That He Has Always Been Me [Archive]

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lfdfforever

07/09/06, 10:23 PM

a stranger walks away he may think but he'll never say
this burden on broken heels burns red
sweet from dead flowers but some how still weakly feed
you become my pain
you become a knot of blame tied to red faced shame

i do not see
this sight was created from existing might
give to he or she
who ever they may be,
tell them we're feild high but honestly this is the most we deverse

where ever you are in the second week of may
make sure that it is your best day
make sure i'm not there...............

he is all the mistakes in one soul
he is the failure you'll get to know
he has been sick for days
left alone to cure his own way,
that he has always been me

errricc

07/09/06, 11:03 PM

i love you

lfdfforever

07/09/06, 11:06 PM

hey pal, how is the song

lfdfforever

07/10/06, 10:16 AM

bump

lfdfforever

07/12/06, 10:17 AM

shit

a speedo model

07/12/06, 01:50 PM

i don't like this as much as your others. i don't know what it was about it, it's not bad it's just not as good as your others.

parallelism

07/12/06, 05:07 PM

I kind of agree with a speedo model. I really like the meaning of it and the way you go about telling it, but it just seems a little bit forced. The ending gives it really good closure. I'm also really glad you tried out the whole format thing. Keep working at it, I've seen you do great things before and it's bound to happen again.

lfdfforever

07/12/06, 08:09 PM

lfdfforever

07/12/06, 08:10 PM

i don't like this as much as your others. i don't know what it was about it, it's not bad it's just not as good as your others. oh ok, i do like that short poem you wrote

FScott

07/12/06, 10:23 PM

you're pretty much the only reason I bother coming to the poetry forum, nice write once again!

lfdfforever

07/13/06, 09:45 AM

you're pretty much the only reason I bother coming to the poetry forum, nice write once again! thanks a lot for the kind words