No Title

[PEbeLIEveTE]

Tell me what I already know
And tell me again,
So it seems more real to me
Don't sugar coat it,
Or be afraid to hurt my feelings
It wont be the first time,
And it definatly wont be the last
Everyone knows it hurts worse when you lie,
But they don't put this knowledge to good use
Letting yourself believe that a little white lie,
Never really hurt anyone
Well let me tell you now,
What you already know,
No sugar coating,
No fear of hurting your feelings
White lies can cause alot of pain,
In someone you truely care about
And you don't want to be the cause of that
So tell me what I already know,
Make it sink in,
Let it pull on my heart,
And put a lump in my throat
It'll be easier,
For someone I hardly know


I'm sure this one will get a bad responce too....oh well

[a speedo model]

It's alright. But again, the metaphors are very cliche and this subject has been done alot, which is fine but you just bring nothing new to it. But keep writing. It takes time. You'll get better.

[PEbeLIEveTE]

Oh, something positive! You just made my day! Metaphors are cliche? So much for english class!

[thecurerocks182]

Oh, something positive! You just made my day! Metaphors are cliche? So much for english class!
He doesn't mean metaphors are cliche, he means your metaphors are. The way you present them or the idea of your metaphor is simply trite. Its not that your poem is terrible...its just that it lacks a lot of originality. Metaphors and similes are very powerful literary devices, but your concept of them is obviously rather poor. I suggest you work on strengthing them because both are usually the basics for poetry writing, for writers use both of them for descriptive purposes. I'm not claiming to be exceptionally well at english, but i do know the basics at least. Anyways, just keep at it and do not become disheartened by the feedback because in the end the feedback is what is trying to help you get better.

[PEbeLIEveTE]

Trite? I thought that was a fish? Maybe it's tripe...Anyways...I don't try to use metaphors...I just write...and reading over it, which I don't like to do...I don't really see any, maybe I don't belong in a higher english class after all....