Long distance relationships...but temporary.

[jusscali]

I know everyone feels as though long distance relationships are doomed from the start, but what about temporary situations - for instance, studying abroad, or terms of service. How many of you have had or dealt with maintaining a relationship in this type of circumstances. What are the general feelings about success/failure rates? Is it worth it?

[kwsqd]

If you trust and love the person, it's worth it.

[overdrive91]

I'm a pessimist because it didn't work for me, but then I'm not you. Give it a go if you feel its the right decision.

[jusscali]

If you trust and love the person, it's worth it.

Have you personally gone through it? I love the person and while I'll openly admit I wish I had a little more trust in general, the thought of living out my personal life over skype for a few months on an entirely ass backwards schedule really irks me. I just don't see staying in a relationship that isn't providing you with the things that you want and need during a large segment of time.

[jusscali]

I'm a pessimist because it didn't work for me, but then I'm not you. Give it a go if you feel its the right decision.

Care to explain in more detail. I'm just really interested in hearing everyone's individual circumstances, how they dealt with it, what eventually happened to gain a range of different perceptions

[kwsqd]

Have you personally gone through it? I love the person and while I'll openly admit I wish I had a little more trust in general, the thought of living out my personal life over skype for a few months on an entirely ass backwards schedule really irks me. I just don't see staying in a relationship that isn't providing you with the things that you want and need during a large segment of time.
yes I have personally gone through it, although your situation might be different.

[jusscali]

Well my girl is still in school and is really dead set on studying abroad, and friends of mine have not benefited from similar situations so I'm rather pessimistic about the whole idea. I'm trying to get my life going and my shit in gear and I don't really know if I'll be able to deal with that on the side.

[overdrive91]

Have been going out for 5 months and I realized I'd only see her every 3-4 months. I also felt I was holding her and myself back...so I dumped her.
Plus there's the whole lack of physicality. I know someones going to bitch at me,telling me if I cared that wouldn't matter, but it does.

[-whisp-]

Was in a long distance relationship for 2 years, loved/trusted each other but in the end I guess it wasn't enough (he ended it a few months ago). It can definitely work if it's temporary. I don't know if I would personally do it again but I wouldn't say from the start that it's a failure.

[kbi the crowing]

Well my girl is still in school and is really dead set on studying abroad, and friends of mine have not benefited from similar situations so I'm rather pessimistic about the whole idea. I'm trying to get my life going and my shit in gear and I don't really know if I'll be able to deal with that on the side.

do you really like her when you are together?

[jusscali]

Yes of course. We've been together for almost 2 years now and I think in the fall she's going to go abroad. I just don't know if it'll be a waste of time trying to make it work and know that for at least several months I'm not going to be getting anything out of it but anxiousness and loneliness haha

[Laural666]

I've been in two, and i can tell you from expierience that they do not work, unless you truly trust this person and they trust you and will not cheat on you. Don't do it, find someone thats close.

[jusscali]

I've been in two, and i can tell you from expierience that they do not work, unless you truly trust this person and they trust you and will not cheat on you. Don't do it, find someone thats close.

I appreciate your honest assessment. Is there anyone else who has made it through this whole study abroad situation?

[denissuxx]

Didn't work for me. When we saw each other after three months, it was awkward and our flame had simply burnt out, despite having spoken nearly every day while we were apart. That's just my experience. Good luck

[blissfulrain]

I appreciate your honest assessment. Is there anyone else who has made it through this whole study abroad situation?

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/brandnew/judelawandasemesterabroad.html

Sorry. Just had to.

[candeo1919]

I am a pretty optimistic person at heart and a hopeless romantic, so of course my gut reaction is to say "go for it, love conquers all!" But the nitty gritty truth is that long distance relationships have their pitfalls. But isn't love in a general a risk?

[jusscali]

Didn't work for me. When we saw each other after three months, it was awkward and our flame had simply burnt out, despite having spoken nearly every day while we were apart. That's just my experience. Good luck

This is what I've come to know most often with my friends and others I know. Then there's this whole part of them that you can't ever really experience or understand - a lot of the people I know came back pretty different

[jusscali]

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/brandnew/judelawandasemesterabroad.html

Sorry. Just had to.

I fucking hate that song, and have always disliked that release by them lol

[Neo Cassady]

I studied abroad two summers ago and, while the relationship I was in was already on the downswing, it did most likely contribute to it ending sooner than it might have otherwise. But that was my ex--I have no doubt in my mind that my fiancee and I could survive something like that without a problem. It all depends on the amount of trust you have in the other person, and how much they have in you.

[jusscali]

I am a pretty optimistic person at heart and a hopeless romantic, so of course my gut reaction is to say "go for it, love conquers all!" But the nitty gritty truth is that long distance relationships have their pitfalls. But isn't love in a general a risk?

It's hard because part of you doesn't want to prohibit someone you love from doing such an amazing thing, but it hurts to know that even though she realizes it could be the end of us after 2 1/2 years, shes gonna go through with it no questions asked.

[jusscali]

I studied abroad two summers ago and, while the relationship I was in was already on the downswing, it did most likely contribute to it ending sooner than it might have otherwise. But that was my ex--I have no doubt in my mind that my fiancee and I could survive something like that without a problem. It all depends on the amount of trust you have in the other person, and how much they have in you.

I would argue it has less to do with trust and more just a loyalty and dedication to the relationship that is still sort of existing or at least in limbo in the time being. Even if I had 100% trust in my girl (again, a problem I'm working on), those few months would suck. I'd be unhappy, I'd be lonely, and if it ended because of something stupid that happens over there, I'd be wasting my time. For me, or at the least for me right now, although we wouldn't be officially breaking up, her leaving would put the relationship I'm in now, and want, and am happy with, on hiatus.

[<*)))><]

Where is she studying abroad because if she goes to a place known for hot guys it might not work.

[jusscali]

Where is she studying abroad because if she goes to a place known for hot guys it might not work.

Hahaha I don't know. Probably somewhere where there are a ton of hot guys, but that's beside the point. There are good looking people everywhere you go...well almost. Besides I'm actually less concerned about getting cheated on and just more concerned that she will come back and still feel the same, or that I'll find a way to be happy enough with what I'm getting out of it to keep it going. I mean how to just put a long term thing to bed just because at that point for 4 months its not what you wanted out of the relationship or wanted to deal with at all.

[denissuxx]

This is what I've come to know most often with my friends and others I know. Then there's this whole part of them that you can't ever really experience or understand - a lot of the people I know came back pretty different

Yeah. I'll be very reluctant to try a long distance relationship in the future, for sure. Good luck to you

[fcbucks1]

Four months isn't really that long. If you just have something else that you enjoy doing you will be fine. All you have to do is keep yourself occupied and it isn't too bad. I've gone two months without seeing my girlfriend a few times and I have a couple of friends who didn't see their girlfriends at alll last semester. It doesn't work for a lot of people but it definitely does for others.

[Helpless]

It's not difficult if it's a few months to year, but after that, you'll find you're driving yourself up the wall constantly. It's not worth it. I broke mine off a few weeks ago because it was too much for me, but that was a really long term thing, so if it's just temporary, a few months to a year, you can do it.

[JesusOnXtc]

Been there, done that, got the shirt, use it to wax my car. If you are already worrying about the whole cheating thing then it will fester and grow inside of you, you may never know what happened over there and this is where "ignorance is bliss" comes in to play. I say just let her do her thing, you do yours and try to keep your mind off it. Don't even talk about the "what ifs", it will only swim in the back of your minds during the time spent apart.

[himynameiszack]

pQ0pPbW81mo

[lauren_chasey]

hey, I studied abroad for a year last year. I did 6 months in Spain and then another 6 in Brazil. I came home for Christmas and my boyfriend came to see me whilst I was out there (he even came to Brazil!). It was hard sometimes, especially in Brazil because we couldn't talk as much, but in the end it was worth it. I've been home for 5 months now and it's going great =)

Some of my friends were in the same situation as me and it didn't work out for them, but that's not always the case. If you think what you've got's worth fighting for, then go for it, otherwise you'll never know if it could have worked out.

[jusscali]

hey, I studied abroad for a year last year. I did 6 months in Spain and then another 6 in Brazil. I came home for Christmas and my boyfriend came to see me whilst I was out there (he even came to Brazil!). It was hard sometimes, especially in Brazil because we couldn't talk as much, but in the end it was worth it. I've been home for 5 months now and it's going great =)

Some of my friends were in the same situation as me and it didn't work out for them, but that's not always the case. If you think what you've got's worth fighting for, then go for it, otherwise you'll never know if it could have worked out.

I guess the only question here to ask is...did you behave yourself? lol How did he take it when you decided to not do one semester, but two? What did you guys do to make it work?

[lauren_chasey]

haha! Of course I did. I dunno... I just never felt any inclination to cheat, I knew I loved him and wanted to be with him so that was that. And we trusted each other. But that's not to say that jealousy was never a problem (some stupid cow living in his bulidng was telling him to break up with me and that I was selfish for going away. I met her, she was a hambeast, it was hilarious).

He always knew that I'd be going away for a year, since I study Portuguese and Spanish I didn't have a choice. We skyped a lot, we both bought webcams, and like I said he came to visit me and we spent Christmas together. And when it got tough for me being so far from home, it was nice to be able to talk to him about it, and knowing that it'd all be worth it in the end. And I had the best time of my life. I grew up a lot and so did he- I think the time apart made us both more independent but at the same time more appreciate of what we have. He was always interested in what I was doing and the things I was learning, so it wasn't like he was completely uninvolved. Just prepare yourself for the difficult times and try to make the most of it I guess!

[idefyYoustars]

Have you two considered something like an open relationship? I met a guy at a wedding, who lives hundreds of miles away. We are both crazy about each other, but it very difficult to have a real relationship from so far away. So we keep in touch, talk almost everyday, and maybe once a month we will get to see each other. It's amazing when we do get to see each other. But we both have crazy lives where we are, and we both feel that we would regret it if we were in an exclusive relationship. We have discussed though that when are life settles down, and if we are living in the same city, we would have a real relationship. The good thing about your situation....you know your girl is coming back, so you know you will have another chance

[<*)))><]

Hahaha I don't know. Probably somewhere where there are a ton of hot guys, but that's beside the point. There are good looking people everywhere you go...well almost. Besides I'm actually less concerned about getting cheated on and just more concerned that she will come back and still feel the same, or that I'll find a way to be happy enough with what I'm getting out of it to keep it going. I mean how to just put a long term thing to bed just because at that point for 4 months its not what you wanted out of the relationship or wanted to deal with at all.

For one not every place has cute guys, eastern and southern europe. Really people don't just stop feeling the way they do when one of them isn't around if anything it will make her miss you more. Now with skype and oovoo you can basically talk to anyone and it will feel like they are there right next to you. I'm now in a long distance relationship as of four minutes ago but the problem with mine was that I don't think either one of has feeling for each other. We were both just each other 4am booty call but now we are dating and living 6 hours away. I don't think it will work but hey if we do manage to see each other ever the sex will be amazing!

[jusscali]

Sadly I doubt I'd ever have enough money to go visit.

[jusscali]

haha! Of course I did. I dunno... I just never felt any inclination to cheat, I knew I loved him and wanted to be with him so that was that. And we trusted each other. But that's not to say that jealousy was never a problem (some stupid cow living in his bulidng was telling him to break up with me and that I was selfish for going away. I met her, she was a hambeast, it was hilarious).

He always knew that I'd be going away for a year, since I study Portuguese and Spanish I didn't have a choice. We skyped a lot, we both bought webcams, and like I said he came to visit me and we spent Christmas together. And when it got tough for me being so far from home, it was nice to be able to talk to him about it, and knowing that it'd all be worth it in the end. And I had the best time of my life. I grew up a lot and so did he- I think the time apart made us both more independent but at the same time more appreciate of what we have. He was always interested in what I was doing and the things I was learning, so it wasn't like he was completely uninvolved. Just prepare yourself for the difficult times and try to make the most of it I guess!

I can picture my girl saying your first paragraph word for word to me. Which, I guess in theory is a good thing

[songydarko]

If you trust and love the person, it's worth it.
Yup.

[worthwaiting]

I have been in a long distance relationship so I can tell from experience. If it's temporary, I don't see a problem. It all depends how strong your relationship is.. and when it's meaningful, it doesn't matter that you won't see 4 months. 4 months goes so quickly.

[jusscali]

I have been in a long distance relationship so I can tell from experience. If it's temporary, I don't see a problem. It all depends how strong your relationship is.. and when it's meaningful, it doesn't matter that you won't see 4 months. 4 months goes so quickly.

Eh, it does and it doesn't. She's away at school still but I get to see her every other couple of weeks because of her job. That four months will be the greatest gap we've ever faced. I'm a needy little bitch too so it'll be hard on me hah

[Esrb99]

I recently helped this girl I'm interested in move out of where she was living with her abusive Bf. she's moved 2 hours away back with her dad to finish this semester at the least, maybe longer. She isn't wanting a relationship at the moment due to her crazy ex, but we've talked about getting together when she comes back, as we're both interested in each other. In this case, forming a close, tight friendship will help. She came and stayed the night at my place last weekend, and I plan to go up there in a few weeks. I know this is much different than what you are going through, but the point is if you believe and she believes it will work, then It'll work. Communication and understanding is the key.

[kbi the crowing]

Yes of course. We've been together for almost 2 years now and I think in the fall she's going to go abroad. I just don't know if it'll be a waste of time trying to make it work and know that for at least several months I'm not going to be getting anything out of it but anxiousness and loneliness haha

do you trust her?

[jusscali]

do you trust her?

Yes and no.

[kbi the crowing]

Yes and no.

explain the no

[jusscali]

explain the no

I'm not entirely sure how to. I'm less "not trusting" and more realistic and accepting/open to the fact that in all honesty, anything can happen given a certain set of circumstances. To that degree I feel it somewhat impossible to hold people to a particular standard or to entirely trust that they would do as I would, or the way in which I'd prefer them to. I've never been a big fan of the way that the vast majority of individuals treat others in relationships. To that degree, would I be surprised if I got burned - not entirely at all. Does that mean I don't trust her?

Having said that, I also believe that as individuals we reserve our own right to judge certain circumstances based on our own perceptions. What may or may not be considered "cheating" or "overtly flirting" (to a degree that I would take serious issue with) to me may no be the same for her. Therein lies the problem. Do I think that there is a possibility that my girl may go overseas and behave in a not so terrible way, but in a way that were I to be there, I would get very upset? Sort of.

Sorry, I know that's super convoluted, but the concept of trust is something I've never really understood.

[jusscali]

Do I really think she would cheat - there's a possibility, but again, that's not really my concern. Do I think she may go and do things I might not be super happy about and then conceal them from me - there's a possibility - and that's more along the lines of things I'm worried about.

[jordo11]

I was in two that failed. But the third one worked and after a year I moved to the same city as her and its all good.

[kbi the crowing]

I'm not entirely sure how to. I'm less "not trusting" and more realistic and accepting/open to the fact that in all honesty, anything can happen given a certain set of circumstances. To that degree I feel it somewhat impossible to hold people to a particular standard or to entirely trust that they would do as I would, or the way in which I'd prefer them to. I've never been a big fan of the way that the vast majority of individuals treat others in relationships. To that degree, would I be surprised if I got burned - not entirely at all. Does that mean I don't trust her?

Having said that, I also believe that as individuals we reserve our own right to judge certain circumstances based on our own perceptions. What may or may not be considered "cheating" or "overtly flirting" (to a degree that I would take serious issue with) to me may no be the same for her. Therein lies the problem. Do I think that there is a possibility that my girl may go overseas and behave in a not so terrible way, but in a way that were I to be there, I would get very upset? Sort of.

Sorry, I know that's super convoluted, but the concept of trust is something I've never really understood.

that kind of thinking could lead to you ruminating the smallest details into something huge that shouldn't be, I'd definitely take that into account

though I will say in my personal experience, it has worked out fine. the periods of absence often provide longing and improve the relationship once reunited, but I'd assess if you are capable of holding out that long, if not I'd work on changing the mind set of anything being possible and worrying about everything or simply break it off.

[jusscali]

that kind of thinking could lead to you ruminating the smallest details into something huge that shouldn't be, I'd definitely take that into account

though I will say in my personal experience, it has worked out fine. the periods of absence often provide longing and improve the relationship once reunited, but I'd assess if you are capable of holding out that long, if not I'd work on changing the mind set of anything being possible and worrying about everything or simply break it off.

So what's the alternative thinking? Fuck it, I don't know what's going down and I'm better for it. I miss her and no matter what is actually going on over there when she returns if she still wants to be with me, lets do this?

[coltenTALK]

It's def. worth it. I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years so far.

[jusscali]

It's def. worth it. I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years so far.

How often do you actually see each other? What are some things you've done to make it work/make you and your SO feel better about the unfortunate circumstances?

[Chancetobe]

I went abroad, and a lot of people I went abroad with had relationships. So far as I know, out of like 5, only one failed. And that was because the girl was a whore. I mean, it sucks being away - but if you love her and she is worth it, and the physical is not the core of your relationship then it can work. Do visit her though.

[Chancetobe]

Also... don't try to convince her she shouldn't go abroad for the sake of your relationship. Not that i was in a relationship, but I know I was so excited about it, and my friends, instead of being excited for me - told me to stay so I wouldn't leave them. And it just made me mad and hurt, ect. And it is the kind of thing I feel like you can't be talked out of. There is only one shot for it, and it is the best experience of your life.

[coltenTALK]

How often do you actually see each other? What are some things you've done to make it work/make you and your SO feel better about the unfortunate circumstances?

At the start, I would fly there every couple months (3-4). We both bought webcams so that we would be able to see each other, we talk on the phone every day, and reassurance is key to keep the relationship alive. I'm not the most confident/secure person so she tells me all about her day and shit like that. Like I said, reassurance that love is still there and you are willing to stick through it is key.

[MarsEatWorld]

Well my girl is still in school and is really dead set on studying abroad, and friends of mine have not benefited from similar situations so I'm rather pessimistic about the whole idea. I'm trying to get my life going and my shit in gear and I don't really know if I'll be able to deal with that on the side.
I'm dating a United States Marine and he is stationed in Georgia right now while I'm in school in Maryland. It is really hard but if you really care about the person it is worth it. Of course I'd rather a relationship where I get to see him everyday but with HIM due to his job it is impossible and I'm set on what I want. We trust each other and though most of the time it is hard since you're away, when you see them again, all the happiness and amazing feelings rush into you making that time worth it times a milion.

So I say, DO IT.

[coltenTALK]

I'm dating a United States Marine and he is stationed in Georgia right now while I'm in school in Maryland. It is really hard but if you really care about the person it is worth it. Of course I'd rather a relationship where I get to see him everyday but with HIM due to his job it is impossible and I'm set on what I want. We trust each other and though most of the time it is hard since you're away, when you see them again, all the happiness and amazing feelings rush into you making that time worth it times a milion.

So I say, DO IT.

qft

[jusscali]

Also... don't try to convince her she shouldn't go abroad for the sake of your relationship. Not that i was in a relationship, but I know I was so excited about it, and my friends, instead of being excited for me - told me to stay so I wouldn't leave them. And it just made me mad and hurt, ect. And it is the kind of thing I feel like you can't be talked out of. There is only one shot for it, and it is the best experience of your life.

Understood. I realize that this point is probably the most important for me to follow leading up to her inevitable departure. I just wish I could experience that experience of a lifetime with her

[jusscali]

I love that things have taken a more positive turn ha

[MarsEatWorld]

It's hard because part of you doesn't want to prohibit someone you love from doing such an amazing thing, but it hurts to know that even though she realizes it could be the end of us after 2 1/2 years, shes gonna go through with it no questions asked.
When you love someone, you have to support them in anything that is helping their career and future life. If she is set on this study abroad she probably has a reason to be. I'm sure it isn't because she wants to get away from you but rather something about the experience will benefit her academically and in her life with whatever profession she chooses. I understand why you wouldn't want her to go but sometimes you have to trust that the decision she is making is for the best. If you love her it'll work. I went through 3 months without even being able to hear my boyfriend's voice in the beginning of our relationship just hand written letters. That tested our love, definitely. So instead of seeing this situation as a downfall to your relationship, see it as a test of your faith and love to eachother. It could, in the end, prove to both of you that what you have is true and everlasting.

[jusscali]

When you love someone, you have to support them in anything that is helping their career and future life. If she is set on this study abroad she probably has a reason to be. I'm sure it isn't because she wants to get away from you but rather something about the experience will benefit her academically and in her life with whatever profession she chooses. I understand why you wouldn't want her to go but sometimes you have to trust that the decision she is making is for the best. If you love her it'll work. I went through 3 months without even being able to hear my boyfriend's voice in the beginning of our relationship just hand written letters. That tested our love, definitely. So instead of seeing this situation as a downfall to your relationship, see it as a test of your faith and love to eachother. It could, in the end, prove to both of you that what you have is true and everlasting.

Very well put. Thanks a lot

[MarsEatWorld]

Very well put. Thanks a lot
plus, you're a red sox fan so that fixes everything. hahaha. we are STRONG
edit: another thing is, 4 months, whether it feels like it or not, is NOT that long.

[whiterussian]

the time in question is 4 months? that's nothing that should break a real relationship.


If your girl has morals, you'll be fine.

[phil19]

i think studying abroad and terms of service are two completely different scenarios.
the way i see it, the whole studying abroad experience would be diminished if you were in a long distance relationship. i dont think you would get to enjoy the situation to its fullest if you had that tie to home.
terms of service however i think is the opposite. having that stability of a relationship would give you something to cherish and hold onto while you were off doing your military thing.

[jusscali]

i think studying abroad and terms of service are two completely different scenarios.
the way i see it, the whole studying abroad experience would be diminished if you were in a long distance relationship. i dont think you would get to enjoy the situation to its fullest if you had that tie to home.
terms of service however i think is the opposite. having that stability of a relationship would give you something to cherish and hold onto while you were off doing your military thing.

Agreed. So therein lies another question; even if I don't discourage her from going and hold her back with thoughts and concerns about our relationship, am I holding her back simply by being with her during that time frame?

[phil19]

Agreed. So therein lies another question; even if I don't discourage her from going and hold her back with thoughts and concerns about our relationship, am I holding her back simply by being with her during that time frame?

as much as it pains me to say this, i think yes. though it is much easier for me to say that, than it is for you to not only agree, but to actually let her go. its a rough situation to be in. i dont envy you. Though the fact that you're thinking about her and what is best for her rather than what you want is something which i'd hope she'd recognise and be appreciative of

[jusscali]

as much as it pains me to say this, i think yes. though it is much easier for me to say that, than it is for you to not only agree, but to actually let her go. its a rough situation to be in. i dont envy you. Though the fact that you're thinking about her and what is best for her rather than what you want is something which i'd hope she'd recognise and be appreciative of

To be entirely honest, I doubt if I gave her the option of breaking up for the sake of her "true" freedom to experience the trip, she would even take it.

[kbi the crowing]

So what's the alternative thinking? Fuck it, I don't know what's going down and I'm better for it. I miss her and no matter what is actually going on over there when she returns if she still wants to be with me, lets do this?

if you want to be a pessimist, yeah thats good thinking

seriously, you guys have been together two years
why would she throw away 2 years with someone for something brief and meaningless?
it's four months, that's not a long period of time
yeah, you'll miss her, but it's not the end of the world
if you love her and you love the relationship you're in, I see no reason why you can't man up and let her take the time she wants to do something for herself

EDIT
To be entirely honest, I doubt if I gave her the option of breaking up for the sake of her "true" freedom to experience the trip, she would even take it.


seriously dude, she doesn't sound like she's gonna do a damn thing
I see no reason you'd have to worry

[phil19]

To be entirely honest, I doubt if I gave her the option of breaking up for the sake of her "true" freedom to experience the trip, she would even take it.

really?? well, if she doesnt want to break up, then i dont see any reason to. you obviously care a great deal about her if you're asking these questions, and when it comes down to it, if she wants to be with you during her time away, then that is her choice. if she can go and do her thing and you still have the girl then its a win win

[MarsEatWorld]

Agreed. So therein lies another question; even if I don't discourage her from going and hold her back with thoughts and concerns about our relationship, am I holding her back simply by being with her during that time frame?
Again, the reason she is going abroad isn't because she wants to experience another relationship, if that were the case then YES you're holding her back. But it clearly isn't why she is going abroad.

as much as it pains me to say this, i think yes. though it is much easier for me to say that, than it is for you to not only agree, but to actually let her go. its a rough situation to be in. i dont envy you. Though the fact that you're thinking about her and what is best for her rather than what you want is something which i'd hope she'd recognise and be appreciative of
How is it that being in a relationship will hold her back from anything academically and profession wise? Isn't that the point of studying abroad? to learn and experience life somewhere else? Just because you love someone doesn't mean you are being held back from grasping the full experience.

[MarsEatWorld]

really?? well, if she doesnt want to break up, then i dont see any reason to. you obviously care a great deal about her if you're asking these questions, and when it comes down to it, if she wants to be with you during her time away, then that is her choice. if she can go and do her thing and you still have the girl then its a win win
If she wanted to break up to "feel freedom" while studying abroad I'm sure she would do it instead of going and having a massive guilt trip the whole time.

[jusscali]

Either way it's going down and I'm gonna have to get used to it, I'm just trying to take in all that you guys have to say and give it some thought. It's all very positive either way - very constructive for the most part

[phil19]

How is it that being in a relationship will hold her back from anything academically and profession wise? Isn't that the point of studying abroad? to learn and experience life somewhere else? Just because you love someone doesn't mean you are being held back from grasping the full experience.

academically and professionally i dont see it being an issue. though i think being in a long distance relationship would hold you back from other opportunities personally. meeting new people and all that. im not saying for sure that you;d meet someone but i think being in a long distance relationship would close that possibility off and so preventing the person from really experiencing everything they could. thats just my opinion.

[caress me down]

One and a half years in a 2000 mile long distance relationship. You can do it :-)

[phil19]

If she wanted to break up to "feel freedom" while studying abroad I'm sure she would do it instead of going and having a massive guilt trip the whole time.

im not sure what you mean by this?
i said that if she didnt want to break up then thats her choice and its not problem??

[MarsEatWorld]

academically and professionally i dont see it being an issue. though i think being in a long distance relationship would hold you back from other opportunities personally. meeting new people and all that. im not saying for sure that you;d meet someone but i think being in a long distance relationship would close that possibility off and so preventing the person from really experiencing everything they could. thats just my opinion.
The purpose isn't to meet "someone else" though. Of course she'll meet people, she's going to have friends... just not a guy to hold her hand while she's there. Being in a relationship doesn't prevent you from experiencing anything social wise/ friend wise.

[MarsEatWorld]

im not sure what you mean by this?
i said that if she didnt want to break up then thats her choice and its not problem??
I know but the way you said it with "Really?!?!" as if it wasn't common made it seem like you were trying to say she wanted to experience a new relationship abroad.

[jusscali]

Two of the situations to others I were close to involved this:

A two year relationship. Guy tells girl he think he cares more about her than she him, and that he doubted if he could handle her going out/meeting other people/rocking out when she went to London. Girl goes to England heartbroken after he breaks up with her, essentially cutting off ALL contact while he is away. She behaves herself anyway and comes home in hope things can return to the way they were. Things are ultimately never the same and the two till this day have a very strained relationship (even as psuedo friends).

That's fear 1: Things just won't ever be the same after.

A 5 year relationship. Guy and girl date since they were 13 years old. Handled distance between two colleges and college lives great. No apparent problems going into her departure to Australia. While in Australia she falls in love with/spends lots of quality time with another dude behind the first guy's back, while also maintaining their relationship back home. She returns and secretly questions her feelings for her long time boyfriend and the reality of the situation that she was truly in love with (or thought so anyway) someone else - a situation that would never really work for her anyway. Girl opts to stay with longtime BF and halfass the relationship for a significant portion of time until the feelings for Australia boy dissipate and the relationship at home goes back to what it had been before prior (or at least sort of).

Essentially fear two.

[jusscali]

The purpose isn't to meet "someone else" though. Of course she'll meet people, she's going to have friends... just not a guy to hold her hand while she's there. Being in a relationship doesn't prevent you from experiencing anything social wise/ friend wise.

Eh, it might sort of prevent her from experience some things, but not many. She will to some degree have to ask how I'd feel about certain things as well. If of course she chose to.

[phil19]

The purpose isn't to meet "someone else" though. Of course she'll meet people, she's going to have friends... just not a guy to hold her hand while she's there. Being in a relationship doesn't prevent you from experiencing anything social wise/ friend wise.

i know thats not the purpose. but at the same time, why be closed off to the possibility?

I know but the way you said it with "Really?!?!" as if it wasn't common made it seem like you were trying to say she wanted to experience a new relationship abroad.

no, that's not what i was implying. i'd just assumed that from the way the guy was talking that they'd spoken of breaking up and when he said that she wouldnt want that it just came as a surprise is all

[steve-0]

I dated a girl in college. we broke up but were still pretty good friends. I graduated and moved to Denver and she went to Austin. Probably a year and a half later, we got back together. For 7 months I was in Denver and she was in Austin. Then she came to Denver for 6 months (she is a nurse and can go wherever she wants for 3 month intervals), then she went to the US virgin Islands for 3 months. We had decided that once she was done with the Virgin Islands, she would move back to her hometown (Dallas Frot Worth) and I would move soon after. I finally moved here a year ago. We've been engaged for 3 months now.

That said, it was really hard. Trust was never an issue for us, but it was still really not fun at all. She had a much harder time than I did and I had to talk her off the ledge a few times. It helped to have set dates for when we were going to be together and that made it bearable. My advice would be that if there is a specific idea of when you'll be back together (permanently), then it is possible, but still difficult and really not fun. If there are only vague statements ("We'll move back together someday...") then I wouldnt be too optimistic.

We were both relatively old (both of us are now 27) and out of college and kind of knew what we wanted out of our lives, which probably helped as well. Good luck

[MarsEatWorld]

Each situation is different, and being in a relationship with your girl for two years should make you well aware of her habits and attitudes towards certain things. A reason of the fall of relationship 2 was probably the fact that they didn't have any experience dating anyone else. You are 23 which means you've been dating your girl since you were 21.. a mature age, obviously. Even though they dated for 5 years they started dating at age 13 which means they are young and even though they think they know what they want... it isn't entirely true. It may end up that they both realize they want each other.

Situation 1: First mistake made was guy telling girl he thinks he cares more about her then she him. Mistake 2 doubting if he could handle it. If it is for the better of one of you guys future, you take that option. He broke up with her before she left, of course that is going to make a difference and cutting off all contact while she went abroad is only normal after what just happened. As a girl, I could tell you that I've been through a relationship where the guy broke up with me saying that he cared more about me and that he thought i deserved better than him. I took it as a I'm trying to break up with you without hurting your feelings and I don't trust you so I don't want to get hurt not an honest truth. So I can see where she came from with that conclusion.

Just don't worry about it too much. If you truly love eachother everything will be great, if not, you will have gone through a good life experience.

[MarsEatWorld]

Eh, it might sort of prevent her from experience some things, but not many. She will to some degree have to ask how I'd feel about certain things as well. If of course she chose to.
But you have to think, does she even WANT to experience those things? Or is her focus at study abroad different. It's not like you started dating after she made the decision to go study abroad, you've been dating for a while.

[jusscali]

Sadly I think a large majority of people who study abroad do it less for furthering their professional/major requirements and more as an opportunity to do a bunch of cool shit and rock out in a different country with different people and take a shit load of photos and have crazy ass stories. To that degree, she may want to experience many of those things haha

[MarsEatWorld]

Sadly I think a large majority of people who study abroad do it less for furthering their professional/major requirements and more as an opportunity to do a bunch of cool shit and rock out in a different country with different people and take a shit load of photos and have crazy ass stories. To that degree, she may want to experience many of those things haha
Where is she going? I mean, I'm going to study abroad next winter in Africa for health/aids and international human rights. My study abroad isn't for the whole take pictures and rock out.

[jusscali]

Where is she going? I mean, I'm going to study abroad next winter in Africa for health/aids and international human rights. My study abroad isn't for the whole take pictures and rock out.

She'll probably go to Spain, Greece, or Australia...more than likely to just those things. I don't think her major future profession have any relevance to her decision. On her big list of things to do before I die she has "travel to a shit load of countries" and she figures if she's paying already why not go while still in school. Her plans are not nearly as admirable as yours.

[MarsEatWorld]

She'll probably go to Spain, Greece, or Australia...more than likely to just those things. I don't think her major future profession have any relevance to her decision. On her big list of things to do before I die she has "travel to a shit load of countries" and she figures if she's paying already why not go while still in school. Her plans are not nearly as admirable as yours.
I don't understand why people go to Austrailia to study abroad but alright. If it doesn't have to do with her career then I don't see why go to Australia. Greece and Spain are understandable. I went to Spain my senior year of high school and it was a great experience. It all depends... experiencing a different culture can help you realize where you come from and to get to know yourself better and appreciate everything you have.

[jusscali]

I don't understand why people go to Austrailia to study abroad but alright. If it doesn't have to do with her career then I don't see why go to Australia. Greece and Spain are understandable. I went to Spain my senior year of high school and it was a great experience. It all depends... experiencing a different culture can help you realize where you come from and to get to know yourself better and appreciate everything you have.

I mean if this was really about school/profession/or providing foreign aid we wouldn't even be having this discussion.

[uh oh smmoreo]

My brother and his girlfriend made it through by instating a temporary "don't ask don't tell" policy where they would hook up with other people at parties and shit but would still talk a lot. Once he got home they were just fine. Still dating, he got back a year and a half ago, and they were dating a year before that.

[MarsEatWorld]

I mean if this was really about school/profession/or providing foreign aid we wouldn't even be having this discussion.
Have you ever thought about going with her? Not for all of it but maybe take time off and go spend time with her there for a month?

[steve-0]

My brother and his girlfriend made it through by instating a temporary "don't ask don't tell" policy where they would hook up with other people at parties and shit but would still talk a lot. Once he got home they were just fine. Still dating, he got back a year and a half ago, and they were dating a year before that.

wow. this sounds like an unbelievably bad idea.

[MarsEatWorld]

My brother and his girlfriend made it through by instating a temporary "don't ask don't tell" policy where they would hook up with other people at parties and shit but would still talk a lot. Once he got home they were just fine. Still dating, he got back a year and a half ago, and they were dating a year before that.
I think it's more of a, he doesn't want her to do anything situation where he wouldn't be doing anything either. I'm in a relationship where I don't see my boyfriend every day like some people but I still have never thought about hooking up with anyone else under a "don't ask don't tell" deal. If you really like someone, you don't feel the need or want to do anything with anyone else

[jusscali]

wow. this sounds like an unbelievably bad idea.

yeah haha. won't be doing that.

[uh oh smmoreo]

wow. this sounds like an unbelievably bad idea.
okay. then make it you're split up for the time you're away and you'll get back together when she returns.

[MarsEatWorld]

okay. then make it you're split up for the time you're away and you'll get back together when she returns.
I wouldn't do that either

[OurLadyCoolbean]

ok so i might have nothing to contribute to this, but im 16 and in a long distance relationship. we see each other at best once a month. and it sucks. but we both truly love each other in such a deep way, and i dont care if people say im too young to be in love or have a long distance girlfriend blah blah blah. because we both plan on spending the rest of our lives with each other. so i guess ask yourself, do you want to spend your life with her? i really think thats the only way to get your answer, because if you dont, what in the world are you leading her on for?

[po0ty]

I think Mars gives some good advice.


Also, one of my best friends is in a long term relationship and has been for over a year. These things arent doomed from the start and in your case it's a pretty manageable amount of time I'd say. You guys just both need to make clear what you're going into.

[MarsEatWorld]

I think Mars gives some good advice.


Also, one of my best friends is in a long term relationship and has been for over a year. These things arent doomed from the start and in your case it's a pretty manageable amount of time I'd say. You guys just both need to make clear what you're going into.
Thanks :]

[Smash Adams]

I don't understand why people go to Austrailia to study abroad but alright. If it doesn't have to do with her career then I don't see why go to Australia. Greece and Spain are understandable. I went to Spain my senior year of high school and it was a great experience. It all depends... experiencing a different culture can help you realize where you come from and to get to know yourself better and appreciate everything you have.
Why wouldn't you want to go to Australia? You've got something against beautiful forests Mars?

[jusscali]

lol

[MarsEatWorld]

Why wouldn't you want to go to Australia? You've got something against beautiful forests Mars?
Not really but I wouldn't waste a semester there. I'd rather go to Africa. I think it's more of a vacation place not study abroad place. I also like learning different languages and no I don't consider Aussie english a language :D

[mogley]

i'm about to go through this with my girl next fall. Im happy that she gets to go, but im not looking forward to her leaving at all. we're pretty used to long distance since we goto different schools but we usually still get to see each other at least once a month, so this will be interesting.

[MarsEatWorld]

i'm about to go through this with my girl next fall. Im happy that she gets to go, but im not looking forward to her leaving at all. we're pretty used to long distance since we goto different schools but we usually still get to see each other at least once a month, so this will be interesting.
You can do it!

[phil19]

You can do it!

this made me think of original prankster

[tictactony]

I'm in a long distance relationship right now. My girlfriend and I go to college in different states (NY and NC) so we see eachother maybe once every 3-4 months if we're lucky and have similar breaks. Like mostly everyone said, if you trust them than you should be fine. Both of us still go out and go to parties and drink and what not, and neither of us cares. I think why it worked so well for us is that we were best friends for years before we started dating, so its a really easy relationship, where we don't have to worry about what the other is doing because we know each other so well. We Skype about once a week and IM and text each other pretty much everyday, so we still got our communication bit going on. Anyway, our relationship is really awesome and we love each other very much, so if you feel like you can handle that, than go for it dude.

EDIT: it helps to do something cute, like mail her a package with some stuff she might like in it. Not like flowers and chocolates necessarily, but a DVD, books, cds, snacks, or whatever she likes.

[tD77]

My long-time girlfriend (2+ years) is in Swansea, Wales right now for the duration of the spring semester and we are giving it the distance relationship a go. It's going well except for electronically-related technical issues such as shotty internet makes for bad Skype conversations, pay-as-you-go does not cover international texts or calls (they cost a load extra), and the overall decrease of daily communication can be highly frustrating. Not saying this will happen in your and anyone else's case, but it is something to keep in mind.

[emilymarie100]

My sister and her boyfriend have been together for almost two years I think...but they met on world of war craft so that's not really a normal situation...

[MarsEatWorld]

My sister and her boyfriend have been together for almost two years I think...but they met on world of war craft so that's not really a normal situation...
hahaha

[jake13]

Seriously, no. Odds are its not going to work out (been through it) and its not worth wasting the time.

[-karla]

been there. done that. ended badly.
my long distance relationship was supposed to be temporary thing (6 months)... it ended two months in.

i'm actually struggling to think of a couple where the long distance thing did work out.

(edit: for the record we were together for 10 months before the long distance thing)

[Auals]

I appreciate your honest assessment. Is there anyone else who has made it through this whole study abroad situation?

Having just broken up with someone because i'm going overseas, I should give you something to consider.

You love her, clearly, and she loves you (otherwise she wouldn't even be attempting long distance) but think about what it is you're stopping her from doing. I'm not saying that she HAS to have a relationship over there but it could ruin part of her time. I don't know if by "in school" you mean University/College? Either way, it's not just a your relationship that may be strained.

Plus, and as upsetting as the thought it, she may meet someone over there.

Personally, I'm an advocate of "If it's meant to be it will be", but I also believe in true love so apparently that makes me a freak :p Cutting the chord and hoping you find each other again... It can be difficult and incredibly awkward but it'll help in the long run... better than a messy break up over a guy called Pablo...

[runningohfive]

I don't have an exprience, but my cousin has. She had a long distance relationship with a boy who lives in Greece for 4 years, she was only able to see him in the summer. She currently lives with him in Greece and has done so for the past 2 years. The only problem was that in the process of their relationship they broke up twice. Now their love is stronger than ever and I'm sure they will marry each other when she is done with college.

[MarsEatWorld]

been there. done that. ended badly.
my long distance relationship was supposed to be temporary thing (6 months)... it ended two months in.

i'm actually struggling to think of a couple where the long distance thing did work out.

(edit: for the record we were together for 10 months before the long distance thing)
mine worked out perfectly

[MarsEatWorld]

Having just broken up with someone because i'm going overseas, I should give you something to consider.

You love her, clearly, and she loves you (otherwise she wouldn't even be attempting long distance) but think about what it is you're stopping her from doing. I'm not saying that she HAS to have a relationship over there but it could ruin part of her time. I don't know if by "in school" you mean University/College? Either way, it's not just a your relationship that may be strained.

Plus, and as upsetting as the thought it, she may meet someone over there.

Personally, I'm an advocate of "If it's meant to be it will be", but I also believe in true love so apparently that makes me a freak :p Cutting the chord and hoping you find each other again... It can be difficult and incredibly awkward but it'll help in the long run... better than a messy break up over a guy called Pablo...
She could also meet someone where she is now. There isn't anything stopping her from meeting someone else (unless they are attatched to eachother).

[inthemidst]

Do you love her?

[zachff]

I took great pleasure in hooking up with girls who had boyfriends back at school.

[Impress]

I know everyone feels as though long distance relationships are doomed from the start, but what about temporary situations - for instance, studying abroad, or terms of service. How many of you have had or dealt with maintaining a relationship in this type of circumstances. What are the general feelings about success/failure rates? Is it worth it?

I went through a temporary long distance relationship this time last year. My girlfriend was going to school 4 hours away from me. If we had time we tried to see each other but we wound up only seeing each other 3 times (in person) during the whole year. It was pretty rough. Phone calls sure arent the same as being able to be with your gf/bf. After the year was over we spent pretty much the entire summer together and due to some unfortunate circumstances she had to live with me during the first semester of school... So we had success right after the distance and for a few months after that. But after she moved in our relationship turned into a nightmare. We were also going to the same school last semester so we were together pretty much 24/7 since the beginning of last april. I broke up with her a few months ago for various reason...

but my advice to you would be to stick with it. Once you two are able to see one another. DO NOT be glued to each other. I know it might be hard not to and that you'll want to be right next to them just please resist the urge to be together 24/7. yall arent married yet and still need your space.

[MarsEatWorld]

I took great pleasure in hooking up with girls who had boyfriends back at school.
douche move. and bitch move on her part.

[zachff]

douche move. and bitch move on her part.
It was even better because I knew one of the girls' boyfriends and he was an ass, so from day one I was looking forward to it.

[jusscali]

She just brought up the fact she picked up some paperwork and well, the convo didn't go well after that hahaha :( I'm a fuck head

[MarsEatWorld]

She just brought up the fact she picked up some paperwork and well, the convo didn't go well after that hahaha :( I'm a fuck head
I'm here if you ever need to talk. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost a year now.

[S9Dallasoz]

but my advice to you would be to stick with it. Once you two are able to see one another. DO NOT be glued to each other. I know it might be hard not to and that you'll want to be right next to them just please resist the urge to be together 24/7. yall arent married yet and still need your space.

Incredibly true.

[kbi the crowing]

She just brought up the fact she picked up some paperwork and well, the convo didn't go well after that hahaha :( I'm a fuck head

what happened?

[ArtForLovers]

well my situation may be a little different but here is my two cents... been with him for close to 4 years now. We were close when I was at school but after I graduated, I am now 2 hours away. We see eachother every 2-3 weeks. It sucks, but it's what we have to do. It will be hard, but if it's meant to be, it'll work out.

[nerdvglc]

it worked on america pie 2. that's about as much insight as you could possibly get from me right now.

[theguilt engine]

My girlfriend lives in my hometown, and I'm at college. But, we see eachother every weekend and it's perfect. It's enough space, but also enough alone time. 4 years strong.

[MarsEatWorld]

My girlfriend lives in my hometown, and I'm at college. But, we see eachother every weekend and it's perfect. It's enough space, but also enough alone time. 4 years strong.
that's beautiful :]

[Auals]

She could also meet someone where she is now. There isn't anything stopping her from meeting someone else (unless they are attatched to eachother).

True, but are you saying the distance won't affect it? What if she's in Europe or wherever, missing him like mad and Pablo comes along :p The issue is that the chances of her cheating, or simply succumbing to humans emotional weakness is much higher if there's a difference.

No I don't know where she's going, Pablo is an amusing anecdote, nothing more.

[jonny4star]

my brother is in the navy and his wife didn't see him for like 6 months but now they are living together for about a year and a half until he has to leave again for about a year. It seems to be working for them very well. I'm not saying that it's easy but it can be done.

[limepomegranate]

I had to be away from my boyfriend this past summer for 3 months and also a little over a month this past winter. That's the extent of my temporary long-distance relationship experience. I know that neither of those is in anyway near being close to a really long time but it was hard. Both my boyfriend and I agreed that the strain of not seeing each other was difficult. Yes, you can still talk (unless you're going somewhere where they don't allow cellphones like prison or some retreat thing) but just the fact that you can't see them, touch them, do all the little things that couples do etc. wears down on you. However, that being said, each time I have come back our relationship is better and stronger. Just those months apart have strengthened our trust in one another, our love, and caused us to grow and learn about ourselves as a person. However, I wouldn't recommend people go on temporary long-distance relationships unless they really have to just because of how difficult they are.

[limepomegranate]

True, but are you saying the distance won't affect it? What if she's in Europe or wherever, missing him like mad and Pablo comes along :p The issue is that the chances of her cheating, or simply succumbing to humans emotional weakness is much higher if there's a difference.

No I don't know where she's going, Pablo is an amusing anecdote, nothing more.
That's why the trust in one another and willpower (in both because both parties are near to temptation) must be strong.

[lauren_chasey]

i think studying abroad and terms of service are two completely different scenarios.
the way i see it, the whole studying abroad experience would be diminished if you were in a long distance relationship. i dont think you would get to enjoy the situation to its fullest if you had that tie to home.
terms of service however i think is the opposite. having that stability of a relationship would give you something to cherish and hold onto while you were off doing your military thing.


I know this is going back a bit but I just have to say, from personal experience, that this is definately not true! At least, not always. And I don't see how going on a year abroad is so different to going away to do military stuff. You still face the same sort of challenges (new place, new people, having to adapt etc.) and need the same support. Living in a country you've never been to before, not knowing anyone and the language/cultural barrier can be really tough to overcome. There were many times that I just wanted to pack it all in and go home, and being able to talk to my boyfriend really helped. I don't think it diminished my experience at all. And when he visited, I got to share it all with him, which was amazing.

So, I don't think breaking up with your girlfriend is neccessarily giving her 'freedom'. If she wants to be with you, you should stay with her! If my boyfriend had dumped me just before I went away I'd have been really really upset, to the point that I wouldn't want to go at all. But of course, this is just my experience, and it may be different for you.

[phil19]

I know this is going back a bit but I just have to say, from personal experience, that this is definately not true! At least, not always. And I don't see how going on a year abroad is so different to going away to do military stuff. You still face the same sort of challenges (new place, new people, having to adapt etc.) and need the same support. Living in a country you've never been to before, not knowing anyone and the language/cultural barrier can be really tough to overcome. There were many times that I just wanted to pack it all in and go home, and being able to talk to my boyfriend really helped. I don't think it diminished my experience at all. And when he visited, I got to share it all with him, which was amazing.

So, I don't think breaking up with your girlfriend is neccessarily giving her 'freedom'. If she wants to be with you, you should stay with her! If my boyfriend had dumped me just before I went away I'd have been really really upset, to the point that I wouldn't want to go at all. But of course, this is just my experience, and it may be different for you.

fair enough. i think there is a difference between studying abroad and being sent away on military service. they are two vastly different things

[MarsEatWorld]

my brother is in the navy and his wife didn't see him for like 6 months but now they are living together for about a year and a half until he has to leave again for about a year. It seems to be working for them very well. I'm not saying that it's easy but it can be done.
same goes for me and my boyfriend. he's a marine.

[yellowhouse]

If it's only for a short period of time, go for it. Otherwise, don't do it. And, make sure you're really into your significant other before doing so, haha.

[zion the lion]

hahaha short period of time


it's never a short period of time when it comes to being in the service.

[MarsEatWorld]

hahaha short period of time


it's never a short period of time when it comes to being in the service.
The OP's girlfriend is going on study abroad not service.

[zion the lion]

The OP's girlfriend is going on study abroad not service.

I know, but he said, studying abroad or being in the service and it just reminded me of my friend's husband who's gone for more than a year.

[MarsEatWorld]

I know, but he said, studying abroad or being in the service and it just reminded me of my friend's husband who's gone for more than a year.
Yup, my boyfriend will be getting deployed soon for 9 months in Afghanistan. :[

[FallenAngel117]

I have both good and bad experiences with the whole situation. i went on a 2 month exchenge to Germany (i live in Australia) and i'd dumped my bf not long before i'd left and he still wouldnt leave me alone. one of my other guy friends was being really nice an helping me out an what not and we got pretty close while I was away even though he was still in Australia. i chose not to do anything about it all while i was overseas because i didnt want to complicate things more than they were. when i came home we dated and things went well for about 6 months then he started getting depressed an all sorts of things so we ended that relationship. about a month or so later i ended up going out with the first bf again and we're still together 17 months later. turns out i would probably have been better off staying with the first bf and dealing with his jealous and over protectiveness while i was away. but he did learn to calm down a bit while we were apart.

these types of rships are really hard to judge until you actually experience them. it doesnt matter how much you love the person, more so how much you can handle their attitudes while you/they are overseas. I learnt alot and changed while i was away. your gf could too. and sometimes it doesnt matter how much trust you have in a person they could still do what you think is impossible for them

[Kassie09]

It's hard but you have to decide if they're worth it or not.
If you can handle being apart for a while because of how they make you feel when you're actually with them, it is worth it.

[zion the lion]

Yup, my boyfriend will be getting deployed soon for 9 months in Afghanistan. :[

Wow good luck.

[FallenAngel117]

Yup, my boyfriend will be getting deployed soon for 9 months in Afghanistan. :[

aww that'd be so hard. I hope all goes well and he comes back to you safe and sound :-)

[Auals]

That's why the trust in one another and willpower (in both because both parties are near to temptation) must be strong.

Of course, but a world apart isn't just a saying.

[MarsEatWorld]

aww that'd be so hard. I hope all goes well and he comes back to you safe and sound :-)
Thanks. I'm sure he will.

[lauren_chasey]

fair enough. i think there is a difference between studying abroad and being sent away on military service. they are two vastly different things

yes, studying and military work are very different things. What I was getting at was that the experience of being far away from home, for long periods of time and being completely out of your comfort zone are common to both. So in many ways, they are similar.

[mybreakingpoint]

I know everyone feels as though long distance relationships are doomed from the start, but what about temporary situations - for instance, studying abroad, or terms of service. How many of you have had or dealt with maintaining a relationship in this type of circumstances. What are the general feelings about success/failure rates? Is it worth it?
I'm doing it right now. We live in the same town, Adrian. She went to high school here, her family lives here, her twin goes to school here, and I go to college here and live here. We were friends for 2 years before we started dating a couple months ago. She goes to school 2 and a half hours way. It certainly has it's ups and downs, and it sucks she'll be gone 8/12 months of the year, but we deal with it, and we've been making it work with minimal drama and minimal fighting.

I've had to deal with the "girlfriend away at a different college" thing before, and the difference here, the thing that I'm doing this time that I didn't do last time, is when we have a fight or disagreement or something upsets me, I say "Hey, I'm gonna go. Give me a while to collect myself and figure things out." And after a while away from the issue with some time to clear my head, I figure out either how to deal with it without upsetting her, or I figure out how to get over it completely. I find myself saying "You know, it's really not as big of a deal as I thought it was initially. I'm being stupid." and we move on and everything's great.

I think it comes down to communication and understanding and doing everything you can to give the other person the confidence that you're still crazy about them. Once they start doubting your feelings or commitment, I think that will lead to some serious trouble, so just be sure you're good at expressing how you feel. It's the little things that count sometimes. And if she's confident and happy, then she'll be better at making you feel confident and happy, and everybody wins.

Good luck, my friend.

[rhombuspresents]

My gf is currently studying down in the states, getting her masters, and i'm working on my BFA. Been together now for over ten months. It's kinda not so awesome but we see each other every couple months, and we're moving to the coast in the summer. So currently it's just kinda wait and see but so far it's been pretty good. Just talk every day, some skype and texting. For now it sucks but i am sure it'll pay off once this school year wraps up. So for over a long period probably not so awesome but for a short period of time it's not so bad.

[limepomegranate]

Of course, but a world apart isn't just a saying.
That is true and that's why it's difficult.

[FireInTheSky]

worked for me.