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goyoyofosoco
07/22/06, 08:05 PM
I'm just a bee, or maybe three,
From an entire swarm,
And, no matter how cold your shoulder is,
I'll have no problem staying warm.

I sweat you out my pores,
While your bloods pumps through my veins,
And it's possible your open wounds
Still bleed my DNA,
Even though it's the longest shot
This rifle's got
To see, in twenty years.

It's time to face your fears.

If you could see past the skin,
And pull apart my Oscar-worthy grin,
You'd cry yourself to sleep at night
If you saw how I am inside,
And how hard my facial muscles work
To keep you out, instead of in.

Ten awkward numbers
And the two fragile states that keep us apart
Can't help me forget all of the dates
That never occurred,
In a future so blurred,
Right from the start.

If I didn't know any better,
I'd swear, by every letter I never sent to you,
That you have no idea
How perfectly your picture fits
On my pillowcase, at night.

You might not even be aware
Of how hard I tried to avoid your stare,
During all those days that left me
Connecting dots up in the sky,
Instead of erasing every message
You've ever left inside my head.









Black and white, with light and dark,
A carriage ride through Central Park.
Nothing I can say will ever change your mind.

I hope you cherish every breath,
And, every night, pray for my death,
So the guilt that lays inside you, dormant,
Can finally find a loophole to crawl through.

If I were a gambling kind of man,
I'd wager every particle I am
That you would want to stand beside me,
If the world fell away.
You want to live wrecklessly,
And be right here, next to me,
So I'll be the only one to see
The only smile you've ever truly meant.

matt_rawlings
07/23/06, 06:16 AM
I'm just a bee, or maybe three,

I sweat you out my pores,
While your bloods pumps through my veins,
And it's possible your open wounds
Still bleed my DNA,


If you could see past the skin,
And pull apart my Oscar-worthy grin,
You'd cry yourself to sleep at night
If you saw how I am inside,

That never occurred,
In a future so blurred,

You might not even be aware
Of how hard I tried to avoid your stare,


.

Overall I didn't like this song, and I have highlighted and underlined the lines that ruined it.

These lines more than the rest though, actually made me laugh;

I'm just a bee, or maybe three,

I sweat you out my pores,
While your bloods pumps through my veins,
And it's possible your open wounds
Still bleed my DNA,

a speedo model
07/24/06, 06:51 AM
i did not like this at all, sorry.

lfdfforever
07/24/06, 08:25 AM
, i didn't really care for this, keep writing

xllirikx
07/24/06, 08:28 AM
i really don't think thats bad.

You should condense it though. That would make it way better.

goyoyofosoco
07/24/06, 04:32 PM
i didn't figure this would be warmly receieved, but, what exactly didn't you like about this?