Mutiny

[domesticyeti]

We watched the skyline dance from off the coast
I could taste you’re breath you’re oh so close
And I held your hand when you said that you were cold
I held you close and now all that I know
Is you’re something beautiful

We told secrets and lies like passing fads
You’ll calm the sea with just a soft demand
Never thought you would get so out of hand
Your breath is cold and you’re sick from the medicine
Passing out again

This is what it’s like to swim
Alone, alone
This is what it’s like to sing
Along, it goes

The stars are out and you’ll count them one by one
Trying hard not to think about what you don’t want
You said you were afraid and you’re not easy
When you look at me now you seem you and naive
But its not who I want to see

You look like shit and now you smell like smoke
The thoughts you breathed were too hard for you to control
I wish I’d been there, to have something to hold
You say you’re smart, but you still do what you’re told
And I held your hand when you said you were cold
I held you close and now all that I know
Is you’re something beautiful

This is what it’s like to swim
Alone, alone
This is what its like to sing
Along, we go
Never know if I’ll make it back to land
The tide is pulling me farther from you’re hands
Reach out your arms and pull me out
You’re all I want to feel right now
Waves are black and their swelling from the sea
I’m hoping that this might swallow me
I want to hold your hand when I go down
I need you to feel this with me now

[a speedo model]

not bad. i like it. it kind of seemed to lose strength towards the end, but overall it's still good...

[TheObserver]

Yea its alright. I think because of all the rhyming it might sound cheesy if you were singing it.

[lfdfforever]

this is pretty rad, good job

[a speedo model]

Yea its alright. I think because of all the rhyming it might sound cheesy if you were singing it.

that's true...

[domesticyeti]

yeah, the rhymes look kinda bad on paper, when its sung it flows much better, cuase they're spaced out a bit.

[RiotChick]

do you have chords or notes written out yet? or do you want some help with that part? I have a friend who writes music, he could help out, or if you need, i dunno, an idea on the melody or wat not, I can help.

know Critique Time:
DAMN! You have LOTS of potential! I like this. I really do. It may sound abit awkward(i think akward is spelled akwardly. srry, random) when you start playing with the sound. most of mine do. but when you hit on something you like, record it. on your phone, on your computer, w/e. Just make sure its there if you need it.