I'm on E (I mean Empty)

[Idlewarrior]

Embers lead the way through memory lane
Ashes from the past pass us on our way
Our way through the flames

Images behind my eyes tell truth where I tell lies
Pray god has no vision for my sins black and white
Lack the shading of the light

Shadows shade what I mentally forbade
Now the secrets leave my mind
Emptied to fill with new thrills
Nothing left to hide behind
Bodies built to build new heights

I'm in desperate need of sleep
My mind collides with time
and space fills noise that
bubbles and cracks
Watch my back as I lapse
Into the void,

Even if I reject my sins
These dreams fade in
changing me as I fall
Through it all

Dig deep tricky sieve,
You've got me by a thread
Once again, through the end

These dreams,
Have got to soon end
Before monsoon season
Yet here I lie, eyes open wide
in desperate need, on E
If only this emptiness
Could cease to exist
Would I be at rest and reprieve

[BenjaminGreen]

Really well written and composed, keep up the good work xD

[Idlewarrior]

Thanks for reading :) I appreciate it.

[a speedo model]

The rhyming is very forced throughout and the imagery was cliche and uninteresting. It's not terrible, but needs work.

[Idlewarrior]

The rhyming is very forced throughout and the imagery was cliche and uninteresting. It's not terrible, but needs work.

Thanks for the criticism. If you have the time, could you look at my other ones? I'm interested in your opinion :)

[a speedo model]

Thanks for the criticism. If you have the time, could you look at my other ones? I'm interested in your opinion :)
I will try to.

[cyncoolkid]

I like the title :D