Is getting under someone really the best way to get over someone?

[Moatilliatta085]

So I got out of a very serious long-term relationship very recently. Mainly the reason it ended was because she wants to become a better person, and also because we have our own personal stuff we need to figure out. In her mind, it was better to break up so that we can have less stress from the relationship and focus on solving our own crap. In my mind, she added an insane amount of stress in my life by leaving me pretty much high and dry. She says she loves and I love her as well, but she says that if it's meant to be we'll get back together in the future.
The problem is that in the meantime I'm having a horrible time. I think of what she might be doing with other guys, I think of how she changed my life, and how my life changed after the breakup. We lived together for the last 2 1/2 years so we basically did everything together.
My question now is this: how do I get over her? I was thinking that it might help if I met this really great girl that makes me forget about her, but at the same time I don't think I'm ready to start a brand new serious relationship right now.
If I start hooking up with girls, I feel like I'll ultimately end up feeling emptier than before, because at the end of the day, I'm still alone http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/f/frown.gif

[Jennurna Gray]

Make like a hang glider and let go.

Edit: Sorry, I don't feel very sympathetic right now.

[terror_91]

Just wait a bit of time. There is no need to start seeing new people straight away. Hang out with your friends a lot and when you feel better in a couple days/weeks/months then you can start looking for someone new.

[Mibabalou]

cannon

[Clintoto]

tl;dr
But to answer the title: Yes and no.

It'll provide a distraction and fill some of the "emptiness"
However, one needs a lot of time to get over someone they were quite serious with, that's just science. It's boring but it's part of my life.

[limepomegranate]

Enjoy being single. Seriously you can't expect to make someone else happy unless you yourself are happy with your life.

[Schmidty Says]

Enjoy being single. Seriously you can't expect to make someone else happy unless you yourself are happy with your life.

This.

It's painful, but maybe it's for the best. Go out with friends, have some drinks, meet new people. Don't rush anything. Try not to think about it too much, because that's when it'll really hurt. Try to keep a positive outlook on things, and it'll hopefully get better.

[carnotaurhunter]

tl;dr
But to answer the title: Yes and no.

It'll provide a distraction and fill some of the "emptiness"
However, one needs a lot of time to get over someone they were quite serious with, that's just science. It's boring but it's part of my life.

Very nice Anchorman quotes. Also, you're right. DISTRACTION is the best way to get over someone. You'll find yourself saying, "I didn't think about her at all today," and the time spans will become greater and you'll realize that you don't need to bother thinking about her anymore. Video games, friends, and going to shows are all great distractions. Whatever holds your interest for hours.

[staciebx0]

just enjoy being single, if you need time to destress this is the perfect time to concentrate on you and making yourself happy esp if uve been in a long relationship youve prob stopped doing somethings you were passionate about, or maybe got comfortable around a person and stopped caring for yourself. just enjoy being single for now and you'll meet some one along the way. i sound like a cheesy horoscope :)

[Reaver]

My girlfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me today. Yep, today. We didn't actually live together, but we studied the same thing so we were together pretty much all the time. Now she said she had no more feelings for me and that our relationship is straining her. She suffers under pretty bad depressions which play a big role in all of this.
I made the mistake of not making any real friends in university because of her and now I feel alone and really bad. You see, she was my first girlfriend and I never wanted anyone else. And now I feel like I wasted the last 3 1/2 years of my life.

Yup, that's my story. Feels good to share.

[rhinitus]

Everyone is saying enjoy being single. And they are absolutely right. That's why casual sex was invented.

It won't get you over her, but you won't get over her until you prove to yourself that you're still marketable. I took way too much time wallowing in my own sorrows, and all you end up doing is thinking about who she's sleeping with.

Go out, have fun with girls...if you end up hooking up with someone you wouldn't normally hook up with, that's a good thing.

[rhinitus]

My girlfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me today. Yep, today. We didn't actually live together, but we studied the same thing so we were together pretty much all the time. Now she said she had no more feelings for me and that our relationship is straining her. She suffers under pretty bad depressions which play a big role in all of this.
I made the mistake of not making any real friends in university because of her and now I feel alone and really bad. You see, she was my first girlfriend and I never wanted anyone else. And now I feel like I wasted the last 3 1/2 years of my life.

Yup, that's my story. Feels good to share.

That's some rough shit. It's good that you've already identified something that you can work on though, and that's making more friends. This is an opportunity to learn what could have been improved by your situation, and use that to your advantage in the future. If breakups are good for anything it's self-improvement - you can finally be selfish again.

[worthwaiting]

I'm afraid time is the only real cure. The first few days are awful, but it gets better every day.:)

I was dumped 3,5 weeks ago after a long term relationship, I know how it hurts. For the first week everything just reminded him, even walking on the slippery pavements. Try to put those things which remind her away. When you lived together it's harder of course 'cause almost everything connects with her, but put at least the pictures away. I still pretty much think of him every hour, but it doesn't hurt so much anymore. I have got used to the idea that we are not together anymore. I think the hardest thing is that you are used to think about your partner every day, in your case for 2,5 years, it takes time to change the way you think.

But like everyone says, go out with your friends and don't be alone, try keeping yourself occupied. I guess at the moment you're too broken to go and flirt with other girls, but drinking and going out and meeting new people/getting attention from opposite sex is good. Also, thinking that maybe you will get back together one day isn't really doing good for you. It holds you back from moving on. I thought about it as well, but then I made a list about the things I didn't like about our relationship. Now every time a sweet memory comes to my mind, I start reading my list and feel better.

And the good thing is.. you can now think only about yourself. Set your goals and focus on them. Sort out your "personal stuff", what ever it is. Think of the good sides of being single.:)

And remember, you are not the only one with a broken heart, there are tons of us. Hope you start feeling better soon :-)

[sweepthenation]

Slay some hoodrats

[anamericangod]

YES

x

[tonyrodmon]

Honestly, play sports. You focus, you zone in, you don't think, your mind clears, you get exercise, you feel better. Join a co-ed soccer team, its a reason to meet people you might need !!

I'm serious !!!!!!

[Jennurna Gray]

The title rocks.

[Sloth7]

If you have a hobby you enjoy, focus your energy on that. Or if not, maybe take up a new hobby, something that will not replace your ex, but give your mind somewhere to focus and not be so stuck on her. That combined with time will eventually be what gets you to that point where you'll feel better. You just gotta take control of what you're thinking and when you see yourself starting to think about what she's doing or her dating other guys, take a deep breath for a moment and change your train of thought. If you allow yourself to think bad things, it's only going to serve to hurt you. It stinks and it happens to everyone, but in time you'll come around.

[Moatilliatta085]

I'm afraid time is the only real cure. The first few days are awful, but it gets better every day.:)

I was dumped 3,5 weeks ago after a long term relationship, I know how it hurts. For the first week everything just reminded him, even walking on the slippery pavements. Try to put those things which remind her away. When you lived together it's harder of course 'cause almost everything connects with her, but put at least the pictures away. I still pretty much think of him every hour, but it doesn't hurt so much anymore. I have got used to the idea that we are not together anymore. I think the hardest thing is that you are used to think about your partner every day, in your case for 2,5 years, it takes time to change the way you think.

But like everyone says, go out with your friends and don't be alone, try keeping yourself occupied. I guess at the moment you're too broken to go and flirt with other girls, but drinking and going out and meeting new people/getting attention from opposite sex is good. Also, thinking that maybe you will get back together one day isn't really doing good for you. It holds you back from moving on. I thought about it as well, but then I made a list about the things I didn't like about our relationship. Now every time a sweet memory comes to my mind, I start reading my list and feel better.

And the good thing is.. you can now think only about yourself. Set your goals and focus on them. Sort out your "personal stuff", what ever it is. Think of the good sides of being single.:)

And remember, you are not the only one with a broken heart, there are tons of us. Hope you start feeling better soon :-)

It was actually over 3 years that we were together, but we lived together for 2.5 of those.
And yeah, I can only hope to start feeling better soon.
It's funny cuz I've never been in a serious relationship before. In high school and most of college, it was all just dating around and hooking up. And I guess now I understand why there's a lot of people out there jaded about relationships. I used to think it wouldn't hurt that bad, and it's totally worth the risk, but now I second-guess myself.

[Reaver]

That's some rough shit. It's good that you've already identified something that you can work on though, and that's making more friends. This is an opportunity to learn what could have been improved by your situation, and use that to your advantage in the future. If breakups are good for anything it's self-improvement - you can finally be selfish again.
thanks, bro. I can really use some kind words right about now.

[DejaNew]

I feel like every 95% of the threads in PL are the exact same "I just got dumped, should I go fuck people?"
I don't understand why people turn to the internet for this shit.

[DanTGD]

if someone said they need to be a better person and they can't do that with me around i wouldn't want them back to be honest.

find a new girl, and then laugh when the whore comes crawling back.

[HometownHero]

Not a good idea at all

[worthwaiting]

It was actually over 3 years that we were together, but we lived together for 2.5 of those.
And yeah, I can only hope to start feeling better soon.
It's funny cuz I've never been in a serious relationship before. In high school and most of college, it was all just dating around and hooking up. And I guess now I understand why there's a lot of people out there jaded about relationships. I used to think it wouldn't hurt that bad, and it's totally worth the risk, but now I second-guess myself.
The good times are still worth the risk. At some point shallow relationships just don't satisfy you enough. And everyone finds someone new, who is much better than your ex and your relationship will be much better 'cause you have learned things from your past one. ;)

[Moatilliatta085]

I feel like every 95% of the threads in PL are the exact same "I just got dumped, should I go fuck people?"
I don't understand why people turn to the internet for this shit.

Haha, I don't understand why you turn to the internet to tell people what you think about people turning to the internet to talk about this shit.

[KatastrophiE]

Make like a hang glider and let go.

Edit: Sorry, I don't feel very sympathetic right now.

Nah, its good advice, just hard to put into practice. Just let go :D, uve got too much goin on in your head, you need to clear your mind of these stupid desires.

[Jennurna Gray]

Nah, its good advice, just hard to put into practice. Just let go :D, uve got too much goin on in your head, you need to clear your mind of these stupid desires.
I needed that advice, too. Thanks.

[<*)))><]

thanks, bro. I can really use some kind words right about now.
You should of made a thread. Don't worry their is still time but rough stuff man at least you got to stay in college but now you have no friends. So that kind of sucks, think you're going to get back into the game? or take some personal time?

[anamericangod]

Everyone is replaceable.

Go have fun. Spend some money on something awesome. Do something crazy.

She gave up the ghost on you. Use it as an opportunity to start a new chapter in your life.

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE

[<*)))><]

Damn he was one word away from a MCR song.

[phil19]

people seem to say yes. i have no experience with this though. my 3 and half year relationship ended abut 6 months ago now and i havnt been with anyone since.

[Corgkowznor]

Very nice Anchorman quotes. Also, you're right. DISTRACTION is the best way to get over someone. You'll find yourself saying, "I didn't think about her at all today," and the time spans will become greater and you'll realize that you don't need to bother thinking about her anymore. Video games, friends, and going to shows are all great distractions. Whatever holds your interest for hours.

If you say to yourself 'i didn't think about her at all today', didn't you just think about her?

[Siren Silently]

A few girls later you will realize they are all about the same.

[carnotaurhunter]

If you say to yourself 'i didn't think about her at all today', didn't you just think about her?

Yeah, but it's just at the end of the day. And you can feel good about that.

[Reaver]

You should of made a thread. Don't worry their is still time but rough stuff man at least you got to stay in college but now you have no friends. So that kind of sucks, think you're going to get back into the game? or take some personal time?

on top of everything I have to pass 2 difficult exams in the next 10 weeks or I'll be kicked out of college.

[<*)))><]

on top of everything I have to pass 2 difficult exams in the next 10 weeks or I'll be kicked out of college.
Good luck on those exams and when ever you take a break you can burn now her house. Help relieve the stress and make sure you cover your foot prints or for safety just burn those too.

[ohheroine]

My girlfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me today. Yep, today. We didn't actually live together, but we studied the same thing so we were together pretty much all the time. Now she said she had no more feelings for me and that our relationship is straining her. She suffers under pretty bad depressions which play a big role in all of this.
I made the mistake of not making any real friends in university because of her and now I feel alone and really bad. You see, she was my first girlfriend and I never wanted anyone else. And now I feel like I wasted the last 3 1/2 years of my life.

Yup, that's my story. Feels good to share.


the whole time i was reading your post i was thinking "THATS ME". my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me last tuesday because our relationship "wasn't working anymore". we have been each others best friend since the first day we came to this school and met. this is my first semester here not spending every day with him and i feel like i'm going crazy. i cant even begin to think about dating anyone else, because for me, there is no one else. i feel your pain and i hope both of us begin to feel better really soon.

[Reaver]

the whole time i was reading your post i was thinking "THATS ME". my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me last tuesday because our relationship "wasn't working anymore". we have been each others best friend since the first day we came to this school and met. this is my first semester here not spending every day with him and i feel like i'm going crazy. i cant even begin to think about dating anyone else, because for me, there is no one else. i feel your pain and i hope both of us begin to feel better really soon.
Thanks and I hope so, too. I just can't imagine it at all. I tried to picture myself with another girl, but all I did was comparing them.
I really hope you all are right and I'll manage to get over her one day.

[caress me down]

YES

x
hahahahahaha

[AlkalineAshes]

it wasnt for me.. or my ex

[argg_xo]

My girlfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me today. Yep, today. We didn't actually live together, but we studied the same thing so we were together pretty much all the time. Now she said she had no more feelings for me and that our relationship is straining her. She suffers under pretty bad depressions which play a big role in all of this.
I made the mistake of not making any real friends in university because of her and now I feel alone and really bad. You see, she was my first girlfriend and I never wanted anyone else. And now I feel like I wasted the last 3 1/2 years of my life.

Yup, that's my story. Feels good to share.
:hug:

[argg_xo]

I don't see why people seem to think they are automatically going to find someone that's amazing or meets your standards as soon as you get out of a relationship. Give it time and let yourself adjust to being single again and get on with your life.

[terror_91]

I don't see why people seem to think they are automatically going to find someone that's amazing or meets your standards as soon as you get out of a relationship. Give it time and let yourself adjust to being single again and get on with your life.
Because my life is a wonderful movie

[argg_xo]

Because my life is a wonderful movie
Your life will most likely make me want to vomit because of it's perfectness.

[terror_91]

Your life will most likely make me want to vomit because of it's perfectness.
I warn thee now, shield your eyes!

[argg_xo]

I warn thee now, shield your eyes!
:puke:

[Reaver]

:hug:
idk why, but you just made me smile. thanks, bby!

[argg_xo]

idk why, but you just made me smile. thanks, bby!
welcome!

[terror_91]

:puke:
I'm too late. I'm so sorry.

[lynnie]

So I got out of a very serious long-term relationship very recently. Mainly the reason it ended was because she wants to become a better person, and also because we have our own personal stuff we need to figure out. In her mind, it was better to break up so that we can have less stress from the relationship and focus on solving our own crap. In my mind, she added an insane amount of stress in my life by leaving me pretty much high and dry. She says she loves and I love her as well, but she says that if it's meant to be we'll get back together in the future.
The problem is that in the meantime I'm having a horrible time. I think of what she might be doing with other guys, I think of how she changed my life, and how my life changed after the breakup. We lived together for the last 2 1/2 years so we basically did everything together.
My question now is this: how do I get over her? I was thinking that it might help if I met this really great girl that makes me forget about her, but at the same time I don't think I'm ready to start a brand new serious relationship right now.
If I start hooking up with girls, I feel like I'll ultimately end up feeling emptier than before, because at the end of the day, I'm still alone http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/f/frown.gif


How do you get over her? The answer to that is time. You need time to heal and time to feel happy in yourself. Being single seems to be a big no no to people these days. You don't want to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. It isn't fair on you and most of all the person you are with. "Hooking up" for a quick one is not the way to feel better and I think you realize this which is a positive step in the right direction...

[Loch_Doun]

She's fucking other guys.
Guaranteed.

[mybreakingpoint]

Getting under the chicks leads to Forgetting Sarah Marshall syndrome. I've been there, eventually it just makes you hate sex, and who wants that?

The best way to get over her is just by distracting yourself and not thinking about her or your relationship for long stretches of time until it gets to a point where you CAN think about it and not get upset about it. Clear your head. Sort out your shit. Let her do her thing. And she's right, if it's meant to work out, it will.