Spew Me Truth

[wyverna]

crystalline beads reflect our memories
the road signs lead down another one way dead end
forget our past, we're not meant to last
this sinking feeling rising up, lotto tickets are never lucky

the radio's singing our dreams
this summer's got the Midas touch
forever invisible in blades of long grass
if we can't see them, they'll never see us

i never want to let go, but we both know i can barely hold on
crashing from the climbing frame, azure skies come rushing down to meet me
forget our past, we're not meant to last

the radio's singing our dreams
and this summer's got the Midas touch
forever invisible in blades of long grass
if we can't see them, they'll never see us

good times are packed away and spilling out of boxes
i wish i'd had the Midas touch

[de la sympathie]

Grace, I really like this. (English people know about the Midas touch? ;)) You just keep getting better.

What is it about exactly?

[lfdfforever]

good stuffffffffffffffff

[IAmHolocaust]

This is fantastic, very well done!

[arf_mutha_arf]

are we talking about Midas touch, the king that turned everything into gold?

[Alex Djaferis]

i like the last line alot.

not bad overall. *claps

[a speedo model]

Very good, Grace. You're definitely getting better, this one of the best things you've done. I'll love the ending. Great job. :-)

[wyverna]

Grace, I really like this. (English people know about the Midas touch? ;)) You just keep getting better.

What is it about exactly?

It's about finding something, in this case a beaded necklace, that brings back memories. It's about that golden summer where everything's perfect. I tried to write it without actually using the word "golden", hence 'the Midas touch'. :-)

good stuffffffffffffffff

Thanks!

This is fantastic, very well done!

Thanks :-)

are we talking about Midas touch, the king that turned everything into gold?

Yep.

i like the last line alot.

not bad overall. *claps

Thank you!

Very good, Grace. You're definitely getting better, this one of the best things you've done. I'll love the ending. Great job. :-)

Aww, Josiah. Thank youuu!

[ArTkY_]

Good jawb Grace, ma dear. This is good.

[OveriseFan]

Good jawb Grace, ma dear. This is good.

LIAR!

I'll tell you what Tariq really meant(aka, I will tear this apart.)

Know that I still love you and I'm only doing this for your own good. I did like it, but there's one thing you need to do: CHANGE YOUR STYLE UP SOMETIMES! Every poem of yours is starting to read the same... :-(

crystalline beads reflect our memories
the road signs lead down another one way dead end
forget our past, we're not meant to last
this sinking feeling rising up, lotto tickets are never lucky

Didn't your last poem use "crystalline"? I don't know... I don't like the 'road signs' idea, I'd possibly change it to "faulty directions"? Gives the idea better, I think, too. I'm not a big fan of the inner-rhyming, but it's cool I guess. I hate the lotto tickets line. It doesn't fit in this stanza at all.

the radio's singing our dreams
this summer's got the Midas touch
forever invisible in blades of long grass
if we can't see them, they'll never see us

Blah, blah, blah, radio and summer... gee, haven't heard that a million other times.

I'm so torn on the last line. I love it, I hate it. I'm indecisive.

i never want to let go, but we both know i can barely hold on
crashing from the climbing frame, azure skies come rushing down to meet me
forget our past, we're not meant to last

Wow, that first line is so cliche. Wow... but I like it. I dunno... it's weird. I should hate most of this, but you've got an appealing quality(it's probably your cuteness. :giverose:) in your writing. Crashing from the climbing frame? Is the frame climbing, or is it like... a frame used for climbing? I don't like that too much, but it's good. If you know what I mean. Azure skies is such an overused phrase. I'd rather read an ocean one or something. I don't like the sky crashing down on me, but god damn you make it all work. I don't know how.

I hate the repitition. I don't know why... It bugs me.

the radio's singing our dreams
and this summer's got the Midas touch
forever invisible in blades of long grass
if we can't see them, they'll never see us

Grace has a refrain? Weird...

good times are packed away and spilling out of boxes
i wish i'd had the Midas touch

Aw... not your usual ending, but it's good.


Know that I really liked this: And I don't mean half of what I said. But it's just like, I'm tearing it apart not as a whole, but piece by piece.

This is really good, but I feel like you have so much more potential you're not tapping into.

Try writing a different style or something. I dunno...

[ArTkY_]

LIAR!

I'll tell you what Tariq really meant(aka, I will tear this apart.)

Know that I still love you and I'm only doing this for your own good. I did like it, but there's one thing you need to do: CHANGE YOUR STYLE UP SOMETIMES! Every poem of yours is starting to read the same... :-(
SHUT UP! But yeah, that's what I meant. I was just being lazy.

[Cutiefacex3]

Good job.

[PrttyHeartAttck]

good job. i really like that.

[ThinkingPrompt]

is that you dancing in your avatar??