Where do I go with this girl?

[deathinkosovo]

DUAL WARNING: This is a longer read AND there are no pictures of tits. I have some nice photos of a black cat I shot last night. He is cute. Ask me for those and I'll pony up.


I'll start slow. I met this girl last month via the ~INTERNET~ and we hit it off pretty well. I know, it's difficult to really "hit it off" over the Web, but we talked enough for a week straight through e-mail and Skype and over the phone. For a good chunk of December, and into January we talked everyday, got to know each other well and said, "Fuck it, let's do this thing and meet up." There was one gargantuan catch to this, however: While she goes to school here, she spends her time out of state during the off-seasons.

We each realized that since she lives so far away, nothing could occur -- right away, at least. We have a strong interest in each other, and our "types" line up rather well together (she likes dorky guys with wit, I like cute girls with style and an awkward streak). Right off the bat we agreed that we would get dinner and all that jazz when she returned to the city for school. Sounds good, right?

About a week or so into January, our conversation tails off. We go from sending 50 texts throughout the one day, to one or two the next, with a handful of days in there where we didn't talk at all. This concerned me, but not so much to freak out and throw my phone across the room in defeat. Part of me feels it would be difficult or impossible to keep the momentum going for a full month, which explains our not talking. But an equal-sized part of me feels she found something about me online, or talked to someone, or did something to lose her interest in me.

Perhaps that is an irrational fear, because we've been talking a little the past few days. She got back to school either yesterday or today, but we've yet to make plans to do anything. It concerns me because earlier this month she was dying to meet me, even going as far to pre-plan a date with me, and now I feel as if she's avoiding me for a reason outside my control. I'm not a pedophile, I don't have dirty pictures all over my social networks and I'm not that creepy a person, so I'd just like to know what the hell is going on. If anything.

Allow me to bring you up to speed on where we are now. She's back in school, so we're near each other. She texted last night saying how she's got to clean her dorm room or she'll be booted, so that is what she'll be doing for the next week (until Feb. 1, she said). I texted back offering to help her clean her place out and haven't heard back. I know, not the most ideal first date. But it seems as if all the interest she once had in me has dwindled. If I asked her if I could come over to clean her room a month ago, she'd jump at the opportunity and invite me right over. Now I can't even get a response back from her. So, um, what should I do?

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:
-She doesn't talk on the phone too often, so she texts a lot.
-She has a pretty demanding major at the art school downtown, so her free time might be compromised. She still has three days off, though.
-Her texts make it seem like she's still interested. Sunday or Monday she told me what time she's getting back to the city, and when she'd be free.
-Maybe most importantly, one of the things she likes about me is that I am the one who takes the initiative. I gave her my number, never asking for hers. A text she sent me a few days ago said that she "hasn't heard from me for a while" (despite the fact that I sent her the last message).

Do I text her asking her out, and be that direct about it? Do I call? I feel if I do either of those, I might come off looking needy and desperate. I could also do nothing and let her come to me. But judging from the fact that she likes me to take the initiative, I'm not sure playing "the game" with her is among my best options.

If you read this, I thank you and would appreciate your honest opinions. As a small token of my thanks, I offer you one free "anal" reply. :)

[wroteurname]

tl;dr

But to answer your question with a picture
http://blog.cleveland.com/best_east_west/2008/06/boneyard.jpg

[Greg.Kushlan]

Call her, texting isn't as personal. If she dosen't answer or return the call it probably means she isn't into you anymore.

[Mibabalou]

anal

but really most girls just like fucking with you and never have any intention of hanging out

so it may have been something to kill time till she got back to school and did her thing

just call her and be like when are we going out and if she keeps avoiding you then she aint worth your time

[warstory]

Just be direct and ask her if she is still interested in hanging out with you :)
if she says yes but keeps making excuses like"i have to spend a week cleaning or I will be homeless" then her yes is probably a no
but I don't know the gal so I could be wrong

If she doesn't talk on the phone a lot I would just text her
I know a phone call sounds more personal and what not
but if she's not a phone person then she won't see it that way
at least I know that'd be the case with me

[Dumpweed]

why did you shoot a cat you sick fuck

[istillfeelher]

why did you shoot a cat you sick fuck

I'm pretty sure when he said "shot" he was referring to the photos.

[Dumpweed]

I'm pretty sure when he said "shot" he was referring to the photos.

http://blog.dailycal.org/sex/files/2009/03/o-rly.jpg

[davehennessy]

I'd say give her a call. I agree with probably every other person in the world that texting is incredibly impersonal, even if it is more convenient. If she likes you taking initiative, then take initiative. Whatever you do, do something. If it turns out she's not into you anymore, then that's that. But if you're going to start a thread off with a 6+ paragraph post and a pre-post warning all about how you're having an issue with a girl you better go get her

[Greg.Kushlan]

post those pictures of the cat now.

[showmethefever]

Yeah, let's see the cat.

[Chancetobe]

I agree with the person who said just ask her. And that way you won't be stuck going on a date with someone that isnt' that into you.

[bstthngunvrhd7]

Give her a call this weekend and give her a few days to clean her room and adjust to the new semester if that's what she really needs.
And I'd like to see the picture of the cat as well =)

[maxvsmaradona]

cat or gtfo

[greenteaallday]

why did you shoot a cat you sick fuck

http://blog.dailycal.org/sex/files/2009/03/o-rly.jpg

post those pictures of the cat now.

cat or gtfo

haahahahahaahh i love this thread

[Illadelphia]

The most important thing I've taken from this...is that you have pictures of a cat. It would be an absolute pleasure to see them.

[Dumpweed]

you'll all be sorry when he posts pictures of a mutilated kitten that has more holes in it than a swiss cheese factory.

[Alex DiVincenzo]

Please tell me cat is a euphemism.

[Thriftstoresuit]

I believe we were promised pictures of a cat

[lovdahl]

sounds like she gave you a hint. for whatever you want to happen in the relationship you have to ask. just like most guys we have to control our bitch to hit that shit. anyway you should text her and call her as much as possible, and tell her what you want and lead in to how you want to do it. if that doesn't work find someone better online, who isnt a ho or an option. dont make someone a priority in your life who makes you an option in yours

[Dumpweed]

Please tell me cat is a euphemism.


you like the brown sugar, eh?

[deathinkosovo]

http://img195.imageshack.us/img195/7082/be1c.jpg

http://img51.imageshack.us/img51/8409/be4u.jpg

http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/7822/be6.jpg

[coma]

somebody give that kitty a brushing!

[showmethefever]

Does that cat have dandruff?

[Dumpweed]

he delivered and he didn't murder a cat. kudos to OP.

Thread is success.

[deathinkosovo]

sounds like she gave you a hint. for whatever you want to happen in the relationship you have to ask. just like most guys we have to control our bitch to hit that shit. anyway you should text her and call her as much as possible, and tell her what you want and lead in to how you want to do it. if that doesn't work find someone better online, who isnt a ho or an option. dont make someone a priority in your life who makes you an option in yours

This is seriously sound advice. I've never been the kind of guy who's had options, and generally speaking, I think the concept of options is a female thing. Not sure I'll be calling her as much as I can, because that seems as good a method as any to piss her off or annoy her. But yeah, I'll give her a call soon and see what happens. The not knowing whether anything is going to happen is slaying me right now.

Hmm. I wonder if I'll get a clever on-the-spot excuse or if she'll actually say yes. I'm assuming that is the reason a lot of people don't like phone calls: being put on the spot.

[deathinkosovo]

Does that cat have dandruff?

I don't know. Maybe? Not my cat. A black cat is like, the exact opposite of a differently-colored cat. Instead of your clothes attracting all its fur, the cat's fur attracts a bunch of fuzzies and white stuff, probably dandruff.

[showmethefever]

I don't know. Maybe? Not my cat. A black cat is like, the exact opposite of a differently-colored cat. Instead of your clothes attracting all its fur, the cat's fur attracts a bunch of fuzzies and white stuff, probably dandruff.
Yeah, he's (or she) got a bunch of fuzzies and who knows what all over him in the third photo.

[deathinkosovo]

Bread crumbs?

[DCD08]

that cat has some mad dandruff


http://i46.tinypic.com/awb4eg.jpg

[rhinitus]

that's one ugly fucking cat.

my question is, what part of your brain is telling you that asking a girl out is creepy but offering to clean her room is not?

[MikeAL4W]

Have you tried to the spicy chicken nuggets from wendy's? 99 cents playa. Get her two 5-pieces and her pants will be OFF.

[deathinkosovo]

that's one ugly fucking cat.

my question is, what part of your brain is telling you that asking a girl out is creepy but offering to clean her room is not?

No part. Asking a girl out isn't creepy, but constantly calling her, texting her or pining for her attention is. And yes, offering to clean her room together was a pretty shoddy call on my part, but to my defense, I was pretty wasted last night.

[rhinitus]

No part. Asking a girl out isn't creepy, but constantly calling her, texting her or pining for her attention is. And yes, offering to clean her room together was a pretty shoddy call on my part, but to my defense, I was pretty wasted last night.

it's wednesday night (now thursday morning). text her on friday evening around 6ish. ask her what her "big plans" are for the weekend. doesn't matter what her answer is, you're "going out with your friends." if it sounds like she might be free on saturday, you call her around noonish on saturday, you talk about how your night was pretty sweet, nothing crazy...pretty standard. you might even ask how hers went.

and then you man the fuck up and see if she wants to do something at some point in the remainder of the weekend. she has two options that you can think of - you can just "grab drinks" on saturday night, or you were thinking that you might want to go skating at wrigley or millenium park on sunday afternoon. gives her the option of what sort of thing she wants to do with you, and you don't seem like a creep. just don't make it seem like you're trying to give her enough options to where she couldn't possibly say no. then you're just annoying.

edit: and i don't give a fuck if she likes texting, you ask her out over the phone.

[Greg.Kushlan]

Have you tried to the spicy chicken nuggets from wendy's? 99 cents playa. Get her two 5-pieces and her pants will be OFF.
Hahaha, this reminds me of how my mom and sister told me to take a girl to McDonalds for our first date.

[MikeAL4W]

Hahaha, this reminds me of how my mom and sister told me to take a girl to McDonalds for our first date.

Haha well it looks like they have the right idea, noone can hate on a big-mac. And if she's vegitarian bring her to BK, that veggie-burger is SO good.

[Greg.Kushlan]

Haha well it looks like they have the right idea, noone can hate on a big-mac. And if she's vegitarian bring her to BK, that veggie-burger is SO good.
I didn't do that, and I don't talk to that girl much anymore so they obviously knew what they were talking about...

[MikeAL4W]

Mom knows best. Mail her a sweet&sour and I garuntee you'll get a desperate facebook message from her.

I know from experience dude.

[Dumpweed]

papa shango has all the answers.

[deathinkosovo]

it's wednesday night (now thursday morning). text her on friday evening around 6ish. ask her what her "big plans" are for the weekend. doesn't matter what her answer is, you're "going out with your friends." if it sounds like she might be free on saturday, you call her around noonish on saturday, you talk about how your night was pretty sweet, nothing crazy...pretty standard. you might even ask how hers went.

and then you man the fuck up and see if she wants to do something at some point in the remainder of the weekend. she has two options that you can think of - you can just "grab drinks" on saturday night, or you were thinking that you might want to go skating at wrigley or millenium park on sunday afternoon. gives her the option of what sort of thing she wants to do with you, and you don't seem like a creep. just don't make it seem like you're trying to give her enough options to where she couldn't possibly say no. then you're just annoying.

edit: and i don't give a fuck if she likes texting, you ask her out over the phone.

Problem: I've never ice skated before and it's going to be mad cold on Saturday. But that does sound like a nifty first date plan. Having a plan in mind beforehand seems like the way to go. I was going to do the boring guy thing and ask her to dinner over the weekend, but now I'm not so sure.

I'm also not too convinced I'll be telling her I'm hanging out with my friends Friday, but we'll see. I don't want to lie to her to make myself sound more interesting than I am. If I do end up going out Friday, I'll let her know.

[MikeAL4W]

papa shango has all the answers.

Haha the man knows!

[sdbrown]

I totally thought this thread was going to be asking where you should take her for dinner or something.

I don't understand what is going on with her room. Why is it so messy? Why is it going to take her a week to clean it? Dorm rooms are what, 150 sq ft (being generous)? Basically, it sounds like an excuse. Then again, she could just be bad at responding to texts when she isn't bored at home during break. Or she is nervous about meeting you because maybe she lied about herself? You're right to be confused, her change in behavior has me puzzled, too.

If she does get back to you about the date, I like the ice skating idea. The Museum of Science and Industry has free admission on Friday. (disclaimer: I'm a nerd so I don't know if taking my advice on this is the best way to impress a lady, especially an artsy one). oh! starting next week the Art Institute will be free! Does she go to Columbia? That's not too far for her to trek.

[lightupthesky]

you seem nice as hell, OP. let's clean my room.

also,
why did you shoot a cat you sick fuck
i actually did read the original post thinking he said he shot a cat and would post pictures if we wanted.

[deathinkosovo]

I totally thought this thread was going to be asking where you should take her for dinner or something.

I don't understand what is going on with her room. Why is it so messy? Why is it going to take her a week to clean it? Dorm rooms are what, 150 sq ft (being generous)? Basically, it sounds like an excuse. Then again, she could just be bad at responding to texts when she isn't bored at home during break. Or she is nervous about meeting you because maybe she lied about herself? You're right to be confused, her change in behavior has me puzzled, too.

If she does get back to you about the date, I like the ice skating idea. The Museum of Science and Industry has free admission on Friday. (disclaimer: I'm a nerd so I don't know if taking my advice on this is the best way to impress a lady, especially an artsy one). oh! starting next week the Art Institute will be free! Does she go to Columbia? That's not too far for her to trek.

She actually goes to the Art Institute. I do like the museum idea -- a lot, actually. I went to Science and Industry a bunch as a kid, haven't really been there in like, 10 years, so I'd definitely consider it. A museum allows plenty of time for walking and talking, lots of quiet and tons of sights to see, completely opposite of a movie (which is loud, distracting, gives you no time to talk). I'll consider it, but I'm not sure I'll just throw something out there like that. Maybe I'll ask her her plans first? I don't know.

The needing to clean her room thing comes from the school threatening to evict her (twice) because of how filthy it is. Or so she said. I don't know the school's policy on that kind of stuff. I've seen some people live in real shit holes at my school, and they never got evicted, but I'm not about to compare Northern to a school in the city, or any other school for that matter. I believed her about the room, though. She said she prefers hanging out in her room with candy and a movie over going out all the time, so maybe she's just overly conscious about my seeing it for the first time. Though I suppose I can always just bring her here... but then she'd have to meet my family, and that'd be pretty goddamn awkward. And far too soon. I've had girls meet my parents like, two days in and it was too creepy to even consider doing again. New rule: Girl gets to meet family if we get serious. Well, more serious than a date or two.

Overall, I don't think she's lying to me or giving me excuses. I don't know if I can legit "diagnose" what's going on, but from what I understand, she's only had one serious relationship with a guy, but even that was difficult for her. She said she broke up with the guy a bunch of times before getting back together with him a day later. Not saying she fears commitment or anything of that sort, but to paraphrase her, she tends to leave things as they're getting good. She starts feeling like things are too good to be true, which causes her to freak and question whether what is happening is real or a product of her imagination. Scarily enough, I am the exact same way, and this post is evidence of that.

Bolded for emphasis.

[S9Dallasoz]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v619/S9DallasOz/superbad-2.gif
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v619/S9DallasOz/girl-friend1.png

[Deadbolt23]

Take her to the movies, shortayyy!

[deathinkosovo]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v619/S9DallasOz/superbad-2.gif
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v619/S9DallasOz/girl-friend1.png

But you can only ignore someone for so long before they just... disappear.

[LoginBanned]

The dorm cleaning excuse seems weak. Women lose interest for dumb reasons. My condolences.

[Susanna]

Ask her to go to the Field Museum, that would definitely do it for me. My mom is going there today and I am insanely jealous.

[tottivillarossi]

cat or gtfo
hhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaa

[shboom.]

I don't know. Maybe? Not my cat. A black cat is like, the exact opposite of a differently-colored cat. Instead of your clothes attracting all its fur, the cat's fur attracts a bunch of fuzzies and white stuff, probably dandruff.

I don't know what cat owner universe you're in, but my clothes and comforter are covered in black cat fur. Like, all the time. I spend a lot of money on lint rollers.

[SLoT]

Simple enough:
1. Call her, if she doesn't answer, text her you're going to be coming over that way (her dorm), if she wants help let you know. If she doesn't respond, you've wasted your time, but you've found out that this move hasn't been enough to engage her to meet you personally and face to face.
2. If you've wasted your time (see #1) then you've got your answer. Don't bother with her anymore. There are more woman on the planet.
3. If she met up with you, what the fuck are you doing on AP go be with her.
4. Either way, take this into consideration as well. You could be friends with her for a while, and see if things develop you might've scared her off by moving too fast, regardless of what she did when you were talking all the time. She wasn't in any harm (if you were going to murder her) because she wasn't in town. Now that she is, you could easily kill this woman, so tread lightly young warrior. Tread lightly so she doesn't hear you coming up behind her.

[Skillen]

it's wednesday night (now thursday morning). text her on friday evening around 6ish. ask her what her "big plans" are for the weekend. doesn't matter what her answer is, you're "going out with your friends." if it sounds like she might be free on saturday, you call her around noonish on saturday, you talk about how your night was pretty sweet, nothing crazy...pretty standard. you might even ask how hers went.

and then you man the fuck up and see if she wants to do something at some point in the remainder of the weekend. she has two options that you can think of - you can just "grab drinks" on saturday night, or you were thinking that you might want to go skating at wrigley or millenium park on sunday afternoon. gives her the option of what sort of thing she wants to do with you, and you don't seem like a creep. just don't make it seem like you're trying to give her enough options to where she couldn't possibly say no. then you're just annoying.

edit: and i don't give a fuck if she likes texting, you ask her out over the phone.

Ha, this. Infact this should be the stock answer for all these threads. Except of course for anal.

[Yellowcard2006]

In the face of change...that's when turned and said to me, "I'm not sure anymore..."

[rhinitus]

I totally thought this thread was going to be asking where you should take her for dinner or something.

I don't understand what is going on with her room. Why is it so messy? Why is it going to take her a week to clean it? Dorm rooms are what, 150 sq ft (being generous)? Basically, it sounds like an excuse. Then again, she could just be bad at responding to texts when she isn't bored at home during break. Or she is nervous about meeting you because maybe she lied about herself? You're right to be confused, her change in behavior has me puzzled, too.

If she does get back to you about the date, I like the ice skating idea. The Museum of Science and Industry has free admission on Friday. (disclaimer: I'm a nerd so I don't know if taking my advice on this is the best way to impress a lady, especially an artsy one). oh! starting next week the Art Institute will be free! Does she go to Columbia? That's not too far for her to trek.

going to the art institute for after dark tomorrow. unlucky for you, i already asked someone

[Wake Up]

she sounds fat

[TERRABITHIA]

You've been played dood

[Greg.Kushlan]

Simple enough:
1. Call her, if she doesn't answer, text her you're going to be coming over that way (her dorm), if she wants help let you know. If she doesn't respond, you've wasted your time, but you've found out that this move hasn't been enough to engage her to meet you personally and face to face.



He's 22, at this point nothing like this can really be called a waste. If he was 37, then yeah it could be called a waste of time.

[deathinkosovo]

I don't know what cat owner universe you're in, but my clothes and comforter are covered in black cat fur. Like, all the time. I spend a lot of money on lint rollers.

Stop wearing white everywhere you go and this won't be a problem. People in my universe wear darker shades, which is a magnet for lighter-colored fur and hair. Black doesn't show up as much.

[deathinkosovo]

She's not fat (that I know of). She's not playing me (that I know of). She's not a man, not a two pack a day smoker, not a Yeti and not an analrapist. That I know of. She texted me this morning while I was sleeping replying to my invitation to help her clean her room. She said she'd take me up on the offer this weekend.

Hoo-rah. Now I have to pin down the detailz. And we're totally not going to be cleaning the whole time. I'll help her move a box, but that's it. I'm going high class on this shit -- classy dinner, fancy museum, the works. I ain't no cheap skate.

[rhinitus]

She actually goes to the Art Institute. I do like the museum idea -- a lot, actually. I went to Science and Industry a bunch as a kid, haven't really been there in like, 10 years, so I'd definitely consider it. A museum allows plenty of time for walking and talking, lots of quiet and tons of sights to see, completely opposite of a movie (which is loud, distracting, gives you no time to talk). I'll consider it, but I'm not sure I'll just throw something out there like that. Maybe I'll ask her her plans first? I don't know.

The needing to clean her room thing comes from the school threatening to evict her (twice) because of how filthy it is. Or so she said. I don't know the school's policy on that kind of stuff. I've seen some people live in real shit holes at my school, and they never got evicted, but I'm not about to compare Northern to a school in the city, or any other school for that matter. I believed her about the room, though. She said she prefers hanging out in her room with candy and a movie over going out all the time, so maybe she's just overly conscious about my seeing it for the first time. Though I suppose I can always just bring her here... but then she'd have to meet my family, and that'd be pretty goddamn awkward. And far too soon. I've had girls meet my parents like, two days in and it was too creepy to even consider doing again. New rule: Girl gets to meet family if we get serious. Well, more serious than a date or two.

Overall, I don't think she's lying to me or giving me excuses. I don't know if I can legit "diagnose" what's going on, but from what I understand, she's only had one serious relationship with a guy, but even that was difficult for her. She said she broke up with the guy a bunch of times before getting back together with him a day later. Not saying she fears commitment or anything of that sort, but to paraphrase her, she tends to leave things as they're getting good. She starts feeling like things are too good to be true, which causes her to freak and question whether what is happening is real or a product of her imagination. Scarily enough, I am the exact same way, and this post is evidence of that.

Bolded for emphasis.

alright fine. i accept the challenge. this whole mess is a one big piece of work. but i don't feel like doing my real job right now, so i'll begin.

let me start by saying i'm probably a lot like you. one could argue i'm dorky, but if you try that i'll just outsmart you and make fun of you way worse than you ever possibly imagined (some dude tried to do this when i was talking to his bro's gf at a bar last week. fucking clown was wearing an angels hat with a straight brim. anyways, i digress). maybe you're quiet, maybe you're loud, but you mentioned that you have wit. hopefully your "wit" translates to funny. i'm loud as shit and talk way too much, but throughout conversations i like making people laugh, regardless of the situation (unless it's like, a funeral. actually i take that back, people at funerals need to laugh too). bottom line is that even boring girls like to laugh.

i also haven't ever really been "good" with girls. never had a one night stand - can't ever really figure out what to talk about with a girl who's DTF after meeting some strange guy. usually these girls are dumb. i have a problem bringing myself down to their level. either way, once i graduated i forced myself to learn more about myself and how this whole game works. and that is lesson number 1:

It's all a game.

the sooner you realize this, the happier you will be. this is not to be confused with mind games and trickery...i will be the first to say to a girl "i don't play games." and it's true - not just something i say cause girls want to hear it. so fucking with a girl's head or being a dick for no reason are stupid..much like you don't want a girl talking to you all the time and then telling you she has to clean her room for a week (it might be true - i'm just sayin). but the overall landscape of boy getting girl rests on how you play a game. maybe game is even a bad word for it. i don't know. what i'm trying to say is that it seems like your intuition is to give this girl everything she wants right away. you're trying to cater to her and shape your place around it. it should be the other way - you should be confident in what you have going on and try to find a place for her in it.

so to directly address one of your lines above, "Maybe I'll ask her her plans first?", the answer is no. i don't trust you to do this one. by trying to figure out if she has plans already, you're setting yourself up for failure. if you have some sweet idea - LIKE GOING TO THE YOU! EXHIBIT - be confident that even if she did have other shit going on, with the right idea she might just choose to go with you instead. and don't make it seem like you are doing it because you think SHE will think it is interesting, you're taking her because YOU want to see it, and think she might enjoy it as well. moving on to lesson 2:

She doesn't like that you live with your parents.

look, i get it. the economy is in the shitter, you may/may not have a job, maybe you're still a student, i have no idea. i lived at home for a year after i graduated. shit.was.brutal. never brought any girl back home (except for black wednesday. but i was superfuckedup and i went to high school with the girl...not to mention it was the day before thanksgiving, which is an exception) and i wuoldn't want to. girls still living in the suburbs are weird...if they have an apt out there, it's weird cause they choose to live there. if they still live at home, it's weird because you still both live at home and thus can't...well, you know. not to mention she would meet your family, like you said. that's just strange, and a surefire way to send any girl packing. unless you have a legitimate reason to bring your GIRLFRIEND back home, don't do it. you don't have to lie about living at home...you're obviously just saving up some cash and will be moving to lakeview or wicker park soon, you hope. you're just not sure which.

Dirty girls are suspect.

this one should pretty much speak for itself. if the place she habitates in is so filthy that she might be evicted...well, i wonder how well she takes care of herself. and i mean "take care of herself" in every possible meaning you could come up with...

Don't be too available.

guys who contest this statement usually want to play the nice guy card. and if you want to be a nice guy, that's great - eventually nice guys end up happy, or at least i like to think so. i'm an asshole in general, but that's just because i'm sarcastic - if a girl gets me to be vulnerable and i actually care about her, then she'll be happy. either way, i think i'm a nice guy, and people who know me will say the same - i say a lot of shit, but i'm actually one of the nicer people you'll meet. anyway, this isn't about me...just trying to relate here. just because you want to be the nice guy doesn't mean you have to be a bitch. this girl seems to have some games she plays of her own...if i had to guess, she will make you feel like you're different by giving you a shitton of attention and always being around and things will seem perfect - and then she'll break it off. if she has things to talk about, really listen to her. and talk to her about it. but don't be that dude that ducks out of watching inglorious basterds on bluray to do so. don't say yes every time she wants to hang out, etc. etc. this might be getting a bit ahead, being that you haven't even really hung out with her yet, but i just don't think you've blown it yet - and i don't want you to fucking blow it when you get the chance.

Use what you know about her to your advantage.

she freaks out when things get crazy, so you have to take it slow. you can't give her everything she wants, because she won't believe it's real. you should be able to fill in the rest of the details - you just have to think about it. you have the weapon of logic for a reason. use it.


and holy shit that was a long post. probably a lot of ramblnig. oh well, i don't have time to proof it - my client is calling.

[mikeOKBRK]

She's not fat (that I know of). She's not playing me (that I know of). She's not a man, not a two pack a day smoker, not a Yeti and not an analrapist. That I know of. She texted me this morning while I was sleeping replying to my invitation to help her clean her room. She said she'd take me up on the offer this weekend.

Hoo-rah. Now I have to pin down the detailz. And we're totally not going to be cleaning the whole time. I'll help her move a box, but that's it. I'm going high class on this shit -- classy dinner, fancy museum, the works. I ain't no cheap skate.
Are you trying not to get laid? Treat her like shit.

[SLoT]

He's 22, at this point nothing like this can really be called a waste. If he was 37, then yeah it could be called a waste of time.
Good call. Still though 22 year olds (and most men in his position) need to shit or get off the can with her at this point.

[Cameronisonfire]

A girl who just texts and doesn't like to talk on the phone is shady as shit. She is most likely a whore and doing the same thing with three other guys... and hopefully a couple of girls.

[MikeAL4W]

Are you trying not to get laid? Treat her like shit.

Haha this!

But, if he does go high class, she at least owes him a quick beejer.

[x13looDx]

http://www.qtm.net/~geibdan/news2/leftb.jpg

To the moon!

[spunkmastaflex]

Tl Dr

pics or didnt happen

anal

blah blah blah

[jpgretzky15]

i would like pictures of the messy room.

[jengray]

if she tells you she needs a week to clean her room before she can hang out then i'm sorry, you're being blown off

bummer dude

but hey you have an always sunny icon and you made an arrested development reference, so chances are you will find someone cooler soon! good luck.

[portagepolevaul]

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z297/fancorps/twloha/jointheteam_468x60.gif

[deathinkosovo]

Are you trying not to get laid? Treat her like shit.

I don't really care at this point. If I wanted to get laid that badly, I'd pick up a call girl or lay it on the line for a fatty. Sex isn't that important to me.

[deathinkosovo]

alright fine. i accept the challenge. this whole mess is a one big piece of work. but i don't feel like doing my real job right now, so i'll begin.

let me start by saying i'm probably a lot like you. one could argue i'm dorky, but if you try that i'll just outsmart you and make fun of you way worse than you ever possibly imagined (some dude tried to do this when i was talking to his bro's gf at a bar last week. fucking clown was wearing an angels hat with a straight brim. anyways, i digress). maybe you're quiet, maybe you're loud, but you mentioned that you have wit. hopefully your "wit" translates to funny. i'm loud as shit and talk way too much, but throughout conversations i like making people laugh, regardless of the situation (unless it's like, a funeral. actually i take that back, people at funerals need to laugh too). bottom line is that even boring girls like to laugh.

i also haven't ever really been "good" with girls. never had a one night stand - can't ever really figure out what to talk about with a girl who's DTF after meeting some strange guy. usually these girls are dumb. i have a problem bringing myself down to their level. either way, once i graduated i forced myself to learn more about myself and how this whole game works. and that is lesson number 1:

It's all a game.

the sooner you realize this, the happier you will be. this is not to be confused with mind games and trickery...i will be the first to say to a girl "i don't play games." and it's true - not just something i say cause girls want to hear it. so fucking with a girl's head or being a dick for no reason are stupid..much like you don't want a girl talking to you all the time and then telling you she has to clean her room for a week (it might be true - i'm just sayin). but the overall landscape of boy getting girl rests on how you play a game. maybe game is even a bad word for it. i don't know. what i'm trying to say is that it seems like your intuition is to give this girl everything she wants right away. you're trying to cater to her and shape your place around it. it should be the other way - you should be confident in what you have going on and try to find a place for her in it.

so to directly address one of your lines above, "Maybe I'll ask her her plans first?", the answer is no. i don't trust you to do this one. by trying to figure out if she has plans already, you're setting yourself up for failure. if you have some sweet idea - LIKE GOING TO THE YOU! EXHIBIT - be confident that even if she did have other shit going on, with the right idea she might just choose to go with you instead. and don't make it seem like you are doing it because you think SHE will think it is interesting, you're taking her because YOU want to see it, and think she might enjoy it as well. moving on to lesson 2:

She doesn't like that you live with your parents.

look, i get it. the economy is in the shitter, you may/may not have a job, maybe you're still a student, i have no idea. i lived at home for a year after i graduated. shit.was.brutal. never brought any girl back home (except for black wednesday. but i was superfuckedup and i went to high school with the girl...not to mention it was the day before thanksgiving, which is an exception) and i wuoldn't want to. girls still living in the suburbs are weird...if they have an apt out there, it's weird cause they choose to live there. if they still live at home, it's weird because you still both live at home and thus can't...well, you know. not to mention she would meet your family, like you said. that's just strange, and a surefire way to send any girl packing. unless you have a legitimate reason to bring your GIRLFRIEND back home, don't do it. you don't have to lie about living at home...you're obviously just saving up some cash and will be moving to lakeview or wicker park soon, you hope. you're just not sure which.

Dirty girls are suspect.

this one should pretty much speak for itself. if the place she habitates in is so filthy that she might be evicted...well, i wonder how well she takes care of herself. and i mean "take care of herself" in every possible meaning you could come up with...

Don't be too available.

guys who contest this statement usually want to play the nice guy card. and if you want to be a nice guy, that's great - eventually nice guys end up happy, or at least i like to think so. i'm an asshole in general, but that's just because i'm sarcastic - if a girl gets me to be vulnerable and i actually care about her, then she'll be happy. either way, i think i'm a nice guy, and people who know me will say the same - i say a lot of shit, but i'm actually one of the nicer people you'll meet. anyway, this isn't about me...just trying to relate here. just because you want to be the nice guy doesn't mean you have to be a bitch. this girl seems to have some games she plays of her own...if i had to guess, she will make you feel like you're different by giving you a shitton of attention and always being around and things will seem perfect - and then she'll break it off. if she has things to talk about, really listen to her. and talk to her about it. but don't be that dude that ducks out of watching inglorious basterds on bluray to do so. don't say yes every time she wants to hang out, etc. etc. this might be getting a bit ahead, being that you haven't even really hung out with her yet, but i just don't think you've blown it yet - and i don't want you to fucking blow it when you get the chance.

Use what you know about her to your advantage.

she freaks out when things get crazy, so you have to take it slow. you can't give her everything she wants, because she won't believe it's real. you should be able to fill in the rest of the details - you just have to think about it. you have the weapon of logic for a reason. use it.


and holy shit that was a long post. probably a lot of ramblnig. oh well, i don't have time to proof it - my client is calling.

I'll reply in pseudo-bullet point form for ya.

-I'm not that loud. I talk a lot, but I manage my levels pretty well. I know the difference between indoor and outdoor voices, and the majority of what I consider "witty" is dry, snarky, referential kind of humor that few people get -- but when they do get it, it's pretty good. Not sure if you've ever seen the show "Psych," but my sense of humor is most comparable to James Roday's character, Shawn. It works. I have a lot of confidence in my ability to make people laugh and open up around me. I've been told I am a good interviewer, so others are fairly comfortable around me, too. Good signs, right?

-I'm starting to disbelieve the "game" because everybody, every single girl, is different. Like, the first serious girlfriend I ever had was some chick who messaged me on MySpace. Seriously. We talked for maybe 12 hours online after exchanging a few messages, met the next day and started dating that day, as well. Yep, we were "official" the very first day we'd met. Granted, this was five years ago, but this girl never played any games with me. She texted me back when I texted her, called me back when I called her and wanted to hang out with me as much as possible.

Meanwhile, I've been with girls who have played games, many of the ones you describe, so I'm not sure if the games are exclusively an age thing, or a figment of one's imagination. I feel like it's a bitter thing to say and generalize about women. Not every one of them is going to say to themselves, "Oh shit, he just texted me! I'm not going to reply back till tomorrow or the day after. It's gonna drive him nuts!" Nobody says that, nobody feels that. I'm sorry, I don't believe it. I think there are a number of unforeseen principles at play in any relationship, but I don't think people actively avoid each other to produce some sort of payoff later on. It's like this: If someone wants to be with me, they'll let me know. This girl has stuck with me for the past month, and she still seems very interested in doing something, and soon. There was a span when I didn't talk to her for eight days, and she became concerned enough to contact me first. She did that when she could have just as easily walked away and found something else. But maybe she doesn't want something else? From everything she's told me, everyone at her school is either a gay boy, or a straight-but-crazy girl. She doesn't go to parties and she only has two close friends at her school, with a number of acquaintances. She went to catholic girls school for most of her life, and she lives with a conservative family. Is she sheltered? Depraved? I don't know, but I'm not going to question it. At the end of the day, what each of us is feeling will hold more water than what everybody else is saying. It seems like the only reason "the game" exists is because people make it exist because they were burned in the past, and as such, tried to rationalize the reasons why. Just my take.

-She said she doesn't care that I live with my parents. She's young, and several years my junior, so it's not like she's got a swinging bachelorette pad herself. She's in a difficult major to find a full-time job, as am I. She understands. I'm grateful you empathize with my situation, and it does help, but I'm not so sure my living at home is much a factor at present.

-I don't believe dirty girls are suspect. On the surface someone who lives in filth might be hiding something, or doesn't treat themselves well, but I've known so many girls who had trashed rooms that were actually sweet people. That first girl I mentioned? Room was a pig sty. Clothes were tossed everywhere, knickknacks and garbage was all over the place, etc. She was embarrassed about it, as she had every right to be, but I told her it was OK and she got over it. Let me try this one on you. I keep a very well-maintained room. No garbage, no clothes strewn about my floor, none of that. Does that make me any less shady than someone with a dirty room? So, yeah, not so sure how much I believe dirty girls are suspect.

-The availability thing is something I've always had an issue with, and it is because of that first girl. She was young and impressionable and as desperate as I was for that first real serious relationship, so she gave me everything I wanted without asking. If I wanted sex, she'd be the one asking for it, not me. If I wanted to try something new, she'd be more than receptive to it. We were both too available, and that has only harmed me later in life. Now I expect every relationship to be like that, where the girl will just kneel down and give me the keys to the castle. I know it won't be like that with every girl, nor should it be. I'm not too concerned about it though because it varies from person to person. Some girls hate it when you cramp their personal space and talk to them too much, and others are more than desiring to hear from you as much as possible.

I've already got a few things going on this weekend, so I won't give into her beck and call. I am attending an art gallery and going to a bar with my friend tomorrow, most likely, and will probably spend most of Sunday night with another friend, leaving Saturday open for something. I have a lot of free time, but I don't want to appear desperate or needy. I'd hate that. But really, I need to get a feel for her. If she's OK with my wanting to hang out more, and if she has the time, it shouldn't be that much of an issue. But if she's super busy and can only hang out once or twice a week, that'd be fine too. I'm going to leave it up to her when she wants to hang out -- which is weird and counterproductive in a sense, because I'm supposed to be the one that's like, "You! Hang out with me now!"

We'll see how it goes.

[a nocturnal day]

Hate to the bearer of bad news but looking at the situation as a whole...it's waaay sketch. Especially the week to clean the room .What the fuck ever. In my experience, things too long with you and some other dude has made their move. My advice, call her, set something up that's for sure. If she gives you some excuse then it's game over bro.

[barkingincision]

http://img195.imageshack.us/img195/7082/be1c.jpg

http://img51.imageshack.us/img51/8409/be4u.jpg

http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/7822/be6.jpg



thats one handsome panther

[shboom.]

Stop wearing white everywhere you go and this won't be a problem. People in my universe wear darker shades, which is a magnet for lighter-colored fur and hair. Black doesn't show up as much.

I hardly wear white. Solid colored t-shirts, mostly. It's odd, my mom's cat is light-furred and we have a dog with white fur, all that gets on my clothes is black fur.

edit: Haha, oops, you were referring to my profile picture, weren't you? I do wear white sometimes...not often. Sorry if I came across as bitchy.

[Clark]

tl;dr
I love this post. Especially the Inglourious Basterds blu-ray reference.

[thecrowing776]

Dude, let's be honest. If that's the quality of cat that you're hanging out with, no way is this girl gonna even look at your dick.

[Greg.Kushlan]

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z297/fancorps/twloha/jointheteam_468x60.gif

I wonder if this was posted just by coincidence or if the person posting it actually read the thread.

[rhinitus]

I'll reply in pseudo-bullet point form for ya.

-I'm not that loud. I talk a lot, but I manage my levels pretty well. I know the difference between indoor and outdoor voices, and the majority of what I consider "witty" is dry, snarky, referential kind of humor that few people get -- but when they do get it, it's pretty good. Not sure if you've ever seen the show "Psych," but my sense of humor is most comparable to James Roday's character, Shawn. It works. I have a lot of confidence in my ability to make people laugh and open up around me. I've been told I am a good interviewer, so others are fairly comfortable around me, too. Good signs, right?

-I'm starting to disbelieve the "game" because everybody, every single girl, is different. Like, the first serious girlfriend I ever had was some chick who messaged me on MySpace. Seriously. We talked for maybe 12 hours online after exchanging a few messages, met the next day and started dating that day, as well. Yep, we were "official" the very first day we'd met. Granted, this was five years ago, but this girl never played any games with me. She texted me back when I texted her, called me back when I called her and wanted to hang out with me as much as possible.

Meanwhile, I've been with girls who have played games, many of the ones you describe, so I'm not sure if the games are exclusively an age thing, or a figment of one's imagination. I feel like it's a bitter thing to say and generalize about women. Not every one of them is going to say to themselves, "Oh shit, he just texted me! I'm not going to reply back till tomorrow or the day after. It's gonna drive him nuts!" Nobody says that, nobody feels that. I'm sorry, I don't believe it. I think there are a number of unforeseen principles at play in any relationship, but I don't think people actively avoid each other to produce some sort of payoff later on. It's like this: If someone wants to be with me, they'll let me know. This girl has stuck with me for the past month, and she still seems very interested in doing something, and soon. There was a span when I didn't talk to her for eight days, and she became concerned enough to contact me first. She did that when she could have just as easily walked away and found something else. But maybe she doesn't want something else? From everything she's told me, everyone at her school is either a gay boy, or a straight-but-crazy girl. She doesn't go to parties and she only has two close friends at her school, with a number of acquaintances. She went to catholic girls school for most of her life, and she lives with a conservative family. Is she sheltered? Depraved? I don't know, but I'm not going to question it. At the end of the day, what each of us is feeling will hold more water than what everybody else is saying. It seems like the only reason "the game" exists is because people make it exist because they were burned in the past, and as such, tried to rationalize the reasons why. Just my take.

-She said she doesn't care that I live with my parents. She's young, and several years my junior, so it's not like she's got a swinging bachelorette pad herself. She's in a difficult major to find a full-time job, as am I. She understands. I'm grateful you empathize with my situation, and it does help, but I'm not so sure my living at home is much a factor at present.

-I don't believe dirty girls are suspect. On the surface someone who lives in filth might be hiding something, or doesn't treat themselves well, but I've known so many girls who had trashed rooms that were actually sweet people. That first girl I mentioned? Room was a pig sty. Clothes were tossed everywhere, knickknacks and garbage was all over the place, etc. She was embarrassed about it, as she had every right to be, but I told her it was OK and she got over it. Let me try this one on you. I keep a very well-maintained room. No garbage, no clothes strewn about my floor, none of that. Does that make me any less shady than someone with a dirty room? So, yeah, not so sure how much I believe dirty girls are suspect.

-The availability thing is something I've always had an issue with, and it is because of that first girl. She was young and impressionable and as desperate as I was for that first real serious relationship, so she gave me everything I wanted without asking. If I wanted sex, she'd be the one asking for it, not me. If I wanted to try something new, she'd be more than receptive to it. We were both too available, and that has only harmed me later in life. Now I expect every relationship to be like that, where the girl will just kneel down and give me the keys to the castle. I know it won't be like that with every girl, nor should it be. I'm not too concerned about it though because it varies from person to person. Some girls hate it when you cramp their personal space and talk to them too much, and others are more than desiring to hear from you as much as possible.

I've already got a few things going on this weekend, so I won't give into her beck and call. I am attending an art gallery and going to a bar with my friend tomorrow, most likely, and will probably spend most of Sunday night with another friend, leaving Saturday open for something. I have a lot of free time, but I don't want to appear desperate or needy. I'd hate that. But really, I need to get a feel for her. If she's OK with my wanting to hang out more, and if she has the time, it shouldn't be that much of an issue. But if she's super busy and can only hang out once or twice a week, that'd be fine too. I'm going to leave it up to her when she wants to hang out -- which is weird and counterproductive in a sense, because I'm supposed to be the one that's like, "You! Hang out with me now!"

We'll see how it goes.

you made some very valid arguments. i see your point on the games thing, and you're right - it is different for every girl. and i do think age is a factor - if she's way younger, then maybe it's not as prevalent. it's just something i've noticed while trying to date girls that aren't in the bubble that is college (although, i don't know what dating at a city school is like - i definitely had the "college town" experience) - it gets harder and i feel like you have to put up with more shit to get to something good.

as far as the dirty room thing goes...it's one thing to have a dirty room. my room is perpetually dirty. the issue is when it's dirty enough to get evicted. that's just a whole other level of dirty! maybe i'm wrong. but i think it was an observation that needed to be brought up.

what gallery you going to? i'm going to after dark at the art institute tonight - hey champ is doing a dj set. should be pretty sweet.

[portagepolevaul]

I wonder if this was posted just by coincidence or if the person posting it actually read the thread.
Honestly I didn't read it all, just the first 2 pages and last 1

[Greg.Kushlan]

Honestly I didn't read it all, just the first 2 pages and last 1

The fact that you posted a promo for an anti suicide group in this thread was kinda funny, or at least I thought it was.

[portagepolevaul]

The fact that you posted a promo for an anti suicide group in this thread was kinda funny, or at least I thought it was.
after I went back and read everything I saw how it might be.

[deathinkosovo]

after I went back and read everything I saw how it might be.

If things went south with her, I wouldn't ax myself. I'd be disappointed, certainly, but suicide? No way, brah.

So, the call to her yesterday went unanswered. I left a voicemail, but didn't hear back from her about it. This afternoon I texted her, asking her if we're doing anything tomorrow. She relayed a laundry list of things she was doing/had to do, and made more plans (fast food, movie at her place, helping her clean). I said that sounds nice, thinking she meant she wanted to do it today. I got all excited only to find out she meant sometime this weekend. OK, that's fine, not a big deal. I ask her what day she has in mind, she says Sunday. Night. Which is probably not the best time for me, so I asked her if she's doing anything Saturday.

No response.

What's so hard about "Noon. Saturday. My place"? All I need is a time, date and location, and I barely have one of those written down. And why do I get the feeling Sunday probably won't happen? If it doesn't, I might just say forget it. : /

[portagepolevaul]

If things went south with her, I wouldn't ax myself. I'd be disappointed, certainly, but suicide? No way, brah.

So, the call to her yesterday went unanswered. I left a voicemail, but didn't hear back from her about it. This afternoon I texted her, asking her if we're doing anything tomorrow. She relayed a laundry list of things she was doing/had to do, and made more plans (fast food, movie at her place, helping her clean). I said that sounds nice, thinking she meant she wanted to do it today. I got all excited only to find out she meant sometime this weekend. OK, that's fine, not a big deal. I ask her what day she has in mind, she says Sunday. Night. Which is probably not the best time for me, so I asked her if she's doing anything Saturday.

No response.

What's so hard about "Noon. Saturday. My place"? All I need is a time, date and location, and I barely have one of those written down. And why do I get the feeling Sunday probably won't happen? If it doesn't, I might just say forget it. : /
Maybe it is just time to move on. Taking everything that has happened, and learn from it so it hasn't been at least a complete waste of time.