Should I Do Anything?

[Fringe]

I recently found out that only a couple months ago my girlfriend was suicidal. I can't say it really surprises me - she has the worst home life I've ever seen ... social services has tried getting involved more than once, but generally they just make things worse for her. She's lucky if she gets two hours of sleep a night - probably due to insomnia but her parents refuse to take her out to the doctors and they live a half an hour out of town.

She says she not anymore, but I dunno, it's all just really disturbing to me, and I just don't know what to do. I *think* she's happier now. We've been going out for about a month, and my parents let her stay at our house during the weekends so I think that's really been helping her. I just wonder if I should be worried? I have no clue about what to do or who to turn to... which I guess is part of the reason I'm asking internet people as opposed to the people I trust in RL. I'd love any advice.

[ArtForLovers]

sounds like she really just needs someone in her life. If you plan on being there for the long run for her, you need to let her know. Console her and remind her that life it worth it. Make sure she is actually happy. And most importantly, see if there is anything you can do to get her some help. There is only so much you can do. You can take her to a counselor, at least the school counselor. She probably needs someone to talk to.

[Fringe]

sounds like she really just needs someone in her life. If you plan on being there for the long run for her, you need to let her know. Console her and remind her that life it worth it. Make sure she is actually happy. And most importantly, see if there is anything you can do to get her some help. There is only so much you can do. You can take her to a counselor, at least the school counselor. She probably needs someone to talk to.

Yes... I'm in for the long run... I've told her that. I also realize I'm only fifteen, but as of now I really like her and I don't see that changing soon.

The school counselor brought in social services twice which made things worse for her, so I don't think she likes talking to her.

[ArtForLovers]

Yes... I'm in for the long run... I've told her that. I also realize I'm only fifteen, but as of now I really like her and I don't see that changing soon.

The school counselor brought in social services twice which made things worse for her, so I don't think she likes talking to her.
Well I don't know what the process is. And she may not like to talk to anyone she does not feel comfortable with. So maybe she needs to talk to you. Listen to her. And yes you may see no change right now, because you like her a lot. And if that never changes, that's great. But She may just need a friend. In the situation she is in now, you two may want to slow down anything you have going. Like I said, be there physically, emotionally, and mentally for her. I'm sure her thoughts are messed up right now. And if there are ANY signs of suicide, get her help. No matter how much she says she does not need it.

[roughroads]

Try anal.
Always puts me in a good mood.

[showmethefever]

Cool, you're girlfriend of one month hates her parents and hates the system that tries to help her hate her parents. You're 15 and in for the long run, with a 'suicidal' girlfirend who is probably nothing more than over dramatic. Awesome.

Seriously, get the fuck out of this, you don't love her. If she's actually suicidal, do what you can to help her and be there as a friend if she needs it.

[ArtForLovers]

Cool, you're girlfriend of one month hates her parents and hates the system that tries to help her hate her parents. You're 15 and in for the long run, with a 'suicidal' girlfirend who is probably nothing more than over dramatic. Awesome.

Seriously, get the fuck out of this, you don't love her. If she's actually suicidal, do what you can to help her and be there as a friend if she needs it.
says someone who is way more expereinced being 2 years older haha. No But I would agree to be there as a friend. But I would NOT abandon her

[showmethefever]

says someone who is way more expereinced being 2 years older haha. No But I would agree to be there as a friend. But I would NOT abandon her
I never claimed to be in it for the long run with anybody haha.

[<*)))><]

You got to be a friend.

[ArtForLovers]

I never claimed to be in it for the long run with anybody haha.
I did not say you did..

[showmethefever]

I did not say you did..
I know, I was just saying that regardless of my age, it's still a mistake for somebody who's 15 and been going out with a girl with issues for a month to say he's in it for the long run.

Unless she's sucking his dick.

[ArtForLovers]

I know, I was just saying that regardless of my age, it's still a mistake for somebody who's 15 and been going out with a girl with issues for a month to say he's in it for the long run.

Unless she's sucking his dick.
agreed.
well at least with the first part

[dani1292]

Cool, you're girlfriend of one month hates her parents and hates the system that tries to help her hate her parents. You're 15 and in for the long run, with a 'suicidal' girlfirend who is probably nothing more than over dramatic. Awesome.

Seriously, get the fuck out of this, you don't love her. If she's actually suicidal, do what you can to help her and be there as a friend if she needs it.

Says the oh so wise 17 year old. Don't be a such dick.

[ArtForLovers]

Says the oh so wise 17 year old. Don't be a such dick.
hah see above, exactly what i said

[dani1292]

hah see above, exactly what i said

Hah, yep. You beat me to it. Great minds think alike ;)

[more heart]

Just try to be as good of an emotional support system as you can be for her. Even if things don't work out for the two of you romantically, just be a good friend to her. Having someone stable in your life is extremely underrated, and it seems like she needs one badly. I'd also recommend not listening to this showmethefever douche.

[showmethefever]

agreed.
well at least with the first part
Yeah, the second part was just a joke.
Says the oh so wise 17 year old. Don't be a such dick.
See what I just said to ArtForLovers, my age is irrelevant to his situation.

[tyramail]

don't listen to showmethefever, he is an asshole. i would definitely just let her know that you are there for her, no matter what happens to you two romantically. just be open to listen to her, let her know you care, and be a good friend.

[dani1292]

See what I just said to ArtForLovers, my age is irrelevant to his situation.

Yeah, I get what you're saying, but regardless, the way you said it was harsher than it should have been, in my opinion.

[himynameiszack]

In before TWLOHA.

[AndrewIcex]

Be a good listener.

[Hagysaurus Rex]

Try your best and be there for her as much as possible, but also realize she needs professional help. She may not like it, but those types of symptoms need more than just a boyfriend and her resolve to fix. Also, if she doesn't, then it will cause a huge toll on her, you, and your relationship.

[HometownHero]

Says the oh so wise 17 year old. Don't be a such dick.

I hate it when he is a such dick

[Toothache]

Try anal.
Always puts me in a good mood.
you win for funniest post ever on this website

[MegSo]

Cool, you're girlfriend of one month hates her parents and hates the system that tries to help her hate her parents. You're 15 and in for the long run, with a 'suicidal' girlfirend who is probably nothing more than over dramatic. Awesome.

Seriously, get the fuck out of this, you don't love her. If she's actually suicidal, do what you can to help her and be there as a friend if she needs it.



my advice, as someone who hasn't been suicidal but had a pretty rough time with things at home until i finally moved out - be a friend. more often than not, a best friend is needed more than a boyfriend. we want to know that we're pretty and you find us interesting, yes...but i know personally, i'd like to know that i have someone who i can talk comfortably with and can be there for me when i need them to be more than that they think i'm pretty.

also, to the kid i quoted, here's a lesson you must have missed along the way -
your; possessive. (Is that YOUR drink?)
you're;YOU ARE. (YOU ARE an idiot.)
spell check is your friend.

[showmethefever]

my advice, as someone who hasn't been suicidal but had a pretty rough time with things at home until i finally moved out - be a friend. more often than not, a best friend is needed more than a boyfriend. we want to know that we're pretty and you find us interesting, yes...but i know personally, i'd like to know that i have someone who i can talk comfortably with and can be there for me when i need them to be more than that they think i'm pretty.

also, to the kid i quoted, here's a lesson you must have missed along the way -
your; possessive. (Is that YOUR drink?)
you're;YOU ARE. (YOU ARE an idiot.)
spell check is your friend.
Here's a lesson that you must have missed along the way; you're supposed to capitalize the beginning of sentences and proper nouns. You missed 10, I had one mistake. Great job, idiot.

[Jake Denning]

I hear the Circus can really cheer a person up.

[MegSo]

Here's a lesson that you must have missed along the way; you're supposed to capitalize the beginning of sentences and proper nouns. You missed 10, I had one mistake. Great job, idiot.


no need to turn this into a brawl or name calling, i don't recall calling you any sort of name. i was merely pointing something out. i have a problem with capitalization, i already know, but thanks.

[spansen]

man, 15 year olds have it rough-- what with having everything provided for them.

[Scrandon]

man, 15 year olds have it rough-- what with having everything provided for them.

ignorance, my friend

[bstthngunvrhd7]

I know that this been said a ton already, but just be a friend for her. Be a shoulder she can cry on and someone she can turn to for advice or if she needs to get out of the house. For her, perhaps just knowing there is someone she can turn to in this situation might mean the world to her.
Be her friend, be there for her, make sure that she is going to school and getting her homework done so that one day she might be able to escape this crappy homelife if she wants to go to college or get out of the house, find fun things to do outside of the house, even if it is just to go for a walk for a bit.
Is there a hobby you both enjoy that you two could do that might get her mind off of things for a bit?

[theartofsilence]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2MrEouku98

[whiterussian]

let's just hope pity doesn't take over.


be a good listener. don't dramatize.
good luck?

[showmethefever]

also, to the kid i quoted, here's a lesson you must have missed along the way -
your; possessive. (Is that YOUR drink?)
you're;YOU ARE. (YOU ARE an idiot.)
spell check is your friend.

no need to turn this into a brawl or name calling, i don't recall calling you any sort of name. i was merely pointing something out. i have a problem with capitalization, i already know, but thanks.
With the bitchy tone of your post, one can only assume that that was directed towards me. And if you know you have a problem with capitalization, then work on that before trying to fix anybody else's grammar.

[terror_91]

I recently found out that only a couple months ago my girlfriend was suicidal. I can't say it really surprises me - she has the worst home life I've ever seen ... social services has tried getting involved more than once, but generally they just make things worse for her. She's lucky if she gets two hours of sleep a night - probably due to insomnia but her parents refuse to take her out to the doctors and they live a half an hour out of town.

She says she not anymore, but I dunno, it's all just really disturbing to me, and I just don't know what to do. I *think* she's happier now. We've been going out for about a month, and my parents let her stay at our house during the weekends so I think that's really been helping her. I just wonder if I should be worried? I have no clue about what to do or who to turn to... which I guess is part of the reason I'm asking internet people as opposed to the people I trust in RL. I'd love any advice.
Not read the rest of the thread so this may have been suggested but you should contact a charity that deals with suicide. They are not just for people considering suicide, they cater to those who have to deal with it i.e. you. Ring them up or get on the internet and have a look on their websites. You sound like a decent guy so I hope that you find something useful and help her through it.

[MegSo]

With the bitchy tone of your post, one can only assume that that was directed towards me. And if you know you have a problem with capitalization, then work on that before trying to fix anybody else's grammar.


i'd rather not. i use it when i feel it's important. thanks anyway.

[shawnmalloy]

I don't think this girl is suicidal. Suicide is something that comes to mind frequently when you're in a tough situation, but for most people it's just a figment of speech. I will agree that she does need someone to depend on. At the very least she just needs some encouragement by someone. Just caring goes a long way. The next time she talks about offing herself, tell her she's dumb and everything will be just fine in a couple years when she can get out on her own. Most kids in America have shitty parents, no parents, one shitty parent, poor parents, or overprotective parents. She isn't unique. If you do your research you'll find that the most successful people out there come from pretty harsh living situations growing up.

[sargentlgfuad]

If you do your research you'll find that the most successful people out there come from pretty harsh living situations growing up.
actually that's quite false.

but, anyways, this topic has gone way out of hand. ArtForLovers basically gave you all you need to know/do. if you notice it getting worse or if you want someone else to talk to, you can call 211 and talk to someone confidentially and free about anything you want.

[shawnmalloy]

actually that's quite false.

It's neither true or false. It's subjective.

[sargentlgfuad]

It's neither true or false. It's subjective.
i guess you could argue about how you define "harsh living situations" and "successful," but if you are talking about people moving up in social statuses from their parents, then you would indeed be wrong by saying that "most successful people out there come from pretty harsh living situations."

[oh...rly]

also, to the kid i quoted, here's a lesson you must have missed along the way -
your; possessive. (Is that YOUR drink?)
you're;YOU ARE. (YOU ARE an idiot.)
spell check is your friend.

no need to turn this into a brawl or name calling, i don't recall calling you any sort of name. i was merely pointing something out. i have a problem with capitalization, i already know, but thanks.

Why call someone out for grammar errors and then get defensive when they do the same to you?

Don't dish it if you can't take it.

[MegSo]

Why call someone out for grammar errors and then get defensive when they do the same to you?

Don't dish it if you can't take it.


i wasn't defensive. i know full well that i'm too lazy to capitalize most of the time. but i am far from an idiot.

[shawnmalloy]

i guess you could argue about how you define "harsh living situations" and "successful," but if you are talking about people moving up in social statuses from their parents, then you would indeed be wrong by saying that "most successful people out there come from pretty harsh living situations."

No. It's all pretty subjective. Maybe the word "most" was the wrong word to use. I'm saying "a lot" of successful people didn't have the best home lives. Our hometown hero here in Worcester, MA is comedian Dennis Leary. Little to no one here is high class. I worked with his brother who's a delivery driver. Leary is the prime example of someone who grows up in a shit neighborhood that grows up to be a millionaire. There's a lot of similar stories of people starting off in rough situations that make something of their lives. That's the main point I was trying to make.

[terror_91]

i wasn't defensive. i know full well that i'm too lazy to capitalize most of the time. but i am far from an idiot.
Don't call people out for shit grammar when you have shit grammar yourself. Makes you look like a cock.

[Gwytherspoon]

I really feel for you because I've been in a similar situation. Yet all you can do, if you think you make her happier, is be there for her.

[MegSo]

Don't call people out for shit grammar when you have shit grammar yourself. Makes you look like a cock.


all i did was a point out that he was using a word incorrectly. i don't think my lack of capitalization qualifies as "shit grammar" and i never claimed to have perfect grammar. calm your hormones.

[terror_91]

all i did was a point out that he was using a word incorrectly. i don't think my lack of capitalization qualifies as "shit grammar" and i never claimed to have perfect grammar. calm your hormones.
Oh please.

Lack of capitalisation counts as shit grammar.

[MegSo]

Oh please.

Lack of capitalisation counts as shit grammar.


that's subjective. regardless, i wasn't claiming to have perfect grammar so i don't see the point in this continuing on, especially when you're not the person i said it to. good day and goodbye.

[ReadyForAction]

No. It's all pretty subjective. Maybe the word "most" was the wrong word to use. I'm saying "a lot" of successful people didn't have the best home lives. Our hometown hero here in Worcester, MA is comedian Dennis Leary. Little to no one here is high class. I worked with his brother who's a delivery driver. Leary is the prime example of someone who grows up in a shit neighborhood that grows up to be a millionaire. There's a lot of similar stories of people starting off in rough situations that make something of their lives. That's the main point I was trying to make.
It's a sociological fact that most people will rarely rise out of the class they were raised in.

[sargentlgfuad]

No. It's all pretty subjective. Maybe the word "most" was the wrong word to use. I'm saying "a lot" of successful people didn't have the best home lives. Our hometown hero here in Worcester, MA is comedian Dennis Leary. Little to no one here is high class. I worked with his brother who's a delivery driver. Leary is the prime example of someone who grows up in a shit neighborhood that grows up to be a millionaire. There's a lot of similar stories of people starting off in rough situations that make something of their lives. That's the main point I was trying to make.
You can't use a few choice stories and blow them out of proportion. if what you are saying is true, than there wouldn't be as many poor people as we have now, and there wouldn't be an economic crisis... but anywho, this is off-topic, and irrelevant.

[sargentlgfuad]

It's a sociological fact that most people will rarely rise out of the class they were raised in.
(thank you)

[shawnmalloy]

It appears we've strayed far off topic with this. I honestly didn't expect that my every word would be picked apart. There's a lot of different avenues to this discussion we can all debate, but for the sake of all that noise, I'm going to reiterate my initial argument.

There's a chance, even against all statistical odds, for everyone to be successful regardless of what your home life is as a child or an adolescent and there's many success(measurable) stories to prove it. This is what every 15 year old "suicidal" girl should take into account. That's all I meant to get across.

[sargentlgfuad]

There's a chance, even against all statistical odds, for everyone to be successful regardless of what your home life is as a child or an adolescent and there's many success(measurable) stories to prove it. This is what every 15 year old "suicidal" girl should take into account. That's all I meant to get across.
yeah, i understood, you just worded your initial comment poorly. you never said anything about a chance, you said that there's a majority of people from harsh living conditions that grow out of it to be successful, which is false hope.

[TERRABITHIA]

If you want to help her; Never wear your Hawthorne Heights shirt in front of her. She might cut her wrists and black her eyes

[MegSo]

If you want to help her; Never wear your Hawthorne Heights shirt in front of her. She might cut her wrists and black her eyes


i lol'd.

[Fringe]

Thanks everyone for all you're advice. There are a lot more responses than I expected, so sorry that I won't be able to respond to them all, but please know I read them.

I'll just try and be a listener like some of you have suggested. I only get together with her on the weekends because we go to different high schools, and we just keep it low drama, watch a few movies and talk. She goes through a lot during the week, so I don't usually plan anything crazy so she can just have a day or two to relax.

And once again, thanks everyone. I've never dealt with anything like this before, so it's nice to hear some feedback.

EDIT: And also to clarify a few things - my life is perfectly fine. I have great parents, a good back round, and most of my friends do to. The way this girl is treated by her step dad is insane. For example, one of his favorite punishments is to lock her outside ... in mid-winter... in Canada. I'd say that's a lot worse than the majority of parents out there.

I'm not caught up in being her boyfriend. Romantically, I realize that relationships at this age are somewhat juvenile, but this is a serious problem, and I want to help her just like I would for anyone else in her situation.

What scares me about this is that she isn't really dramatic. She doesn't ever talk about her problems unless you bring it up, and it was the same for being suicidal. She doesn't cut, or do anything that would be considered attention-grabbing.

[Fringe]

If you want to help her; Never wear your Hawthorne Heights shirt in front of her. She might cut her wrists and black her eyes

also +1