7th Inning Streeeetch (The Swing Swings Both Ways)

[iHATEapril]

Why do I get so poetic
In these moments of lust and desire
My behavior becomes more erratic
As the heat of the moment turns to fire

I’m a loose cannon, you don’t light the fuse
Oh who are we kidding, you love the abuse
“I’m a lover, not a fighter” I gasp in passing
She screams “They’re exactly the same, who are you kidding?”

We lay together the moment long gone
Broken nails and bloody scratches
The souvenirs we’ll flaunt
We turn to each other
Gaze deeply in our lover’s eyes
To find there’s nothing
The passion has died

Please scream, if we have any hope
It’s the only expression of love that I know

[wyverna]

I dn't likw the way the first two verses rhyme and then the second doesn't. It seems a bit misfitted. Even though that's not a word, but I don't care. I really like the first two, though, and the last one. It's just the middle that seems a little out of place to me.

[jusscali]

im on the fence.

i just dont like who who are you, who are we kidding in the same segment. my ocd flaired up like woah.
i do like the third section though, especially the end where the passion dies.

[iHATEapril]

I dn't likw the way the first two verses rhyme and then the second doesn't. It seems a bit misfitted. Even though that's not a word, but I don't care. I really like the first two, though, and the last one. It's just the middle that seems a little out of place to me.

The third one rhymes haha, just not every line.

[iHATEapril]

im on the fence.

i just dont like who who are you, who are we kidding in the same segment. my ocd flaired up like woah.
i do like the third section though, especially the end where the passion dies.

Oh, I think that adds to it, because the male is asking the female who are we kidding? and then the story resumes with the female asking the male who he's kidding, creating the atmosphere of unknowing characters.

[jusscali]

Oh, I think that adds to it, because the male is asking the female who are we kidding? and then the story resumes with the female asking the male who he's kidding, creating the atmosphere of unknowing characters.
well atleast you got all the angles covered. i think it would be more affective if his words and her words were separated then. i always like that in songs. so you can have that dimension to it, but not so close, so if you get a chorus separate those two segments with a chorus. id like that mucho :)

[wyverna]

The third one rhymes haha, just not every line.

I knowww, it just seems a little off to me, is all :)

[jusscali]

I knowww, it just seems a little off to me, is all :)
Fuck the Haters mikey!!!

lol

[iHATEapril]

Fuck the Haters mikey!!!

lol

Haha it's alright, I'm really well received around here, so It's okay, you guys don't have to like everything I do.

[iHATEapril]

Tariq and James will love the ending so much.

[jusscali]

Haha it's alright, I'm really well received around here, so It's okay, you guys don't have to like everything I do.
nah i like it, but i think you can work on it

[wyverna]

Haha it's alright, I'm really well received around here, so It's okay, you guys don't have to like everything I do.

I like most things you do and I like this just not all of it. I still love youuu!!

[jusscali]

dont snuff us mikey, that shits fucked up


new gch is sick shitttttttttttttt!!!

[iHATEapril]

I'm not snuffing, thank you guys. I dunno if I'll change it though, I've never been so hot at that.

[jusscali]

I'm not snuffing, thank you guys. I dunno if I'll change it though, I've never been so hot at that.
yeah only tamper with it if you get some good ideas or you really feel you have found something better or something youd like to add, i tend to add to my shit, and take pieces from one song to another

[iHATEapril]

yeah only tamper with it if you get some good ideas or you really feel you have found something better or something youd like to add, i tend to add to my shit, and take pieces from one song to another

How come you don't post songs?

[jusscali]

How come you don't post songs?
ummm fear mostly. i dont like drawing attention to myself. im no prob so alot of my stuff is very simple and not overly developed. i do it as a therapy type of deal. when you im me from time to time, probably about half, its either a song, or something i wrote. because its so universal and simple, you prob wont be able to tell the difference

ive posted some stuff saying ti was my friends before lol only ona whim though

[iHATEapril]

ummm fear mostly. i dont like drawing attention to myself. im no prob so alot of my stuff is very simple and not overly developed. i do it as a therapy type of deal. when you im me from time to time, probably about half, its either a song, or something i wrote. because its so universal and simple, you prob wont be able to tell the difference

ive posted some stuff saying ti was my friends before lol only ona whim though

haha, don't worry so much. People won't tear you apart because you're not some person with 12 posts.

[jusscali]

haha, don't worry so much. People won't tear you apart because you're not some person with 12 posts.
ehh maybe. i have a huge book with tons of shit over the year. i usually write everything in my head first then write it down once ive sifted through all the possibilities.

[jusscali]

alright im out, im gonna go watch bad sunday afternoon tv. peace

[a speedo model]

good stuff. the first two verse are very good i thought. the third could you use a bit of work, i don't know, it just felt messy or something. but overall, i like this especially the end. keep it up, man.


now go read my song :)

[iHATEapril]

good stuff. the first two verse are very good i thought. the third could you use a bit of work, i don't know, it just felt messy or something. but overall, i like this especially the end. keep it up, man.


now go read my song :)

Thank you very much, I loved your song a lot, too.

[wyverna]

ehh maybe. i have a huge book with tons of shit over the year. i usually write everything in my head first then write it down once ive sifted through all the possibilities.

I'd like to read some of your stuff too.

[OveriseFan]

I hate to say it, but I feel your rhyming has gotten out of hand. It sounds childish, but the rhythm is off too... making it sound more awkward. I dunno, I really only like the ending, because the rhyming pulled everything down. I challenge you to write three songs without rhyming.

P.S. People love me here now... Probably only because they thought I died.

[a speedo model]

P.S. People love me here now... Probably only because they thought I died.

james, check out my song at the bottom of the page. i'd like your feedback on it....

[iHATEapril]

I won't write without rhyming haha, it's not my thing.

I don't really see how rhymes between poetic and erratic, fuse and abuse, and gone and flaunt come off as childish, but you're entitled to your opinion. I'm happy with the way it came out.

[OveriseFan]

I won't write without rhyming haha, it's not my thing.

I don't really see how rhymes between poetic and erratic, fuse and abuse, and gone and flaunt come off as childish, but you're entitled to your opinion. I'm happy with the way it came out.

Childish was the wrong word.

Forced is the right one.

Use the Force, Mike...

No, don't. Please.

I just feel like you care more about rhyming than subject matter in this song.