New Rap I Wrote

[Mike Smith]

Why is it that we all have to worry
Cause it seems like all it does
Is mess up our story
We only got one chance at life
So lets start it together, make it right
Get rid of all our fears
And start to get real
Cause all life does is make us feel

Gotta stop holdin each other down
Lookin for help, lookin like clowns
Deaf and blinded by our own hate
Contollin our lives like its our fate

Didn't you know that you run dis show
Chasin your dreams by any means
But watch how you treat other souls
For they may light you on fire, turn you into coal

Don't you even try to slow down their roll
And who are we to judge one anotha
cause brothers and sisters were losing each other

So why is it that we yell, we scream
Like were bout to go murder and make a scene

Set our minds free like a bird in three
Cause man i can't stop talkin
Like my teacher writin, chalkin

And people might hate on me
Might just stop, call me crazy
But everythings alright
I'll stay cool, be lazy
Cause we all know life is hazy
No yes, no no, only maybes

Cause one minute you're here
And the next you're gone
Lifes a neverending wheel
Thats why i spit out this song

[Mike Smith]

Does ANYONE have an opinion on this?

I used to get opinions on stuff all the time, but now AP seems to be kind of dead when it comes to poem and song reviews/criticisms haha

[020jeffs]

I find it hard to get a feel for the beat but i can see how it would work :D

[Jabble524]

I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but this doesn't really work in my opinion. I like the whole you only live once, so seize the day message- but to be completely honest the lyrics are just very cheesy. Unless you have an absolutely incredible flow with an amazing beat, I would scrap this or seriously revise it- cause as is, I kept thinking MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice when I read it. Again, I don't mean to sound like a jerk, as a writer I respect you having the courage to post your work.