Plastic

[jeremyfromva]

Another WIP

Plastic

I’m falling through the cracks
Tell me who I am, I don’t remember anymore
I can barely breathe, my heart stopped beating
At least 3 years ago.

If you could switch places
And replace your heart with mine
You’d want to kill yourself at least a thousand times

I’m so ashamed of who I’ve turned out to be
I hated plastic but plastic is what I’ve become
Everything about me is a sham
I’ve deceived even the ones I loved
If you’ll look deep inside me, you’ll see
Someone’s made a replica of me

I’m like an actor on a stage,
My life probably seems scripted
All these bright lights have clouded my vision
My tongue is twisted stumbling on my lines
I try to say it right but it all comes out as lies
In the real world there are no special effects
Its plain as there’s just a bunch of shit

Its cold in the middle of summer, and I’m burnt during winter
I’m not a carpenter but I’m chock full of splinters

And I know what they say about the going getting tough
Well I guess I’m not so tough because I’ve been frozen in this place
I can’t move my feet, I’m like a statue molded to a stand
Please don’t let me sink into the sand

[RomeoAGoGo]

Another WIP

Plastic

I’m falling through the cracks
Tell me who I am, I don’t remember anymore
I can barely breathe, my heart stopped beating
At least 3 years ago.

If you could switch places
And replace your heart with mine
You’d want to kill yourself at least a thousand times

I’m so ashamed of who I’ve turned out to be
I hated plastic but plastic is what I’ve become
Everything about me is a sham
I’ve deceived even the ones I loved
If you’ll look deep inside me, you’ll see
Someone’s made a replica of me

I’m like an actor on a stage,
My life probably seems scripted
All these bright lights have clouded my vision
My tongue is twisted stumbling on my lines
I try to say it right but it all comes out as lies
In the real world there are no special effects
Its plain as there’s just a bunch of shit

Its cold in the middle of summer, and I’m burnt during winter
I’m not a carpenter but I’m chock full of splinters

And I know what they say about the going getting tough
Well I guess I’m not so tough because I’ve been frozen in this place
I can’t move my feet, I’m like a statue molded to a stand
Please don’t let me sink into the sand


I like your avatar. I'm sorry I can't say the same about the poetry. There is really no cohesion between strophes at all. Just a bunch of different self-absorbed ideas about being upset. Emo kids everywhere must be having a field day reading this. The rhyming is predictable, the language is banal and the ideas are very overused.

[TalentShow88']

Another WIP

Plastic

I’m falling through the cracks
Tell me who I am, I don’t remember anymore
I can barely breathe, my heart stopped beating
At least 3 years ago.
I like this because I feel the same way.. I graduated high school 3 years ago and since then Ive had those feelings

If you could switch places
And replace your heart with mine
You’d want to kill yourself at least a thousand times
no, no this dosnt do the poem justice.. You already lost me

I’m so ashamed of who I’ve turned out to be
I hated plastic but plastic is what I’ve become
Everything about me is a sham
I’ve deceived even the ones I loved
If you’ll look deep inside me, you’ll see
Someone’s made a replica of me
Rhyming needs work, dont get the last line

I’m like an actor on a stage,
My life probably seems scripted
All these bright lights have clouded my vision
My tongue is twisted stumbling on my lines
I try to say it right but it all comes out as lies
In the real world there are no special effects
Its plain as there’s just a bunch of shit
starts out good, but the last line... lol

Its cold in the middle of summer, and I’m burnt during *the middle of* winter
I’m not a carpenter but I’m chock full of splinters
this is the best part of the entire thing. keep this

And I know what they say about the going getting tough
Well I guess I’m not so tough because I’ve been frozen in this place
I can’t move my feet, I’m like a statue molded to a stand
Please don’t let me sink into the sand

C+

[lostfear]

I give it a C

[matt_rawlings]

I thought it wasn't very good at all and I have seen almost all of the lines in that song before from people posting in this forum. It just doesn't seem to hold any water or sentiment