...And then I was left for dead

[OveriseFan]

I don't know how much writing I'll be getting done in the coming month, so enjoy this if I don't post much. If you don't like that "every line about him" one, or the Elliot one, tough. They're staying.

I'm drowning in my own self-pity
But pity's meaningless when it's a metaphor
So take your God damned existentialism
And check it at the door.
Don't forget to pick it up on your way out.
Your ideas are fake and they're out of date.
So post-modern. Two Thousand Four.
You can't respect someone who doesn't respect themselves,
I was told that once,
I was told that twice.
Well shame on you, shame on you.
Because that doesn't mean a thing.
Oh Elliot, Oh Elliot, Where art thou now?
Saturated stigmas lead to energetic woes.
Now don't give me an excuse if I didn't ask.
Don't give me a line if I didn't make a pass.
Don't let me drown if I know how to swim.
And don't let me find out that every word was about him.
I'd rather live a lie than live a life with nothing but regrets.
So let me live.

[lostfear]

very angry. but the emotion doesn't quite jump and punch you in the face. and couple lines are cliche but have you read mine? I've got a couple in there too. but hey dude it's pretty good.

[OveriseFan]

very angry. but the emotion doesn't quite jump and punch you in the face. and couple lines are cliche but have you read mine? I've got a couple in there too. but hey dude it's pretty good.

The cliche lines are totally intentional, though I don't expect anyone to understand.

The cliches are always countered with anti-cliches.

[HereUntilDeath]

I liked it. And i think the way it was cliche added to it. If anyone can do cliche right it's you.:)

[thecurerocks182]

Oh Elliot, Oh Elliot, Where art thou now?
Saturated stigmas lead to energetic woes.


I liked it overall and even though you said you wouldn't change the line i quoted, i just find that it disrupts the continuity of your piece.

[a speedo model]

good stuff. i liked this alot. escpecially the Elliot line.

[OveriseFan]

good stuff. i liked this alot. escpecially the Elliot line.

Catch the allusion?

[wyverna]

ok, i don't like the fact that you talked about 'drowning' twice, but otherwise this is pretty good stuff. i love the ending, and you're right about balancing out clichés with anti-clichés. so excellent work.

[ArTkY_]

Excellent.

You stuck to your strengths on this piece.

[Cutiefacex3]

i LOVED it. I have to agree with some of the others that bits and pieces were a little cliche, but then again, seriously, what post on this forum HASN'T been labeled "cliche" at one point or another?? So once again, great job. :D

[OveriseFan]

i LOVED it. I have to agree with some of the others that bits and pieces were a little cliche, but then again, seriously, what post on this forum HASN'T been labeled "cliche" at one point or another?? So once again, great job. :D

Most things are labeled cliche for good reason.

Mine isn't cliche, it USES cliches. There is a HUGE difference, and if you don't see it, then you need to study writing some more. :)

[goyoyofosoco]

This is cliche. It's cliche with cliches, and using cliche cliches is cliche.





I just really like that word right now... I can definitely get behind this piece, the last four lines ESPECIALLY.

[FScott]

i thought it was fuckin awesome

[iHATEapril]

It's cool, not your best, what the fuck happened to this forum James?

[OveriseFan]

I left.

And now it sucks.

School's keeping me busy.

[OveriseFan]

This feels sooooo old.

It's ridiculous that this feels like a month ago.

[Boring Pop Song]

it's pretty good man, i hope we're around in a couple years so i can read some stuff from you as you're growing up. you've got a lot of potential

[OveriseFan]

it's pretty good man, i hope we're around in a couple years so i can read some stuff from you as you're growing up. you've got a lot of potential

Hah, this is terrible but I'm using the first verse of it(maybe some more?) in a new song.

So we'll see how it goes...