Man vs Self (Conflicts)

[Slaytus]

I've progressed backwards till I fell off the map. The world should of stayed flat. I'm tired of going in circles. I see no symmetry in spheres I just see repeats of past mistakes. Then again í've always been superstitious of edges.Maybe it's because i'm so used to looking down the vertigo would overwhelm me? I need the ground to reassure me that I really lost the will to fly long ago. My goals were feathers.Age and disappointment plucked me naked. Oh well I never got along with heights.Is this lack of motivation because I've read the inside cover of life and know whats in store? The plot is good but I think the main character could use some more color. He's so gray in a world thats saturated in drama.The story is clever. The protagonist is the antagonist. The twisty plot intertwines itself and weaves the saddest love story because there is no girl, there is only the tragic hero. His insecuity is his tragic flaw. I guess thats why I relate to this story I dwell on tragedies I never give the chance to occur.


tear it apart boys

[Dirtylilsecret]

is this like part of a story or something? it feels like there should be more.
its wierd in a sci-fi sorta way, but its cool too.

[ArTkY_]

Too choppy. The sentences are way too short. There's absolutely no flow.

I'm tired of going in circles.

Not a good line.

Overall the content wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either. Needs work... with work it could be good.

[Slaytus]

I get random moments during the day where i get one concept and i work on it. My downfall is while developing the 1st concept (the map relating to life) i develop a 2nd concept (life and books relation) so my writing gets kinda choppy. I really like where this one went tho so i want to continue to work on it and add more cuz like you said there should be more. thanks for the input tho

[ArTkY_]

I get random moments during the day where i get one concept and i work on it. My downfall is while developing the 1st concept (the map relating to life) i develop a 2nd concept (life and books relation) so my writing gets kinda choppy. I really like where this one went tho so i want to continue to work on it and add more cuz like you said there should be more. thanks for the input tho
I think you might want to split it into two pieces. I really dislike it when things veer from topic to topic. That's just my opinion.

[FScott]

fuck that structure shit, this was good.

[Slaytus]

thanks alot guys for the input but now im not sure whether to fix it up or keep it. I respect your opinion alot Artky but i also respect their opinions that structure isn't always best. I think i might try to split this into two and see how it develops. If it doesn't work well ill just finish up this one wit some minor things like flow and any other suggestions ppl give me

[ArTkY_]

I normally don't have much of a structure anyways, but if you're gonna have a lack of structure at least let it flow.