can't move on

[xAnti-Violentx]

i know that opening a serious thread on AP is pretty stupid... but it's getting late, i can't sleep, i'm desperate, so i will do it anyways.

how do you get over someone you really really loved? and the thing is that the person who you were with just started ignoring you and is basically running away from you, not trying to talk about things. in my case the guy doesn't even want to explain anything, from what i've heard he will fucking move out of my country soon. i'm really confused. if he would just be like 'oh man, you're so fucking annoying because you did that, so i want you to fuck off' or 'i got sick of you, i don't wanna do it anymore' everything would be fine. i'm mature enough to accept such things. but now, i keep thinking about how things were, what i did wrong... and i can't live normally anymore. it's killing me. it's been almost two weeks since this happened, and it's actually affecting my life in a very bad way.

share your opinion... perhaps if someone got themselves in the same situation.

[maxvsmaradona]

Get over it, go out with somebody else.

/Garth Algar

[Mandee, darling]

Oh, I've been there. My best friend (who I had feelings for, and vice versa) decided to avoid me after I told him that I didn't want to date him in fear that I would lose him as my best friend if something happened to us romantically. I understand how he feels, but I don't think he handled it very well.

Mainly what I did, which may not work for you, was keep myself busy and mainly spent time with other people to keep my mind off of what happened. Eventually I got to the point where I didn't care, and realized I was better off doing whatever it was I was doing than worrying about why he just dropped me from his life, and what I was going to do to fix it, etc. I noticed, however, a few days into my whole "I don't care anymore" phase, he came back and seemed to have acted like nothing happened. I don't understand why, but he did. We discussed things, got back to where we were okay, and then back to normal. A few weeks later, I got the courage to put my fears aside, we dated, he broke up with me, and did the same thing as before. That time it took MONTHS until he came back.

If he really cares for you, he'll at least come around and tell you what went wrong. Guys seem to like to avoid confrontation, run away from their problems and pretend it never happened. I think you need to focus on yourself and not let things get worse and worry about other things.

[Reaver]

can't say that I was in the same situation, but I can see how that sucks. however, I still love my last gf, even though I didn't want to admit it to myself for quite some time. so I can't really tell how you get over someone, but I'm pretty sure that 'time will heal' is the only way.
in my case, I foolishly made myself dependant on that woman. after a long period of arguing we broke up, and my life was a mess. that big of a mess, that I failed the last major exam. so yeah, that did affect my life in a very bad way.

[aradiantsunrise]

Look for someone else.

[xAnti-Violentx]

Get over it, go out with somebody else.

/Garth Algar
yeah wish i could have done that. but he is... special. very special. i can easily say i've never been in love until i met him. so it's pretty hard.

Oh, I've been there. My best friend (who I had feelings for, and vice versa) decided to avoid me after I told him that I didn't want to date him in fear that I would lose him as my best friend if something happened to us romantically. I understand how he feels, but I don't think he handled it very well.

Mainly what I did, which may not work for you, was keep myself busy and mainly spent time with other people to keep my mind off of what happened. Eventually I got to the point where I didn't care, and realized I was better off doing whatever it was I was doing than worrying about why he just dropped me from his life, and what I was going to do to fix it, etc. I noticed, however, a few days into my whole "I don't care anymore" phase, he came back and seemed to have acted like nothing happened. I don't understand why, but he did. We discussed things, got back to where we were okay, and then back to normal. A few weeks later, I got the courage to put my fears aside, we dated, he broke up with me, and did the same thing as before. That time it took MONTHS until he came back.

If he really cares for you, he'll at least come around and tell you what went wrong. Guys seem to like to avoid confrontation, run away from their problems and pretend it never happened. I think you need to focus on yourself and not let things get worse and worry about other things.
yes yes that part is so true. they're fucking pussies if you ask me. i rather hear something bad about me than see someone avoiding me.
i hope the things will work out for me the same way, we were actually pretty good friends. so i miss him as a friend as well. it's shitty. but i'm trying, i recently started writing again and reading books. but every book i get seems a bit biographical, about love, it reminds me of him... it's a curse. i'm trying to use this pain i feel, the rejection as a good inspiration for my novel haha. hope it will work out ;)

[xAnti-Violentx]

can't say that I was in the same situation, but I can see how that sucks. however, I still love my last gf, even though I didn't want to admit it to myself for quite some time. so I can't really tell how you get over someone, but I'm pretty sure that 'time will heal' is the only way.
in my case, I foolishly made myself dependant on that woman. after a long period of arguing we broke up, and my life was a mess. that big of a mess, that I failed the last major exam. so yeah, that did affect my life in a very bad way.
oh man that last part really sucks. i hope you'll manage to work things out.
i got really attached to this guy and i actually was pretty cold at the beginning, trying not to fall in love, he even warned me that he is fucked up, explained me some things he did in the past which are sort of similar to what he did to me... but at the same time he was so loving, telling me nice things, he was even very protective and all that. so i really don't know what made him want to get away from me..

eh, as it seems that's the way some people are. maybe there isn't anything to be explained.

[Mandee, darling]

yeah wish i could have done that. but he is... special. very special. i can easily say i've never been in love until i met him. so it's pretty hard.


yes yes that part is so true. they're fucking pussies if you ask me. i rather hear something bad about me than see someone avoiding me.
i hope the things will work out for me the same way, we were actually pretty good friends. so i miss him as a friend as well. it's shitty. but i'm trying, i recently started writing again and reading books. but every book i get seems a bit biographical, about love, it reminds me of him... it's a curse. i'm trying to use this pain i feel, the rejection as a good inspiration for my novel haha. hope it will work out ;)

Everything will remind you of him for a while, but you have to remind yourself that whatever it is you're doing is something completely different, and it's just something you need to overlook. Hell, when I was in that stage, I saw a tv show with my best friend's name in the title and I freaked out. Eventually it just faded away. Keep writing, keep reading, keep listening to music, even if you feel like it's talking about him. I've noticed that if you're idle, you're more prone to thinking about it, and that just causes trouble.

[Hamlet]

Remember, everything you have of theirs will always remind you of them and will always bring painful memories back to you.

So burn it all.

Remove yourself from any photo tags with them on Facebook, delete all their photos, delete all of their comments on any other photos, and block their profile.

Delete all of their emails and Facebook messages.

Delete their number from your phone and wipe all of their texts.

Delete all of their photos and any other electronic messages from your hard drive.

Collect all their letters, cards, and gifts to you. Take out all photos from their frames.

Chop everything up into shreds. Put it in a can. Add lighter fluid.

Light it up. Let it burn.

Yes, there is an obsessive ritualistic element to doing this, but it is cathartic and it works. You get to go through everything one last time before purging it from your life. Without any items to remind you of them, you will be able to think of other things.

It will soon be as though they never existed.

[de1337ed]

my logic behind it is if he's treating you like shit, then you can take that as his words. why someone would sit there and continue to get crapped on is beyond me. i know it sucks but we've all heard "actions speak louder than words." well, his words aren't being spoken but his actions seem pretty obvious.

[de1337ed]

Remember, everything you have of theirs will always remind you of them.

So burn it all.

Remove yourself from any photo tags with them on Facebook, delete all their photos, and block their profile.

Delete all of their emails and Facebook messages.

Delete their number from your phone and wipe all of their texts.

Delete all of their photos and any other electronic messages from your hard drive.

Collect all their letters, cards, and gifts to you. Take out all photos from their frames.

Chop everything up into shreds. Put it in a can. Add lighter fluid.

Light it up. Let it burn.

Yes, there is an obsessive ritualistic element to doing this, but it is cathartic and it works.
Without any items to remind you of them, it will soon be as though they never existed.

i like this. don't forget any comments they may have left on albums/photos of yours on facebook.

[.invisible ink.]

i've been there and have no good advice because i never got over him, i'm still in love with him a year and a half later. the only way to really move on is to get into a new relationship with someone you can hopefully fall for. my problem is that no one i've met/hooked up with since even comes close to making me feel the way he does. so i have no good advice but i can definitely offer sympathy and understanding and the adage that time heals all wounds and can lessen the pain, sort of.

[phil19]

i think there are some people who you will never get over. you might move on and be with someone else but you'll never forget them and the feelings for that person will never die, no matter how hard you try. and then one day, just when you think you've gotten past it all, something will happen. they'll text you, or someone will mention them in passing conversation, and all those feelings will come flooding back and you will be helpless once again.

[zion the lion]

I'm so there. Although he's not leaving the country soon, but we dont talk. I'm secretly convinced that I will love him forever, it's been almost 3 years.

And dating other people can work, but be careful not to sabotage it.

[Kassie09]

It does get better with time and with finding someone new.

Until you find someone new it sucks a lot though.

[drevans18]

i think there are some people who you will never get over. you might move on and be with someone else but you'll never forget them and the feelings for that person will never die, no matter how hard you try. and then one day, just when you think you've gotten past it all, something will happen. they'll text you, or someone will mention them in passing conversation, and all those feelings will come flooding back and you will be helpless once again.

unfortunately, this is true. i dated a girl for over a year, and then a lot of complicated shit happened. but every time i tell her we can't talk, she comes back about a month later. she texts me 'by mistake', or she'll send me something 'by accident', or sometimes she'll just call. its been a year since we broke up, and that still hasn't ended. i dont know how to handle that part, but i'm definitely handling everything else pretty well. time will help you get over it - i'm not saying completely. i dont want to forget her, or what we had, and i can't get over her. but i think the real question you need to ask is how do you move on. there's a difference between moving on and getting over someone. your first love? i dont think you'll get over it. but you can move on. believe me, you'll make it through. but it takes time and effort.

[phil19]

unfortunately, this is true. i dated a girl for over a year, and then a lot of complicated shit happened. but every time i tell her we can't talk, she comes back about a month later. she texts me 'by mistake', or she'll send me something 'by accident', or sometimes she'll just call. its been a year since we broke up, and that still hasn't ended. i dont know how to handle that part, but i'm definitely handling everything else pretty well. time will help you get over it - i'm not saying completely. i dont want to forget her, or what we had, and i can't get over her. but i think the real question you need to ask is how do you move on. there's a difference between moving on and getting over someone. your first love? i dont think you'll get over it. but you can move on. believe me, you'll make it through. but it takes time and effort.

thats it. you're right, there is a difference.

[OurLadyCoolbean]

i know that opening a serious thread on AP is pretty stupid... but it's getting late, i can't sleep, i'm desperate, so i will do it anyways.

how do you get over someone you really really loved? and the thing is that the person who you were with just started ignoring you and is basically running away from you, not trying to talk about things. in my case the guy doesn't even want to explain anything, from what i've heard he will fucking move out of my country soon. i'm really confused. if he would just be like 'oh man, you're so fucking annoying because you did that, so i want you to fuck off' or 'i got sick of you, i don't wanna do it anymore' everything would be fine. i'm mature enough to accept such things. but now, i keep thinking about how things were, what i did wrong... and i can't live normally anymore. it's killing me. it's been almost two weeks since this happened, and it's actually affecting my life in a very bad way.

share your opinion... perhaps if someone got themselves in the same situation.
Care to explain what you did wrong? Because my guess is probably nothing but because he won't tell you anything it makes it seem like your fault. That's one of the hardest things in an ended/ending relationship where you are the victim, but you need to realize it's probably not your fault. Easier said than done, I know, but I think until (if ever) he tells you otherwise, there isn't a reason to assume it's because of you.

[Yellowcard2006]

"Nothing ever goes the way we fucking planned it"-Soupy

[drevans18]

"Nothing ever goes the way we fucking planned it"-Soupy

you're the best for quoting soupy.

[Carolina.Alex]

Someone once told me the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone.

This is false.

[takeaction]

Rocky Road ice cream always help... :D

[jeremyc]

give it time. thats really the best but most painful solution. focus on your professional or personal development. it will speed up the process.

[phil19]

Rocky Road ice cream always help... :D

i prefer cookies and cream

[Jaimehere]

This is where Music is great at

[spansen]

he's leaving the country. there's nothing you can do. just give it time.

[maxvsmaradona]

this thread = :hitself:

Seriously, you can get over it. Why be hung up on someone?

[Wake Up]

my dad. he's in prison for raping my sisters and beating his children

/zion

[allthewaysaid]

Yeah, crack cocaine can be a bitch.

[apsterling]

my dad. he's in prison for raping my sisters and beating his children

/zion

:-d

[AlkalineAshes]

I was very stupid amnd kept talking to my ex and supporting her in times of crisis. There was talk of missing me and the bullshit and I fell for it thinking she might change. Then about a month ago she meets a new guy and deletes her facebook and decided to travel with him.. Im realizing now shes pretty sick in the head. It hurt pretty bad but its kinda a punch in the face for me to get on with my life

[showmethefever]

my dad. he's in prison for raping my sisters and beating his children

/zion
Don't joke about that because I know a kid or my ex or my old best friend or something's dad actually did rape his/her sisters and beat them.

/actual zion

[Auals]

Remember, everything you have of theirs will always remind you of them and will always bring painful memories back to you.

So burn it all.

Remove yourself from any photo tags with them on Facebook, delete all their photos, and block their profile.

Delete all of their emails and Facebook messages.

Delete their number from your phone and wipe all of their texts.

Delete all of their photos and any other electronic messages from your hard drive.

Collect all their letters, cards, and gifts to you. Take out all photos from their frames.

Chop everything up into shreds. Put it in a can. Add lighter fluid.

Light it up. Let it burn.

Yes, there is an obsessive ritualistic element to doing this, but it is cathartic and it works.
Without any items to remind you of them, you will be able to think of other things.
It will soon be as though they never existed.

Your advice is always terrific.

This is what I did, it still took a few months but it works.

[zion the lion]

my dad. he's in prison for raping my sisters and beating his children

/zion

Was there a fucking point to any of this? Dear fucking god you're 24, and you're talking shit about a 17 year old constantly, I havent seen that kind of thing since high school. Literally, this is the behavior I see from people 10 years younger than you.

Don't joke about that because I know a kid or my ex or my old best friend or something's dad actually did rape his/her sisters and beat them.

/actual zion

sadly I dont think its funny because I know a few real life situations that are related to people beating and/or raping children. You know me way too goddamn fucking well, now dont you kiddo?

[LastDeclaration]

if he's moving out of the country, it should make getting over him pretty easy. i mean it's not like you have to wonder if you'll be getting back together.

[jaggedxpulse]

Remember, everything you have of theirs will always remind you of them and will always bring painful memories back to you.

So burn it all.

Remove yourself from any photo tags with them on Facebook, delete all their photos, and block their profile.

Delete all of their emails and Facebook messages.

Delete their number from your phone and wipe all of their texts.

Delete all of their photos and any other electronic messages from your hard drive.

Collect all their letters, cards, and gifts to you. Take out all photos from their frames.

Chop everything up into shreds. Put it in a can. Add lighter fluid.

Light it up. Let it burn.

Yes, there is an obsessive ritualistic element to doing this, but it is cathartic and it works.
Without any items to remind you of them, you will be able to think of other things.
It will soon be as though they never existed.

This.
I've been in this situation, and this really does help. I went through the same thing that you're explaining; getting no explanation of why he was ignoring me or anything. He simply changed his phone number, switched schools, and blocked me on facebook. Honestly, it was pretty unexpected and I was pretty torn up over it, because we had been dating for a year and a half (?) and had been good friends for a few years before that. Dont hang on to anything that you guys had before because it just makes it harder to move on.
Other than that, time will do the rest. You can't rush this sort of thing. Just go through the process of thoroughly getting over him and accepting that he doesnt want to have a friendship with you.

[bung]

i suggest drugs.

[worthwaiting]

It just annoys the hell out of me when people don't have the guts to explain themselves and just ignore the whole thing, like it's doing things better. Or they think it's not necessary (my ex thought like that.. maybe it's some weird way some guys think), but how can you accept things you don't understand? All the time we spent together, I fucking deserve an explanation!

It sucks a lot and unfortunately time is the only cure. You have no other option than to move one. When things like this happen, you just have to learn to accept it, hardest thing to do, but you'll get used to it. Every week it gets easier and at one point in your life, these emotions you have at the moment, are irrelevant. Try to focus on other things in your life (I know it's hard) and know that one day you'll be in a loving relationship.

[xAnti-Violentx]

Remember, everything you have of theirs will always remind you of them and will always bring painful memories back to you.

So burn it all.

Remove yourself from any photo tags with them on Facebook, delete all their photos, and block their profile.

Delete all of their emails and Facebook messages.

Delete their number from your phone and wipe all of their texts.

Delete all of their photos and any other electronic messages from your hard drive.

Collect all their letters, cards, and gifts to you. Take out all photos from their frames.

Chop everything up into shreds. Put it in a can. Add lighter fluid.

Light it up. Let it burn.

Yes, there is an obsessive ritualistic element to doing this, but it is cathartic and it works.
Without any items to remind you of them, you will be able to think of other things.
It will soon be as though they never existed.
oh fuck. this will be really hard. i don't think i can bring myself to do it right now, but i will try. i also believe now that i read the whole thread that this is the best solution.
but you see here i have a bigger problem, he was my first, i lost my virginity to him. so this makes things even worseee. i will remember him for the rest of my life. this is awful. i don't know. but yes Hamlet, this is a good post. thanks.
he also works next to my school, some classes overlook into his office and i can actually see him through the fucking window. it really is an epic situation. at least he is moving out soon...

[Deadbolt23]

It just takes time.

[evvandflow]

go gay

[USFJake]

You can never completely get over someone, imo. You just have to either find someone new or keep yourself busy so that person goes into the back of your mind, that's all you can really do.

[AndrewIcex]

Time will fix this.

[MegSo]

Remember, everything you have of theirs will always remind you of them and will always bring painful memories back to you.

So burn it all.

Remove yourself from any photo tags with them on Facebook, delete all their photos, delete all of their comments on any other photos, and block their profile.

Delete all of their emails and Facebook messages.

Delete their number from your phone and wipe all of their texts.

Delete all of their photos and any other electronic messages from your hard drive.

Collect all their letters, cards, and gifts to you. Take out all photos from their frames.

Chop everything up into shreds. Put it in a can. Add lighter fluid.

Light it up. Let it burn.

Yes, there is an obsessive ritualistic element to doing this, but it is cathartic and it works. You get to go through everything one last time before purging it from your life. Without any items to remind you of them, you will be able to think of other things.

It will soon be as though they never existed.


this this this. my last break up was complicated and somewhat messy and this is basically how i dealt with it. the two things i did keep are in a box that's duct taped shut at the bottom of my closet at my parents' house....200 miles away.

[Wake Up]

Don't joke about that because I know a kid or my ex or my old best friend or something's dad actually did rape his/her sisters and beat them.

/actual zion

Was there a fucking point to any of this? Dear fucking god you're 24, and you're talking shit about a 17 year old constantly, I havent seen that kind of thing since high school. Literally, this is the behavior I see from people 10 years younger than you.

I wasn't joking. It was a serious 'zion' post.


Zi·on Post  [zahy-uhn pohst]
–noun

1. A post in a thread on an internet forum that is so blunt and honest about his/her real life that it resembles posts made by Zion the Lion

[rawr!itschelc]

Everything takes time.
Time can make or break you.
Just stay strong.
It's hard, but it's the cycle.

[pound121]

best remedy for a broken heart is shots at the bar.

[rawr!itschelc]

best remedy for a broken heart is shots at the bar.
and @ seventeen that's where we'll find you.

lol
kidding. =]

[pound121]

and @ seventeen that's where we'll find you.

lol
kidding. =]

well i can still do shots! haha :P

[rawr!itschelc]

well i can still do shots! haha :P
true that!

=P

[pound121]

true that!

=P

indeed fair maiden.

[Hagysaurus Rex]

I've been in a similar situation before. Two things that make will this easier is distance and perspective, and maybe to distract yourself with other people, activities, music, etc.

Also, what that Hamlet kid said about burning and purging helps, just make sure you're absolutely sure to burn that bridge first because there's no coming back once you do all that. You really get some closure and it'll make you feel better when it's done.

You play any instruments?? Write a song about it!! Music is good therapy.

[Hagysaurus Rex]

my dad. he's in prison for raping my sisters and beating his children

/zion

I lol'd

[Hagysaurus Rex]

go gay

and post pics.

[zion the lion]

I wasn't joking. It was a serious 'zion' post.


Zi·on Post  [zahy-uhn pohst]
–noun

1. A post in a thread on an internet forum that is so blunt and honest about his/her real life that it resembles posts made by Zion the Lion

I hate using the pronunciation guides (I wasnt taught to read using them), but if I'm seeing it right, then I think you're pronouncing my name wrong. Its basically Ryan but with a Z or you can use the alternate spelling of Zyann/Zyan (I think Zyann is more feminine).

Seriously though, not funny, not that my dad raped anybody, but its not funny.

[route36west1]

listen to Promise of Redemption- When the Flowers Bloom..

[lmorris956]

Believe me, I'm in well, kind of a similar situation. A little over a year ago, I started hanging out a lot with this girl, and on my last day at school, we confessed how we felt for each other, not even through a talk, but by a long held-in kiss. Unfortunately, over the summer, she decided that it would be better if we weren't together (for understandable reasons that aren't important here). I was hurt, but it didn't take me long to get over it...the first time. We went back to hanging out together and ended up getting closer than ever. We decided to make it official a few months later, then actually kept a real relationship going for a couple of months. Well, at the end of January, another guy entered the picture, and even though she never cheated on me, she knew that it was unfair to pretend like she wasn't tempted, so she let me go. That sucked immensely, and here's where it gets to how I can relate.
I seriously was paralyzed from moving on. I didn't want to do anything that might jeopardize the possibility of us getting back together. It's no exaggeration to say that we were best friends, and we still are. It pains me so much to see her interested in other guys, especially the douchebag (and yes, she too actually admits that he's a douchebag) that broke us up to begin with. And here's where the messed up part comes in- even though she's moving on, she's also resentful of any girls that I'm interested in. When I told her that I'm having a really hard time moving on and that I essentially needed her "blessing" to do so, she said that it would be for the best, though she would still probably dislike girls that I may be interested in, definitely not enough to do anything about it, but it's enough for me to know that she still cares. It's not completely the same because she's definitely not avoiding me, but the point is that I'm still not completely over her (three months later), so I think I may be able to help a little bit.
There are two things that I can say may temporarily help you feel better: actively going after other people (even if your heart's not completely into it), and just talking about it to friends. For a while, I was pursuing another girl, and it did take my mind off of things, but when she turned me down, you can guess where my feelings went again. I also had a really good evening just getting the perspective of another friend who could see the situation from both sides. Unfortunately, that was only a temporary fix as well, and right now, I'm still in the "not moved on" boat.
I honestly don't see why so many people advocate the "burn everything" strategy. It seems pretty limited in its applicability: it's definitely not applicable to my situation (like I said, still best friends), and it doesn't sound like it's applicable to yours. Even if you got rid of everything, as you said, you still couldn't avoid him completely. Though I'm not the best one to speak, I think that your best strategy is to at least try to get on good terms with him again. If he's avoiding you, try to explain that you're not trying to get back together again (even if you can't say that with 100% honesty, you have to control yourself to not try again) and that you just want to talk. I think that your best scenario would be to be on good terms with him when he leaves, then after he does, it will hurt, but eventually, you'll come to terms that the fact that it couldn't work between you. You may not have been there before, but believe me, even if you feel strongly about a person, the reality of distance sets in fairly quickly. Sorry for the long post. I just wanted you to know how I can empathize and some of the things that have helped me before.

[frenchatticus]

Throw all the stuff away that reminds you of him. Including the giant container that keeps your cereal fresh...even if you have the freshest cereal.

[Jamos4184]

Just watch the movie (500) Days of Summer.

[aimee<3]

I've learned that guys are totally not worth worring over. (Or Girls, no relationship is worth putting your self down about.) I understand you want answers, but usually people have their own ways of dealing with things, one of them being, to ignore the subject completely no matter if it hurts the other person.

Being hurt by someone is never ok. But trying to understand why that person is being the way that they are towards you, is never a good idea. Try to ignore it. Its going to be difficult of course, but what in life is easy? The only thing you can do is try. I know taking advice from a 16 year old isn't where you will look for advice, but hey I tried.


Good luck.

[Forever.Zero]

I feel sad at first, then I look in the mirror and fall in love all over again. True story.

[sleepyseanzzz]

join a gym and work out because you will feel better and will look better. things may happen out of the blue if you work on improving yourself instead of working on trying to get someone else. worked for me, going on 23 months now after the first dumped me, so happy about it

[xAnti-Violentx]

Just watch the movie (500) Days of Summer.

wiow this immediately caught my eye. no way. this movie is really heartbreaking for me. it's his favorite movie. we fucked to the soundtrack of it way too many times. i can't stand any of the songs, it all reminds me of him. i remember how we sang Us by Regina Spektor together, how he held me tightly to Temper Trap's 'Sweet Disposition' and told me I'm beautiful... i can't stand that fucking movie, it's like a huge flashback of all the beautiful things we had together. sorry, i know your intention was good with this post. but i had something to drink tonight and just felt like writing this here.

in overall, i'd like to thanks everyone who posted in this thread. you guys are amazing, this thread helped me a lot. i'm feeling better. i never expected so many serious responses. AP is AWESOME sometimes.

...but the idiot contacted me again, just a few hours ago and sent me some song on Facebook. he also wrote me that he is really busy and that we'll get together when he will have time. he didn't mention anything about moving out now. this is stupid. getting drunk and drugs are also good options, already took advantage of them. and also like some of you said, i'll never forget him, that's just impossible.

[istillfeelher]

Believe me, I'm in well, kind of a similar situation. A little over a year ago, I started hanging out a lot with this girl, and on my last day at school, we confessed how we felt for each other, not even through a talk, but by a long held-in kiss. Unfortunately, over the summer, she decided that it would be better if we weren't together (for understandable reasons that aren't important here). I was hurt, but it didn't take me long to get over it...the first time. We went back to hanging out together and ended up getting closer than ever. We decided to make it official a few months later, then actually kept a real relationship going for a couple of months. Well, at the end of January, another guy entered the picture, and even though she never cheated on me, she knew that it was unfair to pretend like she wasn't tempted, so she let me go. That sucked immensely, and here's where it gets to how I can relate.
I seriously was paralyzed from moving on. I didn't want to do anything that might jeopardize the possibility of us getting back together. It's no exaggeration to say that we were best friends, and we still are. It pains me so much to see her interested in other guys, especially the douchebag (and yes, she too actually admits that he's a douchebag) that broke us up to begin with. And here's where the messed up part comes in- even though she's moving on, she's also resentful of any girls that I'm interested in. When I told her that I'm having a really hard time moving on and that I essentially needed her "blessing" to do so, she said that it would be for the best, though she would still probably dislike girls that I may be interested in, definitely not enough to do anything about it, but it's enough for me to know that she still cares. It's not completely the same because she's definitely not avoiding me, but the point is that I'm still not completely over her (three months later), so I think I may be able to help a little bit.
There are two things that I can say may temporarily help you feel better: actively going after other people (even if your heart's not completely into it), and just talking about it to friends. For a while, I was pursuing another girl, and it did take my mind off of things, but when she turned me down, you can guess where my feelings went again. I also had a really good evening just getting the perspective of another friend who could see the situation from both sides. Unfortunately, that was only a temporary fix as well, and right now, I'm still in the "not moved on" boat.
I honestly don't see why so many people advocate the "burn everything" strategy. It seems pretty limited in its applicability: it's definitely not applicable to my situation (like I said, still best friends), and it doesn't sound like it's applicable to yours. Even if you got rid of everything, as you said, you still couldn't avoid him completely. Though I'm not the best one to speak, I think that your best strategy is to at least try to get on good terms with him again. If he's avoiding you, try to explain that you're not trying to get back together again (even if you can't say that with 100% honesty, you have to control yourself to not try again) and that you just want to talk. I think that your best scenario would be to be on good terms with him when he leaves, then after he does, it will hurt, but eventually, you'll come to terms that the fact that it couldn't work between you. You may not have been there before, but believe me, even if you feel strongly about a person, the reality of distance sets in fairly quickly. Sorry for the long post. I just wanted you to know how I can empathize and some of the things that have helped me before.


Welcome to AP!

You'll do well here.

[rawr!itschelc]

i suggest drugs.
GREAT SUGGESTION.
lets all do them!

[bung]

GREAT SUGGESTION.
lets all do them!

Here, this one's called Rohypnol. You'll like it. I promise.

[anthonydarko]

Time heals all wounds.

[rawr!itschelc]

Here, this one's called Rohypnol. You'll like it. I promise.
daterape
okay?!... lmao

[phil19]

Time heals all wounds.

i disagree. some wounds never heal

[xAnti-Violentx]

Here, this one's called Rohypnol. You'll like it. I promise.
hey, nice avatar. i love that movie.

[bung]

hey, nice avatar. i love that movie.

Thank you. You have great taste. :-)

[Deadbolt23]

Remember, everything you have of theirs will always remind you of them and will always bring painful memories back to you.

So burn it all.

Remove yourself from any photo tags with them on Facebook, delete all their photos, delete all of their comments on any other photos, and block their profile.

Delete all of their emails and Facebook messages.

Delete their number from your phone and wipe all of their texts.

Delete all of their photos and any other electronic messages from your hard drive.

Collect all their letters, cards, and gifts to you. Take out all photos from their frames.

Chop everything up into shreds. Put it in a can. Add lighter fluid.

Light it up. Let it burn.

Yes, there is an obsessive ritualistic element to doing this, but it is cathartic and it works. You get to go through everything one last time before purging it from your life. Without any items to remind you of them, you will be able to think of other things.

It will soon be as though they never existed.

I would never do something like this. I love looking back on my memories, even if they're painful.

[nielsss]

wow

[yayitsjoe]

Someone once told me the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone.

This is false.

is it really false?

fuck.

edit: advice to OP, just talk to friends.

[Miss Heartcore]

Remember, everything you have of theirs will always remind you of them and will always bring painful memories back to you.

So burn it all.

Remove yourself from any photo tags with them on Facebook, delete all their photos, delete all of their comments on any other photos, and block their profile.

Delete all of their emails and Facebook messages.

Delete their number from your phone and wipe all of their texts.

Delete all of their photos and any other electronic messages from your hard drive.

Collect all their letters, cards, and gifts to you. Take out all photos from their frames.

Chop everything up into shreds. Put it in a can. Add lighter fluid.

Light it up. Let it burn.

Yes, there is an obsessive ritualistic element to doing this, but it is cathartic and it works. You get to go through everything one last time before purging it from your life. Without any items to remind you of them, you will be able to think of other things.

It will soon be as though they never existed.
This is normally how I try to deal with things. eternal sunshine method.

[Jennurna Gray]

my logic behind it is if he's treating you like shit, then you can take that as his words. why someone would sit there and continue to get crapped on is beyond me. i know it sucks but we've all heard "actions speak louder than words." well, his words aren't being spoken but his actions seem pretty obvious.
What's with your user title?

[de1337ed]

What's with your user title?

wouldn't you like to know? ;P

[Jennurna Gray]

wouldn't you like to know? ;P
I would, you're right.

So tell me. :wave:

[de1337ed]

I would, you're right.

So tell me. :wave:

Maybe later ;)

:wave:

[Jennurna Gray]

Maybe later ;)

:wave:
What's with all these winky faces, Race? Calm down, it is much too early.

[de1337ed]

What's with all these winky faces, Race? Calm down, it is much too early.

Hardly (though I did just wake up). How are you though?

[SgtSmegma]

If you really love someone, you can't get over it. Like a few people mentioned, you can move past it, but that's very different from actually getting over it.

People cope with loss of a loved one (not death) very differently. Some people will move on as soon as possible and get with the next person they meet (rebound), while others will slip into a depressive state and become someone else for some undetermined amount of time. I don't think that means that one person was affected more than the other, though

[Jennurna Gray]

Hardly (though I did just wake up). How are you though?
I'm great. How are you?

[spunkmastaflex]

Old threads ftw.

[Zack Haughton]

I just watch Garden State and think about how shitty the other person is compared to Sam.

Works every time.

[allyallisyall]

yall. the sun also rises.