I'm new to writing, I think I suck...

[bass ampss]

But I have to write some songs for my band. This one is about how a lot of the people dissing on the "emo" or "cliche" or "scene" bands are often the same people who buy all of their cds and go to all of their shows.

You're calling us conspicuous?
But you're ridiculous
And oh, you've got this...
Taste of running your mouth
And what's this about
Band's like us being generic and
Played out?
No doubt.
Boy, you better not plan on talking again.
Cause it's been awhile since i've seen your smile
Punched in that familiar shade of red

Oh, but now you've been caught red-handed.
You write off our music, but you've just landed
On the podium of sell-outs and critics
You know you listen, but you won't admit it.

And oh, you see that?
Three strikes you are (a sell) out
You know we should be well out
Of here... by now
Everybody is a critic
But you, you won't admit it
That you,
That you would ever listen to this
Whenever someone asks
You find us easy to dismiss
But we're done.
Don't come back to us
When all you wanted was some fun.

[TheObserver]

You're really forcing some lame rhymes. You can't just sit there and ask yourself "ummmmm what rhymes with ridiculous and conspicuous?"

[bass ampss]

ok

[Narcissm]

firstly dont post on a forum dedicated to people who write good poetry/songs and they post knowing this fact...they do not post saying theres is shit and expect compliments on their first piece..erm no

it isnt bad but its kinda clumsy...so i guess my opinion is in between the above two posts!

[a speedo model]

the rhyming feels very forced. you need to work on that. there are some good lines and you've got some good ideas, but they just aren't used well.

[bass ampss]

the rhyming feels very forced. you need to work on that. there are some good lines and you've got some good ideas, but they just aren't used well.

What should I work on?

[ArTkY_]

What should I work on?
First things first, you really don't have to rhyme. If a rhyme sounds lame and forced, scrap it, just put something that doesn't rhyme.

You used the "oh" thing way too much. 3 times in one song is a bit overdone.

Three strikes you are (a sell) out

I'm definetly not a fan of lines like that.

[a speedo model]

yeah, you need to realize that you don't have to rhyme. don't throw in some lines that are cliche or that don't fit simply because they rhyme. all they'll do is drag the piece down.

[bass ampss]

alright, sweet. thanks a lot guys

[matt_rawlings]

You wrote a song about being generic and crappy, and the song is unintentially generic and crappy.

I did not like it at all im affraid

[bass ampss]

You wrote a song about being generic and crappy, and the song is unintentially generic and crappy.

I did not like it at all im affraid

I'm afraid you have a very good point.

[coatbutton]

I would reccommend practicing writing. Just write, even when you have nothing to say. It'll help you write better when you do have something to say.