PDA

View Full Version : 4 Little Letters?


FishnetXQueen
12/07/06, 09:30 AM
Does anyone know what LOVE is
It's just 4 little letters
But it can make
Or break
Someones heart

If you tell someone you LOVE them
You better not lie
The more hearts you break
The more your heart dies

I can't see why people say this word
Like it's some little toy
Like it doesn't mean a thing
But if you are one to say it like that
All I can say is I hope you are prepared
For what will eventually come

Love is a very strong word
It can make you or break you
So if you break someones heart
Your heart dies a little

This word is so precious to some
Yet nothing to others
How can you say something so big
That you don't really mean

If you say this word that you don't really mean
You're heart deserves to die
And even your soul inside
And your mind will shatter
And everything inside will never be the same

You will be lost forever
Inside the terror of your mind
There will be nothing you can do
When you find you love
You won't even know
And then you'll be the one with the broken heart
And you won't know what to do

Then you'll know why
Those four little letters can mean so much
So next time you say them
Be sure you mean them
And you keep your love
And heart alive
Full of all the love in the world

wyverna
12/07/06, 10:53 AM
This is a little cliché for my liking, and there's an awful lot of repetition. Try writing on a different subject at first, as it's hard to be original with something like this.

OveriseFan
12/07/06, 04:11 PM
No.

You can do this really well.

But you need to write it metaphorically. You just ranted at us.

Thus, it sucks.

Use a metaphor(like McDonalds!) to describe this kind of rushing in/out of love.

And if you think you can't write a poem using McDonald's, I'll show you one.

a speedo model
12/07/06, 04:15 PM
What both of them said.

peterpan911
12/07/06, 06:34 PM
Okay, so this is my first ever post, but I think I'm on track with my critique. However, if I'm wrong, my apologies to you.

Reading this, I can see the message that you're trying to convey, but this is because it's so blatantly written, all due respect. What I mean is that I know that you're writing about how love is delicate and so on and how the word love is thrown around so much, but you write it in a cliché way. Because it's such a cliché subject in the first place, the way you write about it could be a little more poetic, in such that you don't write as directly, but with more metaphorical content, as OveriseFan said. Otherwise, good job in conveying your message.

Of course, I could be totally wrong. I'm just an amateur, but that's my opinion and I hope it helps.

de la sympathie
12/08/06, 07:50 AM
It seems like something a third grader would write on a Valentine's Day card.

Over-the-top, boring, and childish. Try again.