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View Full Version : "Hateful (The Simpsons Did It)"


goyoyofosoco
07/27/06, 01:58 AM
The calmness you inspired has retired.
The person that you used is now consumed:
I scream a dragon's stream for fifty feet.

My words come out like my jaw's been wired,
Mumbling something about your doom...
It's hard to speak, through these clenching teeth.

The colors in my irises seem shattered.
The only shade in the spectrum is blood red.
I'm shaking like I've just entered shock.

Nothing before or after now will matter:
All my other thoughts could be considered dead.
I'm a bomb, and time's ticking off the clock.





You're a pitcher full of rage,
And you fill me up, fill me up.
Give me a motive and a page;
I'll fill it up, fill it up.
Your absurdity makes me nervous, see,
And it seems like you are, purposely,
Seeing just how quickly you can fill me up.






I suggest you vacate these surroundings.
I've taken all I can, before I snap.
You'll be blown away by the total force of my vocal chords.

I am sure that you will feel the ground sting,
As you return from flying off the map;
The storm opens up the sky, and it starts to pour.

How does it feel to be drowning in my sorrows?
What makes you think you'll make it out alive?
You better know I never wanted it to be this way.

When the sun ascends at this same time, tomorrow,
The feeling will carve itself, without a knife:
The great sensation of me haunting you,
On every trail you'll ever blaze.

a speedo model
07/27/06, 06:29 AM
there are some really good lines in this one and it has some potential but your stuff always seems to be a good idea with some good lines, but then there's so much filler...

goyoyofosoco
07/27/06, 01:40 PM
OK, OK... Question:
The existence of this "filler" implies which of these:



1) My stuff often tends to be too "long"?

2) Some material just isn't up to par with the rest?






Anyway, thanks for taking the time to get down and dirty with this piece, A_S_M.
I hope you at least "mostly" liked it.

a speedo model
07/27/06, 05:12 PM
OK, OK... Question:
The existence of this "filler" implies which of these:



1) My stuff often tends to be too "long"?

2) Some material just isn't up to par with the rest?






Anyway, thanks for taking the time to get down and dirty with this piece, A_S_M.
I hope you at least "mostly" liked it.

by "filler" i mean, you have some good ideas and some good lines but you seem to run out of things to say so you start throwing in lines that don't seem to fit or just aren't very good at all. thus becoming filler, to "fill in" the piece...

goyoyofosoco
07/27/06, 05:16 PM
ok, i was just trying to clarify... thanks for not being a dickface.

OveriseFan
07/28/06, 06:21 PM
You suck.

/dickface.

(I'll read this more in depth tomorrow, unless my internet dies again.)

P.S. It isn't bad.