up waiting (the being in limbo thing.)

Yeah, I wasn't asking her to. I was supportive of her going and didn't mind LDRing it.

Well, in her blog post, just cause she didn't include you does not mean she doesn't wanna be with you! I'm sure you could fit in right along with her. I wouldn't add my boyfriend to my future plans because i don't want to be disappointed, but i definitely would want him to be there in my life.

So maybe she wants you there but didn't wanna like freak you out and be like
college
travel the world
marry __your name__
have 3 kids with him
die happy

xcacophony

01/14/10, 10:10 AM

Well, in her blog post, just cause she didn't include you does not mean she doesn't wanna be with you! I'm sure you could fit in right along with her. I wouldn't add my boyfriend to my future plans because i don't want to be disappointed, but i definitely would want him to be there in my life.

I understand that. I'm not sure it works with what she wrote, though..

A sample of her post for context:
I hate making decisions, but decisions about relationships are the worst. I was told by a friend that I have to go after what I want in life and that if the person I care about doesn't want the same things that I have to be willing to choose what's most important to me. I know what's most important to me and that's the problem, I feel like the world's biggest jerk because college and a career shouldn't weigh in over a person in the grand scheme of things, but they do for me right now.

kbi the crowing

01/14/10, 10:32 AM

I thought at first it would be best to let her come to me but I'm getting pretty torn up waiting (the being in limbo thing.)

do you have any idea what you wanna ask her?

xcacophony

01/14/10, 10:38 AM

Just.. do you want to try and make it work? Or do you think that this is it for you? Are you just kind've trying to figure out how to let me down, here?

kbi the crowing

01/14/10, 10:40 AM

Just.. do you want to try and make it work? Or do you think that this is it for you? Are you just kind've trying to figure out how to let me down, here?

that seems fine to me, right to the point, no bull

Yellowcard2006

01/14/10, 11:12 AM

creepy

http://darthicons2.home.comcast.net/~darthicons2/misc/rayj.gif

mybreakingpoint

01/14/10, 11:35 AM

i hate distance. if she were in-state, it'd probably be a lot easier. cross-country, being 20 years old, i don't think anyone could make it work for 4 years of college no matter how in love you were or thought you were. sorry you're in a tough spot.

xcacophony

01/14/10, 11:38 AM

i hate distance. if she were in-state, it'd probably be a lot easier. cross-country, being 20 years old, i don't think anyone could make it work for 4 years of college no matter how in love you were or thought you were. sorry you're in a tough spot.

I figured since I only have one year of college left I would move up there afterward.. but even so that is three years of her there and who knows what would happen with that. Thanks, though.

brokenwings

01/14/10, 11:54 AM

these kind of things are incredibly tough. it seems like the relationship is just much more important to you than to her. i know that it's got to be really painful.

kemichels

01/14/10, 12:08 PM

more lesbos in here, woo!

well, obviously she's not a big fan of long distance relationships. she really could have told you in person though..

You would, lol

LoginBanned

01/14/10, 12:51 PM

I had thought about this issue a lot and the idea of just seeing what happens and enjoying my time with her was what I had wanted to do.. but it feels like she's making it so we won't physically see each other for a while, and at the end of that while she'll either break up with me or not. So I don't know how to deal with that. And I see the anal answer always come up at some point, so.

No; I did ask and got an answer that was totally opposite the blog post, just an hour before. So I doubt I'd get anything definitive if I asked again. I am tired of guessing, though.

Yeah, if I bring that up the whole conversation would be about that and not the main issue. If we can even have a conversation..

Hahaha, I actually love that quote.

Well it sounds like it's over to be honest

KatastrophiE

01/14/10, 03:28 PM

Well it sounds like it's over to be honest

I agree, especially with reading her sample quote.

Shes just young, confused about life and a relationship is the last thing she needs. When people who don't know what they want out of life get into a relationship it will, most likely, not last. But its good to get your heart broken, keeps ya healthy

xcacophony

01/14/10, 05:49 PM

..Alright. Thanks, guys.

xcacophony

01/15/10, 05:50 PM

As a follow up, I finally messaged her and said we had to talk. Since I'm on the other side of the state at the moment it was by phone call and not in person... she said that no matter what I said about my future plans, really, it was pretty much over. I didn't cry and she did.

I'm done with dating until I graduate, at this point.

Thanks for all the help again, guys.