Would It Be Alright If I Forgot About You Tonight

[thecurerocks182]

Well, i found lyrics to a song i wrote, which i lost almost 2 years ago when my computer crashed, and thought maybe someone on the board would get something out of it. Enjoy

Inhale Exhale
Extract from within aleolar breath
"I want to wear the flying aureola"
Ghost becoming, walls merely holograms
Made friends with the shadows
while the sky paints your emotions on its endless canvas

Joints begin seizing up and the ground does the impossible
The ink on the palm of your hand has started to run of words
You spent scribbling for nights
You first laid eyes on her last spring, her glinting like diamonds
All the boys ran to her like flies on fluorescence
I bet you felt the ground coalesce when she asked you to fill her lungs


Beach burials of lovers names
Take on pseudonyms: summer and winter
Evening noises on a bedroom window
"You my queen and I shall take the streets with glowing pulses and locking lips"


Staying up late togther to watch the auroea borealis from the hood of the car
(vowing before dreaming to awake in each others eyes)
But we all know you cant defeat the virus, the virus defeats you
You cant fight the weariness, we all sleep sometime


Now, behind closed eyes a lovers tryst
And slits to wish to fall through the floor
And ride the pull to be by her side


"We will always be together" puncturing gray matter
The words she used to feed to you like chocolate
And everyday beneath an euthanasia sky you die to think
You might be forgetting her
"We will always be together" (Burn the pictures)
The words she used to feed to you like chocolate (Erase the memories)
And everyday under an euthanasia sky you die to think (Erasing the memories)
Your forgetting her, are you forgetting her? (Supress the emotions)
Is it ok to let go? let the past be the past?
Is it ok to let go? let go, can I let go?

Ps - if you enjoyed this piece plz comment and feel free to check out some of my other work, they havent got much attention here. thanks

[HereUntilDeath]

I liked it just like I liked your other ones. Speaking of not getting attention check out my poem called "Oh Conceited Eyes" Only one person commented....

[CT-Tim]

Honestly, this is probably the best piece I've ever read here.

The only thing I didn't like about it was having to look up some of the words (and I have a pretty large vocabulary). I understand that some people insist on writing with their full range of the English language, but I think it usually hurts them more than it helps. Less is more when it comes to poetry :]

Again, really liked it, just use more common language when you can!

[a speedo model]

not bad

[thecurerocks182]

Honestly, this is probably the best piece I've ever read here.

The only thing I didn't like about it was having to look up some of the words (and I have a pretty large vocabulary). I understand that some people insist on writing with their full range of the English language, but I think it usually hurts them more than it helps. Less is more when it comes to poetry :]

Again, really liked it, just use more common language when you can!
Hey, thanks a lot, i was starting to think that no one really liked them bc i'd get the odd person say they liked it and that's it. Anyways, the vocabs a hit or miss with some, i wrote whatever came to mind and sometimes including i guess good diction skills. Once again thanks for commenting, very encouraging...feel free to comment on others i've done. thanks

[ArTkY_]

Not bad at all.

You went kind of overboard with the diction though... as James said it was "pretty words strung together."

But I liked it.

[thecurerocks182]

i dont really see where my diction is excessive. i wrote this song quick and i never set out for it, i just wrote whatever sounded good in my head. there really is only a few words that i would consider big, well i guess i picked a few from science classes. The point is they are word choices made to elicit emotions, i do not think that they hold back the piece, i feel that they flow well; thus i dont feel that they were unnecessary... anyways, thanks again for posting

[ArTkY_]

i dont really see where my diction is excessive. i wrote this song quick and i never set out for it, i just wrote whatever sounded good in my head. there really is only a few words that i would consider big, well i guess i picked a few from science classes. The point is they are word choices made to elicit emotions, i do not think that they hold back the piece, i feel that they flow well; thus i dont feel that they were unnecessary... anyways, thanks again for posting
I thought they effected the flow.

[coatbutton]

I agree that some of the words hold it back a little. But keep in mind that I don't mean that they're above your vocabulary, just above the average vocabulary. Overall, I did like it.

[TheObserver]

good job

[thecurerocks182]

good job
thanks

[lostfear]

"All the boys ran to her like flies on fluorescence
I bet you felt the ground coalesce when she asked you to fill her lungs"


Dude, Those two lines are fucking awesome.

love it.

when you used "Lovers Tryst" it reminded me of The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows. but that's not a big deal.
I don't like it when people compare things to diamonds, or any gem for that matter, it is too over used.

all around good song.


-Jake

[thecurerocks182]

"All the boys ran to her like flies on fluorescence
I bet you felt the ground coalesce when she asked you to fill her lungs"



Dude, Those two lines are fucking awesome.

love it.


Hey thanks a lot, i really like those two lines also...wow, i can't believe how much attention this is receiving. Thanks a lot everyone