Bathtub Dreams

[RomeoAGoGo]

the hairs lining our legs
are mesmerized.
swaying with every twist
and turn of the blanket,
they stand erect
like tiny toothpick masts.
our white sheets are puffed
up like billowing sails.


we made an adventure
out of a boat in a bathtub.
scattered against the porcelain
were elastic bubbles.
we believed we were in paradise.
we were simply unknowing.


suddenly
we're plunging.
somebody pulled out
the stopper.
spiral swirling
soapwater cyclone
straight down
the drain.


we never realized the reason
why that dream
had become so important.
so tonight as I fall asleep,
I hope to find the answers
under these statically charged sheets.

[punkpixie]

the last line is excellent.

and i really love the fact that you know about structure. im becoming a fan of you. haha

[a speedo model]

very good.

[RomeoAGoGo]

Thanks Punkpixie. Good to know you enjoy my stuff. I'm not usually a huge fan of structure, but I think it's important for all writers to know the basics.

[RomeoAGoGo]

humpty bumpty sat on a wall....

[TalentShow88']

holy shit, the first stanza makes no sence at all...in a good way.....untill you get to the end.. wicked good. I like the sound of it like theres somebody else experiencing the same 'dream' with you. this one was cool.

[lostfear]

you write about sex probably one of the coolest/subtlest ways I've ever seen. Kudos for that.

[RomeoAGoGo]

Talentshow, glad you enjoyed it. The ending was supposed to tie things together. Good to know it worked for you.


Lostfear, so far you're the only one who understood the full meaning behind this. Kudos for picking that up.


-matt