newbie, it probably sucks but...

[badreligionist]

~i hate my life,
so pass me the knife,
i want to end all this pain and strife,
if not the knife, pass me the pipe,
these are the only things that allow me to forget my life,

you wont remember me im a lost memory,
all i ever wanted was what they see,
a life without rejection,
with direction without objection,
there will be no need for my resurrection,

every conversation ends the same,
the silence that says to me i am lame,
ill admit it i wanted fame,
i showed up and i was sorry i came,
the only thing left is my gaining shame,

im losing the race,
theres really no place ,
for me to ever show my face,
for me this is a shut case,
im leaving forever from this place~




Give me feedback. Is my writing going anywhere?

[silentstar]

its good, i know i've felt like that before. but i didn't like how every line rhymes with the next. its too Dr. Seus. but keep it up.

[Spirits Fall]

That touched me. Deeply. I have depression , really bad, i totally connected with you on a very personal level. Consider sending it in to a publisher. I love your work.

[thisoldromance]

i have felt the need to do this many times.so i can relate with u in the strongest way

[punkrocprincess]

wow. that was great. it showed raw emotion; i really liked it.