Rohan Kohli
07/28/06, 11:14 AM
HORSE the Band (http://www.myspace.com/horsetheband) will be releasing their new EP, Pizza, on September 5th. For those who missed it:
PRESS RELEASE:
LOS ANGELES, Calif. - June, 3, 2006 - Amidst rampant media speculation, HORSE the band today announced they have returned home early from their direct support gig on "The Stampeding Machines Tour" with headliners the Great Gatsby's and openers Portugal the band and Forever Durden, cancelling all remaining shows.
The news may come as no surprise to some, as the band posted two cryptic bulletins on their myspace.com (a social networking site) page two days ago. Claiming their departure from the tour was "due to pizza", HORSE left many of their fans in a bewildered uproar, many of whom are just now recovering.
14 suicides, mostly in upstate New York, were reported as of midnight last night. Many took place at the actual shows when it was announced that HORSE would not be playing, after the promoters saw fit to withhold the information until tickets had been purchased and used.
The band's official statement follows in full:
"Scum. We left that tour because we ate really, really, really good pizza in Lou Malnati's in Chicago with Dave's grandparents. The pizza was such that we were inspired by God to write music of the kind not heard in this world since Mozart was fed his first currywurst. A copy of Nietzsche's "The Gay Science" was onhand and for 2 days we struggled with the question posed in "the Greatest Weight" passage, which follows. In essence, it asks the reader to examine their every action if they had to repeat their lives exactly for all eternity, begging "the question in each and every thing, "Do you desire this once more, and innumerable times more?"
We couldn't decide if we should stay in Chicago and keep eating pizza for the rest of our lives. But after two days of rigorous theory, we realized we had to write divine music about the pizza. We decided to drive home immediately and write and record a 5-song EP called "Pizza" before Sounds of the Underground and Warped Tour started. God was there.
Some tentative songs are "Crippled by Pizza", "Werepizza" (like a werewolf but just a kid with really bad acne whose face looks like pepperoni pizza), "Pizzarrhea in the Pizzaria", "Antipizza" (pizza made out of antimatter), and "Pizza Knife" (the heavy song). Also we will include our cover of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme before Evergreen Terrace starts playing it and because the turtles love pizza. And we might put a song on there called "I Ate Her Pussy Like a Pizza". And "Hold the Anchovies duuuuuuude!"
We're gonna release a CDEP and vinyl. The super limited vinyl edition will come on a 10" pizza-shaped picture disc (the picture is going to be pizza) and will come in a personal pizza take out box. Also the record will be edible. Haha. No, just fooling guys!!! We won't be taking pre-orders for these, we are going to organize a fighting tournament to see who gets them so all you pussy ass record traders on vivalapussy.org won't have a chance at these. Also they are going to be EXPENSIVE as fuck so you won't want to buy two, and we will make the money off of them, not you. They will also be the first release on our label, Kangarooster Records.
And I am setting aside 5 copies for the upstate New York scene because we are such assholes for cancelling two shows there in one year. Oh wait no, I'm not. Handle it, upstate New York. Where the fuck were you when we played in Oswego and Syracuse? Sucking on your mommy's titties probably... Oh slam.
To help us write the album you should send us pizza. Look into it at Lou Malnati's To go and if you are ready to make the commitment email us (horsetheband@hotmail.com) and we'll give you an address to send the pizza to. We prefer Cheese and Sausage, or Cheese and Spinach. And don't fuck around with the ones that only feed 2 people. If you send us pizza before we are done recording this we will thank you on the menu that comes with the pizza vinyl.
"The Greatest Weight" - What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you in your loneliest loneliness and say to you: "This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequenceeven this spider and this moonlight between the trees, and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned upside down again and againand you with it, speck of dust!" Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: "You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine!" If this thought gained possession of you, it would change you as you are or perhaps crush you; the question in each and every thing, "Do you desire this once more, and innumerable times more?" would lie upon your actions as the greatest weight! Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?
PRESS RELEASE:
LOS ANGELES, Calif. - June, 3, 2006 - Amidst rampant media speculation, HORSE the band today announced they have returned home early from their direct support gig on "The Stampeding Machines Tour" with headliners the Great Gatsby's and openers Portugal the band and Forever Durden, cancelling all remaining shows.
The news may come as no surprise to some, as the band posted two cryptic bulletins on their myspace.com (a social networking site) page two days ago. Claiming their departure from the tour was "due to pizza", HORSE left many of their fans in a bewildered uproar, many of whom are just now recovering.
14 suicides, mostly in upstate New York, were reported as of midnight last night. Many took place at the actual shows when it was announced that HORSE would not be playing, after the promoters saw fit to withhold the information until tickets had been purchased and used.
The band's official statement follows in full:
"Scum. We left that tour because we ate really, really, really good pizza in Lou Malnati's in Chicago with Dave's grandparents. The pizza was such that we were inspired by God to write music of the kind not heard in this world since Mozart was fed his first currywurst. A copy of Nietzsche's "The Gay Science" was onhand and for 2 days we struggled with the question posed in "the Greatest Weight" passage, which follows. In essence, it asks the reader to examine their every action if they had to repeat their lives exactly for all eternity, begging "the question in each and every thing, "Do you desire this once more, and innumerable times more?"
We couldn't decide if we should stay in Chicago and keep eating pizza for the rest of our lives. But after two days of rigorous theory, we realized we had to write divine music about the pizza. We decided to drive home immediately and write and record a 5-song EP called "Pizza" before Sounds of the Underground and Warped Tour started. God was there.
Some tentative songs are "Crippled by Pizza", "Werepizza" (like a werewolf but just a kid with really bad acne whose face looks like pepperoni pizza), "Pizzarrhea in the Pizzaria", "Antipizza" (pizza made out of antimatter), and "Pizza Knife" (the heavy song). Also we will include our cover of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme before Evergreen Terrace starts playing it and because the turtles love pizza. And we might put a song on there called "I Ate Her Pussy Like a Pizza". And "Hold the Anchovies duuuuuuude!"
We're gonna release a CDEP and vinyl. The super limited vinyl edition will come on a 10" pizza-shaped picture disc (the picture is going to be pizza) and will come in a personal pizza take out box. Also the record will be edible. Haha. No, just fooling guys!!! We won't be taking pre-orders for these, we are going to organize a fighting tournament to see who gets them so all you pussy ass record traders on vivalapussy.org won't have a chance at these. Also they are going to be EXPENSIVE as fuck so you won't want to buy two, and we will make the money off of them, not you. They will also be the first release on our label, Kangarooster Records.
And I am setting aside 5 copies for the upstate New York scene because we are such assholes for cancelling two shows there in one year. Oh wait no, I'm not. Handle it, upstate New York. Where the fuck were you when we played in Oswego and Syracuse? Sucking on your mommy's titties probably... Oh slam.
To help us write the album you should send us pizza. Look into it at Lou Malnati's To go and if you are ready to make the commitment email us (horsetheband@hotmail.com) and we'll give you an address to send the pizza to. We prefer Cheese and Sausage, or Cheese and Spinach. And don't fuck around with the ones that only feed 2 people. If you send us pizza before we are done recording this we will thank you on the menu that comes with the pizza vinyl.
"The Greatest Weight" - What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you in your loneliest loneliness and say to you: "This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequenceeven this spider and this moonlight between the trees, and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned upside down again and againand you with it, speck of dust!" Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: "You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine!" If this thought gained possession of you, it would change you as you are or perhaps crush you; the question in each and every thing, "Do you desire this once more, and innumerable times more?" would lie upon your actions as the greatest weight! Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?