i loveeeeeeeed you.

[Kirsty.com]

My eyes tell a million stories.
If only you ‘d look close enough.
Or are you scared to see the truth.
Are you worried it’ll treat you rough?
When tears stream down my windowsill.
I know it’s not the rain
When thunder rumbles like fear that mumbles
I know its all your pain.
The sun is setting in its far away land
And I begin to walk away
The people are taking their final bows
As the silence echoed
I begged you to stay.
Your time was up. My heart has broke.
Your words unspoken. your promise; a joke.
The wind picked me up. It put my thoughts straight.
The snow is a blanket. You’ll wait.
Too late.

So what do you miss more, or less?
The friend you misplaced. The utter disgrace.
The connection. The laugher. Maybe just after.
You’ll realise what you have lost.

[Kirsty.com]

nothing?

[Kirsty.com]

please someone, an opinion?:D

[cyncoolkid]

The last four lines are impactful :D

[LikeAnAvalanche]

Pretty good!

[The Indigo]

My Christ, this is bad.

[Kirsty.com]

thanks guys:D.
and the indigo. so is your face.

[Jabble524]

This is not bad. I admire you being able to post something so personal, which seems to come from an area of heartbreak. And the emotion is definitely present, which is the most important part. My two criticisms would be as follows. 1) It reads more like a journal or diary, then it does a poem or song, just in terms of structure. 2) I think you could spice it up with better images, more powerful words, and a less traditional approach. I think the trickiest thing about love/heartbreak poems/songs is getting them not to sound cliche. For example, this is written entirely from your perspective, but any relationship takes two. Even if the other person was a liar, cheater, betrayer, etc. One thing I think is missing from your piece is the other person's perspective; why did they break your heart, or why do you think they did? If you are absolutely uncertain, then the lingering uncertainty should have a place in your poem/song. I am not trying to be mean, just offering constructive advice.

[Kirsty.com]

thanks, I didn't even think of writing from another perspective, and it would be really clever to show his side of the story aswell. Thanks for taking the time for reading:)!

[paperwings2007]

I'm sorry but in all honesty, this is decent at best. I admire you putting so much heart into this. Who am I to criticize though? I have no experience in this field.

[Kirsty.com]

thanks. id like an honest opinion though?

[paperwings2007]

honestly... I lmao'd at this.

[blissfulrain]

This is great. So much emotion.

You must be heartless to laugh at this. This is great.

[theDrunkPianist]

It certainly feels like this poem is very personal to you. And for that I applaud you.

[Kirsty.com]

thank you. It is pretty personal, but hey, if it made you laugh.. atleast its good for something:)

[Ripmedj]

its okay dude. you need to take more compositional risks. and the font takes away the authenticity of your words

[Kirsty.com]

thank you. and the font? really? oh right, well i wont use it again then.