A Summer's Reprieve

[a speedo model]

i've been writing a bunch of new stuff lately. and i wanted to post something, so here's this one. it's the one that kinda spurred my writing frenzy so i felt i should start with it.

“A Summer’s Reprieve”
We stood out in the open field while the others slept
Sunk into the grass like these shoes we could never fill
Dreaming of skies that didn’t cast the stars down
As we confess our loneliness to the trees that sway in the wind’s chill

All these dreams burn up and out like phosphorus flares
We’re so lost and it feels like nobody even cares

And just beyond the horizon you can see the town’s glow
Its heart beats even at this hour of the night
When the insomniacs wonder from their homes
To find any soul besides them that is still alive

Let the sunrise crash
And we’ll both fall into each other’s arms

All these dreams burn on and on inside us
We’re so lost, and it hurts but it always does

Shudder under blankets holding us down
Whispers on our lips
Sunny blonde hair grazing my fingertips
And I held you like they always said they would

[matt_rawlings]

I loved this, I really did, but the pacing/rhythm of it is quite odd, especially in the first half, and I don't really know how it could be put to a vocal melody and sang.

Fantastic lyrics though

[wyverna]

Josiah, I hate you. This is brilliant.

[a speedo model]

I loved this, I really did, but the pacing/rhythm of it is quite odd, especially in the first half, and I don't really know how it could be put to a vocal melody and sang.

Fantastic lyrics though

thank you very much, man. and yeah, i know the pacing/rhythm is a bit odd and it'll probably be impossible to sing. that's the downside to my writing. i'm not a good singer AT ALL, so i have trouble writing things to be sung.....if you know what i mean.

[a speedo model]

Josiah, I hate you. This is brilliant.

haha, thanks so much, Grace. i love you, though. :)

[wyverna]

haha, thanks so much, Grace. i love you, though. :)

i love you too. i'm just jealous really :)

[a speedo model]

i love you too. i'm just jealous really :)

i know, don't be.

[goyoyofosoco]

I like the majority of your imagery, but, the rhythm "feels" like it could use just a little bit of cleaning up. However, I don't know the beat that was running through your head when you wrote this, so, feel free to disregard.



All in all, pretty good stuff.

[matt_rawlings]

thank you very much, man. and yeah, i know the pacing/rhythm is a bit odd and it'll probably be impossible to sing. that's the downside to my writing. i'm not a good singer AT ALL, so i have trouble writing things to be sung.....if you know what i mean.

You really need to get a good singer and a full band to ths shit, as well as the rest of your work.

I mean, if you can get a killer melody behind some of your lyrics...fuck that is going to be sweet

[ArTkY_]

Fuck you, bastard.

[a speedo model]

You really need to get a good singer and a full band to ths shit, as well as the rest of your work.

I mean, if you can get a killer melody behind some of your lyrics...fuck that is going to be sweet

i know. no one i know plays an instruments or sings. i'm definitely looking for some people to work with, though. and i'm working on the music for my lyrics, a couple of the songs were quite easy to write melodys for, some are not...

[a speedo model]

I like the majority of your imagery, but, the rhythm "feels" like it could use just a little bit of cleaning up. However, I don't know the beat that was running through your head when you wrote this, so, feel free to disregard.



All in all, pretty good stuff.

thank you.

[a speedo model]

Fuck you, bastard.

:)

[iHATEapril]

I got chills, seriously. Beautiful, your best work, one of the best things I've ever seen on this site.

[a speedo model]

I got chills, seriously. Beautiful, your best work, one of the best things I've ever seen on this site.

thank you so much. that honestly means alot to me....