short poem

[coatbutton]

This is my first time posting poetry. Criticism is appreciated.

They say it’s not my business
Well I don’t really care
It’s always gonna be there
They’re always gonna dare
Dare to hurt me
Or desert me
With fights, and yells and screams
Dare to hurt me
Or desert me
My life’s ripping at the seams
“Go away!” they tell me not
To listen or to care
But this is my family
They will forever be right there
There to help me
Or to hurt me
I never can quite tell
Preaching love and joy and friendship
Yeah, right
This place is hell.

[a speedo model]

very cliche. sorry, but every line in there, i've read a thousand times before. and the rhyming felt very forced...

[coatbutton]

very cliche. sorry, but every line in there, i've read a thousand times before. and the rhyming felt very forced...
Thanks for the feedback. I wrote this a while ago, and it didn't feel forced at the time, but hopefully my writing will improve.

[matt_rawlings]

very cliche. sorry, but every line in there, i've read a thousand times before. and the rhyming felt very forced...

Couldn't agree more