Im just starting songwriting

[Ockniel]

and I'm not emo. so be cool

anyways, this is basically my first song, i was hoping to get some feedback:


hey!

I need an escape
sitting here, reflecting
is it too late
to be fake, rejecting

chorus:
stop! theres something wrong here
please! just leave me be!
wait! life is what i most fear!
why, cant I be free!
please, just let me be!
let me be...
let me be...

ive become fake
I cant stand, this acting
how'd i mistake
acceptance, as laughing

chorus:
stop! theres something wrong here
please! just leave me be!
wait! life is what i most fear!
why, cant I be free!
please, just let me be!
let me be...
let me be...

[Ockniel]

22 people have looked at this and no one even bothered to say "you suck, get off our forums"?

[redxraine]

22 people have looked at this and no one even bothered to say "you suck, get off our forums"?

yeah. i conquer. who actually writes like this? you should try to just write poetry instead of "lyrics" if you suck this hXc. then add music.

[suddenxsilence]

that was okay i guess. what type of music?? it kind of lacks emotion a little or oppinion. that's fine for rap or pop but if you are writing for any type of music worth listening to then you should revise a little. stop writing it like it is meant to be sung. it becomes impersonal then.

[Ockniel]

I guess you'd all hate me if i told you it was metal then..... alrighty, well im off

[suddenxsilence]

I guess you'd all hate me if i told you it was metal then..... alrighty, well im off
ouch... metal.... this song??
wow strong lapse of judgment on your part.
this really doesn't even sound like a metal song. I'm all for originality but I can't even see how you could make this metal... are the words that have an ! supposed to be screamed or something??

[black rose]

that was okay i guess. what type of music?? it kind of lacks emotion a little or oppinion. that's fine for rap or pop but if you are writing for any type of music worth listening to then you should revise a little. stop writing it like it is meant to be sung. it becomes impersonal then.please don't make generalizations and stereotypes about music, it is very immature and makes you look dumb, which i'm sure you aren't.

does it matter what kind of music this was made for?
my lyrics are never made for a certain genre/type of music.
they come from my heart and i'm pretty sure that's all that matters.

this is very choppy, and doesn't flow well.
i can tell you have potential, keep writing.