I Compare Winter With Your Swinging Moods

[saysmydoctor]

Work in progress...

Snow.

It's white and so peaceful and soft,
but only the surface.
Below, below is nothing but grass, oh, ohh,
And it's suffocating.
And you are ruthless.
And a savage.
And a tyrant--with your iron fist.
And you're cold.
And the grass would run, in trepidation, if only your grip would slacken.

But, God, God, God, in all his grandeur.
Created the light and the dark, the sun and the moon,
and the sun is here for six whole months.

Or six minutes? Oh, are you through? Girl are on your...

Does this come off as rude?
Does this come off as intrusive?
If it's the latter or if it's the former,
I don't care.

I'm blunt with point. And if you want my best shot....
Will you be my target?
Because I'll give you my best shot, if you'll be target.
Because I'll give you my best shot, if you'll be target.
Because I'll give you my best shot, if you'll be target.
Because I'll give you my best shot, if you'll be target.

[theMATEOlife]

i didn't like this

the and and and and and and and in the first stanza is gaudy and chunky and doesn't read well.

slacken is an awful word, i don't know why...it just doesn't read well.

i don't know. just the way you worded alot of it is meh.

lines like:

Or six minutes? Oh, are you through? Girl are on your

I'm blunt with point.

If it's the latter or if it's the former


i can tell you're trying to sound bright, but it's really not working. it's forced and it's not real. nothing about this makes me feel anything or believe that you feel anything.

[FScott]

yeah same here, same with all your stuff

[a speedo model]

i didn't like this

the and and and and and and and in the first stanza is gaudy and chunky and doesn't read well.

slacken is an awful word, i don't know why...it just doesn't read well.

i don't know. just the way you worded alot of it is meh.

lines like:

Or six minutes? Oh, are you through? Girl are on your

I'm blunt with point.

If it's the latter or if it's the former


i can tell you're trying to sound bright, but it's really not working. it's forced and it's not real. nothing about this makes me feel anything or believe that you feel anything.
I completely agree. But keep writing, man. It takes time, like everything does.

[saysmydoctor]

i didn't like this

the and and and and and and and in the first stanza is gaudy and chunky and doesn't read well.

slacken is an awful word, i don't know why...it just doesn't read well.

i don't know. just the way you worded alot of it is meh.

lines like:

Or six minutes? Oh, are you through? Girl are on your

I'm blunt with point.

If it's the latter or if it's the former


i can tell you're trying to sound bright, but it's really not working. it's forced and it's not real. nothing about this makes me feel anything or believe that you feel anything.
I don't like this much either, and for all the same reasons and the repetitive feel of it. I just wanted someone to tear this apart and agree with me.

[lfdfforever]

push the panic