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iHATEapril
07/27/06, 10:17 AM
You're the only one who haunts my dreams both ways
You distort sound and sight, you confuse night and day
I've never been so happy to be lost
Or so lost being happy
True love comes at a cost
For me, it's this sleep


Fading, We're losing him.
Fading, Heartbeat slows.
Fading, Doctor bring him to.
Fading, His eyes are closed.

And when the colors explode
The spectrum collapses
Everything bleeds together
The sky remains placid
There is no life in this world without balance
There is no life in this world without balance

We're together but shaking
As the world falls around us
This fear that you're faking
Doesn't fool me for a second
You've created the chaos
in a mind so unstable
You've corrupted the genius
in every way you were able

He lies completely stiff with both eyes wide
All of his loved ones are saying their goodbyes
Your face is blurred in this moments of peace
Your eyes move quicker when you're fast asleep
OveriseFan
07/27/06, 11:20 AM
The sky remains placid

in every way you were able

:shake:

That's at a glance...

My advice is don't write in ABCB, it sucks.
goyoyofosoco
07/27/06, 02:08 PM
I like it...


It's not perfect, but, nothing is.






Also, I don't think it matters what rhyme-scheme you use, as long as you're able to say what it is that you're wanting to say... Don't get caught up in the traps of technicalities that have swallowed so many others. I mean, don't get me wrong, I definitely suggest that you work with different sets (AND with some internal rhyme, because THAT's where it's at), but, at the end of the day, it's the words that matter, not in what order they rhyme, ya know?
ArTkY_
07/27/06, 03:55 PM
Meh. Not your best...

Awful rhyme scheme... very forced.
lfdfforever
07/27/06, 05:07 PM
i like it alot
a speedo model
07/27/06, 05:22 PM
i actually really liked it. there was one or two rhymes that feel forced, but overall i think this is very good. i reallt liked this part: Fading, We're losing him.
Fading, Heartbeat slows.
Fading, Doctor bring him to.
Fading, His eyes are closed.


good job, man.
iHATEapril
07/28/06, 08:15 AM
I like it...


It's not perfect, but, nothing is.






Also, I don't think it matters what rhyme-scheme you use, as long as you're able to say what it is that you're wanting to say... Don't get caught up in the traps of technicalities that have swallowed so many others. I mean, don't get me wrong, I definitely suggest that you work with different sets (AND with some internal rhyme, because THAT's where it's at), but, at the end of the day, it's the words that matter, not in what order they rhyme, ya know?

Thank you, I feel the same way.

Thanks everyone else.
OveriseFan
07/28/06, 06:19 PM
I like it...


It's not perfect, but, nothing is.

My writing is.






Also, I don't think it matters what rhyme-scheme you use, as long as you're able to say what it is that you're wanting to say... Don't get caught up in the traps of technicalities that have swallowed so many others. I mean, don't get me wrong, I definitely suggest that you work with different sets (AND with some internal rhyme, because THAT's where it's at), but, at the end of the day, it's the words that matter, not in what order they rhyme, ya know?

I disagree, in this situation. The rhyme scheme made this sound very forced.


Mike sucks. :)
iHATEapril
07/28/06, 09:47 PM
Mike sucks. :)

You suck at life.
ArTkY_
07/28/06, 10:01 PM
Mike sucks. :)
James is such a prick.

<3
iHATEapril
07/28/06, 10:12 PM
James is such a prick.

<3

He can be. He's just mad I like you better.
ArTkY_
07/29/06, 12:49 PM
He can be. He's just mad I like you better.
I like you more. :gay:
OveriseFan
07/30/06, 04:25 PM
****.
vandalsandquinn
07/30/06, 07:00 PM
its good
ArTkY_
07/31/06, 09:58 AM
****.
Why aren't you on AIM anymore?
iHATEapril
07/31/06, 02:26 PM
Why aren't you on AIM anymore?

He's too busy taking it in the butt. I'm gonna have a bunch more acoustic shit posted soon Tar, but not so Goodnight, My Dear acoustic metalcore, but more so acoustic songs. Though I'm keeping the Goodnight, My Dear moniker and basing most things about the project around it. I'll just do 7 Minutes In Heaven esque songs every now and then.
ArTkY_
07/31/06, 02:28 PM
He's too busy taking it in the butt. I'm gonna have a bunch more acoustic shit posted soon Tar, but not so Goodnight, My Dear acoustic metalcore, but more so acoustic songs. Though I'm keeping the Goodnight, My Dear moniker and basing most things about the project around it. I'll just do 7 Minutes In Heaven esque songs every now and then.
hahahaha

Alright, I look forward to it. I can't believe you just called me Tar by the way. My family has called me stupid names like that for ever... that and "tha tha."

I've actually finally started writing music for my solo stuff. I have some powertabs made out if you wanna see some of them.
OveriseFan
07/31/06, 03:42 PM
Why aren't you on AIM anymore?

My computer 'died', so I can only use Netscape to go online now. I can't use AIM or Internet Explorer or anything. :(
OveriseFan
07/31/06, 03:43 PM
Tariq,

How long does it take you to write full songs in power tab? It's so hard.

Love,

James.

P.S. I might be recording American Dream soon. And She Dances to Jazz. I need better titles for both.
ArTkY_
07/31/06, 06:11 PM
My computer 'died', so I can only use Netscape to go online now. I can't use AIM or Internet Explorer or anything. :(
Ouch. Ok.
Tariq,

How long does it take you to write full songs in power tab? It's so hard.

Love,

James.

P.S. I might be recording American Dream soon. And She Dances to Jazz. I need better titles for both.
Dear Fan,

It does not take long for me.

Love,

Tariq.

P.S. Sweet, I look forward to it. My titles are worse than yours, so why would you ask me?
OveriseFan
08/01/06, 07:33 AM
Dear Fan,

It does not take long for me.

Love,

Tariq.

P.S. Sweet, I look forward to it. My titles are worse than yours, so why would you ask me?

How long though? Like time-wise?

I find it hard :(
ThirdTimeAround
08/01/06, 09:22 AM
"Meaty, Beaty, Big and Bouncy"?
ArTkY_
08/01/06, 09:23 AM
How long though? Like time-wise?

I find it hard :(
I don't know... a few hours? I just don't think that's that long. That's short comparatively to how long it takes me to actually write the song.
OveriseFan
08/01/06, 09:25 AM
I don't know... a few hours? I just don't think that's that long. That's short comparatively to how long it takes me to actually write the song.

Yeah. I'm not patient. haha.

I wish I could play the song and get it written out... but even with programs like that it's really hard to get perfectly.
parallelism
08/01/06, 03:01 PM
Yeah, I kind of agree with some of the comments; I wasn't really a huge fan of some of the rhymes you used. However, the message is conveyed really well and I can appreciate the simplicity.

I really liked the ending, as well.
ArTkY_
08/01/06, 04:57 PM
Yeah. I'm not patient. haha.

I wish I could play the song and get it written out... but even with programs like that it's really hard to get perfectly.
Its pretty tedious. I used to just hate doing it before, but then I figured it was an effective way to share my songs, so I just got used to it. It actually taught me a lot about time signatures and keys and stuff.