first song ive posted!!!!!!!please rate kindly..

[xmy.only.exitx]

its bout sum1 suffering frm alcohol or drug abuse and feeling lonely------->i've written many songs before but cuz its the first song i've posted please dont be overgenerous with ur stones and arrows.........here a small heart beats. please freely suggest any improvements..............will be happy to welcome them



it doesn't feel so safe
walking down this dark road i've chosen
i try not to fall cuz i know i'll not be held
empty days and nights go by
i'm still on the same road
with the same old ache in my head
and the stars don't give hope
they have never been my friends
and those who were are walking away
shedding tears to see a friend decay
i'm scared to think of raising my eyes
looking down the road, seeing hopeless sights
so i'll walk on with eyes shut tight and hope i reach home alive .........

[ChasityUndead]

Cliche, bad grammar,
and work on your vocabulary.
Try not to be so repetitive.

[suddenxsilence]

it's okay but i would advise not abbreviating in your poetry/lyrics. it makes you sound stupid no matter how inteligent you are.

[black rose]

this isn't amazing, but it isn't horrible.
though i didn't get alcohol or drug abuse from it, maybe that's just me.

and what's with all the ........................?

[xmy.only.exitx]

thanks guys that wasnt so harsh and i'll try to keep all your points in mind in future.