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View Full Version : I want people to read this song I wrote


MaybeOneDay
06/28/03, 04:54 AM
you can all give me shit for not posting this in the correct forum, but ye know, not many people actually read the stuff posted over there. this is a new song i just wrote, just give me feedback on it. if you hate it, thats fine, but at least read it. if you like it, then rock on. but yeah, give it a shot.



"The Cycle Of Your Life"
By Brandon Alllin

Verse 1
I look around this empty room
I can't imagine what I'd do
Without this place, a part of my life
It's hard to tell if i'd even survive
The bed's are made, the light's are off
The time's have changed but there not lost
The memories will always last
Captured in our photograph's

So tell us how it feel's or,

Chorus
Just what it's like to be
Another part of history
With our world upside down
And and another day gone by because
The clock is ticking out
The word's falling from our mouth's
From far and in between
Our live's won't be the same
As me

Verse 2
The only day's I felt alive
Were spent here on the summer night's
Sitting on the dock till 4 AM
Watching the sunrise once again
The door's are locked, the place is clean
In a year where will we be
I can't forget the moment's we shared
Am I the only one, who ever cared ?

Chorus
So just what it's like to be
Another part of history
With our world upside down
And another night gone by, because
The clock is ticking out
The words falling from out mouth's
Day's far and in between
And your life won't be the same
As me....

Bridge
So you say, all you ever wanted
Was a second chance at doing
All the things that you did wrong
And you scream because you never
Got to tell one how you feel
About this place that they are leaving
And were never coming back again
Were never coming back again

As I look around this empty room I
Can't imagine what i'd do I
Would scream in bitter sorrow I'd
Be dreading waking up tommorrow
I guess I thought this would never end I
Knew someday we'd leave this place and
I don't know if I
Can listen to the clock
The clock is ticking out
This day and night somehow, one more time

Chorus
So just what it's like to be
Another part of history
With our world upside down
And another night gone by, because
The clock is ticking out
The words falling from out mouth's
Day's far and in between
And your life won't be the same
As me....

End Lines
We pack our bag's and say goodbye
Another year has passed us by

MaybeOneDay
06/28/03, 05:11 AM
yeah i noticed those error's too, but thanks eh dan. i really appreciate and im glad someone likes it.

you told me on aim that you like the subject matter, but i bet you can't guess what it's written about ?

theused_FSF
06/28/03, 05:26 AM
hopefully, a house

MaybeOneDay
06/28/03, 05:32 AM
Originally posted by theused_FSF
hopefully, a house

wrong

theused_FSF
06/28/03, 05:33 AM
damnit

MaybeOneDay
06/28/03, 05:34 AM
i've got my own personal song writing style. i like to write songs about event's in my life, or people i know's lives or past experiences etc. i don't make it obvious enough in a song for someone to be able to guess what the song was written about. i write songs so that they have a different meaning to each person who hears it. nobody will be able to guess what this one means to me or what its based on.

Jack123
06/28/03, 06:10 AM
very well done

Frodo
06/28/03, 06:12 AM
nice work, that would make a good song. lyrics are good when most people can find something of their own to relate it to.

SnowintheSummer
06/28/03, 06:15 AM
very nice, with right music it could definately be an amazing song :0). i can definately relate to the whole song, even if its in a different way then you were thinking of it when you wrote it.

i mean that as a compliment

MaybeOneDay
06/28/03, 06:18 AM
thanks alot to all of you, i really like it and im glad you's do too

its actually a slower song, with such a powerful chorus...it sounds good when i play it on guitar as well.

NOOOOOAHHHH
06/28/03, 06:56 AM
its really good..but it sounds like it would be too poppy or kindof boxcar racerish....i dont know its just my thoughts

FishAlotNBePunk
06/28/03, 06:58 AM
the sun doesnt rise at 4 am you silly goose.

MaybeOneDay
06/28/03, 06:58 AM
its a pop punk/ska punk song....slow song, heavy chorus, with trumpets and trombones....basically just drums and bass in the verse and a sweet fast intro. its cool, not too poppy at all.

MaybeOneDay
06/28/03, 06:59 AM
Originally posted by FishAlotNBePunk
the sun doesnt rise at 4 am you silly goose.

ever think that could mean something else to me ? lol

dont even bother guessing at what im trying to get at. nobody besides me will know what this song is actually about. just think of it as what you think it means.

XPrettyXWasteX
06/28/03, 07:28 AM
i like it.

and I like not knowing what it's meant to be about, because then I, and anyone else, can relate to it in their own way.

wasted
06/28/03, 07:31 AM
Originally posted by Jack123
very well done

MaybeOneDay
06/28/03, 07:43 AM
Originally posted by XPrettyXWasteX
i like it.

and I like not knowing what it's meant to be about, because then I, and anyone else, can relate to it in their own way.

that's what i was aiming for :D

XPrettyXWasteX
06/28/03, 07:55 AM
Originally posted by MaybeOneDay
that's what i was aiming for :D

well congrats. :) keep it up.

MaybeOneDay
06/28/03, 08:02 AM
Originally posted by XPrettyXWasteX
well congrats. :) keep it up.

i will, thanks. thats probably like my 100th song written or so

Tom Foolery
06/28/03, 08:03 AM
:::applauds::: Touche, hotpants!

Even though I don't know what the music sounds like, I see how it will flow really well in a song. There's a rhythm to the words.

MaybeOneDay
06/29/03, 02:32 AM
Originally posted by sad_but_true
The song reminds me of My Town by Buck-O-Nine

haha how exactly does it do that ?

i listened to My Town, but i dont see it. hmmm, maybe its just me.

StartingLine182
06/29/03, 03:06 AM
Nice song. Its nice when you can relate to the lyrics.

MaybeOneDay
06/29/03, 03:17 AM
just curious, but how did some of you relate to them ?