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Timma
03/19/10, 10:15 PM
just belted this out. gentle feedback, as always

A distance of time
Like a body of water
The ocean's between us
And the almighty dollar
Taking a chance
To speak my mind
Intoxicated with courage
Followed by a line

I almost said it
And I completely meant it
Now can I scream it loud enough
So that you can hear it
You are so far away
But every single day
I feel like I'm next to you
Do you feel the same way too

New chapter reads
And I don't like the title
I'm scared to procede
Could we skip back a while
Is our story ending
Or has it just begun

I almost said it
And I completely meant it
Now can I scream it loud enough
So that you can hear it
You are so far away
But every single day
I feel like I'm next to you
Do you feel the same way too

I hate the past
I'm scared of the future
I'm sick of the present
And I would just prefer
That we could stop time
And run through the busy streets
If you did it with me

DaKilla623
02/07/11, 02:07 AM
Opening did not grab my attention, it's cliche and the ender needs to be stronger.